hi mummies,
im back...
THANKS to gingerleaf, hippo, chintz, garden, pinky, unice, sugar nut, sharon, madlynette, ueno, zhen zhen, junnie, jojer, ecookie, bbwow and all other mummies who keep ziqian in your prayers... esp touched to received some of your sms during my hospital stay... im really touched...
Thanks to all your concern, Ziqian recovers well... We visited PD this morning and he said baby is strong and brave, he fights off the nasty bacteria well, but it may takes another couple of weeks to fully recover coz it's a rather stubborn bacteria.
It all started last tues when i noticed Ziqian napped longer than usual... he looks lethargic and din even wake up for his milk feeds. So i dream-feed him but apparently he has no appetite at all so only drank very little... his whole day consumption was only 500ml+ for that day, much lesser than his normal 900ml+... at night, i noticed he had the wheezing sound when he breathed and i sense that something must be wrong coz he was not at his usual self, no smile at all when i put him in jumperoo and exersaucer..
so we brought him to PD on wed and doc suggested to admit him and monitor closely at hospital... i never felt so worried and helpless before, i was weeping all the while when hubby did the registration work, the thought of admit my boy into hospital really scare me out...i kept hugging and kissing him, and assuring him that mummy is with him all the while...
Knowing my son well, we opted for 1-bedded ward coz he very sensitive to noise and will always cry when he heard other babies cries.. but 1-bedded wards were all full house that day so we take the 2-bedded ward... the next bed baby is very very poor thing, he was 8 mths old and wi many tubes inserted on his arm... he was very petite in size also.. i believe he was feeling very insecure coz whenever he saw nurse, he will cry loudly and keep screaming...
Then doc visited my boy when we settled down and he gonna do the test that i most dread of... he gonna inserted tubes into my boy's nose an mouth to collect mucus specimen for tests.. the doc wrapped his body up and told us to hold his head and body as he foresee baby will struggle hard.. it was too torturing for him and me, he shouted his lung out and i cried until i my vision was all blur... i kept talking to him and kept sayang him but i bet he cant hear me at all... im really guilty i din protect him well and brought all these sufferings to him.. im a lousy mummy...
the ward only allow 1 parent to stay overnight so i was wi him all the while... i dun even dare to close my eyes coz doc told that if baby got that terrible bacteria, one of the symptoms will be purplish lips... i din sleep throughout the night, just doze off once a while.. and i also expressing bm diligently in hospital coz i really wish to let my boy drinks more bm to strengthen his immunity and fight off the bacteria... i really believe in willpower now, i was amazed i can express much more bm there and sufficient for my boy to be on bm fully...
Doc visited us next day and was given green light to discharge as baby has been drinking well... i was so happy! i really cant bear to stay any longer there, coz i saw many babies and kids wi drips, and tubes inserted on their arms, they cried so pitifully when given injections and medicines, it was too heartache... junnie, i can now fully relate to your situation, you are really a very brave mummy! and lance is a very strong and brave boy! i really hope lance will recover real soon and back home again...
My boy still needs to have nebulizer and antibiotic at home till thurs... i did lots of self reflection throughout the hospital stay, i hope i finally understand what makes a good mother... whenever he is cranky now, i tell myself to have more patience wi him... It was very challenging to feed my boy previously, he can put on a fight when it's milk time and i will insist he drinks his milk... Dr Terence Tan is a good doctor, he shared wi me lots on parenting, he said i have a stubborn, clever and strong will baby, he is my boss and i got to follow his drinking cue, if i force him to drink, he will retaliate more the next feed which is true... This is indeed a lesson learnt for me, i really love my son and i hope i can take care of him better and love him the way that he wants and not the way that i think its good for him but actually not...