hi mummies,
I'm feeling so down about breastfeeding... I hope u don't mind me venting alittle online...
First of all I had such low MS, been trying everything from pumping to fenugreek but still pump so pathetically little...if pumping only, i get 30-40mls per side...its only better if I latch baby on one side and then sometimes i can get 50-60mls excess (this is if I pump for ONE hour). In this way, i managed to build up a store of EBM so by some miracle, my baby is still on TBF... Thank GOd!
During all this while, I have recurrent blocked ducts and have become a regular at the KKH LC for this problem... each time she will help me clear the ducts which is so so so painful... and within 2 weeks I am back again... sigh.. i religiously compress/ massage/ pump regularly but still the same. The LC says my breast structure is just lousy and my milk is too oily so always get stuck at the ducts.. today, I'm meeting with the LC again cos kena blocked again.. I'm so scared, cos its so painful... last time round I nearly cried.. I don't know if I can take it again... its just so painful... even after taking panadol and ponstan and synflex... still the worse feeling in the world to have plugged ducts...
Being back at work part-time, also makes it worse cos I have to go without expressing at 5 hours intervals and have to express in toilet... worried that its not clean cos I work at a hospital/ clinic setting...
Then my baby girl kena oral thrush and spread it to my breasts so that my nipples and breast are sore and have shooting pains in between breastfeeding... fortunately, the medication for this is very effective so it cleared within a 2-3days but still have to be on medication for a week or two... i can still BF but worried that baby will reinfect me as her oral thrush still there... her case isn't bad just some thicked white stuff on her tongue, Thank God no mouth ulcers... touch wood!!!
Sigh... now I really feel like giving up cos I just can't face all these problems... and this is on top of taking care of baby and having to go back to work part-time... not to forget I have been moody and grumpy to my husband (who despite all this has been fairly supportive, as much as men can be...) I really feel like I have messed up somewhere... try hard to be a good mother... and neglect husband... and in the end can't do either right... so depressing...
I dunno if I'm just exhausted cos of having to pump at night... usually wake up at 3am (pump for one hour) and 5-6 am (pump and feed baby and get ready for work)... or just my hormones.... but its really getting me down and my tears have been flowing non stop.. sorry for being lor sor... i just need to let it out cos it has been bottling up inside..