Is Flirting messages is also a Mental Betrayal?

[disappted_woman]

Hi

Recently I found that my spouse had a new friend finder app on his phone, and actually had befriend one woman from there, which he had a few flirting messages with her.

I saw those messages and confronted him.. he mentioned he only started a few weeks ago. He said only flirt in his sms and guarantee that he had never betrayed me. Yes, i agree he were with me and my young gal most of the time after work daily and most weekends. I guess he did not really lie to me since he spent most of the time with us when he is not at work.. After my confrontation, he immediately removed that app from his phone.

But i know that woman has his mobile no. cos i saw her sms in his phone as well.. he had also removed her from his watsapp chat.. (but pls.. the woman still have his no. rite!)

Most guys would be extra careful after being caught for such behavior, and yes, the same goes for him.. Nothing can be found/seen from his mobile or sms for the past few days.

I also thought that he may have sms her during his work and delete her smses before he comes back home.. But since i cant find any evidence from his phone, I will take it as he really did not contact that woman anymore..

BUT TOO BAD, i saw that woman sms again in his whatsapp.. a goodnite message.. so does that mean that he did message her during the day? If not why she suddenly send him a goodnite message in the middle of the nite?

Does the woman purposely want to show to me?!

I actually wanted to forgive him already (although i will not trust him 100% anymore), and planned to go for trip to rebuild up our relationship.
But at this point of time, i saw this sms from her! Is god trying to play tricks on me?

I am damn disappointing! I really find sms flirting is also a "Mental betrayal" to the spouse.

I’m still thinking whether to proceed the trip with him.. I really duno..

Any advice for me?

 

[pann]

Hi, I understand how you feel. Your hubby abit like mine too. He also with me and my son most of the time. I thought he was really a good man.. even though he has high sex drive and like to watch porn and see pretty girls in the computer but I really trust he will not do anything stupid and will not be able to do anything stupid since he is always with me and son most of the time.

But that is not the case. He actually visited prostitute twice. Once on overseas work trip and once when he was bringing his japanese clients around.

Of course I was devastated when I found out. I cried and wanted to divorce. But then I really love him and I really do not wish my family to break up. So when I calmed down, I spoke to him. He also do not want me to leave him. He say he is remorseful. He promise he would not do such thing anymore. I told him I want him to tell his parents and my parents of what he does. I want him to admit his mistakes in front of them. He did so faithfully.

He even called up a counsellor so that both of us can go through counselling to make things work.

After a few rounds of counselling, we realised there were so many things we do not really tell each other. Now, we are much better, though at times, I will still get upset when I am at wedding listening to those wedding vows. I also dunno why.

That is my story. So for you, do you really wan to make things work with hubby? If yes, then can go for the trip but must tell him that he must be truthful to you and talk to you. Face the problems. Find out what went wrong. Only then will the marriage work. As long as you both still love each other, things can always be iron out.

 

[sane]

disappointed woman, if ever Im in your shoes, I will not hesitate to sms the woman and intro myself, "hi, im xxx's wife, I've always saw ur sms to him and is there anything that he did to give you a wrong idea etc? It is better to clear the doubt for once and for all.

 

[angelneo]

Agreed with SeR. I never hesitate to do that.

 

[desparate_wife]

if i read correctly, actually the husband have the intention to look for 'fresh meat'. He have a friend finder in his hp.

Despite TS confrontation, she still see SMS. In fact, the husband had become smarter and delete all his tracks. if TS going to send SMS to that women and the women alert the husband, then the husband will think of new ways to cover his tracks. In the future, it's going to be more difficult to detect. Even this women, go away. But he can awlays look for new one.

 

[piggy_peggy]

Hi Disappointed woman,

Why not you exchange your sim card and handphone with his? If he has nothing to hide, then he should not have any violent objection right?

Anyway, you must do it tactfully... men dont like confrontation and dont like to be interrogated like they are criminals.

You can approach by saying that you felt insecure. Whether he can do more to make you feel more secure, such as... bla..bla..bla...

 

[ayana]

For whatsapp, perhaps you can block the women's number from his phone. So that she can never reach him again... =)

 

[sane]

Just to share, long before I get married, I know a guy who's known to be "single". He will always take initiative to sms me and ask me out.

However, 1 day I rec'd some weird intimate sms from him and ended up it's his wife who sms me, sort of like testing me.

I just tell her straight that it's her hb who always sms me and he told me he's single though there's nothing between us n I m definitely not interested in him.

Sorry to say this, though no hard evidences but TS's husband already show signs of straying.

If u pay too much attention to ur gal, it's time to shift some attention back to your hb.

 

[mehui]

Agree with SeR, make your stand clear early before things get out of hand.

 

[disappted_woman]

Ser, actually din neglect him wor.. Infact most time with him.. Or together w the Lil one.. Other than my working days, i dun even have my own time to go out n meet my own frens.. Have been putting them even bef myself, until I find I hate myself for doing that.. After this incident, I find not worth making so many sacrifices...

Women really hope guys will change for them, n yet the truth is always not what women looking for.

Karen, had wanted to check his mobile now n then but have to do secretly, at times I do have a feeling that he actually know that I'm checking secretly,, I dunno la.. Just my six sense that he might knew what I did. And it seems like I m wrong to check his mobile but in actual fact, he is the one who did wrong, not me.

 

[ilynnew]

talk things through with your husband. find out the reason behind his actions. let him know how hurt you are by his actions. and how its affecting you even till now.

if he treasures you, he'll do something abt it.

all guys will definitely stray a lil in a marriage be it sms/calls, we cant be there 24/7 to check on him. since you've alr confronted him once, twice wont make a difference

 

[blur_ballerina]

what is the friend finder app called?

I have a friend whose husband strayed. She found out he has an app called Four Square. I dont know what it does. But he makes friends with people near him, flirted with them on sms and eventually got a gf..

 

[zodiacdolly]

hi

i aso wanna share my experience.. My hb aso behaves the same as disppointed woman...

wat he did was chatting intimately w a gal he known on facebk... he gave a fake identity abt his name & his marital status...they never met..but they exchange HP nos & been msg each other..sometimes i dun wan 2 tink if they really met, wat will happen...

when i learnt abt it, i was devasted.. cos i didn't knw tat he could chat so intimately w someone...tat kind of emotional betray was a blow 2 mi...all along i leave him 2 do wat he wans, i never check on him even wan a gal was calling or sms him...tis happen abt 6 mths ago...

as usual he said it was just a moment of foolish, he had no heart w her... he stopped contacting her...& tis woman after a while, stopped contacting him...

everynow & then any little single things he do or say, will make mi tink & even check on him... i really hate such life.. deep down i'm tinking when he will do it again?

i would say since then our r/ship was better, his needs were aso being met constantly as compared 2 the past...i shd say i would try 2 meet his nds constantly..

he aso constantly b w mi & children...so i dun tink he had met up w her...

i couldn't trust him 100% anymore.. didn't knw guys out there can do such things...

disappointed woman, we r in the same boat... hope our hubby will really change n nt indulge in such affairs...

 

[zodiacdolly]

hi ann

my hb aso loved watching porn, c pretty ladies on PC & has beri high sex drives.. which leds mi izzit cos of all these tat leds 2 him being so looking forward for a fling...

how to keep our hb hearts?

 

[susanna_low]

Men tend to do weird thing if they are too bored..how will they feel if their wives do the same to them too.

 

[zodiacdolly]

hi susanna

i agree, my hb told mi he's bored, nothing 2 do, so chatted w her..

actually bored, wat it means... bored in wife, family, work, children...

4 my hb i hope is work... cos i knw at work he too free liao.. nothing 2 do at times... he'll surf net...

 

[moorspa7]

Why are men bored when there is so many things to do constructively ? It is just loads of excuses. It goes to show that man simply do not respect his wife & he takes things for granted. Men simply just want to do things that pleasures them. Bored and nothing to do? Why don't he help his wife out with housework or look after the kids? They are just simply selfish creatures who think of themselves first. Only a minority who puts family first will not do such things.

 

[mehui]

"Bored" is a really crappy excuse. So many things men can help with at home or amuse themselves with other than spend time/money on women who are obviously out to flatter/flirt/sleep with for money.

 

[dadof4]

Hi Disappointed,

I've heard of new friend finder and dating apps actually all these is fake people. One of my sis friend is a victim, her picture was

taken with her knowledge and put into those app friend.

 

[shoppixe]

Trust is so over rated in a relationship... ... When we ask it's we don't trust them/ we are naggy, when we don't ask it's we don't care. Think sometimes it's a matter of women taking on too much to do then the men eng eng nothing to do. Thats why bored. go find 'harmless fun'