negative wife

ashua

New Member
not sure if i am wrong or she is too negative. she always angry for no reason everyday.

1) she doesn't like when I say same words again and again. so I tried not to say same words. Eg,
She: where is your $200 money? I cant find it at home.
Me: I took it and tried to give it to your mother and father but they refused to accept it.
She: why you bring it with you?
Me: Your father fetched me to place and I wanted to give money to him. He cannot take it.
She: Why you say same words again?

I only explained the reason.

2) she vented her frustration for no reason. eg
After we discussed about thing A.. few days later,
I sent picture to her.
She: Why tell me this? you made me frustrated. dont talk about this A.
I never talk about this A for 1-2 days.
She: Why never talk about this thing A? you made me very angry.
Me: You told me not to talk. I just respect whatever you say.
Next day
Me: we go buy thing A tomorrow
She: Why you talk about thing A? i told you not to talk about it before. you forgot?
I'm confused.

3) she is photography lover. she taught me how to take good photo of her. i took photo of her and she angry whenever she see photos she doesn't like. i had to re-take photo 3-8 times per scene.

4) i forgot sometimes like i need bring lipstick tomorrow, then forgot to bring it. actually, i really cant remember sometimes but she said i forgot purposely. her friends told her that it's common for men to forget. she still scold me for forgetting.

5) her brother invited me to her family group conversation. then she told me she is not comfortable with me being in her family group conversation and she told me i only can reply if they send me message.

Her brother: you reached singapore?
Me: yes
Her brother: ok. thumb up
few mins later
Her other brother: good thumb up
Me: :)

then she very angry and she sent me private message.
She: why you reply :)? i told you not to reply.
Me: I only replied to your brother.

i still have other many things to say. these 5 will be enough to ask for advice.

i dont know why she keeps attacking me and complaining even if matter is not important.
 

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What I can said were both of you were either difference character or maybe she has 心病 so she doesn’t want you to be near to her family and feel frustrated that you can’t understand her needs/ feel.
Both of you how old? Any children?

Normally if a woman does not want to get involve with the partner / husband family and do not want you to be close with her family, it doesn’t show good sign.
 
What I can said were both of you were either difference character or maybe she has 心病 so she doesn’t want you to be near to her family and feel frustrated that you can’t understand her needs/ feel.
Both of you how old? Any children?

Normally if a woman does not want to get involve with the partner / husband family and do not want you to be close with her family, it doesn’t show good sign.
i'm 38 years old. and she is 34 years old. no children. her whole family told me she is very stubborn.
 
1.1 years. she has been like this since married.

1) ask yourself are you able to tolerate and give in to her in next 5 ,10 ,20,30....years?

2) normally married 1-2 years will argue the most, because 2 difference persons living in a same roof and shares difference habits.
So after 2-3 years marriage can last or ends depends who give in, who is willing to sacrifice more and who love more.
If you give in to the marriage and it will be for life. Future even hard to change.

*Guess she has complaint to her family a lot so she doesn’t want u to be close to them. Or maybe she has other plans....

*maybe next time let her pass the money to her parents, some parents may feel embarrassed to take money from son in laws.

*she doesn’t want you to be close with her family, then let her be, exit from group chat. Give her some freedom ,time to cool down and sort out her thoughts.

*you have to love yourself, join sports ,upgrade yourself, learn a new skill, do the things that you have wanted to do, has your own circle of friends and not just stick around with her family or her or just listen to her command.

* Be firm and know your rights, if you feel uncomfortable then tell her honestly.
Tell her is her responsibility to remember to take her lipstick.
And since you were not good in taking pictures then buy her a selfie stick or a tripod ask her to take pics of herself.

Some women can’t be pamper same as some men. They will just take for granted and take advantages.
So you have to show her your self worth.
 
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1) ask yourself are you able to tolerate and give in to her in next 5 ,10 ,20,30....years?

2) normally married 1-2 years will argue the most, because 2 difference persons living in a same roof and shares difference habits.
So after 2-3 years marriage can last or ends depends who give in, who is willing to sacrifice more and who love more.
If you give in to the marriage and it will be for life. Future even hard to change.

*Guess she has complaint to her family a lot so she doesn’t want u to be close to them. Or maybe she has other plans....

*maybe next time let her pass the money to her parents, some parents may feel embarrassed to take money from son in laws.

*she doesn’t want you to be close with her family, then let her be, exit from group chat. Give her some freedom ,time to cool down and sort out her thoughts.

*you have to love yourself, join sports ,upgrade yourself, learn a new skill, do the things that you have wanted to do, has your own circle of friends and not just stick around with her family or her or just listen to her command.

* Be firm and know your rights, if you feel uncomfortable then tell her honestly.
Tell her is her responsibility to remember to take her lipstick.
And since you were not good in taking pictures then buy her a selfie stick or a tripod ask her to take pics of herself.

Some women can’t be pamper same as some men. They will just take for granted and take advantages.
So you have to show her your self worth.

1) yes, i can tolerate. i always give in. i cannot say "No" because once i say no, she will be super angry.

2)
*maybe next time let her pass the money to her parents, some parents may feel embarrassed to take money from son in laws.
Yes, I gave her already.

Tell her is her responsibility to remember to take her lipstick.
I told her before. she angry and scold me.

since you were not good in taking pictures then buy her a selfie stick or a tripod ask her to take pics of herself.
same case. i told her too. she said like "you cannot help taking photo? i have friends whose husbands can help taking photos and they are satisfied with photos".

is like when she stands on road infront of incoming cars, cannot say No.
 
1) yes, i can tolerate. i always give in. i cannot say "No" because once i say no, she will be super angry.

2)
*maybe next time let her pass the money to her parents, some parents may feel embarrassed to take money from son in laws.
Yes, I gave her already.

Tell her is her responsibility to remember to take her lipstick.
I told her before. she angry and scold me.

since you were not good in taking pictures then buy her a selfie stick or a tripod ask her to take pics of herself.
same case. i told her too. she said like "you cannot help taking photo? i have friends whose husbands can help taking photos and they are satisfied with photos".

is like when she stands on road infront of incoming cars, cannot say No.

How long have you date? Married because of BTO flat?

Hmm... are you really happy? Living in stress Everyday, dunno when she will angry and scold you? Nothing you did was right?
(Unless you did something wrong and has hurt her in the past so now you have to tolerate her.)

Have you ask her what is her condition of an idea husband?

I can only advise you don’t over commit.
What if one day she feels you are not suitable and choose to leave you?
Can you take it?
 
How long have you date? Married because of BTO flat?

Hmm... are you really happy? Living in stress Everyday, dunno when she will angry and scold you? Nothing you did was right?
(Unless you did something wrong and has hurt her in the past so now you have to tolerate her.)

Have you ask her what is her condition of an idea husband?

I can only advise you don’t over commit.
What if one day she feels you are not suitable and choose to leave you?
Can you take it?
around 2 years. not because of BTO flat. she is Malaysian.

i will try not to over commit.
 
around 2 years. not because of BTO flat. she is Malaysian.

i will try not to over commit.

Is not easy for 2 difference people to live together.

The way you show your love may not be what she wants.
And the way she show her love may not be what you want.
Difference character, thinking, demand, selfish level, self- center...etc

Many couples have been living unhappily and live miserable with no choice due to money , memory ,children, old, no place to move, responsibility, sick, no parent to help....etc.
Then curse each other, wait for children to grow up or wait to see who die first.

Of course, there were also those sweet couple.
But one of the partner has to be willing to sacrifice to make peace and the other partner has to show appreciation.

Love should be happy , make you positive , make you priority and has mutual understanding.
If can’t find such a partner, better be single.
I felt those who remain single was smart people.
No debts to collect or pay, live freely.

Relationships or marriage also depends on fate and debts. So take it easy.
Be positive, love yourself and don’t rely on others to give you happiness.
 
From what I see , I think she really has 心病。
As a women , if suddenly behave like that is so strange . If she has been behaving like this during the courtship days , and you can accept this , then is your fate to accept her as your wife already as her attitude doesn’t respect you at all as husband. The part that she asked why you reply to the msg is utterly weird . As being part of the family , what is wrong to input and reply ? Why she has to be in control of this ?
She also sound more of like a women who is undergoing menopause.. Abit 无理取闹, and 疑心重。
:rolleyes:
 
Is not easy for 2 difference people to live together.

The way you show your love may not be what she wants.
And the way she show her love may not be what you want.
Difference character, thinking, demand, selfish level, self- center...etc

Many couples have been living unhappily and live miserable with no choice due to money , memory ,children, old, no place to move, responsibility, sick, no parent to help....etc.
Then curse each other, wait for children to grow up or wait to see who die first.

Of course, there were also those sweet couple.
But one of the partner has to be willing to sacrifice to make peace and the other partner has to show appreciation.

Love should be happy , make you positive , make you priority and has mutual understanding.
If can’t find such a partner, better be single.
I felt those who remain single was smart people.
No debts to collect or pay, live freely.

Relationships or marriage also depends on fate and debts. So take it easy.
Be positive, love yourself and don’t rely on others to give you happiness.

Well said ! Clap clap clap !
 
my pov: either you hv done somthg/she found out somthg abt u that pissed her big time or she has a mental problm.

anywy it's the past. we move on.

her attitude towards u is definitely a barrier to the next milestone (parenthood) of your relationship w her. you still have a long way w her. hence either u bluntly talk to her alone or in front of her family members. everyone strives on positivity. negativity degrades you.

you maybe too passive towards her. draw a line and chg yourself.

along the way, if similar situation arises, just stick to 'asked and answered' reply. eg. if she asked abt the situation that you have answered, just reply 'asked and answered'. by engaging meaningless conversation is a waste of energy and time that can be used for 'better' things.

btw, she is actually biting you every available moment, this act does NOT justify stubbornness. hence don't claim any words thrown to you by anyone who listened (to you) and attempting to lessen her act.
 
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Hi ashua

Even if u had done something terribly wrong to her & are making an attempt to savage the relationship.. but it takes 2 to make it happened.

otherwise, it ain’t gg anywhere and is extremely damaging to the marriage. Worst situation is wld u allow her to continue to behave & treat u in front of ur kid in the near future?

btw, does she treats u the same way infront of ur/her family members and frens around?

if yes, I cld only conclude tt she’s a weird and a control freak
 
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Hi ashua

Even if u had done something terribly wrong to her & are making an attempt to savage the relationship.. but it takes 2 to make it happened.

otherwise, it ain’t gg anywhere and is extremely damaging to the marriage. Worst situation is wld u allow her to continue to behave & treat u in front of ur kid in the near future?

btw, does she treats u the same way infront of ur/her family members and frens around?

if yes, I cld only conclude tt she’s a weird and a control freak
I'm still trying to improve our relationship.

No, she doesn't treat me the same way infront of them. She acts behaving nicely.
 
Summary.

You are 38, your wife now 34. She is Malaysian, you Singaporean. No kids. Met online.

Married 1 year. Dated around 2 years.

Which means you met when she 30 or 31.

Actually sorry to sad the way you describe your situation is pretty much game over.

I'm going to guess she only married you cos she hit 30s and you were decent enough, so why not.

Maybe she was less obvious before marriage but it's hard to believe she totally changed, signs probably there but you ignored it cos well you were in mid 30s and was time right?

I am curious do you consider her the love of your life? I dont mean in the sense "she's my wife so obviously I got to love her" sense, but you really love her no matter if married sense.

I could be wrong but i suspect not.

I'll be Frank i think so fast dating around 2 years, after marriage she treating you like shit is a bad bad sign. it's not like you together for 10 years or what, just 2 years dating she treats you like crap.

You probably should cut your losses and go.

to be honest you are probably the ñice guy type and while it is fine for some people, others particularly those dubbed "stubborn" will see this as weakness and walk all over you some more.

You should just man up and be assertive. Playing her game, tip toe around her isnt going to work for sure.

I think everyone reading this can tell you are obviously being mistreated if you not leaving anything out.

I have a hunch she wants out of this r/s.

If you stand up to her, she may go not happy then divorce.

if you dont, she will get worse and worse and despise you even more.

There's a tiny chance standing up to her might actually reverse things and all she wants is someone to call her out.

There's a saying definition of insanity Is doing same thing over and over expecting different results.

Pacifying her clearly isnt working..

Good luck man, I'm praying for you.
 
I'm still trying to improve our relationship.

No, she doesn't treat me the same way infront of them. She acts behaving nicely.

sigh. which means in her eyes you are even less important than anyone else.

really strong vibe she is not attached to your relationship
 
Not being mean here , I have know some Malaysian ladies married SG man for other purpose , Citizenship related .. want to have better life in SG ..
If relationship is not normal and no matter how you try she is treating you badly or not showing any care or response that a wife should do .. then how do you think this relationship can carry on? With you 1 sided keep pleasing her ? No right ?
Maybe you recall did anything happened that caused her to behave this way.
 
Not being mean here , I have know some Malaysian ladies married SG man for other purpose , Citizenship related .. want to have better life in SG ..
If relationship is not normal and no matter how you try she is treating you badly or not showing any care or response that a wife should do .. then how do you think this relationship can carry on? With you 1 sided keep pleasing her ? No right ?
Maybe you recall did anything happened that caused her to behave this way.
Very sad... not only m’sian.. fuxking Tiong... Vet... all nationalities only eyeing our PR & Sporean men are not using the correct head to think sigh....
 
Very sad... not only m’sian.. fuxking Tiong... Vet... all nationalities only eyeing our PR & Sporean men are not using the correct head to think sigh....

To be fair , Singaporean girls can be like that too.

And Malaysian presumably Chinese probably isnt that hard to get PR then citizen compared to other nationalities.
 
Very sad... not only m’sian.. fuxking Tiong... Vet... all nationalities only eyeing our PR & Sporean men are not using the correct head to think sigh....
That’s why .. sometimes I find SG man have to pak toh long enough before married . It’s a life time thing and what if grow old will they really still be by your side of the guy falls sick , needs support ? Their attitude can tell everything . I am not saying every foreigner wife is like this ..just happen to know some of them really eyeing the PR thing ..
 

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