(2008/07) July 2008

simmering resentment

i think there is no one here who does not feel this way and i think its all expectations. In the beginning, i was EXPECTING my hubs to be LIKE me and i got so angry when he couldn't be a bit more proactive, a bit more hands on, a bit more concerned. Then i decided i SHAN'T depend on him anymore, whatever my helper and I can do, WE will do and I got so much happier. and every little thing he does now is like a bonus. To be fair to my hubs, he has bathed the children before, brought talia out alone before, read and play with them every night, help to put them to sleep when needed, feed talia when my helper is on off day etc. So when i don't expect help and it comes, that took care of my simmering resentment.

the book people

think dusty and I would have 50-60 pounds already. bluey, i didn't see the little men series in the webbie though. SD, you want to order? there are good books for ashley too.
 


Cellow,
You are wise! That's something I should keep in mind. That we are good at different things.

Holly,
Actually, my hubby is good la. I'm just picking on the times when I think he can be more auto la.

Phyphy,
For my hubby's case, he thinks he's very auto already, but of cos I'm never satisfied cos I do WAY more than him la. So nowadays, I always leave the bathing part to him. Haha. And he can wash Declan's ass after he poops in the toilet bowl! I can't cos I sure drop Declan one.

Re baby and mummy yoga:
Yah, I was just thinking, Declan will scream the house/class down if I don't let him crawl around.
 
bbp
my hd alway auto half way then become manual again or he will do thing half way n say he have finish....

i think i have set a bad example for tess ,some time when i nag at hd,tess also will join in..omg

doggiebb
i even though of that way but really very tiring to take care of tess alone 24hrs....and also she still not able to sleep thruogh her sleeping time and will still wakes up after max of 6hrs.....

ok ok enff .i think i better stop thinking....else it will be never ending
 
oh, today is C's birthday! but cannot tk leave today
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<font size="+2"><font color="ff0000">Happy 1st birthday to my darling son! Grow up honourable, wise, kind, and healthy!</font></font> and dun forget to check in occasionally to see how daddy and i are doing in our dotage. hahaha

one year ago, i was only 3cm dilated at this point after enduring 7 hours of kena-kicked-down-there pain. i dunno anyone else whose labour started w kena-kicked-down-there pain... and HB was happily sleeping away bcz he hadnt slept since 2am the prev night. we were waiting for the ERP to switch off (!!!!) so that can go to MtA.
oh, the memories....
my version of nesting was not the normal cleaning of the home, but vainly trying to finish a work spreadsheet. shows where my priorities are. LOL
 
doggiebb
I totally agree the higher the expectation, the more resentment. I tried to not care but sometimes just cannot tahang anymore. Cos if I don't push my hubby, he really won't move..

phyphy
haha.. but i really must say our babies are looking and learning from us. So I've been trying to control my temper and look at things from a different view. Peaceful and loving environment will breed a sweet and loving child. haha.. gotta keep reminding myself. But difficult if the rest don't cooperate..
 
sneaked out last night after babies sleep to see harry potter! *bleah* so boring! the book was way better but still cannot help but look forward to the next instalment! *sucker me*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY little Cedric boy!
 
doggiebb,
add my order of the usborne phonics readers too! i will just ask my sisters to keep it till nx year for his 2nd bday pressie. kua kua kua.
HB grumbling abt the no of books C has already...
 
Oh yes Michelle, I did not buy anything from GAP! coz i still think the prices online is better and there is nothing much left ... i went to zara and fox... also didnt buy anything! YEAH!
 
Dustee, (here to rephrase)
"All husband are good husband ,just whether they want to help or not" (isnt it that y we choose the man we want to marry ?? )

PB,
maybe u can just voice/share to ur hubby that u really need some ME time.

Before kacey born my hubby told me he will take of the housework and laundry when he back. He has been doing that for abt 10mth than slowly i take over the housework as for the laundry he still doing. Evening he will bath,play with kacey so that i can do some of my own things.

when we are out for makan normally he will eat first than he will take care of kacey than i slowly enjoy my food .........
 
Happy Birthday Cedric!!!
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PB
You are certainly not alone… Remember me, the ah sum, slave and all-round maid? Last night I had to mop the floor (‘cos there was some yucky spillage), do the laundry, and clean up ‘cos L coughed too hard and puked all over the bed.

When I can squeeze in some time, I try to read. Audrey Niffennegger has a new novel coming out (or it may be out already, not sure), you can look out for that since you liked her previous one. [DEVIATE FROM TOPIC FOR A WHILE] Actually, I was wondering if you mummies would like to start a kind of book club/exchange? Not to sit around and discuss books lah, no time and no inclination to do so. But we could get together once a month, make it a playdate for our babies, and bring one book each to share. Of course we’d return the books to the original owner lah.

[BACK TO TOPIC] When we are out, hb can’t really help ‘cos he has to handle #1. So we each take one. Like the others say, must tell hb what to do, cannot hint.

Dor Dor
You are very patient and understanding. Kudos to you!
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Dustee
LOL your exercise studio “lose the fats but not the baby” pitch! I want! Or rather, I need!
 
Pb
even i am not a SAHM, i feel you.
seriously, i am holding 2 jobs loh.
8-6 in the office during weekdays.
6-8 at home taking care of barbie during weekdays.
weekends and public holiday full day.
oh, not forget if on Al or ML(which i still have), also full day for me.
unless i take MC.

ur dinner incident happen to me all the time when we are out having meals.
all he knows is to use his mouth.
like when i am eating first (hungry ma): "oei, can feed her first or not?"
usually i will feed us food jar first but if my food arrived, sure you want a few bites right?

and totally agree with dordor.
i already ren ming liao.
i would rather have him house staring at his PC then not at home.
these few days he is on night shift. seriously i cant even sleep well. but at least i still get to see him.
next week even worse, he is going on reservist.

maybe, the job of the father is to be there physically. (don have to do anything, just be around)
that is already a very good support that we need.
their presence seems to be some kind of force.

really, at least you can make swee swee and time out for a while.

so conclusion,
YOU ARE NOT ALONE

dustee
wow, princess poppy...

and mummy and baby yoga.
since tummy not very big till very big till burst till now flabby.
i still have go too.
even ask the rates and all liao.
but just didnt go down.

michelle
ur evil plan didnt work...
ahahah
gap sale got nothing much left liao...
 
Something in advance as I don't usually come online during weekdays..

For tomorrow..

<font color="ff0000"> HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY LIAM DARLING!</font>
 
Hi Mummies

TGIF and happy bday to handsome cedric
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agree that we have to let hubbies know what we want..no point hinting OR expecting them to have the initiative. PinkB - remember..jin_bunny never helped wash bottles before? and we only got the helper when sophie was 8 mths so for 6 mths, i had to work FT and at home, pump and wash bottles 4 times a day...at least bluebunny helps.but just tell him!! and since he gets gym days, you shld get off days too
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Awwwwwwwwww... thank you CS!
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And a very Happy 1st Birthday to Darling Dani tomorrow too!
happy.gif


Ok, now this sahm has to go prepare and cook lunch for her masters...
 
Happy birthday Cedric!!!!

Doggiebb,
Yep I want to order books for ashley. Emma got a lot of leftovers from Ashley's so i wont buy for her anymore. So who do I send my list to? You or dustee?

Hubbies:
Hmmm how should I say this... My hb always said he can't take care of babies, cuz he's scared he's not doing a good job (LAME EXCUSE). So for both dd, he never bathe them or feed, never bring them to swim @_@. Put them to bed, sometimes. But he would play with them, although not very long, and when we go out to the mall, he will carry them since I don't. Other than that... nothing lor. He would say, why should I employ a helper. Ask the helper to do... grrr. He would never go out with the children by himself, well maybe except Ashley, because she's older already and pretty much can do everything herself.
 
Oh oh and just to update on bbx waking up to cry
i think it is really the temperature (guess what? I previously set the air con to 21 degrees coz i was too hot and i didnt realise that it is too cold for the small one) and so i set the temperature to 23 degrees ... trust me the air con is old so 23 degrees feels like 25! and i also shifted the inner flip so that it will not blow at bbx. I also gave her a big blanket.

And she did not even make a noise last night! When i woke i touched her fingers. it was warm!
 
SD chicks,
Our hubbys can be buddies liao..
Same, my hubby cant take care of the kids!! except to play with them(which i am already glad). Believe it or not, he has never bath/ pat to sleep/go out alone with his both dd cos he dun know how and I know I will be even pissed if he does. Might as well do it myself!!

So mummies with hubby to help, be grateful.
 
Happy birthday to <font color="119911">Cedric</font>

Happy advance birthday to <font color="0000ff">Liam</font>

Happy advance birthday to <font color="ff0000">Dani</font>
 
4D, yah i know i should be grateful that he attempts to help. but it just seems that their brain is configured in a weird way. and even when they are helping, sure do something wrongly or forget to do something. ended up i got to still clear up the ends ... and i did try to tell myself to be thankful... but this only works for 5 mins. whenever i see something that is not done properly or missed out, i will just flare up again.
not talking abt taking care of bb, just washing dishes itself, i got to clear up the mess after he washes (haha wash liao still got mess?) there will be water everywhere, around the sink, on the floor, and there will be food stuck in the sink or plates left there dunno for what. First few times i will auto clear up after him but now i dun. coz if i clear up myself he will continue to do the same. but i realise that i nag and nag at him until i also sianz. it is still the same! until i find myself so naggy that i just dun wanna talk.

so he is not good at taking care of bb and he is also not good at doing house work.

I always tell him: he is only good at arranging time to do his own stuff - play golf or go gym.

sorry ah.. think as i write more comes to my mind! ok ok
its FRIDAY! relax!!!!1
 
Jacelyn,
Just glanced through your post. You say hubby is still a good hubby, but the father part sucks. Eh, I ever complain the other way round, that all our life revolves around the kid.

Phy,
Tess nags too? Ooooh....

Cellow,
Your labour started with Cedric kicking you?? Not contractions??

doggiebb,
How to not expect? I mean, I agree with PB, it's his kid too. I'm not even expecting the same level, cos that would be totally unfair. But I think we've more or less settled into a rhythm already. And it helps that my hubby bathes and changes Declan in the morning, giving me a little more time to sleep in. Eh, 5min also shiok lor.

youpi,
Yes to the book club! I have a few Jeffrey Archer books here. Eh, not technically mine, but who cares right? Haha.

Re hubbies who help:
Aye, I am grateful. And this sentence is not because Mr bbp reads the forum ok. I know I am lucky that I have a husband who helps, a helper who takes care of chores so I don't need to worry (eh, technically not my helper and not my house, but who's counting right), brother-in-laws who love Declan and don't mind taking care of him for a while so I can go toilet in peace.
 
<font color="aa00aa">Happy Birthday to Cedric</font>

Kacey and Joshua are exactly 13 months today.

PB
I can understand your frustration. I was a SAHM for my #1 for 3 years. Asked hubby for help, but in the end we quarrel alot. He is not hands-on type. For #2, I hire maid and return back to work. I don't want to dream that he will help me.
 
Happy Birthday Cedric!
Time flies..

Hmmm, cannot say my hubby la..
sometimes when i wanna say him, i see him workin hard for the money to support us, i soften and keep quiet..
but he got do the small small things and if i ask lor..
We stil enjoy our time together.. goin for movies and massage..
Then again, how to cope when no. 2 comes along...
Hate it when we quarrel over money.. then again, ya, i spent money like water..
 
Jacelyn
we have the same type of man...i can understand u...nowadays when he do thing half way or wrongly,i will ask him to take a look and ask him to tell me wats wrong and he will alway crack a joke out of it ,after that he will redo it.

there are times when i told him i got 2 kids at home...lol
 
Sm, i should be like u to be appreciative. but hor i also work hard.

and yah maybe we are missing out on the 2 pax moments ... i think the 2 pax moments help to maintain the relationship and makes me less grouchy, more forgiving to the faults, look at more of the good points.

bbp, i know what u mean by life revolving the kid. but its not the hubby's fault right? so i dun really blame him for that.

I must learn to be more tolerant!!

argggh
 
happy birthday to Lami.

Youpi,
You are good, still have time for books.. There are so many things I wish to do but my health and the kid's health really makes me feed so tired.


Today's topic really make me think back..
To be able to survied till now is really God's grace.. I remembered when I had big e .. I was all alone ,no maid and new mom.. When e was 3 months , he fell do sick and keeps vomiting.. With totally no help .. I fell sick and almost fainted at home with the sick boy...

Yesterday I went out with my china relatives and they were saying, why I dun work yet have a maid .. Haiz.. Am I really tat useless...But I didn't have a maid until big e was 18 mths......
 
Girls
I can understand what you mean by hubby only ‘looking’ after baby. Literally using eye power. Sometimes I ask him to take over while I try to lie down for a bit. But he’s on the comp with her in the same room, she’s in her cot making noise, and he has eyes on the comp but hand trying to reach out to pat her. But I still hear her screaming. So in the end do I get to rest? No. But does he think he's doing a good thing by 'letting me rest' (ie lie down)? Yes

Sometimes I just want time to myself where I don’t have to be on my toes all the time and ironically I can’t have a rest at home cos poppy is home, right? So I have to go out to ‘rest’. So ironic.

Oh how do I make it sound like I’m not a bad person. Yes yes yes I know he is a great husband. And yes I appreciate him. It’s just that he is not a fantastic parental caregiver to poppy. I think the ‘I am a new father’ excuse does not work because I became a parent the same day he became one, didn’t i? Yes I have more time with her but I also struggled in the beginning, not knowing what to do and what to expect. We are talking about the possibility of him doing 6 months of full time parenthood while I go to work then after 6 months we put poppy in childcare, but I worry that she will just be watching tv all day and I have to sms to remind him to feed at every meal time. Then I feel ‘oh no, I cannot sabo poppy like that!’

Dor
I agree with you. I chose this path and I am very happy to do everything for poppy. So I take it that I am the full time parent and everything concerning poppy (and the house… how did that get thrown in?) is my responsibility. And I’m happy to do it. But I think the part-time parent (ie my bluebunny) should not take his part-time status so lightly!

Doggie
I try to think that way too. Not to expect (that’s about men in general, not just fathers, right?). so that everything he does is a bonus. Fair enough. but then on the flip side, it is THEM who EXPECT US to do everything, no? and thinking of THAT makes me go grrrrrrr

Well it’s a new day and I feel better than I did last night. So will just take each day as it comes. I would just like days when I can apply for annual leave.

Thanks dustee for the book recommendation. Princess poppy indeed! Dustee/doggiebb when is the latest I can get back to you on the books? Got no mood to scan through now
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Phyphy
Yes I agree. I have 2 kids at home.

Cin bunny
I told bluebunny that jin bunny does not do something. And he asked what what what? Cos he thinks that he can get off the hook by adding one more thing to the pinkbunny side of the list of things to do. So he does not know yet that jin bunny does not wash bottles. Shhhhh.

Sigh. Even TGIF I also cannot enjoy. Yes having the hubby around on weekends is great. But then also irritating cos it means he is around physically but still I’m ON CALL while he is having A WEEKEND.

Sorry girls. We all have up and down days. And this seems to be my down couple of days.
 
*pat pat* PB, i know what u mean. take time off tonight!! go and do something yourself! actually i kind of like the idea of treating myself to a massage can relax!
 
wow! lots of postings! But I am too busy to follow up on all posts.

Saw a lot of frustrations! SAHMs - YOU ARE ADMIRABLE!! Although I would like to stay at home, but deep down I know I can't. So your dedication and commitment to your baby and your family cannot be easily summarised.

PB, guess it is one of those days. I do get them occasionally too. I feel that with a baby on hand, the mental stress builds up unknowingly. I snap at my husband more often than before.

Stay sane - have a "ME" day.... I go for massages, and hair spa, facial once a while. Will leave baby caring entirely to hubby. I believe they will know what to do when the time comes. If you are always there, they will want to take easy way out and get you to do it. If you are not around...haha...they will have to find a way.
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PB,
tell Bluebunny you are going out tmr! do smthing for yourself - massage, manicure, pedicure, haircut/colour - watever makes you happy then just go!

having up days and down days are normal *hugz*

<font size="+2"><font color="119911">happy bday in advance to L and Dani!</font></font>
bcz not sure if able to log in tmr anot leh
 
husbands
if they weren't good enuff, i dun think anyone of us will have got married and have kids and chatting right now together. just look on a different point of view lo. but i tell u, it is really mother instinct in taking care of babies i realise. mummies just know wat the bb wants and we have to tell the daddies to let them know. so no choice, daddies can't b auto. they are always semi auto. when u tell them wat the bb wan, den they will start to do everything for the bb.

PB,
u r not alone. i believe most of us here got our complaints towards our hubby but look, we are all together! haha!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE 24TH BB AND 25TH BBs!

TGIF! Cheer up all mummies! Have a great weekend with ur darlings!

e square,
who cares abt them. u just tell them, "i got money no where to spend." =P getting a helper is fine. is hard to tend to 2 kids at a time. i admire ppl like u, dor n mummies who have to take care of 2. really salute u gals.

phyphy,
haha.. just today, i caught bosco pointing at daddy n start nagging also. =P
 
bbp,
my lbr din start w C kicking me. that image reminds me of the video of Declan kicking the ball around. haha.

started at bloody 2am with i-kena-kicked-down-there-till-damn-hard feeling. very very painful in the vaginal area. usually other pple's lbr starts w water bag bursting or blood show. mine.was.AAAAAARRRRRGH.OMGHELPICANNOTSTANDTHEPAIN. on and off at 10 to 5 min intervals over 7 hours.

actually. eh. thinking abt it now makes me hestitate to have another.
 
Cellow hahaha. Mine was the poo-ing sensation and like menses cramp. How come urs is so weird one. starting at 3am. then i told bbx to wait until morning. at 5am it all stopped so i went back to sleep. in the morning at 9am, i was 2 cm dilated :p and the rest of the time i was on epi... still get cramp feeling but bearable. so thats why i forgot abt it very fast.

dun la. have clarice!!! i am looking forward to seeing clarice :p hee hee hee
 
youpi,
good idea. i agree to book swap for the mummies! usu my books are very forlorn. after i read them, they get shelved and seldom come out again.

in fact i was toying w the idea of book/toy swap for the bbs or even clothes swap for the mummies. but gotta have another think abt how to organise it.
 
patissier discount (mohd sultan branch only)
i went to the patissier and my staff pass gives me a 15% discount... haizzzzz. why oh why my colleague now then tell me.

jacelyn,
sekali not clarice but clarence (no i wont name him that!). then i give him to you ok! hehe.
i tong, no epi, but also got selective amnesia. like cannot rem much liao.
 
cellow!!! wow shiok leh! ur staff pass good
hee so if i need cakes, i will ask u to help me order :p

hahahahahah i also dunno if i want boy or girl

hmmm today my co got restack. can go off early! hee hee shiok
 
OMG
just realised that today was supposed to be my EDD a yr ago..
If went smoothly, Kayden would have been 1yr today like Cedric too..
Then again, having babies are never on time..

Means today i get to do the 1yr bdae thingy??
Put alot of stuff on the floor and let him crawl to pick out what he wil be when he grows up??
Hmm, i will put a book, a calculator, a sethescope, a pen and wat else huh...
 

thanks girls. i feel much better now. all i needed was a little nap! i was so mentally drained that i put poppy in her playpen, i lay down on the bed and just drifted off.

cannot take tonight 'off' cos hubby working till 9pm
sad.gif
weekend also packed liao. but at least it is packed with family activities
happy.gif


so i'm happy again. happy pinkbunny is back. yay!
 
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