Obsessed with grandchildren

bbabyblue said:
Lucky you karoosel, don't have to celebrate Xmas with your in-laws ;)
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Mil doesn't believe in Christmas. We still leave presents for them.

We spent one Christmas with her and it was the most depressing holiday season ever. I cried myself to sleep that time but DD was too young to travel. Hubby was willing to risk it but i wasn't. Hubby said "no, next year we go to your hometown." Jackpot!!
 


I see my husband's side as more of showering of gifts. Father's day, Mother's day, mil's bday, fil's bday, their wedding's anniversary day, x'mas day. All these days are standard must have lunch or dinner together and also must buy present for them. N my mil always have a very bad habit of opening up the presents during meals time. N ended throughout the whole meal conversation will be on the present given...
Aiyo why buy this for me.... I already have... why buy this color n design so ugly, doesn't suit me at all..
Additional extra pple will be giving commenting as well, where u buy this for mil look so cheap , the quality also not good, etc... don't buy also will be said, huh u never give them anything?
Buy also wrong, don't buy also wrong. :eek:
 
bbabyblue said:
I see my husband's side as more of showering of gifts. Father's day, Mother's day, mil's bday, fil's bday, their wedding's anniversary day, x'mas day. All these days are standard must have lunch or dinner together and also must buy present for them. N my mil always have a very bad habit of opening up the presents during meals time. N ended throughout the whole meal conversation will be on the present given...
Aiyo why buy this for me.... I already have... why buy this color n design so ugly, doesn't suit me at all..
Additional extra pple will be giving commenting as well, where u buy this for mil look so cheap , the quality also not good, etc... don't buy also will be said, huh u never give them anything?
Buy also wrong, don't buy also wrong. :eek:
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Maybe buy gold jewellery
Shut their mouth up

Anyway they quite superficial to look at presents alone n not the effort
 
bbabyblue said:
I see my husband's side as more of showering of gifts. Father's day, Mother's day, mil's bday, fil's bday, their wedding's anniversary day, x'mas day. All these days are standard must have lunch or dinner together and also must buy present for them. N my mil always have a very bad habit of opening up the presents during meals time. N ended throughout the whole meal conversation will be on the present given...
Aiyo why buy this for me.... I already have... why buy this color n design so ugly, doesn't suit me at all..
Additional extra pple will be giving commenting as well, where u buy this for mil look so cheap , the quality also not good, etc... don't buy also will be said, huh u never give them anything?
Buy also wrong, don't buy also wrong. :eek:
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My mil the same when hubby buys something for her! Nothing appreciative or positive comes out from her mouth. Even asks for the receipt so she can exchange the item for something she likes. People like these dont understand the concept of gifting..
 
@Mum_gx , my mil has knowledge on jewellery. if buy gold, will be asking which brand? Reputable or not, wait later is fake gold.
@missbluey, yup. The extra pple who comments are my mil's trophy n wife. Esp the wife same pattern as my mil, the upper class. Go for prestigious stuff. Whatever presents given are consider LC.
@karoosel yup agreed with you, they don't know how to be appreciative and give negative comments. When my mil gives present also expect my kids to unwrap it during mealtime, some table manners she has...
 
Good morning mummies :eek:)

I realized there's something worse than dealing with toddler tantrum in the morning right before playschool.. And that is having mil "join in" and do all the wrong things thereby making the tantrum last even longer... Gaaaaaaahhh..

First, she crowded my kid. I managed to get dd get off the bed by herself and walk towards me. But no! Mil decided she will come closer to dd and try to pick her up. That made dd stop walking towards me and lie facedown screaming on the floor. Finally she stepped away. I coaxed dd again and she walked a bit more. But wait! Mil not finished yet! She decided to press the effin doorbell.. That annoyed my toddler and she stopped, dropped, screamed.. I calmly said "that's not helping....". I continued coaxing dd and finally i saw her coming out of the tantrum.. It's that point when her face looks less distressed... Mil pressed the effin doorbell again! Waaaaaahh!!! DD stopped, dropped, screamed again. This time i ignored mil and i just talked calmly to dd and told her that the stupid sound will stop. After the sound she started walking again almost reaching the door. When finally she reached, i picked her and put her on the pram. There was struggle but i knew i had to get her out to change the environment. Mil followed and handed dd the toy dd previously threw during her tantrum... That made her scream and kick again. Right then i decided to go straight to the lift and work on the pram harness when we finally are away from mil. We reached the ground floor and voila, no more struggle. Whew! Pushed her to school without any issues and she happily went in with her friends.

So that's my morning rant :p hope your mornings are better than mine..
 
@bbabyblue upper class lower class are the same - humans ma. don't understand these ppl thinking. eventually, when all these ppl die, they will still group tgt right. :p

@karoosel mils always think they are doing the right thing. she always spoon feed my eldest, saying eh got check his bag? i said he can check by himself, so big already. "you have to help him otherwise he won't know what to pack." i was thinking hello, he is already 8yrs, for goodness sake. i can't be helping him all the time, he has to learn to be independent. everytime she will says "(grandson's name), its hot ah..." aiyo, this kind of thing have to jagar, die liao lah. always sit beside him when he is doing his hmwk / schwk. when she is back from work, the first thing she will say "got hmwk anot?" -_- don't know who is the REAL parent.
damn annoying.
 
@missyblue , some pple who think that they are upper class have higher taste and know everything from food, dressing, product, etc... u name is they sure say they also know. These kind of people just like to show off and look down on pple. The only person the trophy's wife talk to during mealtime is the phone or to my mil. Cos only snobbish people can click with their own kind.

@karoosel , yes is damm irritating. Instead of help, is giving hell time to us.
My mil also the same, when my daughter refuses to sit down n eat her meal, my mil will say later I take a book n tell you story then my dd will go n take a book n read refusing to eat. If not, will spoon feed my dd when she is reading. Till I get very fedup n tell my dd to use her hands, she is not handicapped. Actually is indirectly telling off my mil not to spoon feed my dd.
How to teach my kids to be independent when there is always someone standing in our way. :mad:
 
Here's what worries me more.. I can still see mil waiting hand and foot on her married, 32yr old trophy boy. This will never end. We need to move out as soon as our bto ready.. For the sake of my sanity..
 
If trophy son is married, then what is the wife doing? Though usually mil will expect the wife to 'serve' the son?
My mil will get feedback from her trophy on whether the wife is doing her duty as what a wife suppose to do
 
bbabyblue said:
If trophy son is married, then what is the wife doing? Though usually mil will expect the wife to 'serve' the son?
My mil will get feedback from her trophy on whether the wife is doing her duty as what a wife suppose to do
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Wife in their new home. Trophy stays in pil house more than he stays in his own place. I havent made a comment about the arrangement coz it's really their lives.. Whatever works for them but if hubby tries that when we move, i will make noise.

...lucky hubby not the trophy one and is quite independent.

I only said one thing to hubby, if trophy's wife gets pregnant, this arrangement should stop and he should talk to his brother to grow up.
 
Trophy just newly wed?
How you find trophy's wife? Responsible? Can cook? Will do houseHold chores? Why I ask is becos it will conclude whether they will have children in.future. If the wife is the lazy kind.Don't know how to cook, or do household chores, spend like going shopping, high tea, doing manicure n pedicure, then she won't even want to be pregnant. If have kids will likelihood throw to your mil to take care.
 
Sometimes mil is damm selfish, already know not feeling well still want to see grandchildren. Ended up spread virus to them, we as parents have to bring kids see doc and take care of them esp at night. While mil will be sleeping comfortably in her own bed.
She will just talk nonsense, said I didn't spread the virus is due to haze, because of going CC ( when the kids are home care), etc.. blame the whole world except herself. In actual fact is never control her diet, eat fried food like chay kuan teow, etc...
 
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bbabyblue said:
Trophy just newly wed?
How you find trophy's wife? Responsible? Can cook? Will do houseHold chores? Why I ask is becos it will conclude whether they will have children in.future. If the wife is the lazy kind.Don't know how to cook, or do household chores, spend like going shopping, high tea, doing manicure n pedicure, then she won't even want to be pregnant. If have kids will likelihood throw to your mil to take care.
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The wife is a nice lady. Educated, working and quite thoughtful with giving gifts to dd. We dont see each other often and I barely know her but i like her overall aura.

Mil and trophy are the ones who seem to be inseperable. I kinda like having trophy around for now. Mil is still occupied with caring for him when he isnt in the office while dd and i are left by ourselves.. Better than her hovering over us like a drone.

Ps.. I dont think trophy's wife knows before how dependent her hubby is to our mil..
 
Somehow im seeing a pattern here. Seems that these older ladies need to be needed.. Hence, they want our kids to remain dependent eventhough we are trying to teach independence.
 
I will think it depends on individual. If mil is a housewife for all her life she will want to be occupied with every small little thing. If mil is still working till now, she will only want to play with the grandchildren, the other half will be have her own me time, like go travelling, high tea, massage, etc. When meeting her friends for high tea, she can talk big on her grandchildren infront of others. But when come back n tell us other pple children perform better in academics than ours.
 
yes! Yes! Bbabyblue, i also noticed this. My mil has always been a housewife since she had kids and has no other friends to hang out with, doesn't have interest to travel and can't seem to make casual friends. Her siblings all have their own clique. Now that her kids have grown up, she has less things to take care of.

...come to think of it.. I kinda pity her now that i realize she really hasn't made any friends for as long as i knew her.
 
my mil is still working but yet wants to be involved in #1 life, but as for #2, it depends on situations. i'd say she belongs to the kpo type. i'd prefer her to go out whole day, however sadly, she seems like she don't have many friends.

conclusion: she is a lonely old lady.
 
karoosel said:
The wife is a nice lady. Educated, working and quite thoughtful with giving gifts to dd. We dont see each other often and I barely know her but i like her overall aura.

Mil and trophy are the ones who seem to be inseperable. I kinda like having trophy around for now. Mil is still occupied with caring for him when he isnt in the office while dd and i are left by ourselves.. Better than her hovering over us like a drone.

Ps.. I dont think trophy's wife knows before how dependent her hubby is to our mil..
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My mil trophy's wife initially is thoughtful in terms of gifts for my dd. But after subsequent years her true color is revealed. Maybe is because my pil has been pressuring them to have their own kids, that why now she showing attitude towards me.. but when in front of my pil will act like she likes kids.
Last time will be every weekend will have family meal now is hardly meet for any.
Cos always will hear craps excuses from the other side, l need to celebrate bday for my uncle, for my aunty's daughter, etc...
 
My mil still working as well.
I don't think she is the kind that will miss her kids' childhood. I will say is more like wanting to be in control of things which maybe is also due to her professional or she has been the queen for so long in her house. If don't follow what she said, she will nag and complaint.
 
bbabyblue said:
My mil trophy's wife initially is thoughtful in terms of gifts for my dd. But after subsequent years her true color is revealed. Maybe is because my pil has been pressuring them to have their own kids, that why now she showing attitude towards me.. but when in front of my pil will act like she likes kids.
Last time will be every weekend will have family meal now is hardly meet for any.
Cos always will hear craps excuses from the other side, l need to celebrate bday for my uncle, for my aunty's daughter, etc...
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The pressure of having kids might be getting to her.. Who knows, she might be struggling with infertility.
 
karoosel said:
The pressure of having kids might be getting to her.. Who knows, she might be struggling with infertility.
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I don't think she is struggling with infertility. In general, she already don't like children. Initially was staying with my pil, but within half year buy their own house n move out without informing the old folks. Reason given was want to keep dog. Actual reason was neighbour's grandchildren made alot of noise every weekend morn waking her up.
From the day I was pregnant till the day I gave birth never once she said anything positive. Tell me children are troublesome and noisy. Go to CC, go see doc need money, it's so expensive to raise kid, etc...
Last time when mil boast on my kids she will listen, now say anything about baby or children, she will auto shut down. Till now my pil is still hopefully that trophy's wife will give them grandchild. Esp my mil, still keeping alot of kid's old children.
 
Sometimes if ppl r facing infertility, she might try to avoid the problem by pretending she hates children.
 
I know of pple around me who are also facing infertility. Since they cannot have their own children, they acknowledge their good friends or own sibling's kids as their god children.
Will be sad if she choose to face the reality by hating children.
 
She may be using denial as a form of defense. Like when those grumpy, old aunties who are not married appear to hate men (or everyone else).

Their attitude is a reflection of their insecurities. I feel sad for those people so i try to be sensitive as much as possible.
 
My pil doesn't seem sensitive to such things, will always like to bring up the topics of children during mealtime.
My mil is still working n once awhile come n help babysit my kids she won't be able to help if trophy has kids. She ever said if they eventually have kids, they will have to find a solution on who can take care of their own children.
If she don't want to help out, what's the point of stressing them to have kids? :confused:
 
Trophy son just got married and bto coming. I'm so glad he said that he doesn't intend to move out of pil place in the short term. Now I just need to figure out to poke holes in his condoms. Once his wife gets pregnant, pil attn will be shifted and I will have an easier time. My kids will no longer r their obsession!!!
 
shoppixe said:
Trophy son just got married and bto coming. I'm so glad he said that he doesn't intend to move out of pil place in the short term. Now I just need to figure out to poke holes in his condoms. Once his wife gets pregnant, pil attn will be shifted and I will have an easier time. My kids will no longer r their obsession!!!
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Hahahahahaha! Good luck on that. Im also hoping my trophy bil will have a baby soon so attention will shift.
 
Mummies, I doubt pil will diverse their attention away from our own kids so fast even thou trophies have kids. Reason being our kids are our in laws first grandchildren. Maybe both our kids and trophy's kids will hold equal status. In laws will get obssess with both.
 
Especially when the pil only have boys and no girls in their family.. they will treat our girl like princess and if is the first grandchild of pil, it will be like hitting jackpot for them.
Initially our child should be economy class as our husband is not mil's fav, but becos meet the first criteria, our child is promo to first class. Maybe even share the same rank as mil's trophy.
Difficult to escape from mil's palm:eek:
 
Any mummies encounter behaviour problem in your kids when your pil are the main caretakers? Esp when the teachers feedback n you go back to tell your pil they will be saying I don't my grandchild has any issues, must be the teachers or sch problem don't know how to teach the kids, lousy school...
 
my inlaws are not the main caretakers as they are working BUT mil like do say "aiya must be the school blah blah blah", "teachers are laoya now" etc.
she thinks she is very smart gg through his school work, as if she can understand.
once, i saw her gg through #2 phonics worksheets, saw teacher's handwriting there & claimed "haiya, this teacher very laoya, she must hold his hand write, not write for him. of cuz #2 don't know lah!" -_-"""""""""" she don't even know what is phonics lor!
 
My pil who are highly educated, working in professional line think that those PCF, my first skool, or even pvt CC without sparkletots accredible are considered lousy school. Esp my mil keeps saying the curriculum are lousy, etc.. every month ask me to change sch. Question, does changing sch helps to improve the behavior? behaviour is a personal thing, what does curriculum got to do with behaviour? My mil keeps emphasizing that sch curriculum is not interesting that's why my kid is showing bad behavior???
 
bbabyblue said:
My pil who are highly educated, working in professional line think that those PCF, my first skool, or even pvt CC without sparkletots accredible are considered lousy school. Esp my mil keeps saying the curriculum are lousy, etc.. every month ask me to change sch. Question, does changing sch helps to improve the behavior? behaviour is a personal thing, what does curriculum got to do with behaviour? My mil keeps emphasizing that sch curriculum is not interesting that's why my kid is showing bad behavior???
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should say to your mil "maybe your grandchild is following YOUR behavior?" :D

there is this hokkien saying "kiang jiu hor, mai gek kiang" (roughly translate in eng: don't act smart!)
 
Ya, sometimes she will want to act smart among the rest. But ended up making herself look stupid infront of others.
N guess what my fil commented 'teachers have to comment something so that they will not lose their job...just take whatever teachers said as a pitch of salt.. what the fxxx :eek:
 
ya lah, they tend to super act smart. why i dun c my mum act like dis even when she isnt v educated. its all in the mindset.
then mil always say in front of the kids "aiya ur teacher laoya lah". how can make dis kind of statement in front of them? what would they think of their teachers? of cuz they wouldnt want to listen to teachers lah!

now i want to rant:
juz nw sort of clash wif mil over them drinking milk. said 6.30pm juz had dinner, nw 8.10 wan drink milk?? i said "8 plus liao leh." she said only 8.10. i asked y cannot drink? i was thinking they always drink milk so slow ma. den scold my maid dun make milk now, 8.30 then make. i told her nvm, make now.
then mil complained to hubby, repeated her story. i said loudly "they woke up 6+ today." after that, she find maid to vent her frustrations. told her she same as ur mam (me), never c the time while pointing her finger into her face. -_- mil always like to point her fingers @ maid, fave past time.
anyway, in the end she lost cuz i juz shouted frm my room "next time don't give them drink milk lah!"
really bth sia.

oh, while it was happening earlier, hubby juz kept quiet. :/
 
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Yes its damm frusting, don't know is it are we the mother to our children or our mil is the mother to our children. Everything doesn't meet their requirement or go according to their liking give us black face or make negative comments.
 
Or do u think they either miss the times when they tc of the kids (for housewife) or they missed out the period (coz they working), so they wan to make up?
Maybe their own mil also the same pattern, and they accept it. So they expect their dil to b like them?
I dunno but I know my own mil also clashes wif her own mil n she hated her mil to the core
Lol
 
My mil is neither. She is just simply possessive.

Her latest pattern is to stand or sit next to my sons, put her face very close to theirs (only abt 1 to 2 cm away), look at them and say, "You never call ah mah."
 
make up for loss time? doubt so. more like she just wants to show her authority in the house. last time always hear her say she has to work else there is no money to use. so i feel her indirect meaning is without her 'high' salary, we wont be able to survive.
i so thank god she isnt gg to tw with us next year. cannot believe that if i still have to see her face during our trip, since im seeing her face daily. whole tw & aeroplane will be filled with her voice telling her precious #1 to do this, dont go there etc. :rolleyes:
 


tensilestrain said:
My mil is neither. She is just simply possessive.

Her latest pattern is to stand or sit next to my sons, put her face very close to theirs (only abt 1 to 2 cm away), look at them and say, "You never call ah mah."
Click to expand...

she wants to make her presence known lah, haha.
 
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