(2007/03) March 2007 MTBs
- Thread starter rae_cheong
- Start date
shopping_queen
New Member
OMG Rr
U must b feeling lousy indeed
I hate those kind o 'question-my-own-parenting-style' kind o feeling!'
Did he zzz late Yday?
U must b feeling lousy indeed
I hate those kind o 'question-my-own-parenting-style' kind o feeling!'
Did he zzz late Yday?
RR, by reading wad u posted, Reyden has a strong character. And agreed wif edde, the harder u tried the more he wanna go against u.
These days i will threaten bian that i wont wait for sch bus wif him if he still wanna slp. Then he wakes up willingly. else i guess drama every morn too!
These days i will threaten bian that i wont wait for sch bus wif him if he still wanna slp. Then he wakes up willingly. else i guess drama every morn too!
wiky
Active Member
Edde,
I just know I'm going crazy with this boy liao.
No 常理, so I need to sweet talk him everyday???
Pax,
I was crying as I typed the earlier posts. So drained on a Monday morning ...
SQ,
he missed his nap yesterday, slept around 9+ last night, not very late leh.
BBmar,
no threats will work for him ...
If I give him sweets or choco every morning, that might work. But I can't be giving him those every morning mah.
I just know I'm going crazy with this boy liao.
No 常理, so I need to sweet talk him everyday???
Pax,
I was crying as I typed the earlier posts. So drained on a Monday morning ...
SQ,
he missed his nap yesterday, slept around 9+ last night, not very late leh.
BBmar,
no threats will work for him ...
If I give him sweets or choco every morning, that might work. But I can't be giving him those every morning mah.
RR, u r rgt tat we r not be doing the right thing by offering those favors to them. They wil take for granted de. Same thing happened to Darius too. The other day i punished bian for being notti at inlaws pl so i forced him to stand outside of the gate. Then silly darius started crying...and called 'dada' 'dada'(his way of addressing bian as gor gor). Aiyo see le v touching cos their brotherly bonding is tat close-knitted.
So why Reyes cried partly she is upset tat u are angry and punishing gorgor.
So why Reyes cried partly she is upset tat u are angry and punishing gorgor.
RR, hugs hugs. Don't cry already lah. If it makes you feel better, we've also experienced the same thing with Domie. That's when I remembered what a friend said abt him before. She feels he's those 吃软不吃硬 and I think she's right. Reyden sounds like that too.
Domie doesn't want to go school most morning and we realised that threatening him takes up too much of our time and effort plus get angry start to the day so hb just plays with him to get him to get up. Like tickle him etc till he's happy and awake. Don't know whether it'll work with Reyden.
Maybe tonight when you see him, don't scold him anymore. Find the time and place where both of you can be alone and tell him how you feel and ask him what he was thinking and feeling.
There was this time I got so mad that I went on a "rampage". After I calm down, I decided to apologise to him for losing my temper because the issue wasn't deserving of that. I asked him to forgive me and he did. Then he suddenly said, "Mummy I tell you something. When you scold me, I feel very sad." =( Then we made up and I took the chance to explain to him why I felt that way.
Would it work for you?
Domie doesn't want to go school most morning and we realised that threatening him takes up too much of our time and effort plus get angry start to the day so hb just plays with him to get him to get up. Like tickle him etc till he's happy and awake. Don't know whether it'll work with Reyden.
Maybe tonight when you see him, don't scold him anymore. Find the time and place where both of you can be alone and tell him how you feel and ask him what he was thinking and feeling.
There was this time I got so mad that I went on a "rampage". After I calm down, I decided to apologise to him for losing my temper because the issue wasn't deserving of that. I asked him to forgive me and he did. Then he suddenly said, "Mummy I tell you something. When you scold me, I feel very sad." =( Then we made up and I took the chance to explain to him why I felt that way.
Would it work for you?
wiky
Active Member
Germaine,
huh? I don't get you. He didn't have to look for his clothes and shoes ah.
Usually I'll leave their uniforms on the bed and they change on their own. I already gave in this morning and wanted to change for him liao but he was still screaming and crying as I put on his shirt.
huh? I don't get you. He didn't have to look for his clothes and shoes ah.
Usually I'll leave their uniforms on the bed and they change on their own. I already gave in this morning and wanted to change for him liao but he was still screaming and crying as I put on his shirt.
babylovespink2
New Member
RR: Is he liddat everyday or just this morning? It's a cool morning so I think he wants to sleep in.
With him, I think best not use the hard approach. You said Kent did that before and gave up right? Got to use soft approach all the way. No choice got to ren3 in our hearts not to boil and over-boil. It doesn't matter if they win, cos ultimately, we want to impart good things, and to handle the situation most efficiently right?
I'm telling myself this with A&A too.. Most of the time I'll use the soft method. Works with Ayden all the time *touch wood*, Anna will sometimes wayang wayang more, and up til a certain limit, I'll tell her you better stop or we'll just stay at home..
With him, I think best not use the hard approach. You said Kent did that before and gave up right? Got to use soft approach all the way. No choice got to ren3 in our hearts not to boil and over-boil. It doesn't matter if they win, cos ultimately, we want to impart good things, and to handle the situation most efficiently right?
I'm telling myself this with A&A too.. Most of the time I'll use the soft method. Works with Ayden all the time *touch wood*, Anna will sometimes wayang wayang more, and up til a certain limit, I'll tell her you better stop or we'll just stay at home..
wiky
Active Member
Moogen,
yes, your situation sounds so alike. I did "disturb" him this morning with tickles, kisses, it works on some days but he woke up crying today! That's why I got angry.
I feel regretful after each time I flare up at him cos like you, I know it doesn't work for him. I will apologise to him, talk and make up too. But sometimes I just couldn't control myself well enough in the mornings. Which is why I'm feeling so lousy now too. I almost wanted to go up and give him a tight hug just now when he waved bye bye to me.
yes, your situation sounds so alike. I did "disturb" him this morning with tickles, kisses, it works on some days but he woke up crying today! That's why I got angry.
I feel regretful after each time I flare up at him cos like you, I know it doesn't work for him. I will apologise to him, talk and make up too. But sometimes I just couldn't control myself well enough in the mornings. Which is why I'm feeling so lousy now too. I almost wanted to go up and give him a tight hug just now when he waved bye bye to me.
babylovespink2
New Member
RR: And.. In fact, it is not a bad thing they actually feel we give in (or in our terminology, we lose out) to them.. Cos this will make them soften down towards us.. And they'll listen to us, instead of shutting down the moment we want to communicate with them..
wiky
Active Member
AAA,
not every morning. It happens on those mornings that he's v tired.
Like I was telling bbmar, if going by soft approach, I'll need to give him sweets/choco every time he acts up in the morning. Those stuffs will make him very happy in the morning regardless tired or not.
not every morning. It happens on those mornings that he's v tired.
Like I was telling bbmar, if going by soft approach, I'll need to give him sweets/choco every time he acts up in the morning. Those stuffs will make him very happy in the morning regardless tired or not.
babylovespink2
New Member
RR: I know that dreadful feeling. almost feel like if oly we can re-play the whole scene again, we will handle it differently this time.. But let that feeling go, and start anew this evening when you go fetch them.. No handbook was given to us when we became parents, we trial and error along the way.. It's ok..
babylovespink2
New Member
RR: GIving in doesn't mean giving him sweets every morning.. Some mornings you can say I'll give only when you come home from school, or if you finish dressing up in 5mins, I'll give you a sweet etc etc.. Make it into a reward instead of as a bribe..
It means not getting angry with him.. Tell him what he needs to do, but allow him some freedom to wayang here and there, and still get the job done..
It means not getting angry with him.. Tell him what he needs to do, but allow him some freedom to wayang here and there, and still get the job done..
wiky
Active Member
Germaine,
oh, no wonder I was scratching head with your post, haha!
AAA,
true. I do find that he's more responsive when we are not angry. But I don't want him to think that we'll never get angry with him. So you all think it's alright to use soft approach all the way?
Pax,
reward chart? Then what do you give as rewards?
oh, no wonder I was scratching head with your post, haha!
AAA,
true. I do find that he's more responsive when we are not angry. But I don't want him to think that we'll never get angry with him. So you all think it's alright to use soft approach all the way?
Pax,
reward chart? Then what do you give as rewards?
paxeng
Active Member
Irin, i seldom buy treats for M & Jo. A special sticker will make them happy. But i realise that it s task achievement that make them excited. They jus wan to make the mark n fill the chart w stars n hearts. Tonite i take photo of the completed chart for last wk n post here. The 1st time we had the charts for 2 of them, they didnt hit the required 20 stars for a prize. Last wk, they did n will get a prize fr me tdy.
This wk's chart, i changed the rewards slightly to motivate Jo. 5 stars get 1 special sticker. 20 stars get a prize.
This wk's chart, i changed the rewards slightly to motivate Jo. 5 stars get 1 special sticker. 20 stars get a prize.
babylovespink2
New Member
RR: Use the soft but firm approach on him.. Tell him what is to be done, and encourage him (this can be nagging, coaxing, or with a stern looking face etc, but not in anger) to get the task done.
ANd re this morning.. I think you'll be surprised with Reyden.. This evening he may even apologise to you.. Think he didn't look back cos he's still digesting his feelings, or could be, he's still "waking up" from his sleep.. Don't worry too much..
SQ: Don't be too happy with girls.. I tell you.. I just witnessed a very shocking act!
I attended a birthday party of a girl 8 yrs old.. There were boys and girls from the class there. They were playing passing the box, and the forfeit is to do a performance. Upon hearing this, the girls all, without any warning, ran together to hide under the table! All the adults was caught aback. We didn't know what they were doing or why. And then we found out they were just bring coy (or pretending to be coy was the more appropriate description).. And this happened throughout the game.. When the box landed up with a girl, they'll all go hide. Super irritating!.. But the boys, on the other hand, were all very mature, gentlemanly and spontaneous, all very da4 fang1 and played the game, did the forfeit, and some even volunteered to perform on the girls' behalf..
End of story..
ANd re this morning.. I think you'll be surprised with Reyden.. This evening he may even apologise to you.. Think he didn't look back cos he's still digesting his feelings, or could be, he's still "waking up" from his sleep.. Don't worry too much..
SQ: Don't be too happy with girls.. I tell you.. I just witnessed a very shocking act!
I attended a birthday party of a girl 8 yrs old.. There were boys and girls from the class there. They were playing passing the box, and the forfeit is to do a performance. Upon hearing this, the girls all, without any warning, ran together to hide under the table! All the adults was caught aback. We didn't know what they were doing or why. And then we found out they were just bring coy (or pretending to be coy was the more appropriate description).. And this happened throughout the game.. When the box landed up with a girl, they'll all go hide. Super irritating!.. But the boys, on the other hand, were all very mature, gentlemanly and spontaneous, all very da4 fang1 and played the game, did the forfeit, and some even volunteered to perform on the girls' behalf..
End of story..
babylovespink2
New Member
I guess this is why the saying... With girls, they're the perfect angels until 15, then it goes downhill all the way from there. With boys, things are tough in the beginning, but once they reach 18, things are uphill all the way.. 
Now with children maturing earlier, we can move forward the age and expect this to happen sooner I guess..
Now with children maturing earlier, we can move forward the age and expect this to happen sooner I guess..
babylovespink2
New Member
And that is until they get married.. Then.. Another story..
With girls, we have them all the way.. They'll always have mummies' hearts.. With boys, once they get married, they become the wife's husband ler..
With girls, we have them all the way.. They'll always have mummies' hearts.. With boys, once they get married, they become the wife's husband ler..
RR, it sounds exciting to me! Haha... I know the feeling - crappy but we can't change anything now so just give him an extra big hug tonight. It happens to the best of us. We use mostly soft approach till cannot take it then we will give him his warning. Now if when I spank him, it almost doesn't seem to affect him so I try not to do it.
paxeng
Active Member
Irin, ask RR wat they wan n make that the prizes. Of cos, cannot b too exp, else we will b broke vv quickly. The tasks or behaviour u put down shld also b a mix of easy n difficult to achieve, so that they wont b discouraged. Better if u can discuss w them n agree on the behaviours n tasks. I email u le. Can u access hotmail fr ofc?
RR: *hugs*.. Reyden is pouting and reacting in anger i feel.. so he ignored u when u are crying behind and walked straight all the way..
not easy. but i dun think u shd feel too upset about wanting him to get up and go to school with minimum fuss. talk to him tonight when everyone is in a calmer mood? if need be.. and that is what that is making u feel bad.. u cld aplogise for losing your temper.. but not the act of wanting him to wake up from bed.. u get what i mean? think the two need to be seperated.. the handling can be improved. but ur intention is sound.
if u tell reyden. u are hurt that he ignores u when u are crying.. does it work on him? emotional manipulation?
not easy. but i dun think u shd feel too upset about wanting him to get up and go to school with minimum fuss. talk to him tonight when everyone is in a calmer mood? if need be.. and that is what that is making u feel bad.. u cld aplogise for losing your temper.. but not the act of wanting him to wake up from bed.. u get what i mean? think the two need to be seperated.. the handling can be improved. but ur intention is sound.
if u tell reyden. u are hurt that he ignores u when u are crying.. does it work on him? emotional manipulation?
AA: like that i look forward to when both boys turn 18.. teng showed some signs of fabulous 5 on HK trip.. wah i desperately looking forward to that and hope he doesn't regress!
today he whined and didn't want to go to school.. as usual nothing new. but he didn't whine much coz i already prep him that if he can reduce his crying and fuss and whining.. he gets his minnie mouse sticker from disneyland.. he cooperated but still ike want to cry like that :S
then reach school. he clined to me 'mama hug me before u go..' wah liew. can melt.. then his teacher asked him how his trip was. he was trying to reply him in between soft sobs.. this boy hor. what is so difficult for him to go to school? outside he can run around himself and get whackings from me even.. haiz. oh well..
today he whined and didn't want to go to school.. as usual nothing new. but he didn't whine much coz i already prep him that if he can reduce his crying and fuss and whining.. he gets his minnie mouse sticker from disneyland.. he cooperated but still ike want to cry like that :S
then reach school. he clined to me 'mama hug me before u go..' wah liew. can melt.. then his teacher asked him how his trip was. he was trying to reply him in between soft sobs.. this boy hor. what is so difficult for him to go to school? outside he can run around himself and get whackings from me even.. haiz. oh well..
RR,
*Hugs*. Reyden is tough to handle. For me, sometimes after smacking my kids (EJ) n it still doesn't work, I will go and hug him. I know this is supposedly wrong n will send wrong signals to the kid but I still do that. For 2 reasons. One is to stop myself from smacking and losing it further. The 2nd reason is to calm the kid too n show that I still love him even after I smack.
I try not to do this often as I also worry about the confusing message. But in a way it works, as it calms everybody down. Yes, it will end up like we are giving in. But I tell myself that is after I have punished (smack) him already. It's not the same as straight away give in with a bribe in the morning. It's after smacking n tears. Anyway what works for me
may not work for u. Reyden is special
*Hugs*. Reyden is tough to handle. For me, sometimes after smacking my kids (EJ) n it still doesn't work, I will go and hug him. I know this is supposedly wrong n will send wrong signals to the kid but I still do that. For 2 reasons. One is to stop myself from smacking and losing it further. The 2nd reason is to calm the kid too n show that I still love him even after I smack.
I try not to do this often as I also worry about the confusing message. But in a way it works, as it calms everybody down. Yes, it will end up like we are giving in. But I tell myself that is after I have punished (smack) him already. It's not the same as straight away give in with a bribe in the morning. It's after smacking n tears. Anyway what works for me
may not work for u. Reyden is special
discipline discussion here. Mummies wanna asked whether does ur kids lie? i know clyde lies at times eg lied that he has lifted the toilet seat, lied that he has washed his hands after toilet. and i read somewhere that lying for kids is an escape route cos they know they are wrong. at times i will just close one eye but some times i will just dig out his deeds. how you all handle it when they tell lies?