MOTHER-IN-LAW PROBLEMS

why mil again
oh.. you poor thing...

dun be so stressed... your baby is still very very young and has not adapted to life outside the womb.

your maid is not experienced in handling babies? what about your family? can any1 from your side come over during the day and help a little?

you can ignore calls from your mil... just say that you turned down the volume cuz baby needs to sleep or something... she is mean to say that you deserve to suffer from post natal blues.
 


staywithmil:
... his money all goes to the car... and he gives his parents $$. i dun interfer with the amount he gives or wants to give.

other than that, its the car and he tries to maintain a certain amount of $$ / savings in his account.

then once the insurance for the car, road tax or any bulk amount comes along... it will deplete his savings significantly and it wil take him some time to save up again.

last month, i even had to help him give his parents allowance!! so fed up right? ... his parents think he earns loads of $$... request for new washing machine, new this new that... now the tv they watch is also a little blonke already... (roll eyes)

my hubby still dare to tell me... if (IF) we move, he must give them more $$!!! huh?! what is this?

i tell him... your parents very very lucky to have you man.... my parents... die lah... no SONS! (my hubby was angry cuz i was so sarcastic)

my mum came and did my confinement for me cuz my mil said she didnt know what to do... and when my mum came... suddenly my mil knew how to do everything!! even showed my mum colour face!!

i cant stand it!
 
dear why MIL again, i know how you feel as i been through that. worse still, mine was both MIL n FIL. the next time they called, dun pick up the phone and dun open the door. hang up the phone, pluck out the batteries of the doorbell. if your husband dares to tell you off, ask him to get out n go n stay with his parents. i tell you, it won't work if you are nice or try to reason with this type of people. the best tactic is to be "unreasonable" and firm and forceful. show them that you are not easy to be bullied. these people always take an inch for a foot if you give in.
 
why MIL again
since your mil does not stay with you, when she comes in the morning , dun open the door for her. is it ok? if she want to cry, let her cry all she want because all these old woman like to cry and make their DIL as if the DIL is the evil one.

be strong for your baby. your baby will sense your unhappines.
 
Thank u "krazy" & "aware".

I tried not to make things worst since my hubby is her only child and we managed to have her ok to buy our own flat within the same block and not stay with her.

My MIL is a typical housewife who never work before and only stay at home so she has very "outdated" mindset, we promised to let her look after our son after I get back to work. But now I really worry things will be worst if I let her look after...she basically cant accept my comments, when I told her not to carry my son and at the same time pour hot water to make milk, she keeps saying no problem its ok...I really can't stand her and told my hubby why dun we engage a nanny instead since I foresee we cant get long.

I also know my poor husband is stuck in between us...being the only child
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My mum has to take care of my sis's kids so can't help me much either.
 
Dear staywithmil,

Exactly, my MIL always cry and the whole world thinks I'm the "bad" guy, causing her misery from the day we married and left her alone. We have no choice but to give her a set of keys since hubby is only child. She used to bring relatives to tour our house as and when even when we not at home, tell her not to do it she dun listen. no choice, I got to tell her off till she angry than she stop doing it.
 
why MIL again
I like to think that it is due to my MIL being old, having menopause, being sensitive, and threaten by someone who may snatch his son away as the woman. In this way, when she cries, I do not feel bad.

In bringing relatives to house, in fact before my IL stay with me, during times they visit us whenever they are down town (SG), they will start calling relatives to visit. But never bother to find out if we are free to entertain or not. At one point, they asked the whoever aunty to come at 10am. Imagine all of us were awake by 7am , and din have breakfast, have to wait for tat stupid person to arrive at 10am. I was so pissed, tat by 930, i told my hb tat i was not going to wait. And i just opened the door, proceed to foodcourt for my breakfast. In the end , they all followed.
 
why mil again:
i see. huh... mummy's boy.... my hubby is like that too.

you know what? i also very much prefer someone else to take care of my girl but since we are staying with my in laws, my hubby says it is impossible not to let them take care of her. so i relented. but when my in laws do not do a good job, it shows on my girl. like for example, rash and soreness under her chin, bottom red red... etc. then i will show my hubby.

recently, my fil has been saying that he wants to go back to work. but now... suddenly there is no more noise from him... i dunno. i am a teacher and my hols are coming up. so when i dont work, i will take care of my girl. which means that if he really wants to work, he can. but when the new school term starts and if he is still working, i will get my aunt to look after my girl.

you must be prepared if you do not want her to look after your child. cite valid reasons like dont want her to tired herself out cuz taking care of a baby is no joke... all the washing, cleaning, etc.
 
Desperately seeking help with MIL problems. It's been quite a while, almost a year since she move in with us. I really can't tahan her as she wants to control the house. It's really bad to worst as time goes by, we kept quarrelling and my hubby(of course) sides his mum. As he's other siblings are not willing to take care of her, he feels that it is his duty to take care of her. I found a way to solve this by finding her a rental flat and we can go and see her once or twice a week. At first my hubby doesn't agree, but after I reported for marriage counselling, he gave in. The problem is,, I have to find a joint applicant for her. It's not for that person to stay with her, just 'borrow' a name for the application. I'm willing to give some 'cash gift' in appreciation for it, of course after finalising the rental flat offer. This is also just a temporary situation as my aunt will be taking over in about a year+ after she is eligible for the application.(She has just sold her hdb flat, thus barred to apply for now) So,, PLEASE,, help me look for the applicant: Muslim lady, above 35yrs, (old lady better) Doesn't own HDB flat, non-working or below $800 monthly salary. ANYBODY ,,,if you can help me, PLS PM me....
My marriage is on the rocks just because of her...
 
my uncle said this " if a man is filial to his parents, he cannot be that bad."
i have this to retort "how good is he then when he does not support wife and child?"
we are living with his parents and we are both working. even so, i think all husbands should give their wives some sort of allowance ($50 also can)

its not the sum of $$ but rather the principle behind. Man, when they become husbands, fathers, should put their OWN family first. He must learn to take care of HIS household (even though he, his wife and child live with his parents) If we have a place of our own, the allowance should be given to wife for savings, household expenses, etc. if we dont have a flat of our own, allowance is for savings, child, etc.

right now, my hubby's responsibility is only towards his parents (mother especially) and i have to pay for myself, my child.
so tell me, "how good is he?"
 
Hi all

Imagine that u ladies already ve children n facing such prob... i can't imagine when my 1st baby is born in April next fall.

When I knew my hb, we were then classmates. Then later down the years, we became couple. But during the phrase, it was hard time. He n I shared the same sign name and to add fuel, was our religion. I a christian and he a buddhist. His mom ever cried in front of him to break off /w me leh.

Anyway he decided to stay put... n dun care. somehow the relatives of his managed to comfort her also.

Eventually I was told to go to their hse, but she always seemed to look so fiere n dun like to talk 2 me. (I dun understand hokkien much..) so in my presence, she will talk in hokkien though she know chinese. I could tell she was complaining abt me. Anyway, I closed one eye.

We eventually decided to get marry. Of course, she wasn't pleased if not again becoz of relatives. We applied for flat n she insisted that we went to see geomacy... so no choice went n c.... thank goodness, we went with her... the geomacer said that my hb's life is "girls" (meaning no boys.. note that my hb is the only son leh)... almost "fainted" coz mil going to give me hard time.. then geomacer said i bring fortune n good luck to him n he b wealthy @ certain point of time etc.. then my mil started to b really good to me ever since. Trust me.. I could tell from her face.

Now three years into our marriage, so far mil still not bad to me.. of course, still got lots of complaints on me.. eg. how come her son so thin or so pale? how come i never cook? (during then i was working like 12hours every weekdays and everytime got recalled over weekends) how come i washed clothes like that etc......... ahhhhh.. thank goodness, I dun live with her.. so only at times she came over.

Now got baby coming.. dunno gender yet. but seems a little pressure. My friends' mils dun allow them to do much housework but guess what my mil said.. "During my time, I still do hsework.. ever head pain, just pop panadol" Sigh..

Anyway, thank goodness, I ve a wonderful hb who is reasonable n we ve learnt lots from my friends on dealing the in laws.

My hb too don't really like my parents.. so it is kind of balanced. He deals with his parents while I deal with mine. If each of our parents complain directly to us, we will say "you go look for him/her leh.. i dunno leh." =p

The only thing is to prepare mentally what to expect when the baby comes along in April. Cross fingers.
 
dunno whether this thread is still on a not but wanted to vent my frustrations here..

I'm not married yet but my son is 2 months old already.. It was a "accident", but i wanted to keep it cause i had a abortion once be4 n hubby say wan bb also.. When his parents knew about it, they didnt say a word. My hubby was also a bit of mummy's boy. N somemore his family is more rich type. Anyway, I started to ask him to get married n i prepared everythin. Ask him to get his mom' ic no to book the date but he delay over and over again. And end up is because his parents don agree to the marriage because they think that their son is not READY for marriage and parenthood. Pls lor, also got bb already not prepared also must larn lor.. Somemore they are christians lor, expect me to abort meh?? throughtout my pregnancy they nv even give me a call or anything. Of course my family was angry with me but they still buy tonics for me now and then. My confinement also is my family help me. After i gave birth, when i was still in the hospital, his mom came to visit me. Don say tat she didnt bring anythin, came and say a lot of crap like wad since the bb is out den u shld try to give him the best u can. Like i dunno how to b a mother lor!! And say that not that she dun wan to aknowledge me and my son but her son is still young and dunno how to b a father yet. Say maybe my hubby nv tell me abt his past but he is quite bad lor.. Like askin me to leave him like tat.. Was so angry. I kept quiet throughout cause i respect her as a elder lor.. den when my hubby went back home she tell him to faster chose a date to marry me, say wan to buy the rings or wad.. My whole family say that she very hypocrite lor.. tell me one thing tell hubby another thing.. Now CNY hubby still ask me go back his house say go for the angbaos.. Dunno when i'm goin to explode at them..
 
haiz, I oso want to vent my frustrations here. Ever since I know my MIL requested my hubby to give her $1000 for chinese new year on sunday, my mood hasn't been good since. Dunno why, $1000 is not alot for us but the feeling of MIL taking $ from us just pissed me off. I appreciated that my hubby told me about it, so i have to act cool else he will keep it from me in future. So I have no one to turn to for my frustrations that i am feeling now.

Since we are bf/gf 7 years back, his mom has this habit of taking his ATM card to withdraw $ from his account. I should have caught the warning then. But too bad, now I am his wife and bearing his child. I don't understand why his mom won't understand our situation, that we need $ for our bb too and we have our own commitments and burdens as we are staying on our own.

His mom is not working now, stays in a 3-room flat with my hubby's siblings (2 bros and 1 sis) and granny. The 2 bros doesn't earn much so they don't contribute a cent to their mom. The sis is an auditor, earns double my pay and no commitments at all. She gives $400 as home allowance and my hubby gives $600 as home allowance per month. Is $1000 per month as allowance not enough, why must she get extra from us. Why not from his sister? I feel frustrated thinking of this. I also feel that $600 per month a her allowance is really too much. I ever ask him to reduce it after marriage but he won't.

I am always trying to save more for our future and there his mom took $ from us. Even next week my birthday, i also didn't request my hubby to buy anything for me. I told him to save up the $ for future. I just feel very sian.. maybe cos i pregnant oso so mood super bad since sunday when i knew his mom took $1K from us.
 
hi smurfy, when $ is concerned we as DILs always can't understand why our MIL only keep asking our hubby for $, my case similar as yours...been years and still remaining unchange...MIL only extort $ from us and not from other children of hers, seems never understand we have our own family to support too. Take it easy, nowadays i just keep nagging hubby "enough is enough", as son and DIL we do our part by giving allowance for her necessary needs and not supporting her with luxuries...
 
hatred,

i know how frustrating it is for you. Same for me.. at one point of time, when my hubby might be posted overseas, i am thinking "good lor, at least his mom cannot take $ from us"

Actually my MIL doesn't buy alot of luxury stuff.. i also dunno why she need to spend so much a month for a 3-room flat. My guess is her heavy spending on 4D. Sometimes my hubby forget to give, she will call him up to remind him wan, why won't she think that maybe we no $ to give for that month. She take his allowance for granted lor, just like the way she took his ATM card to use last time.

I cannot imagine why got such mom wan.. she never take $ from his siblings, only my hubby.. very frustrating
 
hi smurfy

yah yah yah, my MIL also bet much on 4D... before end month she will remind the son about her allowance. at times i will tell hubby that i want to stop working, so that MIl won't take us for granted thinking we have two income. my other brothers and their wives also working and their income much stronger compared to us...can't understand why she is so bias, the other sons' $ are hard earned $ and they are to reserve for the kids and the maid, what ahout us? simply we got no maid means we are more flexi...sigh
 
Hi All,
Me too want to vent my frustration here. Ever since my newborn baby was out, my MIL was staying with us for the confinement period which is quite alright initially. However, after she shifted in, she started to tell us what to do and so on. Everything must follow her ways and if not, we sure get it from her. Even when we mentioned that the nurse told us to avoid this n that, she will always said that my experience is always better than anyone. Never mind. When she is in wrong, she never admit and instead goes around to complain to our relatives that me n my wife not good and so on..... Talk bad about us always.
She told me directly dont always look at your baby when she is sleeping or awake but when my MIL family or her relatives was here, she would get them to go to the room n look at the baby n please note this process goes on for few hours even though my baby was sleeping. A lot of things she mentioned to me not to do it but she herself is doing it. Even my own parents also are afraid to come to visit us. I talked to my wife on this matter and both of us agreed that we need to voice out to my MIL and when we did that, she make a big issues out of it. Crying that she is having an hard time here and we do not listen to her and wanted to go home and so on... After coaxing her due to out of respects, she stayed on for the confinement period. If she doesnt want to help out in the confinement period, she should voice out but she didn't. Now the blames are on us. Our baby got jaundice and the level are high, we told her not to cook things with ginger and wine as it causes the jaundice to goes higher as per PD advice. She also said that we do not listen to her and if anything happened, she will not be responsible and make a big fuss out of it. Calling everyone to tell them what we said and calls flooding in and reprimanded us on this issues that we are not sensitive towards her.
I really do not know how long i am endure till. Really feel like giving up.......
 
I was wondering why went she voice that she wanted to go home and you didn't take the opp then other than respect. Your MIL don't listen to your wife?
 
Well, if i were to take the opp. then i can tell you we will have no rest for our rest of our life. My wife and her mum are always on the loggerheads. Both of them are strong headed. Now we are going thru our FIL to meditate the teething issues we are facing.
 
Marcus
Your MIL is a bit like my own MIL who threatened to go back and not look after my son. And for some small issues previously, she will hint that she's pressurised and so on. Now that my son is bigger now, I am not afraid if my MIL wants to go back Malaysia.

But the fact is that they could not as they had no where to stay
 
I share the same predicament as smurfy and hatred as if we owe the loan shark money giving money like pouring water over the drain. Why i say drain cos it flows away to don't know where and no returns. She feels it's rite to get money from his son. She's not appreciative at all by the way she has never showed any concerns to us. Over due only will call up for reminder. But my hubby is not complaining cos there's nothing wrong to help his family. He's so apologetic to his mum when he forgot to transfer the money and not being able to satisfy their need. On top of the mthly allowance there's also ad hoc basis when they call up to cry and crop up stories on how up tight they are. I just don't understand how they always not enough to spend when everyone is earning an income and only have their own self to support. It is not as if they are so poor, they know how to enjoy life better than anyone else. Selfish spendthrift only know what's $$$.
 
marcus
Seems like you are really in a very difficult position. It is actually not very good to be in such environment for long. Maybe either your wife or your MIL got to give in to each other a bit. Maybe both need to have a good talk and agree on things such as where care-giving of bb is concern, your wife and you as parents will make the ultimately decision.
 
Marcus

Is there other person can help rather than your MIL?Once upon a time, my mil was at my place and create a hell out of it....eventually, I identify my problem and I took the problem out and that is get my mil out of the house....peace then...you can think of alternative arrangement....
 
MIl is a pest to me, even she not staying with me she still call to check if my hubby is eating well , if i cook everyday but never really bother to ask abt my kids (she stay in penang). she dote on her younger daughter who is attached to a married man and bore him 3 kids but with lots of money and she not embarrased to tell everybody in penang abt that,the thought of her always make me hot liao.
 
Hi Gals,

I am not exactly having problems with my in laws. Instead, they are ok, at least for now. And we will be moving out soon. But lately, some tension has built up between HB and me as he expects me to be closer to his family. But i have my limits as to how close i want to be. Can anyone share, how close will you want to be with your in laws? To me, all i can bear is;

-weekly family gatherings
-special family gatherings for some ocassions only eg. IL birthdays
-give them ang bao or presents for special ocassions
-ensure they wont be left penniless, apart from monthly allowance, i have also told HB to leave his inheritance for ILs should anything happen, i wont need anything from him)
-once in a while holiday trip
-help if they need certain help to run errands
-of course, take one of them in to stay with us if the other IL pass away

Is above enough? Am i not doing enough? To me, i am ok with giving them due respect, greet and chat with them when we meet but nothing more. I just want the relationship to be cordial and not too close as too close means i wont be able to get away from obligations. Am i alone?

And what if ILs are internet savvy and often msn chat us, we have to entertain them as long as we happen to be on line too. Isnt it the same as ILs calling us every other day? I dont like them to leech onto us like that. I still want us to have our own space. Am i normal?
 
maplegreen
you are perfectly normal to feel this way. don't worry too much.

hehe, my hubby didn't like it when my mom came unannounced too. she has keys to our house. it's normal to want privacy in our own house and have our personal space.
 
MILs - don't they just naturally assume that they are the QUEEN MOTHER and we're her loyal subjects? One night, my hubby just told me "My sis plans to get a place of her own and move out. So my mom says she'll pack up and move in with us.".

So my MIL just made that statement like "FYI this is what I'll do". Urm, hello, this is my house I live here I pay for it and it's my life! But as most women already found out the hard way, there is really no point in arguing with the hubby over MIL - MIL is always the good royal one (oh, she loves you and wanna spend more time with you and our baby mah, should be thankful!).... and the one arguing (us, the horrific evil wife), will be labelled the troublemaker!

WHY WHY? I see this happenning to my best friend, too. One day she just learnt from her two kids that "grandma say she'll come live with us". FYI!

I'm so devastated. I'm expecting my first baby in August, I've hired a CL, I would even pay a babysitter to take care of my baby. But now she wants to reign! Already, everytime she drops by, she would comment on every single tile in the house and every pot of flower in the balcony... And she hogs my hubby like a bee to the flower! What happens when she's moves in?
 
Frogprincess, Does your husband mind his mom moving in? If he minds, the battle's won. If he doesn't mind... then I don't know how also.. cos it is also half his house right? Maybe another way is to convince your MIL to buy a place near her daughter's home or near your home. Would she have the cash?
 
frogprincess,
there's nothing u can do n do expect more of such nonsense to come. meanwhile, try to focus on yr bb instead of MIL
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frogprincess,
Is ur hb the oni son??? Son usually wont comment anything that mother want move in with them cos they feel is their mother. but then never give a 2nd thot whether the wife like it anot.
U are pregnant now.. be cheerful.. dun be bothered by all this. Have a good heart talk with ur hb on this that u dun wish to hv additional pple adding into ur this hse esp u having a NB baby soon. Its always best not to stay with MIL to avoid conflict if those MIL are the bossy type.

MY MIL also same thing. like to come my hse & comment my hse messy, CANNOT hang bras & undies in the kitchen which i hang on pole mah.. CANNOT have many shoes in the balcony(she claim shifu say "cai shen ye" wont want to come in). CANNOT have umbrella hook in my blacony (umbrella will hook away all my money).. u see she sooo pantang until lidat. i heck care one lar. i tell her off this is all supersticious. I dun buy toto or 4D anyway. so i dun care.

then yday out of good will show her our family portrait i took with my hb & bb mah. she say "HOW COME 3Pax take pic togehter one?". i say then how? dun take 3 pax how to call family photo? she say she my hb carry bb take 1pose, then i carry bb take another.. i say lidat call family meh? then she say last time her MIL tell her cannot take 3pax one. i was so pissed go home wash my hb brain say his mom siao one. say cannot 3pax take pic. I duno take how many times of 3pax pic with my best frd since i am in sec sch days. we now still best of best frd still leh. (touchwood) lar..

Hv a good talk with ur hb.. cos if this Empress Dowager comes in... haha... dun expect to shoo her off easily ok..
 
Hubby is the only son. MIL now live in her condo just opposite my HDB! Daughter was a (rich) banker turned full-time buddhist; feels condo is noisy so wanna move out to dunno which jungle or solitary confinement or become a nun? MIL is not supersticious but read too much - always say teflon got poison, will get cancer. Bread, biscuits and such are processed food - got preservatives and chemical. Will get cancer also.

And all the other domestic stuff, she claims ignorrance - about pregnancy dunno, about confinement, dunno, about infantcare, dunno, about cooking, dunno (she cooks the same 5 or 6 dishes everyday - consisting of beans, tofu, vege!)

Already living so close, got problem - sometimes on the weekend she just pop by to watch TV with us. Keep on asking questions like a 3 year old (yap yap yap yap yap non stop), and then, keep on chatting with my hubby until i have to JAB my hubby to tell her to keep quiet.

But men are like that - they totally ignorrant when it comes to their mothers. My mom lives with my brother, driving my SIL nuts but my hubby only got the same thing to say "she's my mother. no choice. you adjust"
 
I will freak out if my MIL moves in with us permanently.

She stayed with us for 2 months and I quarrelled numerous times with my hubby. Other than that 2 months, my hubby & I hardly have any disagreements.

does your hubby know how you feel about this issue?

I told my hubby we will surely end up in divorce if we stayed with his mom long term. I have so much negative feelings towards my hubby during that 2 months that I almost detest him. Once MIL moved back to her home, I find him lovable again

So it's not even a threat, it's a fact!
 
hi ladies,

my MIL moved in with us when i gave birth to my girl til now. Everything is changed since then. No more privacy, attention n caring from HB is lesser cos he is focus on another person at the same time. i felt very uneasy cos someone came into our life. but thinking that my HB is the only son. he is family oriented person. i just be optimistic.

after sometimes, i found that Mother is like "queen" to him. He will feeds her a spoonful of cake or sometimes any foods when we were having meal together. i always ignore and turn away to avoid this disgusting situation. FYI, my MIL is very strong and physically healthy. i really freak out. one day, me n my MIL had quarrel over different expectation. this happen first time after she moved in for about half a year. i told my HB We(me n MIL) could not get along. i gave in after HB talked to her M personally. the way he treat her M even "worst". all priority go to her. my HB's attitude towards me became negative after that quarrel. we had fight over a small matter when we were having dinner outside the next day. i really detest them. i felt like kana buli by mother and son. we didnt spoke for over a week. since then, she dare not create any trouble.

and now i try to be deaf, blind and mute! that's the way i feel better.
 
Yummymama, i know how it feels when you see the hubby feeds the mom - my hubby does that, too! Then when they watch TV together sometimes like lovey dovey they can even put the hand on the tighs! I think it's gotta do with my MIL being a widow for 30 years, hubby was only 6 so the MIL wanted attention and love from children and never teach them properly? Like saying, you're a big boy now. Cannot put the hand on my tigh - jeez. But she puts her hand on his tigh, too!
 
what a world it is now? frogprincess, we are on the same boat. i think our MIL scared his only son will be fully occupied by us one day. they r seeking attention from their son now. My MIl being a widow for 3 years.
 
My story... Arrived home slightly past 7pm feeling quite happy, end of Monday, gonna have dinner (take-away) and watch Harry Potter with my hubby. Hubby arrived closer to 8pm, just in time to see the last few bits of the Kindship on Channel 8 - where the DIL was arguing with the unreasonable MIL because the hubby was doing housework.

At that point, my hubby launched into a lecture on "Ah, see lah, watch this kinda show, of course you will have negative perception of my mother blah blah blah". Suddenly, it felt as though the world had fell on me, losing the war before the battle even began - there I was, the wrong one, the evil one, the bad one, the trouble maker.

Lost all interest in dinner, went into my room, cried until I threw up and cried until I went to sleep. Hubby did came in to sayang sayang me but what's the point? How to like, or to live with the MIL that seems to be causing me so much grief and putting me in such bad light with the hubby?
 
hi frog princess

please take care of urself. ur health n bb are more impt.
my MIL has 2 sons, she also so possessive. she likes to mind our business n poison my hubby. even asked him to divorce me before. my hubby also put his mum at his priority.
ha ha i am someone who don give a damn to anything. right is right, wrong is wrong. who cares whether u r my elderly.
i shouted at my MIL, scolded her and was very stern towards her. we used to stay together and i gave my hubby n her really really hard time that no one can imagine.
my bb boy carries their entire surname in their whole big extended family. my FIL in the eldest, Hubby eldest n my boy the first grandson. once i boycotted my MIL, dun allow her to see my boy, dun talk to hubby, dun go home till he agrees to move out. we shifted 10 months ago. very far from my MIL. now when i feel like it, i let her see my boy so she better guai guai if she wants to see her grandson. now she dun dare to give me any trouble nor nonsense cos i told my hubby and her i don give her face anywhere anytime.she is so far so guai
(sorry sounded like i am the queen but no choice, i want my hubby and my own family life)
 
Hi all, my MIL is a petty and possessive person. She has stayed with us for over 9 yrs till this moment. My MIL moved over to my house when my daughter was born. Actually my mummy wanted to take care of my daughter but she decided not to because she didn't want to create problem for me and my hubby. My hubby is the youngest son and only the one who get married. For first few yrs when she stayed with us, we had a lot of problems with her. My husband thought I am a bad temper and also tyranny but I stood very firm on my own belief. Sometimes I felt very alone against them. We don't have our own privacy and she is not happy with us when we go out without her. During one of the conflict, I told my MIL that she is the most petty person in whole world. The reason is that she got jealous of my parent when they gave my children presents. I told her if she did not like my living style then she can move out. Sometimes we have to be very cunning, since she can brainwash our hubby, so can we! We dont have to be direct conflict with our hubby. This will make them very defensive and think that we always create trouble. I let my hubby know that to have long marriage life, sometimes we have to spend some time with ourselves without children. After some time, we understand each other better. I tried to make him understand from my view. We tried to live peacefully with MIL over years. Now she does not interfere when I discipline with my children. We still have hiccups once in a few months even my hubby also very frustrated with her.
 
hey gals,

looks like we are all in the same boat...I also have a witch as mil. She is really wicked and always like to create tension between me and my hb. She never likes me and favours my bil and his horrid wife more. Only come to my hb when needs help. But too bad my hb is a filial son despite his mum treating him and his family lke shit.

Seriously, I dun mind her not treating me well as long as she leave us alone. Unfortunately, it is not as ideal as I wanted. she will come and stir every now and then.

Just want to share my story with pple in the same boat:

Things started when we were dating and she scolded me over trival matters. And I stomach all these cos I know my then bf (my hb now) is treating me well. In fact my mum told me to reconsider since his mum is such a difficult person but i didn't heed her advise.

After we got married, things got worse...when we visit her, she showed black face and when we dun visit her due to work, she cry and whine and started a drama causing me to move back to my mum's place (fyi, we were just new wed). Then she used her most deadly and effective weapons...her tears...when my hb told her i have moved out, she called me in front of her son and apologised as she cried...drama queen...i was totally disgusted when i looked back now...

She is very scheming, unhygenic and rude person...in fact the worst human being i have ever seen. No morale values as well, even her own siblings dun like her.

She forbids her sons form visiting her mil cos she hated her...what goes around comes around...i also dun like my kids to get in touch with her...she is too bloody dirty...when my kids were barely a month old, she used her saliva to stick tissue on their forehead...claiming that this will stop hiccups...totally absurd and no logic at all and it didn't work of cuz. tell her dun do it, she not happy I really dun want to have anything to do with her...I really want her out of my life

Her wicked deeds don't end here...it even extends to my family. Totally disregard and dun respect my family.

I have been putting up with her for the longest time until i given birth...I have too much stress to handle so I retaliate cos I dun see the need to take her crap anymore. I have to handle stress from my kids, work, maid, home and my hb travel often so I dun see the need to continue to take her crap.

And my hb is not firm with her so she is very daring and step all over us.

All I can say is, sway to have such mil.
 
hi. this is a reallllly long thread. can i join?

my pil cannot hear babies cry. they get paranoid. i mean, come on. babies can't talk to tell, hey i'm hungry, poo, pee, bored!'

i always argue with hubby whenever we are his parent's house. very stress you know, must make sure our babies don't cry. not a single kwek!

then i kinda burst out one night. when my toddler son refused to sleep and cried for minutes. my fil yelled 'why is he crying? don't let him cry for so long!' then my babygirl started to cry too. aiyoh.

my hubby angry at me because i let babies cry. saying his parents cannot tolerate with that.
i went nuts and yelled, babies don't die from crying that long! so excuse me!'

also...when i tried but failed to discipline my son over at their house, my fil or mil always hug my son whenever he started to fake crying.

really terrible. their policy or motto 'give whatever that child wants as long as he's happy and no crying!'

i hate hate hate hate hate that.

now my son even dares to slap scream kick whenever he doesn't get what he wants. of course back home, i won't tolerate with his nonsense.

also...does any of you feel that your title as a mother being taken away the moment you are around your mil. its like, you r not the mom, i am. i always feel that way. it made me sad though.
 
hi miserable.

i can relate with the money thing. i was working and pregnant with my 1st son at that time. and i had to pay most of the things. hubby money just disappeared into thin air.

in fact til now, sahm with another baby, he still gives him mom more than me. sometimes i find it unfair coz we always have the 'not enough money' issue by the third week. and a week without much money is really bad.

and being sahm doesn't mean i am that cruel to see him struggle like a worm. i help too using fund from my savings. now savings about to dry up too.

i want to start working again but he disallow me too. my mil insisted us taking a maid so that she could rent her current house to make more money for her daughter's wedding. and guess where she wanna stay.

yup with me. she often threw in this idea and i laughed at her, 'what a maid? no!'

no way am i gonna take a maid so she can easily come and stay here. no way no way.

i rather put my kids in childcare rather than her looking after them.

better still..continue be a sahm! just anything to apart us.
 
bcos of my MIL, my hb detests me to the core. when we quarrel, he wld always bring up past issues esp those abt him mum. cant we move on? i'm trying to learn to adapt. can my hb stop scolding me abt his mum?!!
 
ask u gals out there. how can i tell if my MIL ever bad-mouthed me in front of hb? somehow i feel tat my hb always think badly of me where his mum is concerned. it's like i'm out to harm his mum or something.
sad.gif
 


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