Time-Outs for 2yo

[starrymommy]

hi mummies, my elder girl just turned 2. she's going through "terrible twos" now and it is hard to prevent her from getting into trouble sometimes. mealtimes outside are usually chaotic with her around. recently at home, she is really pushing our boundaries, playing with things she isn't supposed to, bullying her little sister (pushing, snatching toys etc.), throwing tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants. she's just behaving as most children her age will, and most of the times she's really a sweet child. just quite a handful when she gets into one of her tantrums.

we have tried to explain to her that her actions are wrong, we have introduced Mr Cane to her, smacked her palms etc but she's constantly testing our limits! there were times she would be flailing around and screaming/crying till we gave in to her. it's a rather vicious cycle.

the only thing we have not tried yet is time-out. i know we should have started her on time-outs when she was 18 months old but somehow we never did. my question is, have any one of you parents introduced time-outs successfully to your child/children at age 2? and how do you go about doing it?

appreciate feedback and advices from parents who have been through the same challenges.

 

[erineting]

Hi Starry,

My little boy, he is 2 yrs old, same here..

he always bully and disturb his brother (7 yrs old) he will shouts,beat, bite or pinches when someone who scolding him...

Now we are trying to do, when he do this kind of things, we force him to stand at the corner, but he keep cries and wan to run away...headache!!!

Now stand at the corner also not used..back to the problem again..sigh~

 

[starrymommy]

erineting, 2yo bullying 7yo?! i totally feel for you and can imagine the frustration. ever tried other methods?

every weekend at home for me is chaotic. we try to occupy her with colouring, drawing, cartoons etc. but sometimes all these will fail to work their magic and then she will be whiney and demanding. plus she will insist on having snacks before mealtimes, for example. if we refuse, there will be a meltdown. really keen to try the time-out method but i wish to hear from the "pros" on how to carry this out as if not handled properly, it will defeat the purpose, or even make things worse.

 

[sunshineday08]

Certain kids time out will not work, only through pain, which is connected to their brain, then they'll get it! I suggest spanking (caning) at their buttock! It really works for us! In fact everyone says my little girl is such a good girl and u know what, it's not by chance, it's because we bother to discipline her!!! We expect from her starting 2yo, to say sorry if she's wrong or rude, and basically if she misbehaves, she'll be disciplined!

After the whole spanking or disciplined session, we'll always ask her: do u know why daddy mummy spank u for? We'll let her talk to see if she understands eg. rude to others, disobey, etc. After that we'll ask: do u know why we spank and discipline u? We'll quickly add it's because daddy mummy love u a lot and we want to discipline u cos we don't want u to grow up to be a spoilt kid!

Finally we'll end off with a big hug and say we love u a lot sweet heart!!!

 

[joy_ful]

Hi Starry,

My boy in his 3years old now have undergone the terrible twos period. We never spank him coz we do not want to use the cane as the deterrent to stop the act.

However, he does test our limits all the time. In fact, children should continue to do so even when they react adulthood coz we adults too are guilty of testing the patience and tolerance level of others especially our spouses or coworkers

In such a circumstances, the constant discipline and review of the behaviour is required all the time. In some ways, I quite agree with Sunshine that the child needs to know the reason for the disciplining session. For e.g. previously my boy liked to swing around the metal pole and threw tantrum in the mrt train during peak periods. This annoyed many passengers who were tired from work. The first time I told him to stop his act. He stopped but continued his mischief shortly. The second time, I reminded him to stop his act but added the consequence of leaving the train despite not reaching our mrt stop yet. He stopped temporarily and repeated the act again. There was no excuse to repeat the offence. We just alighted from the train. My boy was yelling and crying. However, I told him that he ignored all the reminders and he had to pay for the consequencee. Always reinforce the idea that you do what you preach. Regardless of whether your child can understand the intention of every explanation, get him to acknowledge his wrong behaviour and never to repeat the mistake again. Then you can further add if the wrong behaviour has caused inconvenience to others (e.g. the passengers on the train are annoyed with him after a tired day, we get to our destination late coz we have to do a disciplinary lesson at place that is not the destination etc)

Teach him to empahtize at a young age. This is definitely possible at the age of 2years old. If you need further egs, just let me know. I can share more

 

[pink_popsicles]

hi chiam a, do u mind sharing how to teach empathy from young? my bb is not 1 yet, but i would like to learn now how to teach him, instead of it being too late!

 

[joy_ful]

Hi pink,

You are definitely a wonderful mum who would like to kick start educating your child at such young age.

Teaching empathy is the art of understanding another's feeling or situation. Not easy to teach but can be done.

I remembered once I was at KFC withnessing a 4-5yrs old displaying empathy. This boy was misbehaving at his table and overturned a packet of french fries onto the floor. The mum instructed a time-out by getting the boy to face the wall. When the staff who was in her 60s came to clean the mess, the mum asked the boy to turn around and looked at the mess he had created. Most importantly, the mum gently lectured the boy about the inconvenience he had caused, not just upsetting his mum but also troubled the granny to clean up his act. The boy took initative to apologize to the staff and the mum without reminder. This is definitely a successful case whereby the mother had taught the concept of empathy at such young age.

There was another incident when I was waiting for the doctor, a family of 4 came into the clinic. The daughter, a P2-3 gal in her school uniform with a tie, was playing with her sister who is around 4-5 years old. The nurse came and distributed 2 stickers to the gals. The older gal received the one with a big golden star while the younger child was given a sticker that was filled with multiple, small iridescent stars. The younger gal was making a big fuss about her sticker coz she didn't like it and insisted in having her older sister's one. Instead of giving in to her request, the older gal taught the younger gal to appreciate her gift. She explained the value of the gift and showed her that her sticker was even more beautiful and attractive as compared to her sticker with only one star. I was really taken aback by what this gal has said... This gal at such young age is displaying a strong sense of appreciation for another while inculcating the same value of being grateful in her younger sister. The parent has obviously done a wonderful job in bringing out the best in their kids by instilling and nurturing strong values in their children at a very young age.

 

[joy_ful]

Start by sharing stories to your baby. Choose those with strong moral content.

For example, if you are sharing the story on Goldilocks and the 3 bears. Pause at points where Goldilocks ate up the baby bear's porriage and broke its chair. Use this as entry points to teach your child how baby bear will feel when he knew what happened to his food and chair. Act it out if you can to show your child the expression that is connected to the mood. The tearing, crying, whining... Babies and children learn through play and stories which are best act out.

Constantly expose your child to stories also help build comprehension skills at young age while sharpening their senses at the same time.

For my son, he enjoys stories with animal illustrations like Chicken Licken coz there will be the sly fox hiding away in the background. For older kids, get them to locate the fox. Take this time to question the motive of the fox in the story. This helps expose your child to develop understanding of another's intention which is also training empathy.

Let me know if you need more e.g.s

Cheers

 

[kelvinangsw]

Hi Starry, I have a 2 years old son who is just like your daughter, always trying to push our limit. We introduce a cool down corner. When he starts to shout, scream, whine and cry. We will put him in that corner. It is very effective. He will cry for maybe 3-5mins and asks us to hug him. We will told him to say sorry and explain to him why he cannot do that or this. He says sorry to us and everything goes normal.

We will repeat this when he throws tantrem again. Sometimes he will rethink whether he wants to throw tantrem or not when we told him that we will put him in that corner if he does. Then he will proceed to play other things as he do not want to be placed in that corner again.

This method is good as
i) you let him have a place and moment to cool down
ii) you can avoid smacking him as you place him in that corner when he made you really mad.
iii) You can have a chance to explain to him why when he cools down. That is when he will listen.
iv) you can let him know to say sorry for the thing he done wrong
v) Improve relationship when you hug him after he and u cool down.

Do try this method. It is really effective and beneficial.