Pregnant at the wrong time

tranquilz

New Member
Hi everyone, Currently I have a 18 months toddler, both me and hubby are working but not earning a lot. I can say I like my life the way it is now. However, I have recently tested positive with baby #2 and I have been thinking how our lives will change. How I am unable to give 100% attention to #1 who is very close with me. How am I to manage both alone as hubby works on weekends and my parents are old and may not be able to help much. In laws is helping with my SIL kids and wasn't even keen to help with #1 when she was a new born. I managed #1 all by myself with minimum help from my own parents and it's really very tiring.
Finance wise, I don't think we have much to save if #2 comes along.. with childcare fees and daily necessities expenses, it makes me really scared. I have plans for #2 but that's when my #1 is at least 3 or 4 years old whereby she could help me to take care of the younger sibling (e.g watching #2 while I prepare their meals, go toilet etc.)

I am not sure what should I do and I don't know who to speak to... I am so upset that I keep crying. I know I shouldn't feel like this baby is going to be a burden but I can't help it. I wish to have more time with #1 ....

Anyone in similar situation? How did u manage to overcome?
 


@tranquilz

Frankly there is no right or wrong time in getting pregnant. Yes we can plan all we want, but things do not always go according to plan.

Can u afford 2 get a helper? Helper would b able 2 help u wif your housework as well as look after your older kid. While it mayb quite financially tight 4 u... U only need it 4 2-4 yrs n your kids wld b able 2 play on their own while u do housework, etc.

Try 2 b positive.
 
Firstly, you need to relax tranquilz. There are people out there who are nt able to conceive. I understand your anxiety and stress right now. But everything happens for a reason. Im very sure your #2 is a blessing in disguise. Many people cannot even afford to have a baby and still did! You just need to adjust and find a way out. Crying doesnt solve prob and is not good for ur pregnancy now. Discuss w the husband if he could get a regulat hr job, consider getting a helper and ask ur parents to just supervise the helper w ur kids. Dont feel that you dont have sufficient time w ur #1, cos #2 is here to make a family complete. Im sure #1 is looking forward to a younger bro/sis. Stay positive!!!
 
I was reading an article shared by many parents, and as strange as it could sounds, the baby chooses you from the top as her mummy way before you even realized is a he or she.

Like the Bun Bun above me mentioned... everything happens for a reason. Instead of worrying unnecessarily, why not just look forward to the joy of an additional voice in the family?

God will never put you through anything you can't handle ~ I'm not a Christian but the quote is beautiful and makes sense! :)
 
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Actually 3 or 4yr old still dunno anything.my #1 3yr old still cant help 1...he even snatch #2 toy.
Actually 9 or 10yr old maybe for my cousin case but she play too much with little bro then neglect her studies.she is very smart since young super gd memory see 1 thing can remember...see me not frequent but remember me & the things i did for her when she is very young like 3yrs old.
So actually no age is suitable 1...i hope ur mum can help u like my do...she volunteer 1 of course must zi dong give allowance...give mum more wont heart pain...give less.she wont mind
 
Hi i can feel ur tense and anxiety. We also dont earn much although both of us are working too. We try our #2 when my #1 is 15mth.
Reason not because we are financially stable. Reason is becos i wan to have close age gap siblings.
Money is alway not enough de no matter lo at which age. My hubby also worry we cant cope in term of financially and time. We just try to do our best as what we can. My #1 was in ifc then now in cc. This will be the same for my #2(dueing soon).
Our parents same as you wont be able to help to tk care. So im also very worry what if they fall sick next time. We dont have so many leaves. No backup. What we can do is jus bite through. Do whatever we can. 船到桥头自然直
 
Another thing to add on. Just try to change abit of daily lifestyle. We have no car, taking public transport. We didnt send lo to any atas cc, no enrichment course yet. Apply additional subsidy see if eligible anot.
Try to cook daily dinner. Plan yr meals. I know this is hard esp for working parents. We share the load. Prepare ingredients before we slp. So next day will be easier for us to cook simple dishes for dinner. The only cons is both of us are very very tired.
My hub no need work on weekend. But he still go for night class and wkend class. Imagine i also have to tk care of 2 alone when #2 arrived. I jus see how what i can do. Also quite worried cant cope.
 
Another thing to add on. Just try to change abit of daily lifestyle. We have no car, taking public transport. We didnt send lo to any atas cc, no enrichment course yet. Apply additional subsidy see if eligible anot.
Try to cook daily dinner. Plan yr meals. I know this is hard esp for working parents. We share the load. Prepare ingredients before we slp. So next day will be easier for us to cook simple dishes for dinner. The only cons is both of us are very very tired.
My hub no need work on weekend. But he still go for night class and wkend class. Imagine i also have to tk care of 2 alone when #2 arrived. I jus see how what i can do. Also quite worried cant cope.

The important thing is that your family is happy together. I'm sure with perseverance and the right parenting, you'll be able to see your kids grow up into successful adults and you'll reap the rewards of your hard work.
 
Another thing to add on. Just try to change abit of daily lifestyle. We have no car, taking public transport. We didnt send lo to any atas cc, no enrichment course yet. Apply additional subsidy see if eligible anot.
Try to cook daily dinner. Plan yr meals. I know this is hard esp for working parents. We share the load. Prepare ingredients before we slp. So next day will be easier for us to cook simple dishes for dinner. The only cons is both of us are very very tired.
My hub no need work on weekend. But he still go for night class and wkend class. Imagine i also have to tk care of 2 alone when #2 arrived. I jus see how what i can do. Also quite worried cant cope.

The important thing is that your family is happy together. I'm sure with perseverance and the right parenting, you'll be able to see your kids grow up into successful adults and you'll reap the rewards of your hard work.
 
tranquilz, a lot of your anxiety appears to stem from your experience with #1 during which you didn't receive as much support as you feel you needed. Have you shared these with your husband - if yes, how has he responded; if not, why not?

Are your parents physically able to help in any way? Even a little help can go a long way e.g. if they can help you watch your kids while you rest properly for a couple of hours everyday.

As tiggerpooh mentioned, do your finances have leeway for getting a helper/nanny/babysitter whether full-time or part-time?

If you still have your maternity and baby care stuff, or if you can get hand-me-downs from relatives/friends/colleagues, that'd also help with saving costs.

It's good you're reaching out to us here. The worst is to bottle things up and try to cope by yourself. Do keep us updated on how you're doing so we can at least give you moral support and help you along as best as we can. BIG HUG.
 
I am a dad, My baby is only 10 months old. I was jobless at that point of time, i told myself to get any job i can first then decide what to do next. My wife is jobless, if you think you are in a bad state, think about my situation. Now that my kid is slow in gaining his hearing. Additional cost maybe incurred. I am tired of complaining so now i just keep trying to earn to keep up with his stuff. This is Singapore. Maybe now we have zero dollars but as time pass we can only be better. I hope this will help you.
 

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