(2007/01) Jan
- Thread starter zenzen
- Start date
bluegrapes
Active Member
aquarius, u tempted by icylemon ah...i also feel like eating siew mai now...haha..your joke very funnie..i going to share with my hb tonite.
sugarbean, if i happen to be at precious tot, i help you check.
sugarbean, if i happen to be at precious tot, i help you check.
here mine contribute:
One day, Jimmy was walking home from school.
When he gets home, he finds his grandpa sitting on the porch without any pants on!
So he goes up to his grandpa and ask "Grandpa, do you realize that you're not wearing any pants?"
His grandpa replies "Yes Jimmy, I do."
Jimmy then says "Well, why are you outside without any pants on Grandpa?"
His grandpa looks at Jimmy and responds
"Well Jimmy, yesterday I sat outside without a shirt too long, and I got a stiff neck. This was your grandma's idea."
One day, Jimmy was walking home from school.
When he gets home, he finds his grandpa sitting on the porch without any pants on!
So he goes up to his grandpa and ask "Grandpa, do you realize that you're not wearing any pants?"
His grandpa replies "Yes Jimmy, I do."
Jimmy then says "Well, why are you outside without any pants on Grandpa?"
His grandpa looks at Jimmy and responds
"Well Jimmy, yesterday I sat outside without a shirt too long, and I got a stiff neck. This was your grandma's idea."
aquarius_888
Active Member
kekeke...sharing all the good jokes here.
bluegrapes...no more siew mai...bought popiah instead add a bit of the sweet dark sauce.
bluegrapes...no more siew mai...bought popiah instead add a bit of the sweet dark sauce.
Long time ago, there was a policeman who walked around a particular kampong to check on the security. As he was walking near a well, he saw an old man walking round it in circles, and at the same time chanting, "Twelve, twelve, twelve...."
This policeman was curious so he walked up to the old man and asked him, "Hey, why are u walking round the well in circles and saying twelve, twelve?"
The old man said nothing, but just pointed into the well.........
The policeman walked right up to the well and peered in.......
The old man kicked the policeman from the back and sent him falling down, deep into the well...
Then the old man continued chanting... "Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen...."
This policeman was curious so he walked up to the old man and asked him, "Hey, why are u walking round the well in circles and saying twelve, twelve?"
The old man said nothing, but just pointed into the well.........
The policeman walked right up to the well and peered in.......
The old man kicked the policeman from the back and sent him falling down, deep into the well...
Then the old man continued chanting... "Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen...."
This is based on a true story.........it's very touching. U have to read... Enjoy...
A rich businessman had a beautiful daughter,
who fell in love with a guy who was a cleaner.
When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it.
Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes for a happy future. The girl's father started searching for the two lovers but could not find them.
At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home in a local newspaper. Her father said "If you both come back I will allow you to marry the guy you love, I accept that you loved each other truly."
So in this way, their love won and they returned home.
The couple went to town to shop for the wedding dress. He was dressed in white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the other side to get some drinks for his wife, a car came and hit him and he died on the spot. The girl lost her senses. It was only
after sometimes that she recovered from her shock. The funeral and cremation was the very next day because he had died horribly.
Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an old lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream.
The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored it. Then when the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up in fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes which have blood stains immediately.
She washed the stains but some remained. Next night she again had the same dream she again washed the stains but some still
remained.
Next night she again had the same dream and this time the old lady gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else something terrible will happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the stains, and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained.
She was very tired. In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home, someone knocked the door. When she opened the door she saw the same old lady of her dream standing at her door. She got very scared and fainted.
The old lady woke her up... and gave her a blue object, which shocked the girl. She asked "What is this...?"
The old lady replied...
"Try DYNAMO Liquid Soap... just a dab and it will remove all stubborn stains!!!" ...
A rich businessman had a beautiful daughter,
who fell in love with a guy who was a cleaner.
When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all, and so began to protest about it.
Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes for a happy future. The girl's father started searching for the two lovers but could not find them.
At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home in a local newspaper. Her father said "If you both come back I will allow you to marry the guy you love, I accept that you loved each other truly."
So in this way, their love won and they returned home.
The couple went to town to shop for the wedding dress. He was dressed in white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the other side to get some drinks for his wife, a car came and hit him and he died on the spot. The girl lost her senses. It was only
after sometimes that she recovered from her shock. The funeral and cremation was the very next day because he had died horribly.
Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an old lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her mother ignored the dream.
The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored it. Then when the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up in fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash the clothes which have blood stains immediately.
She washed the stains but some remained. Next night she again had the same dream she again washed the stains but some still
remained.
Next night she again had the same dream and this time the old lady gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else something terrible will happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the stains, and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained.
She was very tired. In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home, someone knocked the door. When she opened the door she saw the same old lady of her dream standing at her door. She got very scared and fainted.
The old lady woke her up... and gave her a blue object, which shocked the girl. She asked "What is this...?"
The old lady replied...
"Try DYNAMO Liquid Soap... just a dab and it will remove all stubborn stains!!!" ...
aquarius_888
Active Member
Peril of mobiles!
A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered
that she was out of credit.
She instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent
message to his daddy who was on site. After junior had called, he got
back to mummy to inform her that there was a lady that picked up daddy's
phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon
seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap,
and she slapped him again for good measure.
People from the neighbourhood (the kay-pohs) rushed around to find out
what the cause of the commotion was. The woman asked junior to tell
everybody what the lady said to him when he called.
Junior said "The number you have dialled is not available at the moment.
Please Try Again Later."
A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered
that she was out of credit.
She instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent
message to his daddy who was on site. After junior had called, he got
back to mummy to inform her that there was a lady that picked up daddy's
phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon
seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap,
and she slapped him again for good measure.
People from the neighbourhood (the kay-pohs) rushed around to find out
what the cause of the commotion was. The woman asked junior to tell
everybody what the lady said to him when he called.
Junior said "The number you have dialled is not available at the moment.
Please Try Again Later."
As final exams neared, two students, very confident of their A averages in Chemistry class, decided to spend a weekend enjoying the social life of a nearby college.
Although their Chemistry final was the first thing Monday morning they were reasonably certain they could pull it off.
After a very late Sunday evening they overslept and did not arrive back on campus until Monday afternoon.
In the hopes of avoiding failing the exam the two decided to tell their professor that they had a flat tire on the way back to campus.
Sympathetic to the situation, the professor allowed them to make up the exam.
After being seated in different rooms the two opened their exam books and began working.
The first question, for 25 points, was a simple question on fusion.
When they turned the page to answer the next question, however, both students shared the same look of despair though they were seated in different rooms.
75 point question: Which tire was flat?
Although their Chemistry final was the first thing Monday morning they were reasonably certain they could pull it off.
After a very late Sunday evening they overslept and did not arrive back on campus until Monday afternoon.
In the hopes of avoiding failing the exam the two decided to tell their professor that they had a flat tire on the way back to campus.
Sympathetic to the situation, the professor allowed them to make up the exam.
After being seated in different rooms the two opened their exam books and began working.
The first question, for 25 points, was a simple question on fusion.
When they turned the page to answer the next question, however, both students shared the same look of despair though they were seated in different rooms.
75 point question: Which tire was flat?
Jack and his friends were playing golf one Saturday.
As they are getting ready to tee off, a guy walks up and asks if he can join them.
The friends look at each other, look at the guy and say, 'Sure.'
About two holes into the game, the friends get curious about what the guy does for a living.
So they ask him. The stranger tells them he's a hitman. They laughed.
The guy says, 'No really, I am a hitman. My gun is in my golf bag. I carry it everywhere. You can take a look at it if you like.'
So Jack decides to check it out. He opens the bag and, sure enough, there is a rifle with a huge scope attached.
Jack gets all excited and says, 'WOW! I bet I can see my house through here! May I look?'
The hit man replies, 'Sure.'
So Jack looks and says, 'YEAH! You can see my house! I can even see through the windows into my bedroom.
There's my wife. Wait, there's my next door neighbor! And he's naked too!'
This really upsets Jack so he asks how much it would be for a hit.
The hitman replies, 'I get $1000 every time I pull the trigger.'
Jack responds, '$1000? Well, OK, I want two hits.
I want you to shoot my wife right in the mouth. She's always nagging at me and I can't stand it. Second, I want you to shoot my neighbor in the penis, just for screwing around with my wife.'
The hit man agrees, gears up and looks through the scope.
He's looking for about five minutes until finally Jack starts to get really impatient and asks, 'What are you waiting for?
The hitman replies, 'Relax..... I'm about to save you a thousand bucks!'
As they are getting ready to tee off, a guy walks up and asks if he can join them.
The friends look at each other, look at the guy and say, 'Sure.'
About two holes into the game, the friends get curious about what the guy does for a living.
So they ask him. The stranger tells them he's a hitman. They laughed.
The guy says, 'No really, I am a hitman. My gun is in my golf bag. I carry it everywhere. You can take a look at it if you like.'
So Jack decides to check it out. He opens the bag and, sure enough, there is a rifle with a huge scope attached.
Jack gets all excited and says, 'WOW! I bet I can see my house through here! May I look?'
The hit man replies, 'Sure.'
So Jack looks and says, 'YEAH! You can see my house! I can even see through the windows into my bedroom.
There's my wife. Wait, there's my next door neighbor! And he's naked too!'
This really upsets Jack so he asks how much it would be for a hit.
The hitman replies, 'I get $1000 every time I pull the trigger.'
Jack responds, '$1000? Well, OK, I want two hits.
I want you to shoot my wife right in the mouth. She's always nagging at me and I can't stand it. Second, I want you to shoot my neighbor in the penis, just for screwing around with my wife.'
The hit man agrees, gears up and looks through the scope.
He's looking for about five minutes until finally Jack starts to get really impatient and asks, 'What are you waiting for?
The hitman replies, 'Relax..... I'm about to save you a thousand bucks!'
The wife is busy frying eggs, when her husband comes home.
He walks into the kitchen and immediately starts yelling:
"CAREFUL!!! CAREFUL!!! MORE OIL!!! TURN THEM!!! TURN THEM NOW!!!
WE NEED MORE OIL!!! THEY ARE GOING TO STICK!!! CAREFUL!!! CAREFUL!!!
TURN THEM!!! TURN THEM!!! HURRY UP!!! ARE YOU CRAZY!!!!
THE OIL IS GOING TO SPILL!!! USE MORE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!!"
The wife is very upset: "What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you yelling like this? Do you think I don't know how to fry an egg?"
The husband calmly replies: "This is to show you what it feels like, when I am driving and you sit next to me..."
He walks into the kitchen and immediately starts yelling:
"CAREFUL!!! CAREFUL!!! MORE OIL!!! TURN THEM!!! TURN THEM NOW!!!
WE NEED MORE OIL!!! THEY ARE GOING TO STICK!!! CAREFUL!!! CAREFUL!!!
TURN THEM!!! TURN THEM!!! HURRY UP!!! ARE YOU CRAZY!!!!
THE OIL IS GOING TO SPILL!!! USE MORE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!!"
The wife is very upset: "What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you yelling like this? Do you think I don't know how to fry an egg?"
The husband calmly replies: "This is to show you what it feels like, when I am driving and you sit next to me..."
Ah Soh wants to buy a TV set. She goes to a shop.
Ah Soh : "Do you have color TV ?"
Salesgirl : "Yes !"
Ah Soh : "Give me a green one, please "
================================================================
Ah Soh is filling up an application form for a job.
She supplied the information for the columns on Name,Age, Address etc
Then she comes to column on "Salary Expected"
She is not sure of the question.
After much thought, she writes " Yes "
====================================================================
After taking photocopies of documents,
Ah Soh always compare it with the original for spelling mistakes.
=====================================================================
Ah Soh always smile during lightning storms
Because she thinks her picture is being taken.
=====================================================================
How can you tell if the fax is from Ah Soh ?
Because it has a postage stamp on it.
=====================================================================
Why can't Ah Soh dial 911 ?
Because she can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.
=====================================================================
Ah Soh and her friend board a double-decker bus.
Her friend got a seat downstairs and Ah Soh went upstairs.
After a while, her friend went up to look for Ah Soh and found her
clutching the seats with both hands and her body was shivering
Her friend : "What happen to you ? why are you shivering, I was enjoying my ride downstairs"
Ah Soh : "Yeah, but you've got a driver but I don't"
Ah Soh : "Do you have color TV ?"
Salesgirl : "Yes !"
Ah Soh : "Give me a green one, please "
================================================================
Ah Soh is filling up an application form for a job.
She supplied the information for the columns on Name,Age, Address etc
Then she comes to column on "Salary Expected"
She is not sure of the question.
After much thought, she writes " Yes "
====================================================================
After taking photocopies of documents,
Ah Soh always compare it with the original for spelling mistakes.
=====================================================================
Ah Soh always smile during lightning storms
Because she thinks her picture is being taken.
=====================================================================
How can you tell if the fax is from Ah Soh ?
Because it has a postage stamp on it.
=====================================================================
Why can't Ah Soh dial 911 ?
Because she can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.
=====================================================================
Ah Soh and her friend board a double-decker bus.
Her friend got a seat downstairs and Ah Soh went upstairs.
After a while, her friend went up to look for Ah Soh and found her
clutching the seats with both hands and her body was shivering
Her friend : "What happen to you ? why are you shivering, I was enjoying my ride downstairs"
Ah Soh : "Yeah, but you've got a driver but I don't"
aqua - so funny!! my dog looked at me when I burst out laughing!
iceblue - wah! homecooked food! yummy!
mummies - do u have the same prob as me? I cant stand leftover cooking smell in the house or any1 starting to cook for that matter.. becos of this.. I've not been able to cook since my 8 or 9th week.. so sian 2 eat out everyday but really no choice.. sob! These few days it seems my MS has gotten worst.. hope it's a sign that it is ending soon? 14 weeks liao leh..
iceblue - wah! homecooked food! yummy!
mummies - do u have the same prob as me? I cant stand leftover cooking smell in the house or any1 starting to cook for that matter.. becos of this.. I've not been able to cook since my 8 or 9th week.. so sian 2 eat out everyday but really no choice.. sob! These few days it seems my MS has gotten worst.. hope it's a sign that it is ending soon? 14 weeks liao leh..
aquarius_888
Active Member
Thanks Serrich!
hahaha iceblue! Dynamo!
hahaha iceblue! Dynamo!
RELIEF STRESS & ANGER
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(move your mouse left and right)
http://www.counterfeitmini.com/main.swf
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(move your mouse left and right)
http://www.counterfeitmini.com/main.swf
iceblue - cant cook at all.. that day i jus heat up prata for hubby... how much smell is that right? the frozen kind where u put in a hot flat pan and wait a while.. the after smell got me retching oradi! Iceblue, u 24 hours hubby mah..I oso cant tahan oil smell.. but ever since i've been preggie, hubby oso don allow me to lift a finger.. my hb v sweet lah!
wah piang! someone frying fish now! I need to go shut my windows now!
wah piang! someone frying fish now! I need to go shut my windows now!
Funny McDonald's Job Application
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http://www.dumb.com/funnymcdonaldsjobapplication.htm
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http://www.dumb.com/funnymcdonaldsjobapplication.htm
JACK wakes up with a huge hangover after his company's annual party. He does't recall how he got home. He wonders if he did something wrong.
He sees a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the bedside table. And a single red rose!
Jack sits up and sees his clothes all clean and pressed. The room is spotlessly clean.
He takes the aspirin and cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.
Then he sees a note on the mirror with little hearts and a kiss mark on it: 'Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to go get groceries to make you your favourite dinner. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian.'
Jack stumbles to the kitchen, and sure enough, there is hot breakfast. His son is also at the table, eating.
The boy says: 'You came home after 3am drunk. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, then puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door.'
Confused, he asks his son: 'So, why is everything in such perfect order?'
His son replies: 'Well, Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed: 'Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!' '
He sees a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the bedside table. And a single red rose!
Jack sits up and sees his clothes all clean and pressed. The room is spotlessly clean.
He takes the aspirin and cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.
Then he sees a note on the mirror with little hearts and a kiss mark on it: 'Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to go get groceries to make you your favourite dinner. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian.'
Jack stumbles to the kitchen, and sure enough, there is hot breakfast. His son is also at the table, eating.
The boy says: 'You came home after 3am drunk. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, then puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door.'
Confused, he asks his son: 'So, why is everything in such perfect order?'
His son replies: 'Well, Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed: 'Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!' '
aquarius_888
Active Member
sugarbean...not sure what for dinner yet...feel like eating porridge.
Chu Kang ( PCK ) explaining sex to Chu Beng's son, Aloysius.........
Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable ?
PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjolable becaws, same like when you dig your nose with your finger mah !
Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men ?
PCK : Of course woman lah ! When you dig dig your nose, your nose feel
better than your finger, right ?
Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped ?
PCK : Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the load, den someone come over and
dig your nose, you like or not ? Ehhh ? Don't pray pray ah !
Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her menses?
PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh?? Siow ah! Use your blain, use your blainnn ..........
Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are
making love ?
PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a glove
on your finger or not ? Not the same shiok feeling mah.
Corlight or not?
Aloy : Why is making love carried out in private ?
PCK : Ah boyyyyy, use your blain, use your blainnnnn ..................
you
go and dig your nose in flont of your whole class izit ?? Stupid lah!!
Aloy : Wah ...... Uncle Chu Kang, you are very good.
PCK : Aiyah ...... ," Best in Singapore, JB, some say Batam, and now,
the whole world!"
also ah!!!
Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable ?
PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjolable becaws, same like when you dig your nose with your finger mah !
Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men ?
PCK : Of course woman lah ! When you dig dig your nose, your nose feel
better than your finger, right ?
Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped ?
PCK : Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the load, den someone come over and
dig your nose, you like or not ? Ehhh ? Don't pray pray ah !
Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her menses?
PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh?? Siow ah! Use your blain, use your blainnn ..........
Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are
making love ?
PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a glove
on your finger or not ? Not the same shiok feeling mah.
Corlight or not?
Aloy : Why is making love carried out in private ?
PCK : Ah boyyyyy, use your blain, use your blainnnnn ..................
you
go and dig your nose in flont of your whole class izit ?? Stupid lah!!
Aloy : Wah ...... Uncle Chu Kang, you are very good.
PCK : Aiyah ...... ," Best in Singapore, JB, some say Batam, and now,
the whole world!"
also ah!!!
iceblue - i tell u... sometimes i wonder whether i've become a dog! My sense of smell is super keen now! Yes, my hubby is super sweet lah.. somemore we married for 13 years oradi so m v happy our love n relationship still so strong lah..
Alethea - i totally agree w u! There was this perfume which I loved, that day I tried to use it.. I felt sick the whole day!! Even my fave shower gel, Palmolive Aloe Vera I cant tahan now.. now I only can use the lux lavender or Follow Me Anti-bacterial..
Alethea - i totally agree w u! There was this perfume which I loved, that day I tried to use it.. I felt sick the whole day!! Even my fave shower gel, Palmolive Aloe Vera I cant tahan now.. now I only can use the lux lavender or Follow Me Anti-bacterial..
BRIAN invited his mother over for dinner.
While watching him and his room-mate, Stephanie, his mum wondered if there was more between them than met the eye.
Brian said: 'I assure you Stephanie and I are just room-mates.'
About a week later, Stephanie said to Brian:'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?'
Brian said:'Well, I doubt it, but I'll e-mail just to be sure.'
He wrote:'Dear Mum: I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house; I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Brian.'
Days later, his mother e-mailed back: 'Dear Son: I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Stephanie; I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Stephanie. But the fact remains that if Stephanie is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom.'
Lesson of the day: Never lie to your mother.
While watching him and his room-mate, Stephanie, his mum wondered if there was more between them than met the eye.
Brian said: 'I assure you Stephanie and I are just room-mates.'
About a week later, Stephanie said to Brian:'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?'
Brian said:'Well, I doubt it, but I'll e-mail just to be sure.'
He wrote:'Dear Mum: I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house; I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Brian.'
Days later, his mother e-mailed back: 'Dear Son: I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Stephanie; I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Stephanie. But the fact remains that if Stephanie is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom.'
Lesson of the day: Never lie to your mother.
aquarius_888
Active Member
This is funny too.
Joke 1 :
A black man was walking in the desert and dying of thirst.
Before he dies, he make 3 wishes :
1. In my next life, I want to hv fresh water drink everyday
2. In my next life, I want to hv white skin
3. In my next life, I want to hv a chance to see woman's
ass everyday.
He died and his next life is : A toilet bowl.
Joke 2 :
A bunch of monkeys was watching a group of guys taking
their bath when suddenly one monkey fell down from the
roof top and cannot stop laughing. One of the monkeys
asked : "Why are you laughing non-stop? What happen?"
The Monkey reply : "Man are so funny. Their tail is so short
and it is infront of them."
Joke 1 :
A black man was walking in the desert and dying of thirst.
Before he dies, he make 3 wishes :
1. In my next life, I want to hv fresh water drink everyday
2. In my next life, I want to hv white skin
3. In my next life, I want to hv a chance to see woman's
ass everyday.
He died and his next life is : A toilet bowl.
Joke 2 :
A bunch of monkeys was watching a group of guys taking
their bath when suddenly one monkey fell down from the
roof top and cannot stop laughing. One of the monkeys
asked : "Why are you laughing non-stop? What happen?"
The Monkey reply : "Man are so funny. Their tail is so short
and it is infront of them."
aquarius_888
Active Member
Yes Sugarbean, XIN MA G7!
bluegrapes
Active Member
iceblue, i love your RELIEF STRESS & ANGER
...hahahahaha...
...hahahahaha...
aquarius_888
Active Member
The bao and noodle story - complete
Chapter One
===========
One day, noodle quarrel with meat bao (bun). They had a fight but bao was
too clumsy and lost badly. He was very angry and he told noodle to stay
behind if he has the guts and he'll get his pals to assist him. Meat bao
went to find bread, man tou, jian bao etc to get them to reinforce him.
Along the way, they saw maggi mee. They ah bish ah bish ah bish and
beat maggi mee up and maggi mee beri puzzled why he kena beaten up.
He said, "Why u all beat me? What have I done to deserve this?"
Meat bao said, "Noodle! Dun think u perm your hair then cannot recognise u!"
Chapter Two
===========
Maggi mee, who was beaten up for no reason, was very angry.
So he went to find bee hoon, udon, fried noodles etc to seek revenge.
But on the way, they met small bao. Maggi mee looked at small bao
for a while then told his brothers, "Bra-der! Whack him!"
Maggi mee whack small bao harder & harder.
After the noodles family has left, they asked Maggi Mee why he
hated small bao so much and beat him up so badly.
Maggi mee said. "At first wanna teach him a small
lesson only, but then see him act cute, made me so angry."
Chapter Three
=============
The more small bao thought of it, the more buay song he was.
So, he found the bao family to whack Maggi mee.
Then they found ying shi juan (noodles covered with bun).
They brought him back as hostage and were about to put
him on the stove to force him to talk when the bao
head said, "That's not noodles! That's our undercover!"
Chapter Four
============
The family of bao and noodles are now enemies and they have
gang fights whenever they see each other. One day, the noodles
family was having a walk when they saw char siew bao alone.
Seeing the good chance, all of them attacked him.
The noodles family shouted, "Beat him hard hard! Don't give
chance just because he's vomiting blood!"
Chapter Five
============
Poor char siew bao, with his injuries, went to the bao headquarters
to look for help. All the bao family was activated and together with
red bean bao, green bean bun etc. they went to seek revenge.
All the passerby siam them as they look like they will kill. They saw
french fries jalan jalan along, shopping. The bao family attacked him.
The bao head shouted, "Noodle people still wear until
gold gold shopping! Whack him!!!"
Chapter Six
===========
Finally, the bao family manage to kidnap noodle, the one who started
up the whole show, and brought him back to the bao headquarter.
All the baos took turns to whack him. At the end, the chief of baos
- dua bah bao took a final roll over noodle before they dump him.
When the poor noodle finally went home, none of the family member
could recognise him bcoz he is totally disfigured - flatten. In order not
to let the family bear the bad name, he appears as a new member named MEE POK.
Chapter One
===========
One day, noodle quarrel with meat bao (bun). They had a fight but bao was
too clumsy and lost badly. He was very angry and he told noodle to stay
behind if he has the guts and he'll get his pals to assist him. Meat bao
went to find bread, man tou, jian bao etc to get them to reinforce him.
Along the way, they saw maggi mee. They ah bish ah bish ah bish and
beat maggi mee up and maggi mee beri puzzled why he kena beaten up.
He said, "Why u all beat me? What have I done to deserve this?"
Meat bao said, "Noodle! Dun think u perm your hair then cannot recognise u!"
Chapter Two
===========
Maggi mee, who was beaten up for no reason, was very angry.
So he went to find bee hoon, udon, fried noodles etc to seek revenge.
But on the way, they met small bao. Maggi mee looked at small bao
for a while then told his brothers, "Bra-der! Whack him!"
Maggi mee whack small bao harder & harder.
After the noodles family has left, they asked Maggi Mee why he
hated small bao so much and beat him up so badly.
Maggi mee said. "At first wanna teach him a small
lesson only, but then see him act cute, made me so angry."
Chapter Three
=============
The more small bao thought of it, the more buay song he was.
So, he found the bao family to whack Maggi mee.
Then they found ying shi juan (noodles covered with bun).
They brought him back as hostage and were about to put
him on the stove to force him to talk when the bao
head said, "That's not noodles! That's our undercover!"
Chapter Four
============
The family of bao and noodles are now enemies and they have
gang fights whenever they see each other. One day, the noodles
family was having a walk when they saw char siew bao alone.
Seeing the good chance, all of them attacked him.
The noodles family shouted, "Beat him hard hard! Don't give
chance just because he's vomiting blood!"
Chapter Five
============
Poor char siew bao, with his injuries, went to the bao headquarters
to look for help. All the bao family was activated and together with
red bean bao, green bean bun etc. they went to seek revenge.
All the passerby siam them as they look like they will kill. They saw
french fries jalan jalan along, shopping. The bao family attacked him.
The bao head shouted, "Noodle people still wear until
gold gold shopping! Whack him!!!"
Chapter Six
===========
Finally, the bao family manage to kidnap noodle, the one who started
up the whole show, and brought him back to the bao headquarter.
All the baos took turns to whack him. At the end, the chief of baos
- dua bah bao took a final roll over noodle before they dump him.
When the poor noodle finally went home, none of the family member
could recognise him bcoz he is totally disfigured - flatten. In order not
to let the family bear the bad name, he appears as a new member named MEE POK.
aquarius_888
Active Member
One day, there were an American, one Italian, a Singaporean and Bangladeshi traveled around on a private helicopter.
After about one hour of travelling, the American took out his cigarette (Dunhill), lighted it up and started smoking after two sip, he threw the balance of the cigarette.
The other three persons were surprised and asked "Why didn't you finish-up the cigarette before throwing?"
He replied arrogantly, "There is a lot of cigarettes in my country."
Half an hour later, the Italian took out a bottle of branded perfume and applied on him and the rest he threw out of the window.
The other three persons were surprised and asked, "Why did you throw away the perfume?"
The Italian replied also, "There is a lot of perfume in my country."
The Singaporean didn't know what to do & suddenly pushed that Bangladeshi out of the helicopter.
The other two persons shouted crazyly, "Why did you push him!!!!!!!??????"
The Singaporean said slowly, "There is a lot of Bangladeshi in my country."
Everybody kept quiet and stayed away from the Singaporean.
After about one hour of travelling, the American took out his cigarette (Dunhill), lighted it up and started smoking after two sip, he threw the balance of the cigarette.
The other three persons were surprised and asked "Why didn't you finish-up the cigarette before throwing?"
He replied arrogantly, "There is a lot of cigarettes in my country."
Half an hour later, the Italian took out a bottle of branded perfume and applied on him and the rest he threw out of the window.
The other three persons were surprised and asked, "Why did you throw away the perfume?"
The Italian replied also, "There is a lot of perfume in my country."
The Singaporean didn't know what to do & suddenly pushed that Bangladeshi out of the helicopter.
The other two persons shouted crazyly, "Why did you push him!!!!!!!??????"
The Singaporean said slowly, "There is a lot of Bangladeshi in my country."
Everybody kept quiet and stayed away from the Singaporean.
Sugarbean, hopefully time wif wifey flies oso....
Xin Ma G7 is a stall at geylang selling frog leg..
bluegrapes, good to relief some stress!
aquarius_888, now then i noe how mee pok come abt... wahaha!
AletheaT, i dun think that xin ma.. xin ma is further up... very near to shell there...
Xin Ma G7 is a stall at geylang selling frog leg..
bluegrapes, good to relief some stress!
aquarius_888, now then i noe how mee pok come abt... wahaha!
AletheaT, i dun think that xin ma.. xin ma is further up... very near to shell there...
Alethea, we got married when we were 23 but then we din feel we were young but felt we were all geared up and ready to take on the 'world'! haha!! but we were together for a long time so it was only natural and we were both emotionally and financially ready so why not lor.. Ya, this is our 1st pregnancy as we din want to have kids becos of career and freedom, etc, etc. But we are glad we changed our minds and here I am chatting with all of you mummies/daddy too!
I would not encourage others to follow me... have kids early and enjoy them when u r young.. at my age, I feel the pregnancy oso taking a toll on me but am totally enjoying the whole process now and learning from all of you too!
I would not encourage others to follow me... have kids early and enjoy them when u r young.. at my age, I feel the pregnancy oso taking a toll on me but am totally enjoying the whole process now and learning from all of you too!
aquarius_888
Active Member
Story 1
Ah Lian asked shopkeeper, "Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee, boh?"
Ah Chek replied, "Lu siao ah! stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up to the 'nee'(breast) one?"
Story 2
Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it to her.
So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his girlfriend.
"This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"
"Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.
"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"
So Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"
So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the accelerator.
The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post.
"Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see lah! Wah Piang eh!" screamed Ah Beng.
"Solee, solee, pai sah lah! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"
Story 3
The Titanic was sinking and there weren't enough lifeboats.
So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy water to make room for women and children.
To the British he said, "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped.
To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied.
To the Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed.
To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus." They obliged.
Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came up with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped."
Story 4
3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian were at the army supply base to collect underwear.
The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
Ah Beng: (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?
Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?
Tambi: (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for?
Tambi: January, February, March.....One month one.
Story 5
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti"
(In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys bread).
The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to re-select another song.
The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a big fuss claiming the DJ was insulting them.
The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down.
Finally after a long talk with Ah Bengs, the manager found out that they were actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.
Story 6
One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and wanted to get down to the ground floor.
As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to number 2. It was then followed by a G.
As they were not English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea what does the letter G mean.
Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G.
When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so impressed and asked the first Ah Lian,"Wah low!!! How you know one?"
The first Ah Lian replied smugly, "Easy lah.. G for Gero mah..."
Story 7
Santa Singh (remember him?) just graduated from Law school and decided to apply for a job in the most prestigious "Lee & Lee Law Firm".
During the interview, Mr. Lee KY looked at Santa Singh's resume, thinks for a while and said, "Well, I would need to discuss your application with my wife."
And went off to discuss Santa's application with his wife.
Lee KY's wife said, "C'mon, don't you know that we only hire lawyers with surnames beginning with 'Lee' only? Of course, we can't hire Santa Singh!"
So Lee KY told the bad news to Santa Singh about his rejection.
Few days later, Santa Singh came back to the same company and requested for another interview and Lee KY said, "Look Santa, I have already told you that we only hire......."
When Santa Singh interrupted him and said, "I know, I know. I have just changed my name."
Lee KY looked at Santa Singh in surprise and asked, "What is your new name then?"
On this, Santa Singh replied, "Surname Lee, last name, Manga!" (Manga-Li)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Gas Station
A gas station was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free Sex with Fill-Up."
Soon a local guy pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a! number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
The guy then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time."
A week later, the same guy, along with a friend, pulled in for a fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
The guy guessed 2 this time. Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."
As they were driving away, the guy said to his friend, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."
His friend replied, "No it ain't, rigged --- my wife won twice last week!!"
Ah Lian asked shopkeeper, "Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee, boh?"
Ah Chek replied, "Lu siao ah! stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up to the 'nee'(breast) one?"
Story 2
Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it to her.
So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his girlfriend.
"This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"
"Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.
"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"
So Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"
So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the accelerator.
The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post.
"Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see lah! Wah Piang eh!" screamed Ah Beng.
"Solee, solee, pai sah lah! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"
Story 3
The Titanic was sinking and there weren't enough lifeboats.
So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy water to make room for women and children.
To the British he said, "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped.
To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied.
To the Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed.
To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus." They obliged.
Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came up with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped."
Story 4
3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian were at the army supply base to collect underwear.
The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
Ah Beng: (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?
Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?
Tambi: (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for?
Tambi: January, February, March.....One month one.
Story 5
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti"
(In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys bread).
The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to re-select another song.
The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a big fuss claiming the DJ was insulting them.
The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down.
Finally after a long talk with Ah Bengs, the manager found out that they were actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.
Story 6
One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and wanted to get down to the ground floor.
As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to number 2. It was then followed by a G.
As they were not English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea what does the letter G mean.
Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G.
When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so impressed and asked the first Ah Lian,"Wah low!!! How you know one?"
The first Ah Lian replied smugly, "Easy lah.. G for Gero mah..."
Story 7
Santa Singh (remember him?) just graduated from Law school and decided to apply for a job in the most prestigious "Lee & Lee Law Firm".
During the interview, Mr. Lee KY looked at Santa Singh's resume, thinks for a while and said, "Well, I would need to discuss your application with my wife."
And went off to discuss Santa's application with his wife.
Lee KY's wife said, "C'mon, don't you know that we only hire lawyers with surnames beginning with 'Lee' only? Of course, we can't hire Santa Singh!"
So Lee KY told the bad news to Santa Singh about his rejection.
Few days later, Santa Singh came back to the same company and requested for another interview and Lee KY said, "Look Santa, I have already told you that we only hire......."
When Santa Singh interrupted him and said, "I know, I know. I have just changed my name."
Lee KY looked at Santa Singh in surprise and asked, "What is your new name then?"
On this, Santa Singh replied, "Surname Lee, last name, Manga!" (Manga-Li)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Gas Station
A gas station was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free Sex with Fill-Up."
Soon a local guy pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a! number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
The guy then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time."
A week later, the same guy, along with a friend, pulled in for a fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
The guy guessed 2 this time. Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."
As they were driving away, the guy said to his friend, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."
His friend replied, "No it ain't, rigged --- my wife won twice last week!!"
sugarbean, me too cannot tahan cooking small since day 1 I am pregnant but surprisingly when I try cooking I am ok wif it leh. But so far I oni cook simple one like fried rice, bee hoon or soupy stuff.
aiyo u all tempting me with frog leg porridge. I having fish porridge tonite!
aiyo u all tempting me with frog leg porridge. I having fish porridge tonite!
