Feeling dejected & betrayed

[Happy Mummy]

I will still lend 1 time... If nvr return then treat it as buying a lesson. And help my spouse to open their eyes. Do it at least one time will gain moral high ground.
Money can earn back, opening ones eyes, priceless.

Yes indeed, well said. But to some, money stays above all.

 

[Jas555]

I will still lend 1 time... If nvr return then treat it as buying a lesson. And help my spouse to open their eyes. Do it at least one time will gain moral high ground.
Money can earn back, opening ones eyes, priceless.

Agreed family above money

 

[Happy Mummy]

By the way, my mil ask all her sons to treat their wives as outsiders, meaning like not to be part of family in terms of business, money etc..

 

[friends78]

By the way, my mil ask all her sons to treat their wives as outsiders, meaning like not to be part of family in terms of business, money etc..

But most importantly, what are you planning to do? Divorce? Think we have made our stand. No right or wrong either way. Just how you manage your perspective to look at it. Move on if you still treasure this relationship. Otherwise you will only feel more miserable thinking about it. Be happy for your child

 

[jayjayqueenie]

if loan to help family member, i will still c what is the purpose for. for example, helping family member to start business? this type can charge interest. i mean, in my opinion la.

 

[shoppixe]

By the way, my mil ask all her sons to treat their wives as outsiders, meaning like not to be part of family in terms of business, money etc..

If Liddat does his sons treat her as outsider? Cos by her logic she herself is a outsider...

 

[SadSmurfettes]

If Liddat does his sons treat her as outsider? Cos by her logic she herself is a outsider...

Exactly. I completely agree.

 

[Happy Mummy]

If Liddat does his sons treat her as outsider? Cos by her logic she herself is a outsider...

Nope, she always have double standards for herself. My fil treats her like god, shares all his business things w her, and her sons will taught to treat her well. She herself, however, has an extremely bad r/s w her own mil, which is my hubby's grandmother.

 

[jayjayqueenie]

it seems like your problem is an accumulation of a series of problems lol

 

[Looneygas]

From the info that's given so far, there are impt background aspects that were not mentioned before a conclusion can be made:

• does your hubby agree with his parents' perspective of treating in-laws as outsiders? What is the current warmth/coldness of relations between him and your family?
• how are your family expenses handled between the 2 of you? Your levels of income and savings? Is his contribution to the expenses fair to his income and savings?
• does he have that spare cash immediately on hand or does he have to incur a penalty to retrieve the cash from an investment vehicle?

You should not answer the above questions in detail online as most of them are too personal but you can give an overview if you would like more opinions. My opinion is a married couple can keep separate financial accounts but should still treat both accounts as one just as a marriage unites 2 persons. If a spouse needs the money for a good cause and I have it without having to incur significant expenses or jeopardise our family's future, I will undoubtedly hand it over interest free. However, if it is for a cause/person that I don't agree, I won't loan even if interest was offered as this is a matter of personal values. This situation is an opportunity to evaluate your marriage direction in the short and long term.

 

[Happy Mummy]

From the info that's given so far, there are impt background aspects that were not mentioned before a conclusion can be made:

• does your hubby agree with his parents' perspective of treating in-laws as outsiders? What is the current warmth/coldness of relations between him and your family?
• how are your family expenses handled between the 2 of you? Your levels of income and savings? Is his contribution to the expenses fair to his income and savings?
• does he have that spare cash immediately on hand or does he have to incur a penalty to retrieve the cash from an investment vehicle?

You should not answer the above questions in detail online as most of them are too personal but you can give an overview if you would like more opinions. My opinion is a married couple can keep separate financial accounts but should still treat both accounts as one just as a marriage unites 2 persons. If a spouse needs the money for a good cause and I have it without having to incur significant expenses or jeopardise our family's future, I will undoubtedly hand it over interest free. However, if it is for a cause/person that I don't agree, I won't loan even if interest was offered as this is a matter of personal values. This situation is an opportunity to evaluate your marriage direction in the short and long term.

*my hubby agrees w mil perspective

*doesn't incur damage if loan

*hv the spare cash

 

[Happy Mummy]

From the info that's given so far, there are impt background aspects that were not mentioned before a conclusion can be made:

• does your hubby agree with his parents' perspective of treating in-laws as outsiders? What is the current warmth/coldness of relations between him and your family?
• how are your family expenses handled between the 2 of you? Your levels of income and savings? Is his contribution to the expenses fair to his income and savings?
• does he have that spare cash immediately on hand or does he have to incur a penalty to retrieve the cash from an investment vehicle?

You should not answer the above questions in detail online as most of them are too personal but you can give an overview if you would like more opinions. My opinion is a married couple can keep separate financial accounts but should still treat both accounts as one just as a marriage unites 2 persons. If a spouse needs the money for a good cause and I have it without having to incur significant expenses or jeopardise our family's future, I will undoubtedly hand it over interest free. However, if it is for a cause/person that I don't agree, I won't loan even if interest was offered as this is a matter of personal values. This situation is an opportunity to evaluate your marriage direction in the short and long term.

What do u mean by evaluation of marriage in short & long term?

 

[Looneygas]

This strongly concludes that your hubby holds steadfast to materialistic values which were probably inculcated through his family upbringing and reinforced by urban societal conceptions. Since he only sees himself as a separate entity within this marriage (which really doesn't make sense), you need to be able to evaluate whether both of you can continue down the same path in the next few months or even years. Now that you have realised or perhaps already known but never realised the extent, there is some level of distrust and that needs to be addressed. Don't let such negative feelings/thoughts manifest because it will merely escalate into something serious eventually. I guess you would need to understand his thoughts on marriage and take it from there tenderly. How this pans out is likely to also influence how your child views marriage in the future and how he/she treats the parents/siblings. Tricky situation but I'm sure you can work it out if both are serious about this marriage