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Are you spoiling your baby?
Heres when love ends and spoiling begins
Do you feel guilty when you let your baby cry it out? Or do you think that smothering your baby with cuddles and kisses are only going to turn him into an attention-seeking brat?
Then we have some good news for you. During the first year, experts say that there is no such thing as spoiling your baby. Why? This is because during this time, "there's no wilfulness in your baby, and you really can't spoil him," says child psychologist Dr. Pat Spungin.
"Once your child is over 12 months he'll have an increasing sense of self-assertion," says Dr. Spungin. "This is the age where not giving in and being consistent are important."
So how do you tread the fine line between loving and over-indulging your child? Here's how:
6-12 months
At this stage, you still need to show your baby your affection, while at the same time introducing a few routines and setting a few boundaries to curb difficult behaviour in the future.
When your baby is around nine months, he will start to realise that you're a separate person from him so you may find that your baby becomes more clingy and demanding than usual. The best way to handle this stage is to offer him plenty of hugs, attention and reassurance. If you give in to his needs now, by holding him when hes distressed or staying with him when you can, wont turn him into a spoilt mummy's boy. Dr. Spungin says, "Theres evidence that babies with parents who are warm, bonded and physical at this stage are more secure later on." So cuddle up!
It's a good idea for you to start building a good and consistent routine for your baby. The secret is to gradually introduce you baby to regular times for feeds, naps, play and bedtime. By doing this, youre setting ground rules from the start by making him see that it's mummy who calls the shots around the house!
12 months and over
Once your child's reached his first birthday, he's started to develop a will of his own. It is around now that spoiling may become a recurrent thing as you give in to him when he throws a tantrum or behaves badly.
"I deal with Meng's tantrums almost every day, just before his evening bath at about 6.30pm," says Yin Ching, 25, secretary and mum of two. "He would act up, then beg to have another five minutes of playtime. Usually I would just say yes. When it was time for his bath, he would throw another tantrum because he just couldn't part with his toys."
This example embodies the golden rule of parenting: never give in to tantrums or your child will quickly learn that it's the way to get what he wants. "If your child learns that he can get things by creating a scene, you will make things difficult for both you and him when he's older," says Dr. Spungin.
Don't get angry by shouting back when your tot is throwing a tantrum. Try to ignore his kicking and screaming, and hold him firmly if necessary. Before long, your little one will learn that kicking a big fuss wont get him anywhere. He will then learn to communicate more reasonably.
It's easy for busy parents to fall into the trap of doing everything for your child, from helping him eat to putting his shoes on. If this continues, he will think that you're there to wait on him hand and foot. It is important for parents to invest in a bit of time to show your toddlers how to do simple tasks, it will save your work in the long run.
Showering your child with presents won't necessarily spoil him, but it could teach him not to value things. If he's got hundreds of toys, what could another toy mean to him? However, parents shouldn't give your child presents or treats to stop him behaving badly, as this will indeed spoil him. "Bribes just reinforce the behaviour you are trying to avoid," warns Dr. Spungin. "If your child gets what he wants once, he'll just make even more of a fuss next time."
