What's wrong with having Daughter/s?

i never have a sis too n wished i had one
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i wasn't close to my bro at all.
 


My mil always said b/g doesn't matter, healthy can already. I have a 14 mth gal and then one day, when my fren and her son (same age as my gal) visited, my mil mumbled under her breath in mandarin "his bird bird lend us!!!!" Luckily my fren didn't hear, but i heard it loud and clear!! So super irritated.
 
Haiz I wish I hv a girl as well. I hv one boy now preggy with a 2nd boy. I hv always wanted girls as they r super sweet n cute. N I noe someone who has 4 boys they r terrors. Hope my boys won't turn out tat way. But very slim for me to get girl liao, cos my dh dun really like kids n he said 2 is enough... Haiz. N at my wrk place it seems tat girls r more popular, cos I'm the one getting sympathetic looks when I said my 2nd is a boy.
 
I think our moms or mil wd hope their daughter or daughter-in-law to have at least a boy. Traditionalist asian views, cannt escape. However on our side, our moms hope that we as daughters have sons so our lives wd be easier with mil. With mil, they do hope we can give them a boy. Having said that mil never fails to understand whether daughter-in-law have boys or girls really largely depends on the quality of their sons/our hb' sperms.

I told my mil and moms that if we are destined to have girls or boys, it is the best for ourselves and our kids as we dun play with nature. The genes, character will be the best for the kids if we leave to nature than trying to please our mil. More importantly, wd our mil prefer to have grandson but who is not born healthily or have a granddaughter who is healthy? I wd def choose the latter as it is more blessed to have a healthy bb than choices of our mil.

I was tested in this area and told my mom and mil that afterall as long as bb is healthy, it does not matter if it is a boy or girl. There is so much pressure always placed on daughter-in-law and i wd tell my daughter next time as long as her bb is healthy, gender is secondary. I dun wan to put any pressure on my daughter next time for sure.

I hope next time when we are grandparents, we do not want to subject our daughters and daughters-in-law to this trivial matter. There is always other people who will bear the same surname and our blood, genes, heritage will still be around as our daughters continue to procreate to ensure continuity.
 
Dear mummies,

I have 3 daughters, my colleagues and friends want me to try for the 4th but for me enough due to singapore livin standard is high, i did mention it to my hubby and my hubby don't mind with it as well our daughters are healthy..for my age of 37 i don't think i wil hv a 4th one..
 
Dear mummies,

I have 3 daughters, my colleagues and friends want me to try for the 4th but for me enough due to singapore livin standard is high, i did mention it to my hubby and my hubby don't mind with it as well our daughters are healthy..for my age of 37 i don't think i wil hv a 4th one..
 
Hi everyone! Long time didnt come into this thread, hope everyone is doing great!

Quezvene, I think as long as we hv kids of the same gender, people will give "sympathetic" looks or encourage us to try for more kids. It's only when you hv a mix of girls and boys, would people finally shut their trap. Haiz...

Simp, yalor, it's those traditional thinking passed down the generations, cant help it... My mil and mum tried not to give me any pressure when I was expecting my 2nd one but I know deep down, people sorta hope my #2 would be a boy (since my 1st one is a girl). But I agree totally, a baby's health is most important.

Rosnita, ignore what your colleagues and friends say. I too had people asking me to try for #3 when my first 2 were girls. When I eventually had #3, although it was not planned, it's because we wanted to keep the baby, not because we wanna try for a boy.
 
Ya I also do agree, it's the health tat counts. However, I do wish tat I've at least a girl who can go with me to do facial or girl things when she grow up. Like wat i'm doing with my mom at the moment. Haiz.. wish my dh is more supportive of me having children but I guess I'm already super fortunate comparing to those tat can't hv children.
 
i have 2 girls and expecting the 3rd one. i hear these very often, "trying for a boy"..."pray you have a boy"....quite fedup to hear these...
 
Hi Hi.. I am having my #2.. my #1 is a gal.. when my hushand broke the news to my in laws that i have #2.. my fil immed said... hopefully this time is a boy.. dont want another lost money girl ( in chinese).. i was like almost wanted to cry.. cos of this sentences.. i almost have drepression!!! to me girl or boy the same.. as long as they are healthy can already..
haiz.. my 6th sense telling me that this will be a girl.. :p.. dont intend to tell them the gender of my #2 till i give birth and let them know lor..
haiz...
 
Be strong ladies. Nothing to feel sad about.

I'm having my #3 now too. Different from all of you, I already have 2 boys. But opposite from you ladies, my MIL actually told me, hopefully this time is girl. Can faint de..... Already, many fortune tellers already told me and hubby that we fated to have boys.

And, yes, my no.3 is also a boy! Stand strong... as long as bb is healthy is most important.

This believe holds strong in my heart cos, I lost my baby on my 2nd pregnancy, on week 36 of gestation. He was a stillbirth.....
 
Angeline, sorry to hear abt ur lost. me too think that ultimately the health and well- being of the bb is more imp.
To all mums, be proud of our children, regardless of their gender.
 
i have 2 gers and 3rd one is 70% a ger as my gyane said. i felt a bit disappointed when i heard at 1st NOT becoz i wanted a boy this time, but the gender predictor said i would have a boy and another person calculated my birthdate and conceived date and concluded the same, so all the while, the image i have of this bb is a boy, ha.

i know i shdnt feel this way, but soon i will be ok lah. i have no pressure to have a boy from my dh becoz he has preference for girls. as for my family, i think they prefer a mixture. the only "pressure" i get is from other friends/colleagues praying and hoping i have a boy. sigh...

but we muz hack care what others said lah...moz impt is the baby muz be healthy, if not even if you have the gender u want but not healthy also a miserable life.
 
Hi jkids, your last sentence is so right. As long as the baby is healthy, that's all it matters. I can understand the initial disappointment, but like you said, I'm sure you will get over it and look forward to the arrival of your baby. All the best!
 
Hi Bluesea:
thanks thanks! i have confirmed the name for my bb ger already, ha. i have problems conceiving my 1st one, so i should feel very blessed i can still become a mother and have healthy kids.

my 3rd one was unplanned. i din take precaution for 3 yrs but nothing happened. the moment i gave up and stopped thinking abt it, it came positive the following mth. amazing right? so when i recalled about this, i felt i was being too silly. now i know this bb ger actually wans to come to our family!
 
I tink gals are great!

We wanted a gal from the start, but our #1 is a boy, but then we love him the same. Then we are lucky to hv a gal as our #2 and she is nw 9 mth old. And I likely would like another gal if I were to try for #3 which is nt likely coz too busy with 2 kids le....
 
Hi jkids,

It's like fate has it all planned out! This baby is meant just for you and your family. Enjoy your pregnancy, cheers...

Hi Diana, handling 3 is really not easy. I still recalled my first reaction when I learnt I was pregnant with #3. It was fear. Fear on how to cope. Thankfully, with family support, we managed through and #3 is now coming 2yo. Times flies... esp when one is super busy! Hehe ... :p
 
hi all

i am expecting my 3rd girl and some comments from people are not welcoming and it makes me feel lousy. just one tackless comment would turn my day upside down.

when i had no2, i was a bit disappointed but got over it quite quickly. but i am very disappointed when i learnt of no3's gender.

when i was 1st pregnant, people either assumed this birth would be a different gender. some even "prayed" for me when not even once, did i say out that i wanted a different gender.

i keep telling myself that so long as bb is healthy i should feel blessed. i keep comparing myself with people who are worse off, ie childless. however whenever tactless people make comments that make me feel lousy, i would compare myself with people who get mixed genders.

my father was disappointed coz he preferred "mixed". my mil on the surface said baby's health was more impt but i knew her too well. my gynae is another one kind- unprofessional, not once did he shown me his disappointment.

there are more tactful ones around but in my heart, i keep thinking they are only consoling me and laughing at me inside their heart.

then one of my dh's colleagues went "oh my god" when she heard the news. so what did we do wrong for people to react to us this way? i ever blamed dh for making me undergo such unnecessary stress because its all his fault.

i think this disappointment is going to live with me for the rest of my life.

cousin has 2 gers and expecting a 3rd one and in min heart, i wish its another ger. see how shallow i have become!

want to find out whether did anyone here really manage to overcome and accept the fact in the end? or u will still feel sore when you see people around you having mixed gender? my
 
Dear dreamer

You will get over this when you see your beautiful child. I can understand the disappointment. I had similar exprience. I had wanted my 3rd one to be a boy. But honestly when I saw her and watched her grow, I am so grateful for who she is now. Abolutely beautiful and I forgot that I ever asked for a boy. Looking its really silliness....

When I was pregnant, I was also more emo about it and also sentitive as pple dropped comments. The fact that I could not physically see the child aded on to the anger and what nots...I think its largely hormanal as well.

All i can tell you is the ger in you is the best you ever wish for...why? You believe so and you will make it so.
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Congrats!
 
Dear dreamer,
I also have 3 girls..yes, ppl will give nonsensical, insensitive, crude remarks, from office colleagues to coffee shop aunties... But we must overcome them ya, they are our babies..

Read a blog about a lady having 5 dds, she has so much pride and joy in all her dds.. Just imagine, 5 of the same gender!
And read in simply hers mag about a local GP having 5 boys, and 2 girls. She said she wanted girls, so kept on trying.. hehe. we really cannot have the best of both worlds everytime.

Take heart dear, girls are very tie1 xin to mommies and you can share your heart with them. I share my heart out with my 1st dd(11yr old) and am so glad to have them.. Once they baked cookies for my in laws and mil was so glad that dd has her in heart..
I know the stress of these ppl talking rubbish and know sometimes it's hard to stomach them and it hurts.. Tell them girls/boys , all are the same.. As old ppl alw say, next time you ll have lots of supper treat from daughters
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.. That's what my hb told his colleagues too.
Some might think that girls might have more problems during their "growing years", but i guess whether boys/girls, we have the responsibility to bring them up well.

Hope you feel better;)..hugz
 
thanks dingdong and choc06. i felt so much better after reading your postings. i do agree that once i hold bb in my arms, i noe i will not have any regrets. i will never trade my no1 and no2 for any boy oso, haha.
 
It has been a while since i last posted in this thread. Like what i mentioned previously, i have 3 girls and they are 7, 5 and 3 now.
Having these darlings around are a bundle of joy. Seeing them play together, sleep together, tieing each other hair, Hb and i always lament what would life have been like without them around.
I always say having 3 girls help me to save a lot. The girls can share their clothes, toys and stationery. I do not need to get separate 'boy' items. And now as the girls grow up, they wanted to pick up similar classes that big jie jie has gone thru. So i save on buying new ballet shoes, leotards, music books as jie-jie has already outgrown them.
When colleagues tell me i should try for a boy. I always share with them this. To keep my girls occupied, i need only pass them either some paper and color pencils or some combs and rubber bands/ribbons and they will be occupied for hours. For boys, they will be on the table stabbing each other with the color pencils ... ok, mayb i am exaggerating but they get the point.
 
but it can be terrible being mocked on and off. today again, another colleague after knowing d gender asked me whether it was "double confirm"? then on the same day today, my hub's ex-superior gave him a shock look and went "oh!" for a few seconds before he realised he should say nice words. i am not being sensitive, but the expression on their face betray them.

this pregnancy is making me stressed instead of excited...
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... sometimes i wish i can go into full term faster. i want to see my bb and hug her in my arm.

sometimes i wonder of the mothers here...how do you response when others tell u they have the same gender for all kids? what will your reply be? would u be tackless wifout realising it?




everynow and then
 
wow..super long not on this thread.
when i was young in my 20s, there's this colleague who already had 2 gers and was pregnant with a 3rd girl. i kept quiet when she replied me that it's another girl. But I felt embarassed and dunno how to react at that time. Now when ppl told me all girls or all boys, i just reply i have 2 girls or say ok..that's all. is this the right way ?
 
I think people our generation should be ok with having girl or boy, no?

I grew up with 2 older sisters but never felt like I was missing out on anything. I have guy friends and some are like brothers in a way.

Whenever I know somebody is giving birth to a boy or a girl again, be it 2nd, 3rd, 4th time.. it doesn't really matter. Just excited that they are having another bundle of joy!
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Ai @ http://sakuraharuka.blogspot.com
 
Personally, I think boys or gals are ok. I will just say congrats. Most impt is whether you want the baby or not.

I have 2 boys, trust me, it isn't exactly fun sometimes. They wear me totally out.
The only reason I wanted boys was that when cleaning them up as infants / toddlers, dont have to worry which way to clean to avoid infection.
 
ai sakura and tinklestar:
wish there r more pp like u. sometimes i dun understand y they want to make crude remarks, as if they enjoy hurting others..
 
I know it's hard but try to ignore.

Another word of comfort, someone once said " daughters will stick to the home, while sons stick to the wife. " so now you will have 3 daughters taking care of you in old age, isn't that great.
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personally, I agree. Daughter tend to be more filial.

I should be worried abt my sons now. Haha.
 
Hi Dreamer,

Don't get too stressed over how people react towards your pregnancy. It's your baby! It's very inconsiderate and sickening of people to react this way. Stay strong, relaxed and healthy. I'm sure you'll enjoy motherhood
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thnaks hui, really appreciate kind people's encouraging words. i am getting better by the day, though sometimes i still get emotional over what others say
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like this neigbour, a man in his 70s, whenever i bump into him, he would comment its gd to have gers, a lot of women do well in the career, yet at the end of his speech, he would tell me to consider trying for a boy, haha, contradict rite.
 
i think the disadvantage of having gers are, i am always the one who bring them to toilet which really keeps me busy, and they always ask to keep long hair and i have to tie for them :p so i always force them to cut short hair and pray hard they dun poo outside home, lol! and when they grow up, i can imagine so much bras hanging on the pole!
 
Take care of yourself and baby, that's what's most impt. Besides, I always feel unborn child can feel if they are wanted or not. Also, gender is determined by the sperm, nothing to do with the woman. But if u intend to try once more, you can try googling. Someone told me that certain positions increases possibility of boys.scientifically proven as male sperm swims differently from female.

Some people think it more complete to have a boy and gal. I got people telling me to try for daughters. In my heart, I think no way, I'm already dead tired and I don't want anymore.
 
Hi Dreamer and Tinklestar,

We are all of women born and your daughters will still carry the genes of your husband's family, likewise their children. It just so happens that the world takes paternal side's surname. Their children can have double-barrel surname in future! I really don't understand the hang-ups over surname - what matters is that the child grows up healthy, well brought up with values and contributes to society. No point having surname+boys who end up crooks like the SLA and M1 idiots who spent money on sports cars, sting rays (?!!!!) and their time thinking of how to cheat/embezzle/launder$.

I have a son and I don't think it's big deal really even if it had been a girl. I will never 'try' for a boy if I had a girl. Having a family is a choice and shouldn't be for the sole purpose of gambling for a male offspring. If as mothers, we pass on this subconscious notion that daughters are inferior, we ARE succumbing to the evil forces who perpetuate this out-dated, chauvanistic and selfish ideology!

Look at some famous people around the world and in Singapore, did they not marry women from good families and hitched on the bride's family (eg. work for father-in-law and then take over the business as there were no sons).
 
i will not be trying for another one liao, may even go for ligation so until then will i noe whether i will feel 遗憾 or not... to me, having a boy is not becoz of famiy name. the same theory goes, if i have boys only, i would love to have ger as well. just want a mix to complete my family. i see so many having mixed combination by the 3rd one soy not me. it doesnt help when pp only mock instead of giving you a pat on your shoulder i noe i am being emo again coz someone i know is expecting a boy after having 2 gers. juz need a place to say out my thoughts. i will be fine after a while
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i can understand wat dreamer is going thro, esp when people you know or strangers you meet on the street keep finding chance to add salt to the wound when its in the healing process.

dreamer, i noe its hard lah. on and off, you will be reminded about this, esp when it becomes an 遗憾. how many people overcome this? not many i guess. if saying or venting out makes you feel better pls do. at least you find a channel to do it rather than bottom it up and get depression which is even worse. people last time can give birth to many kids, unless our times when we cannot afford to try until we have what we want.

of coz we have to overcome it ourselves eventually, but it does not help when people around you-relatives, frens, colleagues make remarks that put you to undergo more stress.

wondering whether those who commented here who asked others to be more positive, do you also have kids with d same gender? if no, you wun understand how the others feel. if yes, perhaps u can share how you overcome it yourself.
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Jkids, agree with u perfectly that people don't understand unless they face it, in any situations. I have 2 boys.

My case is a bit different, coz boys. When people ask me to try for a gal, it's a bit irritating but I always say politely that 2 is tiring enough. They will realize it doesn't matter to me and stop. There are people who knows u prefer a certain gender and those who do it to be irritating or just imposing their views on oneself.

Therefore, to me, if I am sure I do not want anymore for whatever reason, it will no longer bother me. Simply because I'm the one living with the choice and not whoever comments.
 
Hi,
I have 2 gals. My MIL said this to me recently, " You have to continue give birth le, if not, 我们家就绝后了". My husband is the only son. I feel so sad and feel like "被欺负". How to react when she mention this again?
 
yen:
felt so disgusted hearing this. she herself is a woman and how can she say that? tell her the gals will carry on the husand's genes. or tell her u cannot afford one and is she happy to take care of the expenses?

when i was doing confinement last time, this CL said in front of me and bb...your ger has short hair, looks like a boy. if she is a boy, he will be doted. i was so pissed upon hearing it that i told her off! keep the view to herself pls.
 
Hi yen, agree with dreamer. I have heard of cases where the husband takes on the the wife's surname so that any children born will be named after the wife's family.

In any case, you can tell your mil that whether is boy or not depends on the husband too. Better yet, get a doc to state so . In any case, I feel u should tell ur husband and see what he says. A husbands support is more impt than what ur mil says..
 
Hi Yen

Most importantly, does your hb think the same way? If he doesnt mind then that's good enough. I'm not cursing anyone but how many more years can your MIL live so dont bother too much about her comments.

If you feel obliged to have a boy, consult a gyne together with your hb. There are studies concluding that certain diet helps eg: more meat than vegetable, need to also count your ovulation days and sex position is said to play a part too since the Y chromosome has shorter lifespan.
 
i think most of you mentioned abt comments from ILs, relatives, but how about that coming from husband? how would u deal w it? u can't just leave your hubby and let your other kids no father rite? but then, how to deal w his disappointment everyday? I'm facing it now and really dont know what to do. I know everyone says hubby sperm is the deciding factor, however the wife did play a part too, whether her environment has too much acid, will kill all the Y.

btw i think it's illegal for dr in spore to give you advice on how to select gender, he may risk having his license suspended...
 


Actually, it is not about selecting gender but how to make it more conducive to have a certain gender. I don't think it is illegal for a doc to advise as these information are widely available in books and the internet unless the doc advise u to go for abortion when the baby is not the gender one wants.

My husband wanted more kids. Whether boy or gal does not matter. However, I am quite firm that I do not want more. He has to respect my decision. And I make it pretty clear that since I am the main caregiver in the house, with more kids means more work to me unless he is all prepared to help out a lot.

This may sound a bit abnormal but to me, if my husband makes negative comments about having daughters, I would tell him to go for check up to check on his sperm first. If he is the problem, it would once and for all shut him up. If it isn't, then it's a gd time to discuss about finances required to have a boy, the sharing of extra work etc. Most husband would be quite put off thinking they have to care for kids and do housework. I know of 1 particular case where hubby doesn't want more kids after discussing the additional work.

More importantly, what is my husband's value of me.
 

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