painfulregrets
New Member
I never thought this would happen to me, and it is the most painful event which I am still struggling with right now..
About 2 years ago, I started working closely with a very wealthy boss who is 20 plus years my senior, following him on work trips, expensive business dinners, and handling every aspect of his personal and work life. He was a workaholic and so was I, working past 8pm on most days and I was handling multiple roles in the office. This job paid me incredibly well, my boss liked me a lot, it was obvious in the office he treated me well bringing me everywhere he goes, even colleagues would try to gain my favour. I was rewarded me with luxurious gifts. At the same time, he was texting me everyday, initially work matters and then personal chit chat. I could tell he was interested but I treated him with respect and professionalism, never crossing the line. This went on for 1 plus years where it was strictly work, although we got closer over time. During the later part of this period, there were times he would hug me for no reason, it was awkward at first but I did not speak up, and I slowly got used to it. On 2 occasions, he asked me why did I not accept him? I told him coz you are my boss and you are married, and rejected his advances for 1 plus years.
How the affair started
During a work trip, I had breakfast with him in a hotel room and he suddenly leaned over to french kiss me. I was shocked and did not know how to react. He later gave me money before I headed to the airport. During that period of time, I realised that I had slowly fallen for him. There was many qualities in him that attracted me - his ambition, hard work and determination, his love and affection for his children, a responsible family man with a successful career. There was no day that went by without a single text message from him, asking how I was doing etc, even when he was on overseas trip alone. Very slowly, he grew on me.
We started movie dates, personal dinners, where he related to me that he has everything in life - except for love. His wife married him only for money, for a tai tai lifestyle with priorities on her instagram account, material goods, instead of taking care of children. He is both a father and mother as his wife literally did nothing. It was then when I understood why I had to help him take care of family matters like renovation, maid, children's school events as his wife was not interested in these. She spend her time taking instagram photos of herself, her lifestyle.. I felt sorry and understood why he, a hardworking and responsible man, eventually strayed. During that month, I flew overseas to join him on a trip, and he started making out with me in the hotel room. I begged him to stop, saying that we are making a mistake, but he pleaded with me. I was in tears and resisted, begging him to stop. He didn't and I finally gave in as I knew deep inside, I do feel for him very much. This is how we began this affair for around 6 months.
During these 6 months I was confused.. It was a mix of roller coaster emotions running high and low - was I attracted to his status, power, wealth, character? Was it curiosity because he was so much older? Our sex was incredible each and every time... I am a soft spoken girl, from a single parent family and the money would help my mum a lot. I love him deeply by now.. it was difficult for me everytime after sex, he would return home to his wife and kids, bringing them on family vacations, spending festive seasons with them, I slowly experienced all these emotions as 'the other woman'. I started falling into depression, waiting for him...
He has asked me to bear a child for him (on impulse), but he later changed his mind. I asked him what he wants out of this relationship and he said 'nothing'. It was then I decided to leave - this would mean losing my income at the same time. And during this period of time, I had protected his career by hiring another staff to start taking over my work (in case our relationship fell apart, his career would not be affected as I was holding too much power in the office handling many things). I protected him out of love. At the time I made a decision to leave, I also found out that I had contracted an STD from him. It is an incurable STD that would stay with me for life. This disease made me even more depressed - I have always been 'proper' all my life (he is my second partner) and one mistake... changed me entirely. How do i have the courage to find a good man who is able to accept a girl with STD?
He now says that he is regretful and will take responsibility to care of me for the rest of my life... What does this really mean? Buying me a house (he casually mentioned), having a child with me?However I know that this will be a tough road. During this period of time while I am crying my eyes out, he never once accompanied me to the clinic for checks, vaccinations.. His priorities remain on his children and his career. I am facing these all alone. Does he love me? I think so. but not as much as his love for his children.
His wife later suspected our relationship and he is now hardly texting me. As 'the other woman' I find myself constantly waiting for him, not sleeping well, waking up with nightmares.. I would cry my eyes out for no reason, so much regret that I did not maintain my strength to resist his advances from the start. He initiated and chased this relationship so much and now, he is stepping back after all these. I am taking leave from work right now to make a decision whether to leave his company or stay on. I had decided to leave his company when I wanted out of the r/s (before my diagnosis) but am re-considering this because he brought this disease upon me and would take responsibility.
On the other hand, his wife is used to handling a rich straying husband, she probably knows how to handle him better than I do. And I know the reason for him straying is because of her, and he is still with her for the sake of their children. He goes home every night to them without fail.
I lost over 5kg in this period of 6 months. Would appreciate any advices. Thank you.
About 2 years ago, I started working closely with a very wealthy boss who is 20 plus years my senior, following him on work trips, expensive business dinners, and handling every aspect of his personal and work life. He was a workaholic and so was I, working past 8pm on most days and I was handling multiple roles in the office. This job paid me incredibly well, my boss liked me a lot, it was obvious in the office he treated me well bringing me everywhere he goes, even colleagues would try to gain my favour. I was rewarded me with luxurious gifts. At the same time, he was texting me everyday, initially work matters and then personal chit chat. I could tell he was interested but I treated him with respect and professionalism, never crossing the line. This went on for 1 plus years where it was strictly work, although we got closer over time. During the later part of this period, there were times he would hug me for no reason, it was awkward at first but I did not speak up, and I slowly got used to it. On 2 occasions, he asked me why did I not accept him? I told him coz you are my boss and you are married, and rejected his advances for 1 plus years.
How the affair started
During a work trip, I had breakfast with him in a hotel room and he suddenly leaned over to french kiss me. I was shocked and did not know how to react. He later gave me money before I headed to the airport. During that period of time, I realised that I had slowly fallen for him. There was many qualities in him that attracted me - his ambition, hard work and determination, his love and affection for his children, a responsible family man with a successful career. There was no day that went by without a single text message from him, asking how I was doing etc, even when he was on overseas trip alone. Very slowly, he grew on me.
We started movie dates, personal dinners, where he related to me that he has everything in life - except for love. His wife married him only for money, for a tai tai lifestyle with priorities on her instagram account, material goods, instead of taking care of children. He is both a father and mother as his wife literally did nothing. It was then when I understood why I had to help him take care of family matters like renovation, maid, children's school events as his wife was not interested in these. She spend her time taking instagram photos of herself, her lifestyle.. I felt sorry and understood why he, a hardworking and responsible man, eventually strayed. During that month, I flew overseas to join him on a trip, and he started making out with me in the hotel room. I begged him to stop, saying that we are making a mistake, but he pleaded with me. I was in tears and resisted, begging him to stop. He didn't and I finally gave in as I knew deep inside, I do feel for him very much. This is how we began this affair for around 6 months.
During these 6 months I was confused.. It was a mix of roller coaster emotions running high and low - was I attracted to his status, power, wealth, character? Was it curiosity because he was so much older? Our sex was incredible each and every time... I am a soft spoken girl, from a single parent family and the money would help my mum a lot. I love him deeply by now.. it was difficult for me everytime after sex, he would return home to his wife and kids, bringing them on family vacations, spending festive seasons with them, I slowly experienced all these emotions as 'the other woman'. I started falling into depression, waiting for him...
He has asked me to bear a child for him (on impulse), but he later changed his mind. I asked him what he wants out of this relationship and he said 'nothing'. It was then I decided to leave - this would mean losing my income at the same time. And during this period of time, I had protected his career by hiring another staff to start taking over my work (in case our relationship fell apart, his career would not be affected as I was holding too much power in the office handling many things). I protected him out of love. At the time I made a decision to leave, I also found out that I had contracted an STD from him. It is an incurable STD that would stay with me for life. This disease made me even more depressed - I have always been 'proper' all my life (he is my second partner) and one mistake... changed me entirely. How do i have the courage to find a good man who is able to accept a girl with STD?
He now says that he is regretful and will take responsibility to care of me for the rest of my life... What does this really mean? Buying me a house (he casually mentioned), having a child with me?However I know that this will be a tough road. During this period of time while I am crying my eyes out, he never once accompanied me to the clinic for checks, vaccinations.. His priorities remain on his children and his career. I am facing these all alone. Does he love me? I think so. but not as much as his love for his children.
His wife later suspected our relationship and he is now hardly texting me. As 'the other woman' I find myself constantly waiting for him, not sleeping well, waking up with nightmares.. I would cry my eyes out for no reason, so much regret that I did not maintain my strength to resist his advances from the start. He initiated and chased this relationship so much and now, he is stepping back after all these. I am taking leave from work right now to make a decision whether to leave his company or stay on. I had decided to leave his company when I wanted out of the r/s (before my diagnosis) but am re-considering this because he brought this disease upon me and would take responsibility.
On the other hand, his wife is used to handling a rich straying husband, she probably knows how to handle him better than I do. And I know the reason for him straying is because of her, and he is still with her for the sake of their children. He goes home every night to them without fail.
I lost over 5kg in this period of 6 months. Would appreciate any advices. Thank you.
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