Actually very difficult - they will have the mentality that "Simi? want to drop by also must fix time and date" then will complain to the hubby. then again, you jia lat
Sigh... Now I know why they call them monster in laws
Actually very difficult - they will have the mentality that "Simi? want to drop by also must fix time and date" then will complain to the hubby. then again, you jia lat
DD was sick, we went home with her having running a fever. DD doesnt cling on me so much now cos I haven't been able to carry her as much. I'm getting big in my 2nd Tri. I understand abt children being overly dependent on maids. But seriously, me and my bro grew up w maids too, we are still close to our mother. In current times, not all can survive on 1 income. We r no longer in pil times, 1 paycheck feeds a family. Pil expect me to work so that hubby can continue to give them money in fact mil insist that I work openly. And expect dd to be closer to me than the maid. How is that even Possible? All working mums try their best spend every hour after work w their children. And still beat ourselves up that's it's not enough. My point is why do pil need to add on? When we were exploring childcare arrangements she insisted if want her to take care need to employ maid. Left right also need money, how to make everybody happy? We are all trying our best, but nothing is truly good enuff for them. Do they prefer I had a maid my DD rejects? Dd has been staying with pil for 8 mths I dun see dd clinging onto my mil either wor... Classic that everything is the DIL fault. It's just a nvr ending cycle.Aside, actually, to be honest, to be too clingy to the maid is not healthy...imagine if you send the maid home or she intends to go back one day, what is going to happen to your DD?
HugsDD was sick, we went home with her having running a fever. DD doesnt cling on me so much now cos I haven't been able to carry her as much. I'm getting big in my 2nd Tri. I understand abt children being overly dependent on maids. But seriously, me and my bro grew up w maids too, we are still close to our mother. In current times, not all can survive on 1 income. We r no longer in pil times, 1 paycheck feeds a family. Pil expect me to work so that hubby can continue to give them money in fact mil insist that I work openly. And expect dd to be closer to me than the maid. How is that even Possible? All working mums try their best spend every hour after work w their children. And still beat ourselves up that's it's not enough. My point is why do pil need to add on? When we were exploring childcare arrangements she insisted if want her to take care need to employ maid. Left right also need money, how to make everybody happy? We are all trying our best, but nothing is truly good enuff for them. Do they prefer I had a maid my DD rejects? Dd has been staying with pil for 8 mths I dun see dd clinging onto my mil either wor... Classic that everything is the DIL fault. It's just a nvr ending cycle.
Was ur mil a sahm too? Thank goodness for our moms!!! My mom helped me too, even paid first maids' agency fees and first 6mths to ease financial burden. Yet my PIL criticize my parents in front of my hubby. Just not in front of me. Hubby thinks I do not know. Say things like my parents control my hubby la, make us spend more time at my parents place. But the truth is we always give them priority but they have other activities last min cancel on us. So we head back to my parents place so that its easier for me I can get more rest given that I'm pregnant. But pil expect that even when they cancel on us, we cannot go to my parents place. Cos DD is theirs, not my parents... DD must spend more time with them.Hugs
I feel u.... I dun have a maid. Is my mum who helps.
When I gave birth to my no1, my hub asked if I wan to b sahm. My mil immediately say no. See, I have not replied n already got someone to ans for me....
My mil is a selfish woman who tells her two sons that they r not filial until she is at her deathbed. Tbh, her two sons r very very filial. One even wanted to bring her along on his honeymoon. They gave her a lot of money. Showered her wif a lot of time
But she thinks it is not enough....
Good question... I do not knowAre all mil the same if they only have sons but no daughters? They expect all men to listen to them since she is the housewoman for a long time. So when there is another woman (us dil) around they will feel unease and feel their status and empowerment being threatened.
Mine is this case. No daughters... Think they have forgotten how tiring it is to bring up children. I just moved into my parents place, now pil making issues that dd is spending more time at my parents. Harlow, dd is staying there of cos more time lah. When dd stayed w them my parents also nvr said anything.Are all mil the same if they only have sons but no daughters? They expect all men to listen to them since she is the housewoman for a long time. So when there is another woman (us dil) around they will feel unease and feel their status and empowerment being threatened.
I totally agree. I think we ladies should be strong and stand up for ourselves and stop this from happening before the MILs swallow you up, leaving no bones! I would rather she see my black face than I see hers.I think all mil want to see things that suit their eyes and according to her liking. They expect everyone to give in to them and always assume they are right in every little things. Especially if our own husband is the cannot be bothered kind, they will have the tendency of giving their own mother the authority to make decision on behalf of them and even override our own decisions.
Parenting is hard enough as it is. With my mil, it is a never ending cycle of teaching, re-teaching, teaching, re-teaching..I totally agree. I think we ladies should be strong and stand up for ourselves and stop this from happening before the MILs swallow you up, leaving no bones! I would rather she see my black face than I see hers.
It is true that we shld try n treat them like our own parents
But what happen if we did but they still mistreat us? Worse, treat us a maid?
I always told my hub, I treat his parents as mine. Whatever I get for my parents, I make sure they do get a set too.
In fact I do treat my mil better than my own. At least I cooked for her when she sick, took care of her.
At the end of the day, she treated me as outsiders n even said that she did not have to visit me during my confinement coz there is no law that says mil have to visit dil after she delivered!
Can u imagine the pain?
sometimes I think if I have treated her as transparent, maybe I won't b hurt by her actions
It's sad that even in this day and age, there are still in laws who think that the DIL is married into the family to be slaves. Hope your hubby can shield you from them. Maybe if that's the case, avoiding is better than confronting.
No point
My hub insist his mum take care of our kids. How to avoid? He ot n I have to bring them back
The sarcasm is enough to kill u everyday
My parents brought me up to respect the elders n not to talk back... So I can only swallow all these
Sarcasm is basically the coward's way of bullying people. You have to stand up for yourself, and in a polite way. Do it once, twice and thrice. After that, they will not dare to simply bully you. I give you example. When someone tried to sarcastically imply that I am not saying the truth, I actually looked at them straight in the face and said 'are you actually saying that I am lying? And what is your basis for saying that?' They did not expect me to call them out and they immediately stammered and stuttered and said 'no la no la'.
The elders are likely to say something like 'woah, just say you a bit than you react so big, so rude'. I will politely reply 'ya, it may be that I am reacting but what you are saying is very hurtful. Please refrain from doing so'.
They may be angry and complain to your husband. In which case, you should also let him know you are hurt that he has not been protecting you and you have been hurt by his mom's comments. 做事要讲原则。Elders or not, is another issue. If elders sprout nonsense, I will not hesitate to call them out, albeit in a civil manner.
Hahaha! So true! Call them out and they turn 180degrees with "no la, no la.. Why are u so sensitive" lol. So funny to know someone with the same experience.Sarcasm is basically the coward's way of bullying people. You have to stand up for yourself, and in a polite way. Do it once, twice and thrice. After that, they will not dare to simply bully you. I give you example. When someone tried to sarcastically imply that I am not saying the truth, I actually looked at them straight in the face and said 'are you actually saying that I am lying? And what is your basis for saying that?' They did not expect me to call them out and they immediately stammered and stuttered and said 'no la no la'.
The elders are likely to say something like 'woah, just say you a bit than you react so big, so rude'. I will politely reply 'ya, it may be that I am reacting but what you are saying is very hurtful. Please refrain from doing so'.
They may be angry and complain to your husband. In which case, you should also let him know you are hurt that he has not been protecting you and you have been hurt by his mom's comments. 做事要讲原则。Elders or not, is another issue. If elders sprout nonsense, I will not hesitate to call them out, albeit in a civil manner.
Must be strategic... you call and cry first! haha! say how your mother in law bully you, and you buey tahan no choice had to say back..The problem is she go to my hub n weep n complain ... Behind my back....I tried a few times... That is what she do
Must be strategic... you call and cry first! haha! say how your mother in law bully you, and you buey tahan no choice had to say back..
Your husband also ah... why never stand up for you? Actually I believe if DIL and MIL have problems, the husband is to be blamed for not managing the situation. They are the only ones who manage it.
She's very strategic ma... she can't hurt you, she will make sure she does something else that hurts you. You must always tell your husband first, like that he won't be swayed by her version of events. Remember, the person who takes the first strike always has the upper hand!Lol
The problem wif me is that it is between two women. Once so called settled, I totally forget until he came back n question me.... He did tell me to inform him first. But to me, it is not a problem after I say back. Is like, want to fight, fight like woman. Why pull innocent parties in?
How will I know she will make a big fuss over those trival issues
Sigh.. Thanks to her, all r now big issues...n I really hate it
It is so childish.. When I think back. Like two children fight. One lost, go n get helper
Lol
Littlemonkies, u r rite. But is tiring to play politics wif ur own family.
@Mum_gx have u ever ask your husband has he ever wonder whether the things his mum said are all true and not adding salt and pepper to spice things up? Why only hear 1side of the story and set a conclusion?
@Mum_gx, I read your posts here. Though I can't give much advice, just want to let you know you have listening 'ears' here and I feel for you. Continue to be kind to yourself and may you find strength in your gal to live to your best everyday. *HUGS*I think it doesn't help when all the men in her life is giving to her all the time. N she thought she is ms know-all
That is why I m now very tired. I say her but the men standby her. What to do?
I realise it is better when I treat her as someone not important, not even a fren. Then she can do what she wan n I won't b affected.
I jus hope my ger has a better life than me.
I sound so negative, but ten plus years of giving in really take a toll
She knows who her mom is and someday you will get her back. Do not hesitate to teach her what you learned from your experience. Prepare her for what may come when it is her turn to raise a family you are stronger than you think, Mum_gx.I think it doesn't help when all the men in her life is giving to her all the time. N she thought she is ms know-all
That is why I m now very tired. I say her but the men standby her. What to do?
I realise it is better when I treat her as someone not important, not even a fren. Then she can do what she wan n I won't b affected.
I jus hope my ger has a better life than me.
I sound so negative, but ten plus years of giving in really take a toll
Lol. We can't seem to do anything that's just right. Mil has to have something to say about everything, hence most of the time we don't tell her details. It shortens the conversation. When she tries to pry (at this point hubby sure tune out already), I just assure her we are handling things the best we possibly could. It's the most polite way of saying "mind your own business, pls."Beside being obsessive with grandchildren, my mil seem to want to be the mother of my kids as well. Now is trying to over right my decision, telling my husband what kind of enrichment program my gal should attend, which CC she needs to go to, said will go n racky the place.
Told my husband, we as the parents are not yet dead. Don't need her to make decision on behalf of us.
Lol. We can't seem to do anything that's just right. Mil has to have something to say about everything, hence most of the time we don't tell her details. It shortens the conversation. When she tries to pry (at this point hubby sure tune out already), I just assure her we are handling things the best we possibly could. It's the most polite way of saying "mind your own business, pls."
Less details she knows, less headache i have to deal with.