sorry to hear that miorei.. I thought there should be trust between a married couple... not to say that your hb should distrust your MIL but he should at least remain neutral. Anyway, I feel it's no point wondering or finding out if your MIL ever bad mouthed you. Perhaps you can try to start winning over your hb's trust instead? If you start with your hb's heart, and if his heart never wavers from you, the battle is won, no matter what others say about you.
miorei
Member
cactus, i do understand tat but my hb has a v bad temper n is v stubborn. winning his heart / trust is tough. he doesnt listen to his mum but will listen to her n even if he doesnt like wat he hears, he wld accept. wif my MIL, i dun really bother as our r/s is pretty cordial but am v sian tat my hb wld go all out to defend his mum whenever she's involved & i'm the bad DIL then. 
i hate tat but dunno how i can chg it.
i hate tat but dunno how i can chg it.
Hmm.. if that's the case, then maybe you try to have less contact with your MIL? After all, your MIL is not saying you are a bad wife right? Try to focus on making the relationship between your hb and yours and best and the strongest. You can be the best wife a man can have, as well as a bad DIL right? To your hb, all he wants is a very good wife and a very good mother of his child(ren).. (that's how I feel lah).
miorei, I read an earlier post from you.. saying that your hb hates you to the core and he will bring up whatever his mom says about you. Seriously, do you think there may be a prob between your hb and yourself (put your MIL aside for the moment). From what I have read, I think there may be. Why don't you try to work at your relatniohsip with your hb first.. then think about your MIL issue?
miorei
Member
cactus,
ya, there's is an issue wif my hb. v little comms. he tends to suppress his thoughts, frustrations n vent it on me. right now, we r working to iron out this huge stumbling block. personalities r hard to chg esp when my hb is the v "执著" kind. i'm looking into counselling to unblock this issue but hb not v receptive. sigh.
once tis is solved, then we can go fix my MIL issue. thing is she is 1 of the factor for our comms issue. sigh...
ya, there's is an issue wif my hb. v little comms. he tends to suppress his thoughts, frustrations n vent it on me. right now, we r working to iron out this huge stumbling block. personalities r hard to chg esp when my hb is the v "执著" kind. i'm looking into counselling to unblock this issue but hb not v receptive. sigh.
once tis is solved, then we can go fix my MIL issue. thing is she is 1 of the factor for our comms issue. sigh...
chillipadi25
Active Member
miorei : guess u should improve communication with hubby. But frankly speaking as a couple...no one should come in between u guys, YES!! That includes MIL. Afterall u are the one who married him, to spend a lifetime, not HER.
Haiz....i also find my MIL irritating...though i am not staying with her, but i dont rule out the possibility should my FIL kicked the bucket first, she may shift in as hubby is only son. Hahaha to minimize the possibility - our original renovation is to knock down 2 rooms into 1...so our house will become smaller and we cant house any more ple
Though we meet her few weeks apart, but whatever she said made me fume for the next few weeks...she will make stupid remarks such as:
last few weeks when we were dining, MIL called my hubby. Then i called my hubby "hey ur mother talking to you.." You know what she can tell me infront of every1 on the same table...."His mother is also your mother"...wah lao...really KNN......MY MOHTER WILL NEVER BE YOU!!!! Cos u dont give birth to me....i never expect my hubby to treat my mum the same as his mum....i wonder what kind of cukoo brain she is ....made me fuming mad...i think the whole table initially was chatting away also full stop when hear such stupid remarks.
Also MIL constantly nagging on having kids...i dont even know what is her prob...every single time meet up will ask me "hey any good news"...wah lao...that week somemore can chide me, telling me "dont use protection liao...still using protection ar"...
Sometimes i really felt like slapping her...my fertility is not her problem..is she going to raise my kid for me? paying for his education and so on???? I mean we have current commitments before we can commit ourself to another human being in this this house!!!!
I really thank god that she is not staying with us...if not i cant imagine what damaging effect she will have on me and hubby relationship..
Paiseh...i know this is a long entry....and these small little incidents compared to the rest of you is kachiang puteh....
Thanks for lending ur ears
Haiz....i also find my MIL irritating...though i am not staying with her, but i dont rule out the possibility should my FIL kicked the bucket first, she may shift in as hubby is only son. Hahaha to minimize the possibility - our original renovation is to knock down 2 rooms into 1...so our house will become smaller and we cant house any more ple
Though we meet her few weeks apart, but whatever she said made me fume for the next few weeks...she will make stupid remarks such as:
last few weeks when we were dining, MIL called my hubby. Then i called my hubby "hey ur mother talking to you.." You know what she can tell me infront of every1 on the same table...."His mother is also your mother"...wah lao...really KNN......MY MOHTER WILL NEVER BE YOU!!!! Cos u dont give birth to me....i never expect my hubby to treat my mum the same as his mum....i wonder what kind of cukoo brain she is ....made me fuming mad...i think the whole table initially was chatting away also full stop when hear such stupid remarks.
Also MIL constantly nagging on having kids...i dont even know what is her prob...every single time meet up will ask me "hey any good news"...wah lao...that week somemore can chide me, telling me "dont use protection liao...still using protection ar"...
Sometimes i really felt like slapping her...my fertility is not her problem..is she going to raise my kid for me? paying for his education and so on???? I mean we have current commitments before we can commit ourself to another human being in this this house!!!!
I really thank god that she is not staying with us...if not i cant imagine what damaging effect she will have on me and hubby relationship..
Paiseh...i know this is a long entry....and these small little incidents compared to the rest of you is kachiang puteh....
Thanks for lending ur ears
miorei, it's not surprising that your hb is not receptive to counselling. actually very few people are keen to go for counselling when a prob crops up.. because it is an acknowledgement that there is an existing problem.
Try to put your MIL aside first. no need to ensure that 3rd parties like you or say good things about you. Important is what your hb feels. If he is reluctant to speak or communicate, try to find a way to communicate with him. it can be through actions, acts of kindness and love, written letters. some guys just don't like to talk much. no pooint wasting time to change your hb. you won't like it if pple try to change you cos they don't like a certain aspect of you right? Just have to work around his personality. after all, you married him. I'm sure you love him. and I'm sure he loves you deep down in his heart too.
Try to put your MIL aside first. no need to ensure that 3rd parties like you or say good things about you. Important is what your hb feels. If he is reluctant to speak or communicate, try to find a way to communicate with him. it can be through actions, acts of kindness and love, written letters. some guys just don't like to talk much. no pooint wasting time to change your hb. you won't like it if pple try to change you cos they don't like a certain aspect of you right? Just have to work around his personality. after all, you married him. I'm sure you love him. and I'm sure he loves you deep down in his heart too.
miorei
Member
jingles:
i totally understand. mi oso posting to let off steam. MILs tend to b overly protective of sons after marriage. we r not taking their sons away so pls dun worry. (tat's y i hope i dun've a son to become a MIL nxt time. haha.)
cactus & jingles,
some pointers to avoid potential conflicts (personal experience n still suffering from it). haiz.... sorry for the long post.
1) nvr buy hse near own parents
- my hb is still blaming me for not having our home near his mum's. apparently my mil muz've made some comments. my ILs stay in north (w) while our home is in town (near my parents). for practical sake (as we dun drive), town wld definitely b a better choice.
2) nvr give hse keys to ILs esp MIL
- my hb went n gave her the keys to our hse. tat's when she started abusing it. we pray to guanyin at home. during our honeymoon wk, my MIL offered to help us setup the offerings. we agreed but nvr did we expect her to move her barang over during our absence n also went thru our cupboards n etc. (how I noe? 1st thing we did when we got home, we wld chk if anything was amiss. to my horror, i found MIL's red set of lingerie staring right at me when i opened the guestroom's cupboard!! also, she muz've rumaged thru our cupboards (belonging i dunno) cos she wld tell me wat i dun've n buy stuff tat i shld've or offer extra advice....) i was fuming mad. in fact, no 1 knew she was "hiding" in our home. even my nxt door neighbour didnt noe any1 was in cos my MIL did not switch on the lights at night even. *eyes rolling* we quarrelled big time over lack of respect fr my MIL which my hb said it was acceptable n tat my MIL shld inform us tat's all.
3) nvr let MIL stay wif us during confinement
- bcos of issues 1 & 2, alot of issues came up during confinement. MIL's health is not gd so i tried to do most of the housework as soon as i'm up to it. somehow, my hb thinks tat i torture his mum. tat 1 another story. this oni serves to mk things worse.
4) MIL wanna tk care of grandchild
- bcos of my MIL's poor health, funny habits (esp those auntie beliefs) & most importantly illiteracy, i had decided to place my bb in bb sitter's care. she wld call constantly to chk on bb making hb think tat i delibrately separated her fr her grandchild. :S she wld oso cite examples during confinement tat i was too worn out hence not able to tk gd care of bb. the truth was she slept thru the nites during my confinement while i did the night shift myself. she cldnt handle bb n always falling sick. she cld even tell my hb tat my health no gd (insufficient sleep) hence cant tk care. indirectly hinting tat she's a better candidate la. @#$!@#$!@
in view of the above pitfalls, pls tk note. dun mk the same mistakes as i did. i'm still suffering from these bad decisions...
i totally understand. mi oso posting to let off steam. MILs tend to b overly protective of sons after marriage. we r not taking their sons away so pls dun worry. (tat's y i hope i dun've a son to become a MIL nxt time. haha.
) cactus & jingles,
some pointers to avoid potential conflicts (personal experience n still suffering from it). haiz.... sorry for the long post.
1) nvr buy hse near own parents
- my hb is still blaming me for not having our home near his mum's. apparently my mil muz've made some comments. my ILs stay in north (w) while our home is in town (near my parents). for practical sake (as we dun drive), town wld definitely b a better choice.
2) nvr give hse keys to ILs esp MIL
- my hb went n gave her the keys to our hse. tat's when she started abusing it. we pray to guanyin at home. during our honeymoon wk, my MIL offered to help us setup the offerings. we agreed but nvr did we expect her to move her barang over during our absence n also went thru our cupboards n etc. (how I noe? 1st thing we did when we got home, we wld chk if anything was amiss. to my horror, i found MIL's red set of lingerie staring right at me when i opened the guestroom's cupboard!! also, she muz've rumaged thru our cupboards (belonging i dunno) cos she wld tell me wat i dun've n buy stuff tat i shld've or offer extra advice....) i was fuming mad. in fact, no 1 knew she was "hiding" in our home. even my nxt door neighbour didnt noe any1 was in cos my MIL did not switch on the lights at night even. *eyes rolling* we quarrelled big time over lack of respect fr my MIL which my hb said it was acceptable n tat my MIL shld inform us tat's all.
3) nvr let MIL stay wif us during confinement
- bcos of issues 1 & 2, alot of issues came up during confinement. MIL's health is not gd so i tried to do most of the housework as soon as i'm up to it. somehow, my hb thinks tat i torture his mum. tat 1 another story. this oni serves to mk things worse.
4) MIL wanna tk care of grandchild
- bcos of my MIL's poor health, funny habits (esp those auntie beliefs) & most importantly illiteracy, i had decided to place my bb in bb sitter's care. she wld call constantly to chk on bb making hb think tat i delibrately separated her fr her grandchild. :S she wld oso cite examples during confinement tat i was too worn out hence not able to tk gd care of bb. the truth was she slept thru the nites during my confinement while i did the night shift myself. she cldnt handle bb n always falling sick. she cld even tell my hb tat my health no gd (insufficient sleep) hence cant tk care. indirectly hinting tat she's a better candidate la. @#$!@#$!@
in view of the above pitfalls, pls tk note. dun mk the same mistakes as i did. i'm still suffering from these bad decisions...
roseaida
New Member
hi morei.
very useful pointers. i actually followed all 4!
1.bought my house as far away from mil. though she still nags for not buying near her, my hubby always backs up on this house decision. love hubby.
2.both side of parents no hse keys given. very fair and square!
3. never stayed with mil during confinement. my friend did and she felt like killing herself. anyway my mil couldn't be bothered with me during both confinement. always commenting i broke the laws of confinement by drinking loads of water and going out. i wonder how she would fair when her own daughter's confinement.
4. for my 1st son, i actually had to go back to work. guess what? mil was super ultra upset with i hired a maid and made sure the maid didn't do a single thing whenever we were at her house. for what, she didn't even pay a thing and just free comments? podah!
even when i am not working now, and have 2 kids minus the maid, i am super happy in my own house looking after them myself.
i think, when my daughter's turn to go into dating, the first thing i ask her, 'does ur boyfriend has a mother?'
hahaha.....
very useful pointers. i actually followed all 4!
1.bought my house as far away from mil. though she still nags for not buying near her, my hubby always backs up on this house decision. love hubby.
2.both side of parents no hse keys given. very fair and square!
3. never stayed with mil during confinement. my friend did and she felt like killing herself. anyway my mil couldn't be bothered with me during both confinement. always commenting i broke the laws of confinement by drinking loads of water and going out. i wonder how she would fair when her own daughter's confinement.
4. for my 1st son, i actually had to go back to work. guess what? mil was super ultra upset with i hired a maid and made sure the maid didn't do a single thing whenever we were at her house. for what, she didn't even pay a thing and just free comments? podah!
even when i am not working now, and have 2 kids minus the maid, i am super happy in my own house looking after them myself.
i think, when my daughter's turn to go into dating, the first thing i ask her, 'does ur boyfriend has a mother?'
hahaha.....
roseaida
New Member
but i actually need advised.
has been a mth plus not talking with my mil. she confronted me a mth plus ago, saying i was god-damn rude, insensitive and unfit to be called a mother.
i was so furious with her that i felt like bitch-slapping her face.
and my hubby didn't back me up saying it was all my fault for not making his mom happy.
miserable, i turned to my blog and bitch about her. of course it was a private essay. then came her birthday and i didn't even wish her happy birthday.
then on mother's day, i decided to write a public essay on mothers, literally about me being a mother, my mother as my mother and mil as my mil.
i did say things that i want to tell her that it was wrong to say 'you are a bad mom' to anyone and some others things like how she treated me and my son and daughter differently.
mil loves my son more. she admitted to this many many times already. she duncare much about my daughter. i feel sad.
mil keeps telling me to do the housework her way coz she thinks her way more effective. but from what i see, its like she has no life lor. from dawn to dusk do housework only and the kids shake legs like hell.
mil also keeps telling everyone, her grandson CANNOT BE A CHEF, MUST NOT DO HOUSEWORK or COOK. CANNOT. wah...i was gritting my teeth when she said that. imagine if i were to blow out.
then her lovely daughter not happy with what i wrote. she replied back in her blog saying, 'someone hates her mom to the core' and 'that someone hates the way they treat my children'. i was so touched. and she ended with a picture collage, of her and parents and my son only.
i made sure hubby read this coz i thought it was unfair. i didn't say i hate mil to the core.
and where is my girl in that picture?
and guess what? hubby confronted his sister and they broke into ugly fight (beating punching).
me a bit taken back. and now, the atmosphere at mil's very hostile.
no one talking to anyone, except my dad-in-law who still talks to me.
seriously. i do know what to do.
hubby said whatever things i dislike about his mom just keep it in. don't say it out. i told him i would go mental if i did that. and i told him everything.
he didn't want to mention (busy playing online warcraft). then i scolded him. if i didn't talk to you about ur mom's problem, who can i talk to? the internet?
that wakes him up a ziillllioonn time!
now, i guess....the silence game still on. super on. help?
has been a mth plus not talking with my mil. she confronted me a mth plus ago, saying i was god-damn rude, insensitive and unfit to be called a mother.
i was so furious with her that i felt like bitch-slapping her face.
and my hubby didn't back me up saying it was all my fault for not making his mom happy.
miserable, i turned to my blog and bitch about her. of course it was a private essay. then came her birthday and i didn't even wish her happy birthday.
then on mother's day, i decided to write a public essay on mothers, literally about me being a mother, my mother as my mother and mil as my mil.
i did say things that i want to tell her that it was wrong to say 'you are a bad mom' to anyone and some others things like how she treated me and my son and daughter differently.
mil loves my son more. she admitted to this many many times already. she duncare much about my daughter. i feel sad.
mil keeps telling me to do the housework her way coz she thinks her way more effective. but from what i see, its like she has no life lor. from dawn to dusk do housework only and the kids shake legs like hell.
mil also keeps telling everyone, her grandson CANNOT BE A CHEF, MUST NOT DO HOUSEWORK or COOK. CANNOT. wah...i was gritting my teeth when she said that. imagine if i were to blow out.
then her lovely daughter not happy with what i wrote. she replied back in her blog saying, 'someone hates her mom to the core' and 'that someone hates the way they treat my children'. i was so touched. and she ended with a picture collage, of her and parents and my son only.
i made sure hubby read this coz i thought it was unfair. i didn't say i hate mil to the core.
and where is my girl in that picture?
and guess what? hubby confronted his sister and they broke into ugly fight (beating punching).
me a bit taken back. and now, the atmosphere at mil's very hostile.
no one talking to anyone, except my dad-in-law who still talks to me.
seriously. i do know what to do.
hubby said whatever things i dislike about his mom just keep it in. don't say it out. i told him i would go mental if i did that. and i told him everything.
he didn't want to mention (busy playing online warcraft). then i scolded him. if i didn't talk to you about ur mom's problem, who can i talk to? the internet?
that wakes him up a ziillllioonn time!
now, i guess....the silence game still on. super on. help?
roseaida
New Member
Mistakes:
seriously. i do NOT know what to do.
hubby said whatever things i dislike about his mom just keep it in. don't say it out. i told him i would go mental if i did that. and i told him everything.
he didn't want to LISTEN (busy playing online warcraft). then i scolded him. if i didn't talk to you about ur mom's problem, who can i talk to? the internet?
that wakes him up a ziillllioonn time!
now, i guess....the silence game still on. super on. help?
seriously. i do NOT know what to do.
hubby said whatever things i dislike about his mom just keep it in. don't say it out. i told him i would go mental if i did that. and i told him everything.
he didn't want to LISTEN (busy playing online warcraft). then i scolded him. if i didn't talk to you about ur mom's problem, who can i talk to? the internet?
that wakes him up a ziillllioonn time!
now, i guess....the silence game still on. super on. help?
krazy
Active Member
<font color="aa00aa">aida fadli:
you must realise now that blogs are really public property... once on the Internet, anyone can read it unless of course if you privatized it.
you will get criticised for being ungrateful and so on esp if your in laws are the ones who are the caregivers. so be smart, private your blog.. or start a brand new one only for ranting your own anger and pain.
</font>
you must realise now that blogs are really public property... once on the Internet, anyone can read it unless of course if you privatized it.
you will get criticised for being ungrateful and so on esp if your in laws are the ones who are the caregivers. so be smart, private your blog.. or start a brand new one only for ranting your own anger and pain.
</font>
chillipadi25
Active Member
thanks miorei for the advice. true life encounters from your part hur
aida fadli - steady....seems like you are also practicing my practice
if i dont do this to my parents, then neither should hubby parents have the priviledge. Keys to our house arise when we went for our long honeymoon, both sides are casually asking should anything happen what shall they do. Well to me, its fair. If something is going to happen, it will happen irregardless if anyone have the keys. If a fire break out, person who have keys also cant do anything right? Unless u are the fireman??!! And if i give keys out, how will i know if you have the integrity to use it discreetly and NOT DUPLICATE ANOTHER PAIR????
For me, i also stay far away from PIL (West) our house (Northeast). Anyway i have no intention to ask them for help should i have kids (anyway heck care if MIL got itchy backside when we were dating or wat...anyway she was the one who said that next time have kids, she will not look after for us as she has enough looking after my hubby and sibling when they were young)...so there...if you said it out...thanks...u just spew out a reason why i should stay near to my parents and not yours.
And yes i also have a blog...but as i open it is public - whenever i want to talk bad about a person, i will only generalize such remark....unless u guilty lar...if not those general remarks i state is too general to finger point who is it
aida fadli - steady....seems like you are also practicing my practice
For me, i also stay far away from PIL (West) our house (Northeast). Anyway i have no intention to ask them for help should i have kids (anyway heck care if MIL got itchy backside when we were dating or wat...anyway she was the one who said that next time have kids, she will not look after for us as she has enough looking after my hubby and sibling when they were young)...so there...if you said it out...thanks...u just spew out a reason why i should stay near to my parents and not yours.
And yes i also have a blog...but as i open it is public - whenever i want to talk bad about a person, i will only generalize such remark....unless u guilty lar...if not those general remarks i state is too general to finger point who is it
miorei
Member
jingles:
u r welcome. super impt tips i muz give my daughter nxt time.
aida fadli:
coming to blows is serious le. ur ILs esp MIL & SIL v 1 kind. even though ur hb sides with u, it will b tough on him. can he step out n talk to them esp his mum? if his mum listens, ur SIL will have no choice to follow. (sucess rate is low but try 1st.)
anyway ur MIL cant dictate how ur kids'll turn out. mayb she's no longer ard by then (sorry for being so blunt) hence so long as they r filial (VVIP), it doesnt matter. dun let her affect u n ur hb. not worth it.
luckily
u r welcome. super impt tips i muz give my daughter nxt time.
aida fadli:
coming to blows is serious le. ur ILs esp MIL & SIL v 1 kind. even though ur hb sides with u, it will b tough on him. can he step out n talk to them esp his mum? if his mum listens, ur SIL will have no choice to follow. (sucess rate is low but try 1st.)
anyway ur MIL cant dictate how ur kids'll turn out. mayb she's no longer ard by then (sorry for being so blunt) hence so long as they r filial (VVIP), it doesnt matter. dun let her affect u n ur hb. not worth it.
luckily
chillipadi25
Active Member
kekekee..it seems we are really having a lot of MIL problems...
i just hope next time 20 yrs down the road we will not be writing on DIL problems
i just hope next time 20 yrs down the road we will not be writing on DIL problems
roseaida
New Member
haha... yeah lor jingles. i'm learning how to be a better mil now for future references! haha..
anyway, i very frustrated. i kept saying to them what i didn't like with the way they handle my kids but they seemed ignorance. and i knew my sil has a blog (still) and she reads mine. so i blog lor. in a way to tell them again.
but ah. mil did mention, she felt i was harsh coz i dun trust her with my kids. very true ley. i didn't trust her.
fyi. parents in law are not the caregiver. luckily. phew!.0
anyway, i very frustrated. i kept saying to them what i didn't like with the way they handle my kids but they seemed ignorance. and i knew my sil has a blog (still) and she reads mine. so i blog lor. in a way to tell them again.
but ah. mil did mention, she felt i was harsh coz i dun trust her with my kids. very true ley. i didn't trust her.
fyi. parents in law are not the caregiver. luckily. phew!.0
chillipadi25
Active Member
hmm but still watever we blog also must be careful lor....i am sure ur heart will also pain if hubby kanna caught in between...
chillipadi25
Active Member
hey ask u guys...if wanna ask own mum to look after, how much normally u guys give? though currently i dont have a kid, but just worried next time if have who should take care. To tell me to stop working and look after kids, is near impossible. House with only single income is dangerous and too tight in these times.
Sending to infant care is really expensive..no matter how much subsidy still range ard 6-700 and that includes if creche is near your house...if not has yet to even include transport fees. And also with HFM....also not veri safe...
Dont really want to have maids too...cos they are not actually the best person to give attn to.
So i guess mum is still the best. But as she is currently working now, i think i will feel bad to ask her to totally stop working and earning to look after MY baby.....
Ideas and experience to share anyone?
Sending to infant care is really expensive..no matter how much subsidy still range ard 6-700 and that includes if creche is near your house...if not has yet to even include transport fees. And also with HFM....also not veri safe...
Dont really want to have maids too...cos they are not actually the best person to give attn to.
So i guess mum is still the best. But as she is currently working now, i think i will feel bad to ask her to totally stop working and earning to look after MY baby.....
Ideas and experience to share anyone?
chillipadi25
Active Member
hahahaa due to my boliao-ness i advertise my blog to everyone...yes everyone, including my hubby side relatives
so when i want to vent out my frus which is related to relatives..i hav to be veri vague and does not include any names...bo bian la...wanna have blog, wanna go public, wanna hit visit hit counts...everything also want...then gotta compromise on explicitness.
so when i want to vent out my frus which is related to relatives..i hav to be veri vague and does not include any names...bo bian la...wanna have blog, wanna go public, wanna hit visit hit counts...everything also want...then gotta compromise on explicitness.
roseaida
New Member
haha. yeah jingles very cute ley.
erm...
my mom is old already. older than mil. she now wants to rest and really into religious. we are muslim btw.
i ever had a maid. yeah. she not that good either.
now hubby super happy with me being a housewife coz each time he comes home, i'm there with a smile and food on the table. haha..plus clean clothes and happy smiling kids.
as for mil, she also not well. kena heart-attack. erm...u believe in supernatural thingy? one of her relative 'kena' her coz not happy with her either.
and as for my blog. i have one super private until i myself too lazy to update it. now only have one public one. coz i like to post my photos and events.
erm...
my mom is old already. older than mil. she now wants to rest and really into religious. we are muslim btw.
i ever had a maid. yeah. she not that good either.
now hubby super happy with me being a housewife coz each time he comes home, i'm there with a smile and food on the table. haha..plus clean clothes and happy smiling kids.
as for mil, she also not well. kena heart-attack. erm...u believe in supernatural thingy? one of her relative 'kena' her coz not happy with her either.
and as for my blog. i have one super private until i myself too lazy to update it. now only have one public one. coz i like to post my photos and events.
chillipadi25
Active Member
*envy*
frankly speaking...i also wanna be a homemaker...how happy
but haiz...i think if i stay at home, bills cannot be met.
frankly speaking...i also wanna be a homemaker...how happy
cheesycake
New Member
hi all,
i wanna vent out my unhappiness abt my mil. its gotta to be a long one hehe...
I'm currently staying with my PIL. Just delivered my DD not long ago (she's abt 2mth+ now). All the while long me and my MIL relationship is quite ok until I have given birth.
My MIL is also taking care of my SIL's DD (a 1yr old kid) Now that my MIL needs to look after my DD she's told my SIL to bring her bb over every morn from 7am-6pm.
Before giving birth my MIL promise to do confinement for me. Well she mess up my confinement
MIL-
1. food wise - she repeats the same old dishes for my lunch & dinner during my CF period. I know she's kind enough to volunteer to look after my DD and me. But in the end she keep mumbling she cant cope with one newborn and one toddler at one go. I can't blame her as I know it's hard as she so old alrd. But why she commits herself in the 1st plc & now mess up my confinement & causing me also went into postnatal blues? pls note she have the time to sit down with niece to play from 11-6pm and no time to cope? bull shit!!! can u imagine she can suggest to my hubby tat let baomu takecare of my DD (DD was 1mth old then). saying her daughter mentioned she bu fang xin her BB let maid takecare then wat abt mine? her DD is precious and mine not? i din know abt this until mil told me herself. i laugh and i said 'mother ur daughter bu fan xin then u do u think i fan xin meh? then i walk away. if i dont talk back she thought she can bully me. wait long long.
2. Bathing - on the 4th day i really cant tahan the hot weather. so i asked her if i can bath. she said yes but ask me to do a quick one. when i told my mum mil allow me to bath, she asked if she got brew the herbs for me onot. i said no 'my mum was so angry and she scolded me for bathing without using herbs. the next bathing time i ask mil for the herbs and she actually have it. she goes 'ur sil doesnt like to bath using the herbs' thinking in my heart 'hey halo she dont like doesnt mean i dont like right?' since u have it y u nv offer? haiz.
3. During that period I need to look after my DD myself in the day until my niece goes home. I never get to rest as my DD is very cranky and refuse to sleep during the day and I have to carry her to pacify in order to coax her to sleep. I carried until my hand was painful for 2mths. And when I get to rest my niece start making lots of noise in the house like shouting and throwing tantrum. As usual mil came putting pacifier to my DD. i hate the idea of pacifier right from the start. nevertheless, i threw away before going back to wrk. I was so stress up and I almost went into depression. The thought of committing suicide came across my mind. As a 1st time mother I'm totally lost. I cried every single day during my confinement. My mum came to know and she suggested that I move back to her hs to finish my confinement.
I went back to my mother's hs during the 2nd week. I thought it wld be better as my mum will cook gd confinement food for me. Who knows my mum so long ever takecare of BB I realize she cant cope as well. End up I need to look after my DD myself 24hrs. I cried again and again. I feel so sad thinking why am I so useless. So I went back to my PIL hs the 3rd week thinking since my mum unable to help me & at least my MIL can help to look after my DD at night so tat I get to rest. Food wise I can just bear with it. After I went hm, she cook noodle with fish and meat everyday (2wks). I eat till sian and tired. I tell myself never mind since ending soon and I can just tahan. After my confinement ended, she never cook for me at knowing tat I’m BF DD so I need all the healthy food. I have no choice but to stop BF my DD after 1.5mths. Thinking no point giving her as all the food I ate outside is unhealthy. More ever no one is supporting me to BF my DD. I gave up and I’m sad abt it for awhile and I even cried when I’m BF her the last time.
SIL-
Then come my SIL commented my DD eye saying she got crossed eyes to my MIL and MIL told me in a joke manner. I was so pissed off and I told my MIL “pls ask ur daughter don’t comment anything abt my DD again, I don’t think it’s nice to say such thing in front of a innocent BB” Guess what’s my MIL reply? “Huh y huh” I hear alrd I got nothing to say anymore. I just ignore her and walk away. Inside my heart I was thinking “she is ur granddaughter and now tat ur own daughter commented such remarks shldnt u tell her off? I told my DH abt it and he said her sis is straight forward type. I was even more sad that as a father of our DD he shld protect DD. Wat does he mean by my sis is like tat? I was so upset and I told him I will let her off this time and if this happen again and I come to know she criticize my DD again don’t blame me from telling her off. My DH just nodded his head. I have not criticize anything abt her DD before so I don’t understand y she do this to me. hubby keep telling me sil is harmless. harmless and straight forward can anyhow say things to hurt me? then can i do the same to her DD? when i say this i shut him up.
Thinking of moving out.
Recently I discuss with my DH that I wanna shift out and have our hs. He said can’t as his name is alrd under my PIL hs. My DH name was added in as my FIL is working as a part timer and his CPF has not enough $ alrd. So I told him if possible we will give $500 each month to them as a topup by cash to pay for their flat. And this way he can take out his name and buy a flat of our own. He brush me off by keeping quiet and ignoring me. I sms him I was very sad by his action and it’s ok if we can’t buy. Told him I don’t wanna put him in a difficult position. i told him
it's ok tat if u don’t agree and u can just tell me off if I’m in the wrong. But don’t just keep quiet, as this way I don’t know what u r thinking. Actually right from the start when I get to know him he is alrd like tat. Wat can I do? I’m alrd very tired of quarreling over this with him. He's the only son and to him its naturally to take over the hs from his parents. ok i will put his matter aside and when we have the $ i wll sure move out far far from them. another thing is i hate abt my mil is, when she talk to me abt my DD she will use 'ur daughter' hey come on she's ur grandchild and she's given a name ya. i feel like telling my hubby but again im afraid he will think im too sensitive & always the trouble maker.
i hv just spoke to hubby last nite abt moving out. he said we cant now as financial wise we are alrd so tight. maybe later, i hear alrd sian half. he said i have been thinking too much abt mil & sil and ask me not be so sensitive abt the remarks they made. well, to him he just wanna be peacemaker and im the one always creating trouble and so insensitive. i dont no y i married him lah. how am i going to spend a lifetime with him? i really dont know. i must admit tat are good & bad abt my mil. well, staying together sure got conflicts one. Unavoidable.
Now I don’t wanna think too much abt all these mil & sil, I have my DD who is the only person I’m looking forward to see everyday after work.
i wanna vent out my unhappiness abt my mil. its gotta to be a long one hehe...
I'm currently staying with my PIL. Just delivered my DD not long ago (she's abt 2mth+ now). All the while long me and my MIL relationship is quite ok until I have given birth.
My MIL is also taking care of my SIL's DD (a 1yr old kid) Now that my MIL needs to look after my DD she's told my SIL to bring her bb over every morn from 7am-6pm.
Before giving birth my MIL promise to do confinement for me. Well she mess up my confinement
MIL-
1. food wise - she repeats the same old dishes for my lunch & dinner during my CF period. I know she's kind enough to volunteer to look after my DD and me. But in the end she keep mumbling she cant cope with one newborn and one toddler at one go. I can't blame her as I know it's hard as she so old alrd. But why she commits herself in the 1st plc & now mess up my confinement & causing me also went into postnatal blues? pls note she have the time to sit down with niece to play from 11-6pm and no time to cope? bull shit!!! can u imagine she can suggest to my hubby tat let baomu takecare of my DD (DD was 1mth old then). saying her daughter mentioned she bu fang xin her BB let maid takecare then wat abt mine? her DD is precious and mine not? i din know abt this until mil told me herself. i laugh and i said 'mother ur daughter bu fan xin then u do u think i fan xin meh? then i walk away. if i dont talk back she thought she can bully me. wait long long.
2. Bathing - on the 4th day i really cant tahan the hot weather. so i asked her if i can bath. she said yes but ask me to do a quick one. when i told my mum mil allow me to bath, she asked if she got brew the herbs for me onot. i said no 'my mum was so angry and she scolded me for bathing without using herbs. the next bathing time i ask mil for the herbs and she actually have it. she goes 'ur sil doesnt like to bath using the herbs' thinking in my heart 'hey halo she dont like doesnt mean i dont like right?' since u have it y u nv offer? haiz.
3. During that period I need to look after my DD myself in the day until my niece goes home. I never get to rest as my DD is very cranky and refuse to sleep during the day and I have to carry her to pacify in order to coax her to sleep. I carried until my hand was painful for 2mths. And when I get to rest my niece start making lots of noise in the house like shouting and throwing tantrum. As usual mil came putting pacifier to my DD. i hate the idea of pacifier right from the start. nevertheless, i threw away before going back to wrk. I was so stress up and I almost went into depression. The thought of committing suicide came across my mind. As a 1st time mother I'm totally lost. I cried every single day during my confinement. My mum came to know and she suggested that I move back to her hs to finish my confinement.
I went back to my mother's hs during the 2nd week. I thought it wld be better as my mum will cook gd confinement food for me. Who knows my mum so long ever takecare of BB I realize she cant cope as well. End up I need to look after my DD myself 24hrs. I cried again and again. I feel so sad thinking why am I so useless. So I went back to my PIL hs the 3rd week thinking since my mum unable to help me & at least my MIL can help to look after my DD at night so tat I get to rest. Food wise I can just bear with it. After I went hm, she cook noodle with fish and meat everyday (2wks). I eat till sian and tired. I tell myself never mind since ending soon and I can just tahan. After my confinement ended, she never cook for me at knowing tat I’m BF DD so I need all the healthy food. I have no choice but to stop BF my DD after 1.5mths. Thinking no point giving her as all the food I ate outside is unhealthy. More ever no one is supporting me to BF my DD. I gave up and I’m sad abt it for awhile and I even cried when I’m BF her the last time.
SIL-
Then come my SIL commented my DD eye saying she got crossed eyes to my MIL and MIL told me in a joke manner. I was so pissed off and I told my MIL “pls ask ur daughter don’t comment anything abt my DD again, I don’t think it’s nice to say such thing in front of a innocent BB” Guess what’s my MIL reply? “Huh y huh” I hear alrd I got nothing to say anymore. I just ignore her and walk away. Inside my heart I was thinking “she is ur granddaughter and now tat ur own daughter commented such remarks shldnt u tell her off? I told my DH abt it and he said her sis is straight forward type. I was even more sad that as a father of our DD he shld protect DD. Wat does he mean by my sis is like tat? I was so upset and I told him I will let her off this time and if this happen again and I come to know she criticize my DD again don’t blame me from telling her off. My DH just nodded his head. I have not criticize anything abt her DD before so I don’t understand y she do this to me. hubby keep telling me sil is harmless. harmless and straight forward can anyhow say things to hurt me? then can i do the same to her DD? when i say this i shut him up.
Thinking of moving out.
Recently I discuss with my DH that I wanna shift out and have our hs. He said can’t as his name is alrd under my PIL hs. My DH name was added in as my FIL is working as a part timer and his CPF has not enough $ alrd. So I told him if possible we will give $500 each month to them as a topup by cash to pay for their flat. And this way he can take out his name and buy a flat of our own. He brush me off by keeping quiet and ignoring me. I sms him I was very sad by his action and it’s ok if we can’t buy. Told him I don’t wanna put him in a difficult position. i told him
it's ok tat if u don’t agree and u can just tell me off if I’m in the wrong. But don’t just keep quiet, as this way I don’t know what u r thinking. Actually right from the start when I get to know him he is alrd like tat. Wat can I do? I’m alrd very tired of quarreling over this with him. He's the only son and to him its naturally to take over the hs from his parents. ok i will put his matter aside and when we have the $ i wll sure move out far far from them. another thing is i hate abt my mil is, when she talk to me abt my DD she will use 'ur daughter' hey come on she's ur grandchild and she's given a name ya. i feel like telling my hubby but again im afraid he will think im too sensitive & always the trouble maker.
Now I don’t wanna think too much abt all these mil & sil, I have my DD who is the only person I’m looking forward to see everyday after work.
miorei
Member
baby_chevelle:
*hugz* hope u r feeling better now.
like u, my DD is the only person I'm looking forward to see daily (apart from my parents la cos they r helping to look after her till i get hm from work).
wif my hb, i dunno when he wld b in bad mood. as above, many thks to my MIL, we have had lots of issues since marriage till now. i realised tat these guys r juz big babies n needed to be stuck to their mums & not wives. i'm so v tired of living wif a time bomb...
*hugz* hope u r feeling better now.
like u, my DD is the only person I'm looking forward to see daily (apart from my parents la cos they r helping to look after her till i get hm from work).
wif my hb, i dunno when he wld b in bad mood. as above, many thks to my MIL, we have had lots of issues since marriage till now. i realised tat these guys r juz big babies n needed to be stuck to their mums & not wives. i'm so v tired of living wif a time bomb...
babystarlet
Member
hi all,i'm here to vent my fustrations as well.basically my MIL dun really bother me as she dun interfere with my things and even though i try to be a nice DIL,she still tink i'm somewhere no good,probably during my wedding time.
However my main problem is my mum who is now staying with me and my hubby.she is really super naggy,always like to crack jokes etc and somemore always talk in crude language,so i told her nxt time when baby get older,must have "tai jiao",she dun believe such things and she say such things are old fashioned thinkn,end up we quarrel again.being men,of coz my hubby will think is irritating to always hear me and my mum quarrel every now and then.
my mum seriously dunno her own status,my dad passed away and me being the only child,i support her and fetch her to my new home and stay with us,i have been telling her,situation is now different,she really shld be fortunate that my hubby willing to take her in,not many guys wan to.but she's nt appreciative and take it for granted.seriously if this goes on,is going to harm my pregnancy and e r/s bet me and my hubby.i'm really feeling very headache.
To think is not my MIL giving me problems but my own mum..........
sorry for the long story as i'm really feeln very headache.
However my main problem is my mum who is now staying with me and my hubby.she is really super naggy,always like to crack jokes etc and somemore always talk in crude language,so i told her nxt time when baby get older,must have "tai jiao",she dun believe such things and she say such things are old fashioned thinkn,end up we quarrel again.being men,of coz my hubby will think is irritating to always hear me and my mum quarrel every now and then.
my mum seriously dunno her own status,my dad passed away and me being the only child,i support her and fetch her to my new home and stay with us,i have been telling her,situation is now different,she really shld be fortunate that my hubby willing to take her in,not many guys wan to.but she's nt appreciative and take it for granted.seriously if this goes on,is going to harm my pregnancy and e r/s bet me and my hubby.i'm really feeling very headache.
To think is not my MIL giving me problems but my own mum..........
sorry for the long story as i'm really feeln very headache.
i think i almost cannot take liao.... when the 1st time i had a bad quarrel with DH over DS matter.... MIL interupt into our quarrel, and u knw wat she say in hokkien: "not i wan to say u ar, xxx(my hb) already treat u very good liao ah, u still like tat. keep nagging at him"
wat i feel is when a couple is quarreling u shd not interupt, it will cause our relationship to get worst....
yest we quarrel again but over the phone, hb was at hm, and she heard him quarreling with me and she start to talk again loh.....
a good mil wont do such thing loh.....
i have alot of unhappy stuff but hb nvr understand...
can u all tell me will bb feet movement be restricted when he wear sock??? my bb is only 6mth leh.....
she even tell my hb can give my ds eat the porridge we all eat leh, inside got chicken and taupok and duno got seasoning anot.....
arggggggg
wat i feel is when a couple is quarreling u shd not interupt, it will cause our relationship to get worst....
yest we quarrel again but over the phone, hb was at hm, and she heard him quarreling with me and she start to talk again loh.....
a good mil wont do such thing loh.....
i have alot of unhappy stuff but hb nvr understand...
can u all tell me will bb feet movement be restricted when he wear sock??? my bb is only 6mth leh.....
she even tell my hb can give my ds eat the porridge we all eat leh, inside got chicken and taupok and duno got seasoning anot.....
arggggggg
flowerygal
New Member
Dear Vonn,
I aint too sure hw u manage to survive all of MIL nonsense till nw. U sure can 'tong'....i m in similar boat as u bt struggling. i posted elsewhere my story b4.
So ur bb is sleeping in e same rm as u? Are ur inlaws gona stay w u for gd? My hus tried to ask my MIL to shift out 2gether w e rest of the family bt she simply refused.
Each day, i m tryin to make my life better as i m gg crazy soon ... putting up w ridiculous things tat MIL did. Haizzzz
I aint too sure hw u manage to survive all of MIL nonsense till nw. U sure can 'tong'....i m in similar boat as u bt struggling. i posted elsewhere my story b4.
So ur bb is sleeping in e same rm as u? Are ur inlaws gona stay w u for gd? My hus tried to ask my MIL to shift out 2gether w e rest of the family bt she simply refused.
Each day, i m tryin to make my life better as i m gg crazy soon ... putting up w ridiculous things tat MIL did. Haizzzz
flowerygal
New Member
hI Vonn,
Ic, so your PILs staying w u. At least u can try to numb urself by tinkin on e other positive side.
Gd thing tat she does e hsewrk well, unlike my mil. She is lazy bt her favourite hobbies are cooking, watching tv & reading…. She accumulate her family laundry & anyhw wash. She alredi stained a lot of my clothings. After cooking, she dun reali clean up too…haizz… my new hse is so terribly dirty & untidy almost e same condition as those flats rented out to low-class workers. As they seldom flush the toilet (save water), imagine hw smelly whenever I walk pass e common toilet? U duno hw heartpain i was everyday they did smething to mess up my place or took my stuffs and spoilt or ruin? hAIZZZ
As a matter of fact, I prefer to do e necessary hsechores by myself, and I do not rely on her. She cannot say that I treat her like a servant beco I did not ask her to do them. Anyway she din do much either. She jus have to handle e chores she is responsible for her own family yet at times she neglected. Anyway most of e time, I was the one who did the most chores. She was laughing in her heart that I am suffering. Haiz.
Treated them so well yet every now and then they will create havoc. In other words, she simply wan to dominate us. Her extremely bad temper is horrifying. She will threaten us with objects or use harsh words & scream at the top of her lungs to get what she wants. She expect something in return for the things that she had done. But a lot of times, she did the things that we had never requested for and if you reject her, she get into fury. She bullied her own relatives & family, and even outsiders too. So, I am glad she cant badmouth me beco she knew that she has no one to talk to. Maybe to some outsiders I guess but they duno the real her. As long I have her siblings & other relatives stand on my side, so if she reali reali did smethin dreadful, they noe its her. Bt they dare nt interfere beco she is fearsome. Violence.
Luckily she is not my mum. Thank GOD! I pitied her children...who hv a monster mum.
Ic, so your PILs staying w u. At least u can try to numb urself by tinkin on e other positive side.
Gd thing tat she does e hsewrk well, unlike my mil. She is lazy bt her favourite hobbies are cooking, watching tv & reading…. She accumulate her family laundry & anyhw wash. She alredi stained a lot of my clothings. After cooking, she dun reali clean up too…haizz… my new hse is so terribly dirty & untidy almost e same condition as those flats rented out to low-class workers. As they seldom flush the toilet (save water), imagine hw smelly whenever I walk pass e common toilet? U duno hw heartpain i was everyday they did smething to mess up my place or took my stuffs and spoilt or ruin? hAIZZZ
As a matter of fact, I prefer to do e necessary hsechores by myself, and I do not rely on her. She cannot say that I treat her like a servant beco I did not ask her to do them. Anyway she din do much either. She jus have to handle e chores she is responsible for her own family yet at times she neglected. Anyway most of e time, I was the one who did the most chores. She was laughing in her heart that I am suffering. Haiz.
Treated them so well yet every now and then they will create havoc. In other words, she simply wan to dominate us. Her extremely bad temper is horrifying. She will threaten us with objects or use harsh words & scream at the top of her lungs to get what she wants. She expect something in return for the things that she had done. But a lot of times, she did the things that we had never requested for and if you reject her, she get into fury. She bullied her own relatives & family, and even outsiders too. So, I am glad she cant badmouth me beco she knew that she has no one to talk to. Maybe to some outsiders I guess but they duno the real her. As long I have her siblings & other relatives stand on my side, so if she reali reali did smethin dreadful, they noe its her. Bt they dare nt interfere beco she is fearsome. Violence.
Luckily she is not my mum. Thank GOD! I pitied her children...who hv a monster mum.
Sigh, when come to MIL, i also really very sick. They always try to use different method to so called "TEST" their kid, for my instance is my husband. Then my husband love her so much and everytime have to give in. We are staying at woodlands while they stay at ubi and because we have car, she will purposely said," This week got to go so and so birthday, celebration blah blah blah, but no car how to go..." of course my husband will agree to pick them. Or she will call and borrow money etc. When she watched the money not enough, she will test," If one day i become like tat, who will take care of me..." Sigh, all these pattern i see until i very sian. She also has a daughter and young son mah, why must always add pressure to us especially we have a family already. Furthermore, she refused to help us to take care of our baby because of her husband and her 26 yrs old daughter, she can't let go.
Now making my husband grumble everyday that he wanted to change to MPV car so that can ferry all his family members, now we are driving a 5 seaters car, with bb arriving in 2 weeks time + a maid, only have 1 empty seat left, he is troubling over how to ferry his family. I am very upset over this, i told him, what if we have another bb, so your family all depend on him for transport. He even said he will rent a car during Chinese new year so that his family got transport and so on. Come on, we already have a family and they are 4 adults in their house, why must we take care of all their transport needs? Why can't they just take public transport???
I might sounds selfish, but this is the fact, i make it very clear to my husband already, if really he need to ferry his own family, then count me out for all their outing, so that 5 of them can have the car. I felt very sickening.
Sorry, just vent my frustration here.
Now making my husband grumble everyday that he wanted to change to MPV car so that can ferry all his family members, now we are driving a 5 seaters car, with bb arriving in 2 weeks time + a maid, only have 1 empty seat left, he is troubling over how to ferry his family. I am very upset over this, i told him, what if we have another bb, so your family all depend on him for transport. He even said he will rent a car during Chinese new year so that his family got transport and so on. Come on, we already have a family and they are 4 adults in their house, why must we take care of all their transport needs? Why can't they just take public transport???
I might sounds selfish, but this is the fact, i make it very clear to my husband already, if really he need to ferry his own family, then count me out for all their outing, so that 5 of them can have the car. I felt very sickening.
Sorry, just vent my frustration here.
uglyduckling
New Member
Hi Jynnsan
I totally understand how u feel abt the car thing. Im in similar situation as u.
Ours is a small car and we dun live near but the SIL expect us to fetch the parents everytime.
The funny thing is as the small car cant fit all of them + our family, so two SILs will take cab and the PIL will follow our car. We hv to drive fr north east to east to ferry them and drive them back again. Y cant they (SILs + PIL) just take cab together ah? since they stayed together? Cab fare still same what? But everytime, the SIL just insist that we must come and drive the PIL.
My hb also keep thinking of changing 2 bigger car and the SIL keep saying our car is too small.
Feel like telling her, the car is a gift from my parents lo. Din pay a single cents still grumble car small...
I totally understand how u feel abt the car thing. Im in similar situation as u.
Ours is a small car and we dun live near but the SIL expect us to fetch the parents everytime.
The funny thing is as the small car cant fit all of them + our family, so two SILs will take cab and the PIL will follow our car. We hv to drive fr north east to east to ferry them and drive them back again. Y cant they (SILs + PIL) just take cab together ah? since they stayed together? Cab fare still same what? But everytime, the SIL just insist that we must come and drive the PIL.
My hb also keep thinking of changing 2 bigger car and the SIL keep saying our car is too small.
Feel like telling her, the car is a gift from my parents lo. Din pay a single cents still grumble car small...
simpsonmummy
New Member
My MIL is monster in law...
think we are money trees!! Last month demand $ to see pte doc but hubby rejected her then this month - wayang.
admitted to hospital complained service not good, want to transfer to pte hospital. she used my SIL's mouth to pass the msg, said doc not good, nurse not good. let her sleep in pool of shit for whole night and refused to change her. fyi, she is mobile.
admitted for high fever then said having bad diarrhoea because doc gives laxatives(my SIL said) then when asked my MIL, she said NO. then why diarrhoea?
SHE HAD TOO MUCH DURIAN!
She is really incredible. After we found out about the durian issue, hubby confronted her and she confessed but still insisted that she ate very little (few seeds) but my SIL (they didn't "communicate before, you know pakat) said she ate a lot.
i told her since ate a lot like that then eat little next time. then my SIL like very defensive said maybe to MIL, a lot = few seeds. Then I was fuming and told her, since few seeds also admitted to hospital, she BETTER NOT TAKE EVEN 1 SEED IN THE FUTURE!
So her evil plan ruined by me
1. to pte hospital : cannot go already because you don't go hospital for service and you don't have money, I make it clear that there is no such things as splitting the bill when we are always paying 85% of the total. there will be only 2 ppl paying, my SIL forever NO $.
2. KEEP having fever cannot subside : where got ppl bring their own thermometer to ward and show to the nurse "just now you all check said my mother no ever but now see, is 38 ! My SIL did that!! I told her you are pissing everyone off in the ward so no one will treat you nice. who will wanna bring mother to toilet since u DIY in the ward?! now that we know her fever is caused by eating too much durian, stomach upset then fever, obviously is not caused by virus, bacteria , let alone H1N1!
Now she comes out with URINE issue. My SIL told hubby my MIL very very weak, cannot control her urine. I told hubby she is FAT and old ppl bound to have this problem and kegel exercise helps and my SIL just said okok...
insisted to let her wear diaper, my MIL makes it like she is super sick and use my SIL's mouth to tell us how critical her condition is. whenever the sister told me things, I will saved them in notepad and showed it to my hubby then when we asked again, diff stories being told. Even hubby said their words cannot be taken seriously!
They think having this "diaper problem" will show that she is very ill and can keep on staying in hospital. fat hope. I am thinking, what will be the next thing she wants if the doc asked her to DISCHARGE - she will demand a maid to look after her uncontrolled urine output!
think we are money trees!! Last month demand $ to see pte doc but hubby rejected her then this month - wayang.
admitted to hospital complained service not good, want to transfer to pte hospital. she used my SIL's mouth to pass the msg, said doc not good, nurse not good. let her sleep in pool of shit for whole night and refused to change her. fyi, she is mobile.
admitted for high fever then said having bad diarrhoea because doc gives laxatives(my SIL said) then when asked my MIL, she said NO. then why diarrhoea?
SHE HAD TOO MUCH DURIAN!
She is really incredible. After we found out about the durian issue, hubby confronted her and she confessed but still insisted that she ate very little (few seeds) but my SIL (they didn't "communicate before, you know pakat) said she ate a lot.
i told her since ate a lot like that then eat little next time. then my SIL like very defensive said maybe to MIL, a lot = few seeds. Then I was fuming and told her, since few seeds also admitted to hospital, she BETTER NOT TAKE EVEN 1 SEED IN THE FUTURE!
So her evil plan ruined by me
1. to pte hospital : cannot go already because you don't go hospital for service and you don't have money, I make it clear that there is no such things as splitting the bill when we are always paying 85% of the total. there will be only 2 ppl paying, my SIL forever NO $.
2. KEEP having fever cannot subside : where got ppl bring their own thermometer to ward and show to the nurse "just now you all check said my mother no ever but now see, is 38 ! My SIL did that!! I told her you are pissing everyone off in the ward so no one will treat you nice. who will wanna bring mother to toilet since u DIY in the ward?! now that we know her fever is caused by eating too much durian, stomach upset then fever, obviously is not caused by virus, bacteria , let alone H1N1!
Now she comes out with URINE issue. My SIL told hubby my MIL very very weak, cannot control her urine. I told hubby she is FAT and old ppl bound to have this problem and kegel exercise helps and my SIL just said okok...
insisted to let her wear diaper, my MIL makes it like she is super sick and use my SIL's mouth to tell us how critical her condition is. whenever the sister told me things, I will saved them in notepad and showed it to my hubby then when we asked again, diff stories being told. Even hubby said their words cannot be taken seriously!
They think having this "diaper problem" will show that she is very ill and can keep on staying in hospital. fat hope. I am thinking, what will be the next thing she wants if the doc asked her to DISCHARGE - she will demand a maid to look after her uncontrolled urine output!
diana_natalie
Active Member
I am so afraid that my MIL come over to my house during her off day (Weekends)
I really do not have time to rest & time to be with my hubby.
She will stay overnight with us...
When she come she will treat my house as her house... I was so unhappy about that is what I arrange the things in the house she will re-arrange to they way she like... she even throw away my things without asking if I need that she said that my things are rubbish I was so angry. She will buy new one she feel she like it to replace the things she throw away...
I just moved in not long ago therefore I need to buy forks , spoons, plates , bowls... I bought three set one for me , one for my husband and one for her... End up she take the bowls and plate and place it high in the top shelves of the cupboard she will buy those she like and she buy 5 sets and that include my brother in law and his gf so that they can move in with us because we have ONE extra room.
My husband was extremely angry and ask why cant we have privacy. My Mother in law say that our house also belong to them as she said one family should stay together.
My MIL and My BIL they are not local both are Malaysians and Mother In Law works here but Bother In Law still in KL but my Mother In Law invited them to stay with us in our 3 room flat she will move in soon also...
This is not the worse... My MIL don't speak English , Don't speak Mandrain , don't speak Hokkien only Hokkchiew I cant talk properly with her because I don't understand Hokkchiew...
She cant express herself what she like what she don't like in words with me.
One time we bring her to IKEA I wanted to buy things like hanger, table , set of spoon and forks etc... She dislike my choice she will not said it but push me hard away... Whenever I take up one items she saw she will push me hard sometimes I almost fell on the floor...
Totally act like barbarian sorry to say that but true... it hurt my feeling everytime she did this in front of public and she will push n shout so loudly in Hokkchiew like discipline a kid like that.
I really do not have time to rest & time to be with my hubby.
She will stay overnight with us...
When she come she will treat my house as her house... I was so unhappy about that is what I arrange the things in the house she will re-arrange to they way she like... she even throw away my things without asking if I need that she said that my things are rubbish I was so angry. She will buy new one she feel she like it to replace the things she throw away...
I just moved in not long ago therefore I need to buy forks , spoons, plates , bowls... I bought three set one for me , one for my husband and one for her... End up she take the bowls and plate and place it high in the top shelves of the cupboard she will buy those she like and she buy 5 sets and that include my brother in law and his gf so that they can move in with us because we have ONE extra room.
My husband was extremely angry and ask why cant we have privacy. My Mother in law say that our house also belong to them as she said one family should stay together.
My MIL and My BIL they are not local both are Malaysians and Mother In Law works here but Bother In Law still in KL but my Mother In Law invited them to stay with us in our 3 room flat she will move in soon also...
This is not the worse... My MIL don't speak English , Don't speak Mandrain , don't speak Hokkien only Hokkchiew I cant talk properly with her because I don't understand Hokkchiew...
She cant express herself what she like what she don't like in words with me.
One time we bring her to IKEA I wanted to buy things like hanger, table , set of spoon and forks etc... She dislike my choice she will not said it but push me hard away... Whenever I take up one items she saw she will push me hard sometimes I almost fell on the floor...
Totally act like barbarian sorry to say that but true... it hurt my feeling everytime she did this in front of public and she will push n shout so loudly in Hokkchiew like discipline a kid like that.
eatshootsleaves
New Member
I stay near my IL too. They are currently looking after my 9 month old son. My mother cannot help me cos she is helping my sis to look after my nephew. She is separated from her husband.
My MIL had a bad impression of me - maybe cos she thinks that
1) I am refusing her "gifts" (food, mug, cupboards, etc) on purpose.
Truth is that I will accept useful things. I refused becos i don't find her "goodwill" items suitable – mostly obiang and not useful (plates not microwavable). To me, it feels like she is just clearing her house of trash. My husband likes to think that she is helping us to save money and settle into the new home.
2) I'm abusing his son by not helping him much with the housework. She was unhappy to know that I'm not helping him to iron clothes. She said that it’s the wife’s duty to iron husband’s clothes.
Truth is we have an equal share of work - I don't iron cos I don't have anything of my own that needs ironing. She expressed her opinion during my 3rd month of maternity leave, when I’m alone at home with a baby, doing all other household chores (washing clothes & cooking) on my own.
3) I don’t like to eat her food – this is true cos it’s too hot to my liking but I still make a point to have dinner at her place 5 days per week for the first 2 years.
-----------------------
Initially, I will not retaliate when I hear those things – thinking to myself that old people are like that. But after a while, it became tougher to tolerate the comments she makes. I told my husband she always make very crude remarks but he will always brush me off by saying that I’m being too sensitive and a little suggestions from her won’t hurt.
Once we were at a cousin’s house. She was very impressed with their interior deco and commented how ugly my house is as compared to theirs (你们做到这样难看). Of course, how can a $15K reno job compare to a $40K reno job? I think it’s ungrateful for her to say such things - didn’t even thank me for helping his son save on the renovations.
Another time. During my bro-in-law’s wedding, we took a group photo. She complained that we didn’t have that during my own wedding and said that we planned it so poorly. I rebuked and tell her that her son can get married again for her to take her stupid photos.
For both occasions, I think she has been very blunt and insensitive to me. But my HB didn’t say anything for me on both occasions.
The actual terror started on the day I delivered my bb.
She will visit me at the hospital everyday and ended up hogging the TV in my room. I was so relieved to go back to my mum's place for confinement after the 3 days of hospital stay.
After checking out of the hospital, she insisted on coming to my mum's place to see the baby (again). She came near dinner time and started poking her head in all areas making suggestions. I was hoping that she will go quickly so that my family can eat and I can talk to my HB in private. But she didn’t. She asked about something then I said its negligible (啊，没有啦). And she scolded me for having no manners 没家教 in front of my mum. I admit I was really impatient then but I feel that she is insulting my mother by saying that.
Now with the baby, there are more things to be unhappy about.
Once I asked her not to BB sleep in the evening (6pm onwards) – else BB will delay his actual bedtime. She commented loudly that I being ridiculous (那里有这种事的！我没有听过！ ). I was very pissed and my HB didn’t said a word.
Recently, my BB is sick (cough & flu). I commented that she should feed him with water frequently. She said BB won’t drink – which I think is bullshit – he could finish 3 small bottles in a day. I got worried that she will not try, then I repeated (in a louder and pekchek voice) that it might be technique 小孩不喝，大人就要换技巧. She was so unhappy started suaning me by talking to my son, asking him to tell me to get someone better for the job ( 哎呀，我不够厉害，叫你妈找一个会看的来看你).
My MIL had a bad impression of me - maybe cos she thinks that
1) I am refusing her "gifts" (food, mug, cupboards, etc) on purpose.
Truth is that I will accept useful things. I refused becos i don't find her "goodwill" items suitable – mostly obiang and not useful (plates not microwavable). To me, it feels like she is just clearing her house of trash. My husband likes to think that she is helping us to save money and settle into the new home.
2) I'm abusing his son by not helping him much with the housework. She was unhappy to know that I'm not helping him to iron clothes. She said that it’s the wife’s duty to iron husband’s clothes.
Truth is we have an equal share of work - I don't iron cos I don't have anything of my own that needs ironing. She expressed her opinion during my 3rd month of maternity leave, when I’m alone at home with a baby, doing all other household chores (washing clothes & cooking) on my own.
3) I don’t like to eat her food – this is true cos it’s too hot to my liking but I still make a point to have dinner at her place 5 days per week for the first 2 years.
-----------------------
Initially, I will not retaliate when I hear those things – thinking to myself that old people are like that. But after a while, it became tougher to tolerate the comments she makes. I told my husband she always make very crude remarks but he will always brush me off by saying that I’m being too sensitive and a little suggestions from her won’t hurt.
Once we were at a cousin’s house. She was very impressed with their interior deco and commented how ugly my house is as compared to theirs (你们做到这样难看). Of course, how can a $15K reno job compare to a $40K reno job? I think it’s ungrateful for her to say such things - didn’t even thank me for helping his son save on the renovations.
Another time. During my bro-in-law’s wedding, we took a group photo. She complained that we didn’t have that during my own wedding and said that we planned it so poorly. I rebuked and tell her that her son can get married again for her to take her stupid photos.
For both occasions, I think she has been very blunt and insensitive to me. But my HB didn’t say anything for me on both occasions.
The actual terror started on the day I delivered my bb.
She will visit me at the hospital everyday and ended up hogging the TV in my room. I was so relieved to go back to my mum's place for confinement after the 3 days of hospital stay.
After checking out of the hospital, she insisted on coming to my mum's place to see the baby (again). She came near dinner time and started poking her head in all areas making suggestions. I was hoping that she will go quickly so that my family can eat and I can talk to my HB in private. But she didn’t. She asked about something then I said its negligible (啊，没有啦). And she scolded me for having no manners 没家教 in front of my mum. I admit I was really impatient then but I feel that she is insulting my mother by saying that.
Now with the baby, there are more things to be unhappy about.
Once I asked her not to BB sleep in the evening (6pm onwards) – else BB will delay his actual bedtime. She commented loudly that I being ridiculous (那里有这种事的！我没有听过！ ). I was very pissed and my HB didn’t said a word.
Recently, my BB is sick (cough & flu). I commented that she should feed him with water frequently. She said BB won’t drink – which I think is bullshit – he could finish 3 small bottles in a day. I got worried that she will not try, then I repeated (in a louder and pekchek voice) that it might be technique 小孩不喝，大人就要换技巧. She was so unhappy started suaning me by talking to my son, asking him to tell me to get someone better for the job ( 哎呀，我不够厉害，叫你妈找一个会看的来看你).
eatshootsleaves
New Member
My HB took my words seriously after my postnatal depression. He said he will protect me if he sensed that MIL is bullying me. However, he insisted that I shld make an effort to have dinner with her once a week although I told him repeatedly I don’t want to be there. At any rate, I don’t want to place myself in a situation where I need to be rescued. I like to avoid conflict by avoiding the person – gives both parties a cooling off period. But my HB pulled a long face after hearing all that and I decided to give in to him since he’s so unhappy.
Bro-in-law is also married. His wife is from a rich family. During Christmas last year, my MIL brought 1 expensive wine over for their party. I have always thought that she is a stingy person until that day. She never gave me any extravagant gifts – out of stupidity, I told my HB that I don’t need the wedding gold set 四点金. And I was thinking to myself that, I help her save so much but she didn’t even give me any tonic during my confinement – she gave my mum 2 pieces of wrinkled ginger.
During CNY, we had yusheng – MIL made it herself. My bro-in-law’s wife doesn’t like it with sesame oil so she dished a portion first. I didn’t like sesame oil either and did the same. MIL saw it and used her chopsticks to stop me. I explained myself and MIL released her chopsticks and proceeded to heave heaps of yusheng into BIL’s wife’s plate, asking her to eat more, ignoring me in the process. I feel every upset cos she is giving preferential treatment openly. I think my HB’s sister noticed it and she ended up asking if I want some more. By then, I don’t feel like eating anything.
Although my HB reassured me constantly he will protect me, I have my doubts on it – he tends to think both of me & MIL are sensitive and I think he is too slow to react. After 2 years of verbal abuse, I have conditioned my mind to react than to wait for HB to rescue me. I realised I have been too kind in the past and MIL step all over me. So I became very aggressive when someone tries to cross my path.
After the water incident, my HB told me I was rude in the first place. I told him MIL is purposely trying to argue – you know how old people like to boss people around (吃盐比你吃米多 attitude). He couldn’t accept my explaination in the beginning, but now he sees my point. But to me, that is of no use anymore.
juniorjunior2008: my BB is on formula milk not BM. so can drink water. otherwise too heaty for him. he is not passing out stools becos of the flu med. Flu med tends to draw liquid from the body.
Bro-in-law is also married. His wife is from a rich family. During Christmas last year, my MIL brought 1 expensive wine over for their party. I have always thought that she is a stingy person until that day. She never gave me any extravagant gifts – out of stupidity, I told my HB that I don’t need the wedding gold set 四点金. And I was thinking to myself that, I help her save so much but she didn’t even give me any tonic during my confinement – she gave my mum 2 pieces of wrinkled ginger.
During CNY, we had yusheng – MIL made it herself. My bro-in-law’s wife doesn’t like it with sesame oil so she dished a portion first. I didn’t like sesame oil either and did the same. MIL saw it and used her chopsticks to stop me. I explained myself and MIL released her chopsticks and proceeded to heave heaps of yusheng into BIL’s wife’s plate, asking her to eat more, ignoring me in the process. I feel every upset cos she is giving preferential treatment openly. I think my HB’s sister noticed it and she ended up asking if I want some more. By then, I don’t feel like eating anything.
Although my HB reassured me constantly he will protect me, I have my doubts on it – he tends to think both of me & MIL are sensitive and I think he is too slow to react. After 2 years of verbal abuse, I have conditioned my mind to react than to wait for HB to rescue me. I realised I have been too kind in the past and MIL step all over me. So I became very aggressive when someone tries to cross my path.
After the water incident, my HB told me I was rude in the first place. I told him MIL is purposely trying to argue – you know how old people like to boss people around (吃盐比你吃米多 attitude). He couldn’t accept my explaination in the beginning, but now he sees my point. But to me, that is of no use anymore.
juniorjunior2008: my BB is on formula milk not BM. so can drink water. otherwise too heaty for him. he is not passing out stools becos of the flu med. Flu med tends to draw liquid from the body.
eatshootsleaves
New Member
I'm her eldest and 1st daughter-in-law. I'm thrifty. I stayed near her so that my HB can visit her frequently – I see her more than I see my own mother. I let her take care of my son. I even help to defend her when she gave my mum a very awful sum for the dowry (less than 1K, this is on top that I didn’t have the gold set四点金). I tolerated when she squeezed stuff into my freezer. I tolerated when she commented about my cooking (真不知道你平时是煮什么的).
I cannot understand why she has to treat me like that after I've done so much for her. We are very good before I got married - always joking with her.
That's why I came to a conclusion that its becos I'm an accommodating person. So accommodating that she thinks its god-given rights to say whatever she likes to me.
I cannot understand why she has to treat me like that after I've done so much for her. We are very good before I got married - always joking with her.
That's why I came to a conclusion that its becos I'm an accommodating person. So accommodating that she thinks its god-given rights to say whatever she likes to me.
whitequeeniie
New Member
Dear all,
Some problems faced, not sure if I’m thinking too much or not.
I am not married, but living with my fiancé who has just proposed to me 4 months back. We are in the midst of planning to get married next year.
In laws were not around in Singapore most of the time, in future, we will still be staying with In laws, not moving out so soon.
I love to cook, hence I cooked some dessert, hope this can cool down the temperature.
Cooked while in laws were not around, just last week, they saw me cooking the whole pot of dessert.
I have to admit I cooked too much. But I did not do it intentionally. But I’m used to cooking a big pot of desert when I am at home.
MIL then told me not to touch her food in the fridge anymore and asked me not to buy vege and store in the fridge when there are already a lot (Yes, their house have many stuff, but not all I like).
She was telling me on the night and the next morning. Twice. I nod my head, not saying anything. In the morning, after she’d said, I went into our room and drop tears. Luckily, fiancé is sweet enough to hug and tell me that he knows I did not do it intentionally. He understands how I feel and told me it is not easy to stay with in laws.
Is it wrong for me to buy wad I like and store in the fridge? As & when I wan to eat, I can cook? Now, SIL is back from a holiday and she got her lots of food for her to cook.
Is my cooking that lousy? Or I don’t know how to estimate? Or am I thinking too much?
Appreciate your advices please.
Some problems faced, not sure if I’m thinking too much or not.
I am not married, but living with my fiancé who has just proposed to me 4 months back. We are in the midst of planning to get married next year.
In laws were not around in Singapore most of the time, in future, we will still be staying with In laws, not moving out so soon.
I love to cook, hence I cooked some dessert, hope this can cool down the temperature.
Cooked while in laws were not around, just last week, they saw me cooking the whole pot of dessert.
I have to admit I cooked too much. But I did not do it intentionally. But I’m used to cooking a big pot of desert when I am at home.
MIL then told me not to touch her food in the fridge anymore and asked me not to buy vege and store in the fridge when there are already a lot (Yes, their house have many stuff, but not all I like).
She was telling me on the night and the next morning. Twice. I nod my head, not saying anything. In the morning, after she’d said, I went into our room and drop tears. Luckily, fiancé is sweet enough to hug and tell me that he knows I did not do it intentionally. He understands how I feel and told me it is not easy to stay with in laws.
Is it wrong for me to buy wad I like and store in the fridge? As & when I wan to eat, I can cook? Now, SIL is back from a holiday and she got her lots of food for her to cook.
Is my cooking that lousy? Or I don’t know how to estimate? Or am I thinking too much?
Appreciate your advices please.
whitequeeniie
New Member
SO is initiating for a talk with me. about our relationship and his mum..
cameo_penny
New Member
whitequeeniie, it wont be easy to live in the same roof with MIL. After i got married I stay with my MIL. I can say I didn't feel happy because she told me since I live in her house means her rule is applied. Once I was in your shoes, from small matters like cooking, washing clotching become big problems. The key is you have to tolerate means try your best to respect her rule and keep your self busy (keep your self busy out of the house). If if you have done your best she still don't like you I think you have to live in your own. I have moved out from my MIL house, we live in our own house now and I feel more happy than before. Good luck dear..
My MIL ask during dinner when we talk about cooking in our new place "you will cook? You know how to cook meh???"
To which I will reply "No I don't know how to cook. SG food so cheap I'll buy good food back for Hubby." then no more reply no more comments. Cos if I say ya I know if she call me cook at her place sure kana suan left right centre. Say dunno then also dun nd to cook at her place. Ignorance is bliss!!!!!
To which I will reply "No I don't know how to cook. SG food so cheap I'll buy good food back for Hubby." then no more reply no more comments. Cos if I say ya I know if she call me cook at her place sure kana suan left right centre. Say dunno then also dun nd to cook at her place. Ignorance is bliss!!!!!
Kimiki
New Member
It's not u thinking too much but your MIL she thinks too much that's y scared and ask you not to touch her things. These are selfish thinking of hers. We need to be the 1 having a big heart to forgive small heart people. That's life so unfair but lucky we still have a very understanding bf/hubby.
Lambi
Well-Known Member
u r very nice already ..someone I know nvr give anything at all..nvr bring grandchildren visit ..not say weekly but monthly also no...cny 1st day go wives' side Malaysia instead of coming to parents plc..
MTB-2015
Active Member
I feel you. When I just married my hubby, we moved into MIL house to stay together while waiting for our new HDB. I always try to help out my MIL in kitchen and house chores. Guess what, my MIL told my SIL that: 她都不会煮饭，真不知道我的儿子怎么给她养。 after my SIL passed this message to me, I stopped all the initiatives. I suddenly realized that no matter what I do, MIL will always got something to complain. So from that day onwards I didn't do anything and always kept myself busy outside, only comes bk home for shower and sleep. 8months later we moved out and rented a flat till our new HDB ready.