Divorce

[Berries1984]

Hello mummies, I have some issues with my husband recently and think of divorce...
Would like to know if divorce, will my daughters follow me? (I'm not working)... How should I go with it as financial is an issue for me.

 

[mrstang]

Saddenes by your post. I am concerned if he is violent and aggressive towards you.

 

[Berries1984]

Saddenes by your post. I am concerned if he is violent and aggressive towards you.

Hi mrstang, I would say violent better... He is very harsh in talking. Eg: I said that "I have done everything in the house and daily dinner was prepared for u and so on." he replied to me " I can get a maid to done all these." I am actually do not know what to say and deeply hurt. I comments that his word are harsh but he said that what he said are truth... What else I can say/do.
He commented that I'm like questioning a criminal when I'm talking to my girl (I'm kind of fierce towards my girl as I do think that child is good to scare of one of the parents). But my bonding with my girl is very good and she is stick with me very much... After few times conversation with him, I found that I can't accept his harsh and impolite talking to me, thus thinking of seperate with him. But what I concern is my daughters will follow me or not as both daughters are my life. I can't do without them...

 

[mrstang]

Thanks for sharing...you are so busy and taking care of kids, house chores and preparing food. I feel you

 

[mrstang]

Dear you need 'me' time. To liven up yourself with close friends and pamper yrself ...do somethings that can make you happy. What is your favorite past time? Or places you like to visit locally. I mentioned locally because it is closer to your family.

 

[mrstang]

Time off for ourselves as well as for the kids. Maybe put ur kids with someone you can trust while you try to find back yrself. We goes through different timeline and as we grow older each day the phase and objectives shifts.

 

[Berries1984]

I would like to have me time as well... But I doubts I can go. I got no one can leave the children with. My little one is one year old.. Thus, her sleeping time is my "me" time.. Lolz... It's funny right..
I do not mind I have no me time, I have to go through everything by myself, but I wish to have some concern/pamper from the hubby. But seeing from my post, I guess u know that I'm definitely no...

 

[sandwiched]

I feel you. I long for some care and concern from the hb but will never get it. No care and concern never mind, he gets irritated easily and will vent his frustration on me by saying unkind words. I get very hurt by his words but he doesn't care. I don't see how I can be happy in a marriage like this in the long run. Ending it and starting anew is scary but necessary for my emotional health and happiness.

Whether to stay in the marriage or not, I hope you do what makes you happy. All the best!

 

[mrstang]

patience is the key...especially with kids growing in their years, other members in the family and our poor stressful husband... We need a lot of patience cos losing cool will lose more babe.

 

[TheSelflessOne]

Relax lah, maybe your husband is stressful from work. Spend some time with him and understand his heart, then voice out your concerns over his mean attitude. Anyway how's you sex life with him?

 

[Berries1984]

Relax lah, maybe your husband is stressful from work. Spend some time with him and understand his heart, then voice out your concerns over his mean attitude. Anyway how's you sex life with him?

What make u think that I didn't voice out my concern over his mean attitude? His replied "I'm just saying the truth."
What/how I can do?

 

[Berries1984]

patience is the key...especially with kids growing in their years, other members in the family and our poor stressful husband... We need a lot of patience cos losing cool will lose more babe.

I understand his stress. But I doubts if stressful can be so mean to the wifey..

 

[mrstang]

I understand his stress. But I doubts if stressful can be so mean to the wifey..

Aiyo man ah not like us women. They cannot handle stress as well as us

 

[TheSelflessOne]

It matters 'when' you voice out your concern. If you voice out after he is mean, he will confirm be defensive. Talk to him after an intimate moment, like after sex, when both of you are vulnerable. He will think twice before saying.

 

[mrstang]

It matters 'when' you voice out your concern. If you voice out after he is mean, he will confirm be defensive. Talk to him after an intimate moment, like after sex, when both of you are vulnerable. He will think twice before saying.

Wahahaha I like this

 

[Berries1984]

if u wish to manage this alone, u can try talking to him about it. put ur daughter with your parents and go for a movie date with him. something that doesn't require a lot of talking but shared moments together.

but if money allows, i think there are counsellors or marriage psychologists who help couples at this stage. a common friend may work but may not be the best person though.

Thanks for your advise....

 

[ash11]

Seems he doesn't respect u as a wife or mom. If having a talk doesn't help maybe seek counselling.. if he really wants this marriage to work and not live such a life, I'm sure he will compromise. The only scary thing is he may feel he is doing nth wrong by talking to u like that.

 

[Berries1984]

Aiyo man ah not like us women. They cannot handle stress as well as us

I'm tired on getting to talk with him.... He refuse... He don't wanna talk, don't wanna work together.... With me alone, I really no idea how to rescue the relationship

 

[TheSelflessOne]

Man don't like talking too much, just look at the stats on how many words a man and woman say a day. Men don't go to other men to have a 'heart to heart' talk, and they generally don't share their feelings unless their gay. Two men can be hurling insults at each other and the next day they are back to normal like bros. They don't remember what happened the previous day. That's why you can't talk with him at just any time, but must be at the most intimate time when he is the most vulnerable.

 

[poco]

It matters 'when' you voice out your concern. If you voice out after he is mean, he will confirm be defensive. Talk to him after an intimate moment, like after sex, when both of you are vulnerable. He will think twice before saying.

I browse thru your post. You like to talk sex alot. I believe you are a guy.
Women don’t feel comfortable to talk about sex openly to a stranger.
You shouldn’t be in this forum. This is not sex forum.

Not all things can be resolve by having sex.
Women also has pride and mood, her husband treated her this way ,don’t think she has the mood to have sex with him.
Her husband shows no respect to her ,how come need her to pacific him? It will make him thinks highly of himself and treat her even badly.
Woman are not beast like a man and sex can’t solve problems!
Don’t anyhow give your comment.
Women are not cheapo.

 

[poco]

Hello mummies, I have some issues with my husband recently and think of divorce...
Would like to know if divorce, will my daughters follow me? (I'm not working)... How should I go with it as financial is an issue for me.

Hi Berries

You have to be strong, stay calm and talk to your husband seriously that you don’t deserve to be treated this way.
Whatever stress he has in work he shouldn’t bring home or vent on you. You need respect too.
He said maid can do your job then ask him to hire a maid do and pay for it.
Some husband will bully weak wife.
So you have to be strong.
You are doing everything from household chores, cook, take care children...more hardwork then maid. Sacrifice your time and put in effort in family and also help him save on maid salary $800( salary levy + food and agent fee $2k)
Maid has 8hrs sleep, has off day, can’t multitask, can’t scold, sick can sleep, has salary....etc.
Being a full time housewife is = 24 hr standby maid ,no off and no salary.
So he should show some respect to you and ask him to help some housework if possible, so then he will understand is not easy task.

Let him educate your children. He has to experience himself then he will know is not easy and nothing benefit to be a bad /fierce mother infront of children.

Don’t do everything for him. Give him some responsible in housework and children.
Love and respect yourself.

Btw court will mostly give the children under 7 yo to mother care.
Try to talk to him and give him a chance to change first. Tell him you will divorce if he doesn’t want to change to save the marriage.

 

[Berries1984]

I browse thru your post. You like to talk sex alot. I believe you are a guy.
Women don’t feel comfortable to talk about sex openly to a stranger.
You shouldn’t be in this forum. This is not sex forum.

Not all things can be resolve by having sex.
Women also has pride and mood, her husband treated her this way ,don’t think she has the mood to have sex with him.
Her husband shows no respect to her ,how come need her to pacific him? It will make him thinks highly of himself and treat her even badly.
Woman are not beast like a man and sex can’t solve problems!
Don’t anyhow give your comment.
Women are not cheapo.

Hi Poco, I strongly agree with u.

 

[Berries1984]

Hi Berries

You have to be strong, stay calm and talk to your husband seriously that you don’t deserve to be treated this way.
Whatever stress he has in work he shouldn’t bring home or vent on you. You need respect too.
He said maid can do your job then ask him to hire a maid do and pay for it.
Some husband will bully weak wife.
So you have to be strong.
You are doing everything from household chores, cook, take care children...more hardwork then maid. Sacrifice your time and put in effort in family and also help him save on maid salary $800( salary levy + food and agent fee $2k)
Maid has 8hrs sleep, has off day, can’t multitask, can’t scold, sick can sleep, has salary....etc.
Being a full time housewife is = 24 hr standby maid ,no off and no salary.
So he should show some respect to you and ask him to help some housework if possible, so then he will understand is not easy task.

Let him educate your children. He has to experience himself then he will know is not easy and nothing benefit to be a bad /fierce mother infront of children.

Don’t do everything for him. Give him some responsible in housework and children.
Love and respect yourself.

Btw court will mostly give the children under 7 yo to mother care.
Try to talk to him and give him a chance to change first. Tell him you will divorce if he doesn’t want to change to save the marriage.

Hi Poco, I understand that he wiLL be stressful with his work. That's why I told him that regards to house I will be handle to make sure that he have no worry on us so that he able to perform on his work. I don't know why and when the situation become like this worst. He commented that I'm sarcastic when talking to him. Eg: he knock off at 6, but usually he will come back home late like earliest 830. If there were a day he reached home at 8, then I will said to him: wah, today u are so early. Then he claimed that I'm sarcastic to him. Then I should just keep silent if he back late or early la?
I don't know what and how I can do anymore. I don't wish children to be in an unhealthy family but I'm try my very best to get everything done with my own. Am I doing over?

 

[confusemum]

Hi Poco, I understand that he wiLL be stressful with his work. That's why I told him that regards to house I will be handle to make sure that he have no worry on us so that he able to perform on his work. I don't know why and when the situation become like this worst. He commented that I'm sarcastic when talking to him. Eg: he knock off at 6, but usually he will come back home late like earliest 830. If there were a day he reached home at 8, then I will said to him: wah, today u are so early. Then he claimed that I'm sarcastic to him. Then I should just keep silent if he back late or early la?
I don't know what and how I can do anymore. I don't wish children to be in an unhealthy family but I'm try my very best to get everything done with my own. Am I doing over?

Hi Berries1984, how come he needs to take at least 2 hrs to reach home? Where did he go in btw? Did you asked him? May I ask is his income as I think he might stress on financial.
I saw as u said, u done the housework and prepared the dinner for him and so on, may I ask why u said these to him? Is it he said something or u jus bring out this to him? Cos to me is like u r complaining to him then when he said he can get a maid instead I don't think anything wrong.
My hubby used to complain that I like controlling him and he felt like reporting to me whatever he does.
Then I start to think and I think sometime I really quite over. Also I need to understand his character.
The man we married too not like drama always so gentle and nice.

 

[poco]

Hi Poco, I understand that he wiLL be stressful with his work. That's why I told him that regards to house I will be handle to make sure that he have no worry on us so that he able to perform on his work. I don't know why and when the situation become like this worst. He commented that I'm sarcastic when talking to him. Eg: he knock off at 6, but usually he will come back home late like earliest 830. If there were a day he reached home at 8, then I will said to him: wah, today u are so early. Then he claimed that I'm sarcastic to him. Then I should just keep silent if he back late or early la?
I don't know what and how I can do anymore. I don't wish children to be in an unhealthy family but I'm try my very best to get everything done with my own. Am I doing over?

Berries ,how long have you marry him? How old is your another child? How long have both been communication breakdown?
Do you know what he likes or wants?

If he doesn’t like you or is sensitive to hear your comment /joke then keep quiet. After shower, during dinner then say to him (his job) ‘xin ku le’ eat more.
Don’t scream or scold your children infront of him. No hb want to hear argument noise after a tired day back home.
If you really angry with your children ask and discuss with hb how to educate or teach ans ask him do,then he will realise how hard is it to discpline children.

Both of you seems to have some inner
problems which unsolved.
Men feel they r tough at work but can’t understand how tough being a homemaker with so many roles unless he experiences it.
And men are selfish.

As long as he is not unfaithful, gamble , drunk or hit you or did not support family ... no need to the extend of divorce.

Does your hubby prefer you to work instead?
Look thru his horoscope (his character) it helps to understand him more.

Everyone has a limit/patience, I not sure how much is your. And how is his attitude to the children and you.
If you feel you have done your best as wife and mother then you should be strong and discuss with him seriously and calm.
If you feel you can do better to save the marriage then try your best and make some changes.

 

[Pepper18]

Hi. I also need some advice. Divorce alr but I wanna have a clean cut with my mil and ex his. How to? Pls advice.

 

[poco]

Is hard to have a clear cut when children are involved.
Unless he agreed to let you have the full child custody and care, don't mind don't see the child.
Or you let him have the full child custody and care if his side can take care better than you.
Or you wait till he remarry has his own children, he may not want or too busy to see the child.

Once your child grow bigger 10+ , he can meet his dad downstair himself (u can no need see his face) and when he grow up he can meet his dad himself w/o you involve.Is so easy to use hp to communicate now.

My advise is if you want to remarry or have no one help to take care your son, better to put him to your mil care. Being a single mother is no easy. Father understand/ get along with son better than mother when they grow up.

 

[jonliveitup]

I am a guy and i do not talk much. Totally agree haha