magdaleneng
New Member
Hi, I need some advice. My post is also in singaporebrides.com under How should I live my nest 40 years?
Age 47, married 20 years with 3 kids 17 G, 11 B, 9 B. Used to work as a secretary in a financial institution with good pay and fantastic boss. Became a housewife 11 years ago. My daughter did badly for P1, I had just given birth, my husband travelled extensively for his company and he wanted me to stay at home, be there for the kids, so that he can have peace of mind.
We were separated for a year once when my daughter was only 3 years old. All of a sudden he just could not stand my ‘nonsence’ or so he said. When I asked for maintenance for his daughter, he said he’s not sure if she was his. He claimed there were no 3rd party, but few months later, when I took my daughter on a tour to forget my unhappiness, I came face to face with him with his arm round another woman in Hawaii. In one year, I shifted 3 times, living among my siblings. Life was lonely and tough living under people’s roof, but peaceful and manageable. A year later, when my brother tried to make me move out of his house, my husband asked me to go back to him. I relented reluctantly because our separation has robbed my daughter out of her confidence. I know she felt lonely without a father. I suspect my husband miss our daughter and this family rather than me. Anyway, he treated me better than before, and we went on to have another 2 boys.
Therefore, when he asked me to give up my job, I was a bit apprehensive as I was afraid history may repeat itself and without a job, I would be in a dilemma should he ask for divorce again. He promised he won’t and suggested setting up a joint account where all his income would be credited into so that I can have a peace of mind. He also promise to give me an allowance equivalent to my last drawn pay.
My husband change after the birth of my 3rd child. Our relationship nosedive from there. However, he still give me an allowance, although my allowance is now shared with my 3 children and the maid plus all household expenses. If there’s no adhoc expenses like medical bills, I can save about $500 a month. The consolation and security is his income goes into our joint account.
From being a person whom I can talk about anything under the sun, he’s become critical of me. He’s always putting me down. Even when I wrote many letters to him to explain, he’ll still insist I’m a lousy mom, only know how to watch TV, use the computer blah blah blah. He accused me of cheating him of the money from joint account, call me evil, devil. When the renovation contractor we know for years, molested me once, in front of the kids, he said I must have seduced him! He just refused to see eye to eye with me on anything!
I suspected something. I check his laptop and discovered picture of sexy girls everywhere. Photos of a young woman showering in the toilet. Photos of a man using his handphone to capture a woman doing oral sex on him. My maid found condoms in his car. Few years ago, I chanced upon intimate smses between him and another woman. I’m glad we’ve stopped sleeping together 4 years ago when I suspected he passed an STD to me.
The daughter I painstakingly raised, sacrificed myself to let her have a father, nurture her, guide her, shop with her, give in to her wants, has not been on talking terms with me for 2 months already. She failed her ‘O’ level English, and I have been asking her to make use of the time waiting for Poly to start to brush up on her English by reading more. She work part time (3 times a week), she spent the other 3 days with friends. She ignored my advice to balance her time. Then she told me one day that her friend said I’m a stressful mom, if she were my daughter, she would quarrel with me. I felt so hurt, I thought I gave her a lot of freedom already. I even let her start dating after her ‘O’ level. She’s allowed to go out with friends, but she must return by 9pm, if later than that, she has to seek my permission. She told me most of her friends go home after 11pm, some even 1-2am. I’ve explained to her why I can’t. Therefore, on that fateful day, when I tried to stop her from going out as I was very angry with her for being inconsiderate, irresponsible, showing bad attitude when I talk to her, she ignored my instruction. I called her, she ignored my calls, then I threaten to pack her luggage if she does not return y a certain time, and she sms me ‘So be it”. She stayed at her boyfriend’s house for 1 night and a girlfriend house for 2 nights before returning.
My husband is furious with me. Put me down every day. Condemn my parenting style. Said he pities the children. He went to the extend of channelling his income into his own personal account and restrict my spending. I’m no longer allow to sign for my children purchase or food. Needless to say, he’ll not honour my own purchase. He even threaten to cancel all my credit cards.
All these 17 years, I’ve lived for my children and this family. I’m home everyday. I cooked lunch and dinner for them everyday. I help them in their school work, I read newspaper to them and taught them values and moral. I even taught my boys cycling and rollerblade without knowing how to myself. I’m also the handyman in the house. I leaned how to fix the cistern tank in the toilet, change the sockets in the house, everything. All my 3 children conduct in school is excellent. My husband only work and bring the money in. Yet, I’m now labelled a lousy mom, my daughter in one of her sms, said I’m scary all the time.
I’m now contemplating divorcing my husband and leaving this family. I feel my 20 years as a wife and mom has not brought me any happiness I am very disheartened even though my 2 boys are innocent. I believe they will also turn against me when they become teens especially when my husband take sides. My husband even go to the extend of removing my financial security, I feel extremely worried that I might be the next one to live under the flyover one day.
My biggest problem are my 2 boys. How? Should I continue to live for them the next 8 years or should I start thinking of myself and break this family up. Some of you may suggest that I get a job while continuing to stay here. I think that will make my husband very happy as he need not finance me and at the same time the family and children’s still looked after. When the time comes and my sons don’t want me anymore, there might also not be much left in my husband’s account to cover me. I know I sounded spiteful, but I’ve sacrificed much. I was enjoying my job, feeling very secured, had good self-esteem, until I gave up all for this family. When love was gone, I live without sex for God knows how many years. I feels lonely everyday and night. I put up with everything for my children. When my daughter snubbed me, I almost end my life if not for the fact that I still have a mother to care for. When my sons snubbed me, I cannot guarantee I won’t end my life for my mom would probably not be around by then.
Sorry for such a long letter. I’ve no friends, I fell out with my siblings over my mom. I do not have anyone to talk to now. Please tell me what would you do in my position.
Age 47, married 20 years with 3 kids 17 G, 11 B, 9 B. Used to work as a secretary in a financial institution with good pay and fantastic boss. Became a housewife 11 years ago. My daughter did badly for P1, I had just given birth, my husband travelled extensively for his company and he wanted me to stay at home, be there for the kids, so that he can have peace of mind.
We were separated for a year once when my daughter was only 3 years old. All of a sudden he just could not stand my ‘nonsence’ or so he said. When I asked for maintenance for his daughter, he said he’s not sure if she was his. He claimed there were no 3rd party, but few months later, when I took my daughter on a tour to forget my unhappiness, I came face to face with him with his arm round another woman in Hawaii. In one year, I shifted 3 times, living among my siblings. Life was lonely and tough living under people’s roof, but peaceful and manageable. A year later, when my brother tried to make me move out of his house, my husband asked me to go back to him. I relented reluctantly because our separation has robbed my daughter out of her confidence. I know she felt lonely without a father. I suspect my husband miss our daughter and this family rather than me. Anyway, he treated me better than before, and we went on to have another 2 boys.
Therefore, when he asked me to give up my job, I was a bit apprehensive as I was afraid history may repeat itself and without a job, I would be in a dilemma should he ask for divorce again. He promised he won’t and suggested setting up a joint account where all his income would be credited into so that I can have a peace of mind. He also promise to give me an allowance equivalent to my last drawn pay.
My husband change after the birth of my 3rd child. Our relationship nosedive from there. However, he still give me an allowance, although my allowance is now shared with my 3 children and the maid plus all household expenses. If there’s no adhoc expenses like medical bills, I can save about $500 a month. The consolation and security is his income goes into our joint account.
From being a person whom I can talk about anything under the sun, he’s become critical of me. He’s always putting me down. Even when I wrote many letters to him to explain, he’ll still insist I’m a lousy mom, only know how to watch TV, use the computer blah blah blah. He accused me of cheating him of the money from joint account, call me evil, devil. When the renovation contractor we know for years, molested me once, in front of the kids, he said I must have seduced him! He just refused to see eye to eye with me on anything!
I suspected something. I check his laptop and discovered picture of sexy girls everywhere. Photos of a young woman showering in the toilet. Photos of a man using his handphone to capture a woman doing oral sex on him. My maid found condoms in his car. Few years ago, I chanced upon intimate smses between him and another woman. I’m glad we’ve stopped sleeping together 4 years ago when I suspected he passed an STD to me.
The daughter I painstakingly raised, sacrificed myself to let her have a father, nurture her, guide her, shop with her, give in to her wants, has not been on talking terms with me for 2 months already. She failed her ‘O’ level English, and I have been asking her to make use of the time waiting for Poly to start to brush up on her English by reading more. She work part time (3 times a week), she spent the other 3 days with friends. She ignored my advice to balance her time. Then she told me one day that her friend said I’m a stressful mom, if she were my daughter, she would quarrel with me. I felt so hurt, I thought I gave her a lot of freedom already. I even let her start dating after her ‘O’ level. She’s allowed to go out with friends, but she must return by 9pm, if later than that, she has to seek my permission. She told me most of her friends go home after 11pm, some even 1-2am. I’ve explained to her why I can’t. Therefore, on that fateful day, when I tried to stop her from going out as I was very angry with her for being inconsiderate, irresponsible, showing bad attitude when I talk to her, she ignored my instruction. I called her, she ignored my calls, then I threaten to pack her luggage if she does not return y a certain time, and she sms me ‘So be it”. She stayed at her boyfriend’s house for 1 night and a girlfriend house for 2 nights before returning.
My husband is furious with me. Put me down every day. Condemn my parenting style. Said he pities the children. He went to the extend of channelling his income into his own personal account and restrict my spending. I’m no longer allow to sign for my children purchase or food. Needless to say, he’ll not honour my own purchase. He even threaten to cancel all my credit cards.
All these 17 years, I’ve lived for my children and this family. I’m home everyday. I cooked lunch and dinner for them everyday. I help them in their school work, I read newspaper to them and taught them values and moral. I even taught my boys cycling and rollerblade without knowing how to myself. I’m also the handyman in the house. I leaned how to fix the cistern tank in the toilet, change the sockets in the house, everything. All my 3 children conduct in school is excellent. My husband only work and bring the money in. Yet, I’m now labelled a lousy mom, my daughter in one of her sms, said I’m scary all the time.
I’m now contemplating divorcing my husband and leaving this family. I feel my 20 years as a wife and mom has not brought me any happiness I am very disheartened even though my 2 boys are innocent. I believe they will also turn against me when they become teens especially when my husband take sides. My husband even go to the extend of removing my financial security, I feel extremely worried that I might be the next one to live under the flyover one day.
My biggest problem are my 2 boys. How? Should I continue to live for them the next 8 years or should I start thinking of myself and break this family up. Some of you may suggest that I get a job while continuing to stay here. I think that will make my husband very happy as he need not finance me and at the same time the family and children’s still looked after. When the time comes and my sons don’t want me anymore, there might also not be much left in my husband’s account to cover me. I know I sounded spiteful, but I’ve sacrificed much. I was enjoying my job, feeling very secured, had good self-esteem, until I gave up all for this family. When love was gone, I live without sex for God knows how many years. I feels lonely everyday and night. I put up with everything for my children. When my daughter snubbed me, I almost end my life if not for the fact that I still have a mother to care for. When my sons snubbed me, I cannot guarantee I won’t end my life for my mom would probably not be around by then.
Sorry for such a long letter. I’ve no friends, I fell out with my siblings over my mom. I do not have anyone to talk to now. Please tell me what would you do in my position.
