How will you react if you realise your hubby go on a one-day trip with a female colleague during a b

[joy18]

How will you react if you realise your hubby go on a one-day trip with a female colleague during a business trip?

He told me he was going for a short scenic trip since he had never been there before. But he didn't mention he actually went with a female colleague alone. I only realised it when i saw the photos in his phone. I questioned him about the woman and whether they stayed in the same accomodation during his business trip. He was angry that i suspected him and refused to talk to me.

Wouldn't every woman want to find out more since she only finds out this new piece of infor when she sees the photos in hp?

 

[september]

I will say it is common for woman to ask. But only u know him well. So u r the best to judge if he is angry coz u dun trust him and he is really innocent, or he is angry coz tat is the best way to face the problem.

 

[susanna_low]

I agree, u r the best one to judge whether to trust him.

Since they are colleagues, they have plenty chances to cheat if they want to.

 

[avocado]

yes,u've the rights to know.Ur hb shld explain & give u assurance rather than throwing temper.

if he nvr do anything wrong,why can't he explain?

 

[whitewindy]

Agree with Avocado.

You as a wife has the right to know. Besides if there is nothing wrong with it then why must he hide from you. He has no reasons to flare up and get angry with you. Unless he is really up to something.

Besides that why must be this female colleague cannot go with you? Why must hide that he gg with a female colleague? He should explain himself.

If I'm you I will pursue the matter.

 

[mikki_liew]

he might be using anger to make u stop asking him more questions.

Be on the lookout. I advice u, asking him will not get anything anymore but monitor him and that women more, whether they contact each other after office hour, or lunch times.

 

[emeraldy]

Anger is the best weapon to hide guilt. Cos once anger is flared, would you go on pressing for the truth?

He had chosen to lie on the one day trip. Not being open about it. Is lack of respect for you as his spouse.

Please be on your toes. If you matter alot to him, lies and anger should not be present at all.

 

[verone_baby]

hmm..sharing my experience, i used to be a frequent flyer for business trip. every time is just my male boss and i. yes, we went for a day-trip but didnt share common accommodation.

i would say if just one female and one male colleague out for business trip often and for a long period, trust me, there is definitely a spark especially in those "ang mo" countries, when the ambient, wine, loneliness is just right there..

do things smart girl, if his frequent traveler, arguing or anger is going to make things worst. you must plan and have better EQ to handle this. Not to say u must 100% trust him, maybe occasionally show up in his office for a lunch date will be a good idea to warn those girls.

 

[september]

Joy, another thing to note, in order to keep our 'market value' pls ensure that after marriage, u still maintain ur look and continue to doll up. If nt man, who by nature love to see and own pretty things will seek from outside de.

I am speaking from experience, coz my hb stray before. So after my 2nd child birth, I took a program to slim down and trim away my tummy and now taking a supplement tat lift up my sagging breast.

The result : After I slim down, my hb will bother to ask where I am gng whenever I go out. If nt last time, when I was on the plump side, he will nt bother....wahahahaha

 

[xsun]

So many misunderstandings becos we hide this and tat. If only we can be open and honest, then wun cause all these mistrust issues.

I agree with caterpilly abt using anger to hide guilt. Tatz the easiest way to make u back off. U can pre empt him by telling him just tat, in a matter of fact tone. At least, he knows u r smart enuf not to fall for this old trick! Then tell him to avoid future situations like this, just be honest with u.

Man has tis trick..they like to lay down their cards and put the ball in ur court. So when anythg go wrong, they will point finger at u and shrug off all responsibilities. So we must learn frm them, strike 1st before they do.

 

[avocado]

hi sungrapes,
well said! I reali like ur last statement!

men like to push responsibilities.that makes them feel less guilty & more ego.

 

[dhazey]

Joy,

My hubby went on with this emotional betrayal with his colleague, just after 6mths of project team work together. I also just found out few months back, so better take precaution bah.... Trying to stop whatever they can to develop further as well.

 

[joy18]

Thanks ladies for sharing your thoughts with me! I have been feeling lethagic for days. We are at cold war and have not had a 'closure talk' yet.

After some thoughts, i think it is a 'platonic' trip they had gone together this time. Other than he has not told me he only went with a woman, he has not tried to stop me from using his hp after the trip or change his passcode.

Yet, i am wary if i do not voice my opinions, he would think it's fine to go for more such trip with a single woman or that same woman during his future business trips.

Ultimately, most men don't think with head when a woman initiates a fling.

I have questions which i have not got to ask. And i think he probably has not told me all. He said she is based in indo, msia and sydney. But i see her having singapore number in his phonebook.

I agree with you girls. If he has a conscience heart, he should not flare up with me for asking him questions. Ultimately, i am his wife and i have my rights to know what's going on.

 

[joy18]

Ya, talking about market values. I have been thinking of changing my wardrobe and facial and re-start my exercise. It's time to get all these done!!!

 

[xsun]

Joy,
Stop the cold war. Cold war will further gv him the excuse to continue his nonsense. U r working mum? U hv earning power so dun be afraid to speak up. I am all for submitting to husbands but then not at the expense of our marriage.

Cook him a nice meal and enjoy it. Then tell him hw much u cherish ur marriage amd love him. Sweet talk a bit. If he is guilty, make him feel even worse.

Man oso has their ego. Tatz y they look for flings. Cos the girls outside can sweettalk.

Just dun gv them excuse to justify even thinking of starting an affair.

 

[xsun]

They throw ball to us, we throw it back to them.

 

[joy18]

Thanks Sungrapes!
Haizz... I will take in a deep breathe and have a talk with him tonight.

 

[xsun]

Hi avocado,
Thks for liking! Men and their bag of old tricks.
My hb and i, we hv many divorced frens. So he saw wat the men go thru. Bleed until dry by alimony, sales of apt, custody fights. So he knows the worst thg to do is get a divorce. Plus the fact he is quite stingy type.

Aw, i alrdy told him if i ever find out he hanky panky outside, then i will sue him till he dun recongise his own parents! No money see got woman still want him anot.

To joy,
Yes, take deep breath, put on ur best smile and show him hw gracious and loving his wife is. Remind him tat family is still the best. Outside those flings only cheap thrill.

 

[avocado]

hi sungrapes,
give me a five! my hb also very stingy.

i told him even he has affair outside,our son will follow my surname,and he has give all his properties to me.Well,i always believe when there is no love anymore,muz at least have money.I use the money to give the best to my son & myself.

But,nowadays,women outside don't necessarily go for money.Sometx,these kinda woman,like the thrill of breaking ppl family & dump the man later.Or the china woman just wanna marry for sake of citizenship.

 

[joy18]

Agree with avocado. There are women who go after men for thrill - to prove themselves attractive and successful. And they may not nec aiming for citizenship since they themselves could be highly educated and work overseas.

 

[joy18]

Haze, emotional betrayal is equally bitter for us. How did u cope with that? Did u manage to have good talk with ur hubby?

 

[dhazey]

Joy,

Yes managed to speak to him..in fact my hubby is a very quiet person..and sometimes face to face communication is not easy. Anyway all along , we dont have much problems...we dont quarrel much and we still go out dates on the wkends .So now is i got his sister to constantly remind him that he has a happy family now...dont be impulse or sudden thrill. Coz his sister knows that nowadays he is working on long hours..and remind him not to neglect me at home.

 

[xsun]

Avocado,
Hi five!
Tot my hb is the last of his kind. He die then extinct liao.
Pray my sons dun hv his stingy genes.

Aw, i just wanna share my tots.
I believe we r all created for a purpose. Getting married, hvg kids r just part of this process to fulfil our bigger purpose.
Same as failed marriage or deadend relationship. There is always a lesson to be learn frm our hardship.

During my bad days,i always look at my children. No matter hw lousy i feel abt myself, obviously God thinks differently. If not, y did he bless me with 2 kids? He must think im gd enuf to qualify to take care of His heritage. Then im comforted. I buck up myself and do my best to love my children.

My hb this type, only God can chg. Really! No joking.!
Aiyah! But no matter hw terok he is, God loves him as much as He loves me. So wat can i say, right? Pray evday lor!

Sorry hah! Not trying to preach here. Just wanna share my train of tots.....on hw i manage to tahan so long.

 

[newbiemum]

Joy, i hope you didn't kick up a huge fuss about your hubby going on a day trip during his business trip..

I travel 2 weeks a month, every month.. and usually with a male colleague. Who else can I go for day trips with if not the colleague? Sometimes we even share a room to save cost (seperate beds of course). And I can tell you our relationship is far from Platonic. Its purely colleagues. We do not have common conversation topics, we have very different interest and definitely not 1 bit interested in each other.

I understand that for a wife, its better to be more cautious and prevention is better than cure.. but put yourself in your hubby's shoes and just not be too restrictive.

p.s trust me, he'll still go on day trips with "her" with or without your knowledge. I rather he tells u where he's going than doing it behind your back

 

[joy18]

Ooopss.. sorry, have not been coming to the forum for some time..

Haze, great that your SIL helps you. Sometimes, the men just need someone in family other than the wives to remind them how blessed they are now.

Sungrapes, from what you've said, i think you are a strong woman. Mentally strong.

 

[joy18]

Lala, nope, i didn't kick a big fuss. I only had cold war before i finally had a good talk with him.

I wasn't pleased because he chose to keep mum that he went tour with a woman. He only informed me he extended his stay after having all arrangements made.

I also have business trip, though less often. I told him it's a good chance to sort out our expectations on our separate overseas business trips. He thinks it's ok he goes on tour trips with a woman since they are just platonic. But when i said it means that i can also do the same during my business trip, he changed his mind and said not ok.

Sometimes, expectations on ownself and others are just different.

Lala, just curious, are you married?
I am sure you know what you are doing when you travel for work overseas. For me, i just feel prevention is better than cure. The chance of women succeed when they initiate a flinge is much higher than men, esp when a man and a woman are alone in foreign land.

 

[newbiemum]

Hey Joy, Yes i'm married and with a 7 month old lil girl

Yeah i understand about having different expectations on ownself and others.. Sometimes my hubby also not happy that i make arrangements prior to informing him but i guess he's used to it and since its not an extension of the trip but the in between he is more accepting about it.

 

[shoppixe]

Lala- I really admire your relationship! There needs o be a lot of trust to do that!
I for one cannot. I personally think trust is over rated. It's not the best principle to start a marriage but better to be safe than sorry. So I will Always ask, and I tell hubby I ask not bvos I dun trust you, it's bcos I dun trust the other women out there. You good catch ma... Lol. After that, dun nd to ask le he got the idea and will tell before hand. I think it's also a form of respect.