Feeling dejected & betrayed

I've been married for 3 years. Have a child that is 2 year old. Recently I'm facing some financial issues and i have no choice but to ask my hubby for a loan sum, in promise to return him back in 3 months time. To my disappointment, he told me he is not able to loan the sum to me, and if he does, he wants to charge me interest. I can't help, but feel dejected and betrayed. Who am i living with all these while. Feeling super sad & disappointed.
 


I really don't know if ever one day, i lose my financial capacity, if i can depend on this person for my life. It's sad that through this incident, i found out that he is such a person. I feel really lost and sad now.
 
I really don't know if ever one day, i lose my financial capacity, if i can depend on this person for my life. It's sad that through this incident, i found out that he is such a person. I feel really lost and sad now.
Hi happy mommy, I'm sorry to hear this but perhaps you should transform those negative thought into working things out with yr hubby. Perhaps this could be the case the expectation is not well aligned. In specific, you could let him know what and how you feel, the level of expectation you expect from him and likewise and try not to assume. Remember that communications is the key to work things out. Good luck.

John
 
Hi happy mommy, I'm sorry to hear this but perhaps you should transform those negative thought into working things out with yr hubby. Perhaps this could be the case the expectation is not well aligned. In specific, you could let him know what and how you feel, the level of expectation you expect from him and likewise and try not to assume. Remember that communications is the key to work things out. Good luck.

John
Hi john

The disappointing fact is that my own hubby wants to charge me interest for giving me a loan. I feel that this is super calculative. And it really hurts me.
 
Hello happy mummy, sorry to hear abt this. Was he oso so calculative prior to marriage? N besides financial issues are there other problems too? Talk to him abt hw u feel. Dont bottle it up. Hugs n take care
 
@Happy Mummy
Hopefully he has his own reasons for not wanting extend a helping hand more freely.
Hi Happy mommy, have you tried telling him about yr feelings? You should let him know exactly how you feel, otherwise, he may felt that by doing so, it is perfectly normal to him, But not normal to you.
Try talk things out, don't get depress over it....

Good luck,
John
 
I also tell my hub same thing before we get married... my money is my money.. his money is his money.. i dun believe in lending money because if u loan money means u can't manage yourself well enough.. so even i loan u money also useless.

Then again why u need a loan?
 
While a couple may share bank accounts, there r others who chose 2 manage their accounts separately. N i also know of frens whose DH will split d cost of a trip down 2 the cents they are going as a family or luggage or stuff he buys 4 d family. Althu my frens r not happy, but they still plan trips together.

As u only mentioned u need financial assistance, but without knowing how u got yourself into dat situation, it could b dat your DH is "helping" u by not making it easy 4 u.
 
I think u can tell ur hubby go fly kite..better rely on urself to get the loan from friends or from relatives also dun loan from him.be independent..now that u hv seen his true colours.so next time better save up more for rainy days just in case.i cant say 9 out of 10 men cant be trusted .of cause there are good ones around.but i think we as women still must hv own savings.u nv know what will happened tom.take care ya.
 
Hello happy mummy, sorry to hear abt this. Was he oso so calculative prior to marriage? N besides financial issues are there other problems too? Talk to him abt hw u feel. Dont bottle it up. Hugs n take care

Last time before marriage not like this. But after marriage became super calculative. Asked him the reason for charging me interest. But he said cos if he loan me the money he's doing me a favour and he shouldn't be losing his interest for the money loan hence he wants me to pay him interest.
 
While a couple may share bank accounts, there r others who chose 2 manage their accounts separately. N i also know of frens whose DH will split d cost of a trip down 2 the cents they are going as a family or luggage or stuff he buys 4 d family. Althu my frens r not happy, but they still plan trips together.

As u only mentioned u need financial assistance, but without knowing how u got yourself into dat situation, it could b dat your DH is "helping" u by not making it easy 4 u.

Yup thanks for sharing. I'm able to see the situation in another light w what u hv said.
 
I think u can tell ur hubby go fly kite..better rely on urself to get the loan from friends or from relatives also dun loan from him.be independent..now that u hv seen his true colours.so next time better save up more for rainy days just in case.i cant say 9 out of 10 men cant be trusted .of cause there are good ones around.but i think we as women still must hv own savings.u nv know what will happened tom.take care ya.

Yes. Think we women must really be independent these days.
 
I think women must protect ourselves by hving enuff money for ourselves. To plan for ourselves as well. Money is really a very sensitive issue, be it within family, relatives, friends. Now i really can feel the power of this statement, "Money can make or break relationships".
 
I think women must protect ourselves by hving enuff money for ourselves. To plan for ourselves as well. Money is really a very sensitive issue, be it within family, relatives, friends. Now i really can feel the power of this statement, "Money can make or break relationships".

Yes.. Money is d cause 4 many things.... I hope things will work out wif u and your DH. ;)
 
I think women must protect ourselves by hving enuff money for ourselves. To plan for ourselves as well. Money is really a very sensitive issue, be it within family, relatives, friends. Now i really can feel the power of this statement, "Money can make or break relationships".
Regardless you are single or married, you should always plan for yourself. Even im going to be a sahm, i do not have the mindset my hub will be my money tree. Just shake money will drop. I still need to manage my financial. Then again our accounts always seperate. We only spilt bills like i paying for utilities and my own insurance, rest of the stuffs all he pays including vacation, etc. Every month he will give me fixed allowance so machiam like my salary. I just spend or save or invest from there
 
I duno the reason y u need financial assistance but to me , I feel that as married couple a hubby/ wife should help the spouse if he/she is able to. I won't consider loaning my hubby but i will just fork out $ to help unless said my hubby didn't manage his expenses eg overspend in credit debts for personal use or gambling etc. I won't wana see my hubby dealing with financial woes on his own if it's due to other reasons. It won't do us good a s a family.

If there's no other pple except him who could loan u, I guess u just have to accept n pay him interest n better manage ur own finances the next time . If he can be so calculative after marriage,it's only fair u be the same. I guess that's e way to better protect urself? Just my own opinion
 
I will be finding my own ways to solve the issue. It's neither credit card overspent nor gambling. I know that there's a lot of angles that we can look at in this situation. But i can't help feeling disappointed someone close to me is charging me interest.
 
I will be finding my own ways to solve the issue. It's neither credit card overspent nor gambling. I know that there's a lot of angles that we can look at in this situation. But i can't help feeling disappointed someone close to me is charging me interest.

I hope u talk 2 him about how u feel. Even thu in d end, u may have found another way to resolve the issue, it's gd 2 let him know how u feel.

Dont let things bottle up, it's not gd. Otherwise, u will let this bother u, n issues may arise (as they always do in married couple) u will always remind yourself of how he decides 2 charge u interest when u needed financial help.
 
It could be because the loan was for a cause he doesn't believe in and/or don't wana help. Eg, for your parents/siblings or loans which can go bad/take 10 years to return. Then in those scenarios, he might have felt, he would rather put in bank than lend you. But I hope you all can work something out.
 
I hope u talk 2 him about how u feel. Even thu in d end, u may have found another way to resolve the issue, it's gd 2 let him know how u feel.

Dont let things bottle up, it's not gd. Otherwise, u will let this bother u, n issues may arise (as they always do in married couple) u will always remind yourself of how he decides 2 charge u interest when u needed financial help.

Hi his reason for charging me interest he has expressed alot of times it's due to because i cause him to lose his interest. Not bcos of the course.
 
It could be because the loan was for a cause he doesn't believe in and/or don't wana help. Eg, for your parents/siblings or loans which can go bad/take 10 years to return. Then in those scenarios, he might have felt, he would rather put in bank than lend you. But I hope you all can work something out.

Hi it's solely for me and i told him i would return in 3 months.
 
If the interest is that much, the sum would be quite high.. assuming ocbc gives the highest interest rate 3%....

I would be worried if my hub suddenly 1 2 loan such a huge amt n wonder hw she possible return within 3mths
 
Actually money matters are always difficult.
Although I do think charging interest is a stretch as it displays distrust in a relationship.
There's no right no wrong to this.
But ah how wld ur hubby feel if there was a guy who's willing to lend u the money without interest wld that change his mind?
 
Actually money matters are always difficult.
Although I do think charging interest is a stretch as it displays distrust in a relationship.
There's no right no wrong to this.
But ah how wld ur hubby feel if there was a guy who's willing to lend u the money without interest wld that change his mind?

Actually frankly speaking there is someone willing to lend me w/o charging interest. But i thought it's inconvenient, thought nothing wld be better than to seek help from ur love ones. Since the loan is gonna be for only 3 months. I did mentioned to my hubby there is someone willing to loan interest free, he replied, that person is stupid, and I'm not going to be as stupid as he is.
 
do you mind sharing why you need a loan?
like some mentioned, i will accept his loan with interest if he is the only one i can turn to.
because if my husband ever borrows money from me, i will do the same to him.
but the interest rate must be at the lowest.
 
Actually frankly speaking there is someone willing to lend me w/o charging interest. But i thought it's inconvenient, thought nothing wld be better than to seek help from ur love ones. Since the loan is gonna be for only 3 months. I did mentioned to my hubby there is someone willing to loan interest free, he replied, that person is stupid, and I'm not going to be as stupid as he is.
Then being objective, u shld take the loan from someone else. Doesn't make sense to lose money over this. That's just being practical since ur hubby seems so practical over the entire thing.
One thing though, staying in a marriage is abt being stupid at times. Truly smart ppl dun get married.
 
do you mind sharing why you need a loan?
like some mentioned, i will accept his loan with interest if he is the only one i can turn to.
because if my husband ever borrows money from me, i will do the same to him.
but the interest rate must be at the lowest.

He wants to get the 3% interest per month from me
 
Then being objective, u shld take the loan from someone else. Doesn't make sense to lose money over this. That's just being practical since ur hubby seems so practical over the entire thing.
One thing though, staying in a marriage is abt being stupid at times. Truly smart ppl dun get married.

Yup, will find my own ways to solve the problem
 
He wants to get the 3% interest per month from me

3% per month = 36% p.a. Your husband works for OCBC late interest department isit? 3% p.a, ok la, can consider but since so li hai calculate, why not calculate all the way?

You give birth, the kid takes his surname, so he as father must share at least 3/4 of the rental fees can? Rent your womb you know? 1/4 discount he should um chio lo.

Next time he old liao, got ailments (guys age worse than women, you know), you take care of him, must charge nursing fees. That one cannot half price, since unlike your kid, his body is his own. He never take care of it is his own fault.

Wanna calculate then all the way la... add in the hours each of you spend on housekeeping etc. We very fair one, have to split equally. In his words, if you don't charge you stupid right?

But then, sister, you know your husband like that, you should also try not to make decisions that land you in such financial situations. I hear his response to you I quite buey song but I also dun wanna say too much since we only have half the story? Chill, and try your best to solve the problem without involving him ba.

By the way, I don't think it's legal for him to charge interest on loans since he doesn't have Moneylenders' license. Criminal offence le, mai siow siow.
 
Actually it's really upsetting that yr spouse wil charge you interest for money loaned. Regardless of the purpose of the loan, to me its either i give him the money or i dont(if its for no gd purpose). You are a couple. Hw can b so calculative?? Even if i lend money to my bestie years bk for her uni fees oso interest free. To me it's based on trust. N to lend to help that person u love/care abt. How can tink abt profiting??To b honest i duno hw one can live with smone so calculative for the rest of yr life. That being said i also agree we woman must b financially independent.
 
"By the way, I don't think it's legal for him to charge interest on loans since he doesn't have Moneylenders' license. Criminal offence le, mai siow." *clap*clap*clap*
 
Hi Happy Mummy,

Hope that you will work something out in the end. I find abit puzzling that you withhold the cause of the loan throughout all the discussion. Just my own opinion, i feel that without actually knowing the reasons for the loan, all of us are just merely guessing and will never be able to truely understand or help you come up with the reasoning over your hubby's acts no matter how unreasonable he appears to be. Maybe you can drop a gentle hint over the loan purpose?
 
Whichever way I look at it, it just strikes me as odd. Firstly, as a married couple, your problem is his problem. You have an outstanding debt is he has an outstanding debt. You clear the debt together. Another thing, why do you have an outstanding debt. How do you feel if the roles are reversed and he got himself in debt? You will definitely expect a heck of an explanation. Both of you should sit down and talk this through. No point venting it online.
 
Actually it's really upsetting that yr spouse wil charge you interest for money loaned. Regardless of the purpose of the loan, to me its either i give him the money or i dont(if its for no gd purpose). You are a couple. Hw can b so calculative?? Even if i lend money to my bestie years bk for her uni fees oso interest free. To me it's based on trust. N to lend to help that person u love/care abt. How can tink abt profiting??To b honest i duno hw one can live with smone so calculative for the rest of yr life. That being said i also agree we woman must b financially independent.

I also hv same sentiments that i don't know how to live w such calculative person for rest of my life. Like borrow 3 months also can't, if got other problems in future, really don't know how.
 
Hi Happy Mummy,

Hope that you will work something out in the end. I find abit puzzling that you withhold the cause of the loan throughout all the discussion. Just my own opinion, i feel that without actually knowing the reasons for the loan, all of us are just merely guessing and will never be able to truely understand or help you come up with the reasoning over your hubby's acts no matter how unreasonable he appears to be. Maybe you can drop a gentle hint over the loan purpose?

It's to help my own family in their property debt. It's quite personal hence i don't wish to quote.
 
Hi happy mummy,

So I see the purpose of the loan. I would guess the amount is not insignificant. So as I mentioned earlier, it could be because your hubby does not agree to lend them the loan because he cannot agree with the fact on how they (your family) got themselves into that predicament. It could also be due to he is simply not willing to lend by nature. He may also be afraid that the money may not come back to him once he lends it because it is hard earned money.

Finally, you and him are one entity, unless you will obtain the repayment from your family, it is essentially payment by his pocket too. So I guess these could be a part of his tots.
 
Hi Happy Mummy

It sounds like a tidy sum. For my viewpoint, your hubby is in no way wrong. Yes, it may sounds like he's being calculative but my guess is that he's not very willing to loan the money to your family members. Afterall, if your family members find excuses and not repay the loan, he will also find himself in a predicament. It is always hard to talk about money especially with relatives, things may turn sour and he may not have any legal recourse to gain back his money. Worse off, his relationship with you will be strained.

My guess is he's not into the interest $ but rather using that as an polite determent to you. Have a good talk with him and understand his viewpoint. He also has his own family to take care of. Imagine him spending all his money on his parents or siblings and neglecting you and your child, how would you feel. Try to come to a common understanding.

If it is just a period of 3 months, can your family consider a bridging loan or a short term loan from bank instead?
 
Didn't comment earlier on as the reason of the loan was unknown. Actually I'm ok if my hubby wants to charge me interest if the reason is to help my family member. Cos I will do so too. Family member not equal to me so I won't feel that hurt. There are many reasons he wants to do so. Cld be he doesn't like the person, he doesn't want your family member to take advantage of u by making it easy for them.
 
From my point of view, i feel very hurt as i told him I'm taking a personal loan from him, and I'll also be returning him myself, with a stated term. I feel there shouldn't be untrust between the two of us.
 
Don't dwell on it as it will only make u unhappy. I just feel that cos you need a loan from him and this shows that u do not have that amt with u. So to him it is not a good option even thou u act as a guarantor. Ultimately, he still have to bear the loss if your family members don't return by giving all kind of excuses. Anyway, just save whatever u can. Money in pocket can talk louder.
 
My personal experience. BIL (hub bro) asked for $xxk loan. Without hesitation, I told hub, let's help. 2years already, not a single cent returned, nothing mentioned about how he intends to pay back. Naturally I am upset. We have 3 kids, that money can go a long way. Furthermore, I realized he borrowed to buy shares!!! If you don't have that money, don't be so big head. Worst you drag us with you. I told my hub, not that I am heartless, at least dun pretend and keep quiet. My hub got mad, say he see through me, he now knows that dun depend on me to help if he got problem in future!!!??? I was really upset. I become the bad guy???

So I can kinda understand where your husband is coming from....
 
A wife's problem and her family's problems will necessarily attract a different stance from the spouses, I think.

It's not nice, but it's natural. So don't feel too upset over it.
 
My personal experience. BIL (hub bro) asked for $xxk loan. Without hesitation, I told hub, let's help. 2years already, not a single cent returned, nothing mentioned about how he intends to pay back. Naturally I am upset. We have 3 kids, that money can go a long way. Furthermore, I realized he borrowed to buy shares!!! If you don't have that money, don't be so big head. Worst you drag us with you. I told my hub, not that I am heartless, at least dun pretend and keep quiet. My hub got mad, say he see through me, he now knows that dun depend on me to help if he got problem in future!!!??? I was really upset. I become the bad guy???

So I can kinda understand where your husband is coming from....


Totally can understand how u feeling...
 
Don't be upset Happy Mummy. I used to have a friend who scrimps and saves but her husband spends money freely. When they got married, they had to get a reno loan. My friend lied to her husband saying that her auntie is lending them the sum but was charging a lower interest. That was the story.

So, I reckon your husband must be the more stingy person. I know a friend's husband who is super stingy. He gives their son $2 to eat at hawker centre. Food and drink, it is either or and no top up.
 
From my point of view, i feel very hurt as i told him I'm taking a personal loan from him, and I'll also be returning him myself, with a stated term. I feel there shouldn't be untrust between the two of us.

I'm sorry to say this, but your hubby is such a miser.
Does the both of you share your incomes together in the household?
If so, he should be splitting the cost of anything you cannot afford, especially since you have asked him.

Money is a sensitive issue & I'm not saying everyone is the same, but i feel that as a couple, both shouldn't be so calculative as to whose money is whose,
especially when either spouse is facing a financial situation.

Similar scenario, if he were in trouble, he would also want you to help him out unconditionally, right?
I cannot understand the men's mentality.
It is really very selfish of them.

I pity you, dear girl.
Maybe try asking help from your family or friends instead?
Speaking to your husband will only cause more problems & unhappiness between the both of you.
 

I will still lend 1 time... If nvr return then treat it as buying a lesson. And help my spouse to open their eyes. Do it at least one time will gain moral high ground.
Money can earn back, opening ones eyes, priceless.
 

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