Support group - Miscarriages

thank you for the kind words and encouragement
i think im in denial rite now... like not wanting to feel anything. im just like shrugging it off. its my usual defense mechanism. but knowing myself i will break down soon and then i shd be okay.

hubby did try asking the lady at the counter but she said when she went in, doc only gv 1 day. she actually forgot to gv me mc for today until i requested for it when i was paying outside.

my frens suggested i go for 2nd opinion at 24hr clinic at KK. is taking the pills enuf? is dnc necessary?

im pretty sure i dont wish to go back to work so soon. i think need to do mini confinement too rite??

gynae...dr heng
 


Hi coolwater....

I was like you but hb was staying with me and we went thru this together.. and I felt that was very impt... I even cried in the clinic when I was told have to let bb go cos I was bleeding... so my gynae did a D & C immediately..he said if not will take quite awhile for the bleeding to stop... as I am into my 9weeks liao.. and bb was already 11cm... now I still missed my bb alot alot... and I will still cry at night whenever I think of it....

I did not really go thru any mini confinement as my gyane even we 'bu' now.. no use cos we are still bleeding... so do it after the spotting has stopped ya..
 
coolwater, pls ask for MC if you're not ready to go back to work.
my gynae said normaly is 3 days mc after d/c. but she gave me 2 wks to rest at home.

sandy, this morning i still tear @ clinic, gynae said how come i still can't get over it.. :p
 
Hi funne,
when was ur D&C?

Hi Sandy,
I did my D&C on valentine's day, baby was 7 weeks old and heartbeat stopped. Till now, i still dropped tears when i think of my lost baby. Moreover, there are a lot of people ard me who are pregnant. I'm so envious of them. Kept asking myself why i'm so unfortunate.
 
coolwater, my 2nd m/c also natural. no pill at all.. just like menses come. i didn't asked for mc as i feel alright. if you're not sure, maybe can seek for 2nd opinion?

bryest, my first m/c in last jul, bb no heartbeat at wk8. 2nd was chemical pregnancy which was happen in jan this yr.
 
Hi bryest,

My gynae is Dr Adelina Wong from TMC. She is very reassuring. When I lost my 1st bb, I also questioned myself a lot. But I realise I need to be positive for my future bbs.. not easy n u need time to heal emotionally. I believe u will be blessed with a bb soon.. Baby dust to all mothers here!

Coolwater,
Pills can help to expel but sometimes, it may not be totally and can have some complications. Ur gynae sounds unsympathetic lehz. I was given 2 weeks to rest den, more on emotional side den physically. I think u should seek 4 2nd opinion but don't go to KKH 24h clinic. I had bad experience there.
 
hi bryest.. Ya... in fact my MIL... is also pregnant...almost same time as me.. so now we can't have our kids together liao...

Like you always said.. we have to stay positive ya...jia you...
 
hi gals...
hvnt had the time to come in here to follow up on the replies...
how are u coping?? getting better??
tot of my baby last nite... if he/she is ard, sld b abt 11 weeks already...

bryest,
how are u now?? sorry, didnt reply ur sms... too busy with august (my shih tzu), and forget all abt it... i didnt hv any clogs after the dnc...

serene,
stay strong... it depends on ur gynae... my gynae didnt suggest natural m/c... coz he claim might be a tramuatic experience coz might b heavy bleeding and bad cramps (on the other hand duno isit want to earn $$) so i went for the op on the same day confirm no m/c... i m back to work for abt a week ++ le...

coolwater,
pls ask for more mc... my gynae was ok to give me up till a wk of mc... u need to rest more... but also keep urself occupied... dont think too much...

to all gals...
a great big hug to us... for being so brave and strong... i know we did our best for our baby, but i guess its really juz nature doing its work... it hurts, but we will walk thru it strong ya...
 
suddenly ppl around me got pregnant..
my sis, my neighbour and my hb's coll who took his transport to work everyday.
if my recent pregnancy can get thru, we all going to give birth in aug..
 
i am urs,
how are u coping with august? i also thought of my baby last nite. baby would be abt 9 weeks now.

coolwater,
my gynae gave me mc for 2 weeks. wanted to go back after 1 week but still got bleeding and cramp, so planning to go back after 2 weeks of rest instead.

funne,
yeh, people ard me also got pregnant. i am so envious.

Sandy,
]i was so shocked when u typed ur MIL. hee
 
hi sandy,
i understand how u feel..pat pat...we'll all jia you 2gether.I've had 3m/c...though reali wanna try again,very scare oso.

hi bryest,
i felt very upset after my 1st two m/c...this time,i feel a bit immuned,plus,my hb doesn't reali understand wat i've been going thru,so no point trying again.

i feel very frustrated coz my hb refuses to cooperate wf me.We've been eating healthy but we lack of exercise.I asked him to exercise but he keeps giving me excuses.My hb is going to turn 40,his sperms test result shows his sperm motility not very good.I've been nagging him to tak multivitamin,fish oil n fruits everyday..until i get so sick of it n feel like giving up the whole ttc thingie
 
hi all

Happen to chance upon this thread. Pls allow me to share my story.

Loosing a pregnancy is a topic v close to my heart, cos I lost twice. Once in 2000 and another in 2004. In 2000, it was my first pregnancy. Full of joy but was shortlived. I still remember my colleague said there is nothing to worry abt seeing a male gynae cos he will only check below when you are closer to full term. However, my first visit turned out to be a vaginal ultra-sound scan, because the gynae could not find heartbeat at 8 wks. So it was called a missed abortion. Sigh... D&C lor. Still remember inserting the tablet was one of the most painful thing I experienced. I think the nurse was a v rough. I cried after that. After the D&C, I bled for 3 weeks, only to realize later that it should not go on for so long, the gynae merely explained that hormonal changes, gave me more antibiotic. I never went back to that gynae at TMC. Till today, I suspect he did not do a proper job. I saw a TCM physician and cleared the bleeding. For my 2004 story, I had a miscarriage. Bled and bled at 10th week until I know foetus sure gone. True enough, when I saw my gynae, hardly can find the foetus. D&C again, but at KKH. But this time, bleeding lasted for only a few days, shorter than menses!

To think back, so much tears and worry. For those still bleeding after 10 days of D&C, I think it is best to see the gynae or TCM, I believe it should not last so long like my first bad experience.

And as a word of encouragement, things might turn out better. Though my pregnancies are never smooth-sailing, I'm now mother of 3, so pls do not give up. There is always light at the end of the tunnel.
 
hi sandy,
Is ur gynea dr lc foöng fr o&g partner too? My gynea oso him.
Hi funne,
Who is ur gynea? U mean ur this mc is natural menses so ur gynea say u can try immediately? As usually they will expect us rest for 1 cycle b4 try again.
Hi kate,
U r so lucky to hv 3 kids now. Do share with us how u tiao ur body and is it thru ur tcm doctor that u get pregnant soön after mc? Do share with us whose ur tcm doctor? Is he gd?
 
kate, thks for sharing!!

joanne, my gynae is Dr Yang @ Glen E. as my 2nd m/c is chemical pregnancy and it's in jan, so she said can try now as i just finish my menses last wk which is consider 1 cycle after m/c.
 
hi funne,
I see. Then u shd try again since u r at ur most fertile after mc..
And ur hubby is keen rite? So why not.
Hi coolwater,
I had a natural mc 2wks ago too. My gynea asks me do a bt to predict whether menses will come or shd do dnc. He will prefer natural as dnc is harmful to our body n i dont wish to spend so much $ for this operation. Luckily menses come natural 2wks ago on sat. No need any pills. Experience painful cramp until cant stand straight. Luckily dh is ard since wkend to take care me. Then i jus go my gp dnstair to take 2 days mc to rest since with menses,dont like to travel so far to my gynea jus to get mc. Moreover,dont want my collegues to know i miscarriage since they didnt even know i get pregnant. Go back to work on wed. feeling ok already on mon but cant stand too long or walk fast as womb will feel pain. During menses, cant drink any bu but mus drink red date tea instead of plain water. After menses over then drink bu. Then after my menses, my doc say no need to see him to check everything is clear inside,jus do a bt to make sure hcg level go dn to negative to confirm all is clear inside. If not,then need see him. So i test last fri, glad and happy to know all is over as had drop to negative level le.. Frankly speaking, i didnt get to see my gynea ever since he told me is mc till now. He oways give me advise thru phone only..Save alot of $.
happy.gif
will see him again when i am ready to ttc again.
Had been drinking alot of bu to tiao my body 1st. Try opt 4 natural menses if possible so can try again immediately after 1 cycle.. If dnc, most gynea will suggest rest 3mths then try again. Gd luck to u..
 
Joanne

Yes, I wld still consider myself lucky, though I needed 5 pregnancies to have 3 children.

My mom made me go through "confinement" although there was no baby after D&C, ie I eat confinement food, drink red dates drinks, wear slippers at home, not wash hair etc, albeit a shorter period, ie 2 weeks.

The TCM physician is at Chinatown, a v old (think 80+) Taiwanese physician. He prescibed some herbs to strengthen my body. He is supposed to be a gynae in TCM terms but he sees patient for other ailments too. I find him gd, and all my successful pregnancies were not without problems too, so I went to him. He prescribed "an(1) tai(1) yao(4)". I always worry he has gone back to Taiwan for good or no longer there when I needed him, cos he is already so old. But he looks v radiant for his age. If you are keen, pls PM me.

My gynae at KKH always tell me to try only after 3 regular menstration cycles, so I abide by it. I have also read that we shd start taking folic acid once we start trying, not only after we are pregnant. And yes, I also read somewhere that we shd not do strenous exercise/extreme sports while trying for baby. Go for light exercises instead.

Other that these, eat healthy food to prepare your body for another life.

Hope it helps.
 
Hihi

sadz... no not Dr Foong... is Dr Fong... located at 5th Flr...

For me.. I did not really go thru any confinement period... eat as usual... think my gyane is those 'ang mo' kind... to him he said no point tiao cos we are still bleeding.. and if you eat essence.. will cause the blood to circulate and bleeding will not stop... so his advise is to eat after the bleeding has stopped... which I am doing now..
 
hi all,

thanks for sharing all the experiences. Finally went to another gynae that a fren recommended. the difference in service was like day and night!

She explained everything and was very meticulous in checking. infact the service staff was also very encouraging and caring. so much difference.

it was only during the consultation did i finally come to terms with the m/c. cos i told her i do not know how to feel or react as the other gynae treated it like i had a common cold/flu. at that point, i broke down. she was very reassuring and explained in great detail what i should do as well as what she will advise.

so i took a blood test to determine my hcg levels. she will call me tomorrow to inform me the results and i shd take another one. she needs to rule out ectopic prgncy.

she was also surprised that i was given only a day's rest. she gave me 2 wks to recuperate emotionally and physically. she is so funny told me to rest for 1 week and next week take my son (11mth) and hubby go for a short holiday.
happy.gif


i felt so relieved after that. this is my first time and i really thought that i should not make it a big deal, atleast thats what the first doc made me feel.

anyway...i hope to recover soon. and now got to do mini confiment (which i hate)

i hope my second( or is it the third) pregnancy will be better and i should slow down. i was too active lah.

im a teacher and i was running about during p.e., work from 7am to 5pm then rush home to see/play with my son and then rush out again to attend a course at 7pm till 10pm. should have known better........

to all ladies trying... dont despair...i only conceived after 2 yrs of trying and one fine day when i least expected it, i was pregnant.
 
Hi sandy, u r rite. Bu after menses stop.. I am trying to bu myself now too.
Hi kate,
thks 4 being so detail in ur explanation. Am i rite to say that the tcm medicine help u to conceive naturally n fast too? Does the medicine need to brew itself or ready made? Expensive?
Hi coolwater,
Ya,u need to slow dn ur pace. Who r u seeing now? Same as u, i got 1 son so never cross my mind that i will hv mc. Very upset that time too.. Anyway my doc console me say is very common nowadays to hv mc 1 time. So there is no need to do any detail testing.. I think is bec my body is weak that result in this mc. Lets try our best again..hope all of ushere can hv a safe and smooth pregnancy througout 9mths soon.
 
bryest,
i hv a 5yrs old son...34 this yr,what abt u?

Kate,
thks for sharing ur inspiring story
happy.gif
Did u go for any chromosome tests to investigate ur m/c?I've had 3m/c....
 
Joanne
I wld say the tcm helped to strengthen my body. He prescribed the brew type. V bitter! A weeks' medicine will cost abt $50. I did not conceive fast. I have my fair share of months of trying. I used ovulation test kit too.

Avocado
Sorry to hear of your 3m/cs. I can understand how you feel. It's like what if I conceived and lose it again, right? Pls do not give up. I did not go for chromosome test. Gynae just said "miscarriage is a natural quality control". He did not suggest any follow up.
 
hi kate,
i've PM to ask for ur TCM.Did u buy the medicine fr. his clinic?

hi bryest,
33 is still very young...don't give up...i am sure we'll b receiving good news fr u soon.Meanwhile,continue to tak TCM to strengthen our bodies.After this m/c,i feel extremely tired,hv joint pains n water retention...
 
bryest,
i can understand how u feel coz i've had 1st dnc on Xmas day.

we muz keep encourage ourselves to keep trying...i'm reali thankful to the ladies here(kate,etc)wrote in the encourage us.
 
bryest, same here. We jiayou together ya?
happy.gif


avocado, i am dreading my mon's appt... really don't know what to do if there's chromosome problems with me or hb!

Anyway, i've just booked a holiday trip during the weekend travel fair. Yeah, at least there's something happy to look forward to!
 
Hi Joanne, Bryest, Freesia & Avocado and All
Sorry this late reply.
For my 1st & 2nd miscarriage, I did not do any d&c as it is juz menses. The cramp only came on the 2nd & 3rd day and diahorrea came on 4th & 5th day.
My TCM & gynae said it is a self-abortion.
Juz did a virginal scan last Sunday and my gynae certify that there is no blood cords inside already. I have also started taking 'Diane 35' & Glucophage to lower my FSH level.
I have also visited TCM in Johor which I mentioned earlier, he asked me to eat 'Tian Shan Xue Lian' to regulate my menses. I also went for body massage and was told that my 'zi gong' is very low. She pushes it up for me (abit painful but still beariable)
I am also exercising at least twice a week to maintain my weight as to prepare for my next pregnancy in July 09.
 
Hello..

I was searching for thread like this when i come across this. I need to know how to get over this...

i just delivered my baby boy last wed morning. He's 28-30wks... just 10 weeks from birth and yet..his heartbeat stopped suddenly... i developedd fever the day before, i can still feel him moved. but i went to the doctor the next day when i could not feel him in the morning, it was too late...

its was a great blow to me. cos my bf do not want to commit.. he dun wan to get married..with baby he told me to abort several times.. but in the end he finally accept the child.. but when he accept.. its gone...my whole world collapse.. i dunno wat to do cos i know i will lose everything.. i am feeling so attached to my baby physically and spiritually... i just wanna follow my baby and die.. but my bf told me we try for another and we will get married and get a hse end of the yr.. i felt like a life buoy being thrown to meat that moment. but i still feel insecure... i still have my doubts.. i am really scared...

We claim our baby back to give him a proper burial and a resting place.. i keep thinking of the moment i held him.. his face and all.. i cry in the middle of the night when everyone slept...my heart feels so painful and all.... i saw 5 plus yrs old kids also sad.. cos i dreamt of his face at 5+ or 6... so clear.. and i remember it v clearly... sometimes i really wanna shout out.. why God wanna take him away..

my cousin in law also experienced her baby's heartbeat stopped.. but her doc does not give up and managed to save the baby inside her.. why when my doc saw there's no heart beat, she just told me to induce straight away?

i am now on 1 mth mc.. doing confinement.. i dunno how to go back to work after this... i need to do confinement for 1 mth.. u think doc can give me mc for 2 wks more?
 
Cherise, so sorry to hear your story...
sad.gif
You must try to be strong ok? Just cry or shout out if you really want to.

I think once the heartbeat has stopped, it means the baby has left us.

Why don't you do your 1 mth confinement first? If you feel you are still not ready after 1 month, then ask your gynae to give you 2 wks more.
 
i just feel v torn... when i delivered him.. there's only silence folowed by sorrows... he doesn't cry and doesn't move. then its just the end..
 
Hi Cherise,
We understand how u feel. My baby is only 7 weeks when he left us but we were already very sad. What's more, your baby is already so big.

I kept crying and crying when i think of my dead baby. Even now, 1 week+ after my D&C, i'm still very sad when i think of my baby.

However, we still have to move on. Have to "bu" your body and look forward to having a healthy baby. We will all be here to support you and each other. Jiayou!
 
its so hard to accept.. he is a healthy boy weighing 1.4kg at 29-30 wks.. its a healthy weight.. his features and all are are vivid and clear.. he just look like a full term baby.. just smaller.. why wanna take him away..
 
Avocado
Yes, I bot the prescribed herbs for brewing.

Cherise
Sorry to hear of your story.

First, you will need a closure. If you still have many questions regarding your baby's death, do try to find the answers, whether from your gynae or elsewhere. For me, when I had my miscarriages, I went to the net to find out more. It helped. I also turned to religion for answers.

Please also give yourself time to grieve. Time is the best medicine. It may not cure all, but it will lessen the pain. Find someone to talk to, if not, just cry as much as you want. I did not like people telling me, "You are still young, you can try again." It did not make me feel better, in fact, it made me feel worse. However, crying made me feel better.

Take care.
 
i went to a senior consultant at KKH, private suite.. the moment my baby came out, she did say the umbilical cords are twisted together.. so highly the reason.. if you wan the name i can pm u...

we nv did any post mortem. cos we wan our baby to leave this world in a good piece.. also.. we claiming the baby back on the day itself..
 
kate

thanks...

i agree with wat u said.. i guess the pain could oni be lessen, if not cured, when the next baby arrive. but thats not something we can control..
 
Hi all,
Seems that the thread is moving bery fast lately...

Hi i_m_urs,
How is your review by gynae? Everything ok?

Hi Bryest & Avocado,
The problem i was mentioning was the tightness n a little pain during my first BD after 3 weeks+ of dnc. Just wondering any of u experience this too? Kinda of scare to do BD now.

Btw Bryest,
U are a tr now? It must be bery hard on you tat time. I was a tr 2 yrs ago but i left.

Hi Coolwater & Cherise,
Sorry to hear that you lost yours too. Yes, indeed, suddenly everyone around us seem to be getting preggy. With Gigi Lai & Chen Hui Ling in the limelight now, the emotion strings are pulling at me too...I wld been 3mths+ if not for the d&c. But there is only one path for us, which is to look forward. Let's Jia you and brace ourselves together. Give yourself time to grieve but dun dwell in it. Let's move on together
happy.gif
 
thanks for the encouragement.. my cousin told me i got symptoms of depression.. i dunno how to prevent.. its just at times i could not control and started crying...
 
Hey Cherise,

I am very sorry to hear what happened to you. Hugz..Don't worry, you don't have a depression. It will be very scary if you are not crying now and is your normal self. It will probably take a while for u to recover. Take your time to mourn for your baby and all your current emotions are very normal.

I totally agree with Kate's advice. Please do seek ways of proper closure. The burial u did for ur bb is one way. I am sure ur bb knows what u have done for him. Cry and find a place to shout if you want. Try to vent out and speak to someone rather than bottle it up. It is going to be a process of recovery and when u are sad, come in here for the gals here to comfort u and share with u their stories.

I went through two mcs before and is now a mum to a healthy bb expecting to be due this year. So there is always hope as long as u don't give up on yourself. Although I still miss my two bbs, time does make the pain more bearable. So hang in there and please take good care of yourself.
 
Hi Cherise...

my heart goes out to you. sometimes life is unfair..but at times it provides a great lesson for all of us. whatever life deals with us..we have to take it in our stride.

now, its impossible for you to realise that everything happens for a reason and there is always a silver lining...but in time you will better understand.

take comfort in this thread, your friends, family and faith. you need proper closure and time to grieve.

i hope you find the strength to come out of this as a stronger person. we are women. we are strong.

take care, dear.
 
Hi cherise....

So sorry to hear your loss.. I am at loss with words....

I remembered when I learn I have to give up my bb... I oso was stunned... and was oso by chance browsing thru and saw this thread.. and really needed someone to talk to... cos hb thou is supportive but he wouldn't be able to understand how I feel...inside..

Do take care ya..
 


hi cherise,
So sad to know abt ur lost.. After reading ur story, it reminds me of my lost :'( actually i feel very down that time until i saw this forum. We support one another n find out as much info we can fr this forum.. So that we can be more prepare with ourselves and soon will hv a healthy bb very soon.. I learn my lesson that a healthy n happy mum = healthy baby.. Look 4ward as life still hv to go on. If u need someone to tok to, we r always here to get support fr one another as we r all in the same boat.
Do take this chance to tiao ur body well k.. As during confinement is a gd chance take alot of bu to make us healthy so that we can conceive a healthy bb soon. Ur health is still important,dont take it too lightly.. Take care n cry out loud if will make urself feel better..
happy.gif
 
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