Dear all,
I am exasperated with my 4 yrs and 11 mths boy for these couple of years. He was looked after by our maid since birth and at 23 mths old, I forced him to full day childcare as the maid's contract is up and she did not want to extend her contract. I thought giving him 1 mth of adjustment would be enough for him to adapt to CC before my maid left when he turned 24 mths. How wrong I was. It was very bad separation anxiety and I took leave and stood outside the classroom, and I could hear the sharp and persistent crying non-stop from beginning of the class til lunchtime when I brought him home. He cried himself hoarse. After he managed to adjust to CC after 9 mths (Dec 12), I transferred him to another CC near my hse in Jan 13 as it's nearer and better and cheaper. Did not enrol in this CC earlier cos there was no vacancy. The nitemare of adjusting to the new sch, despite being older at 2 years 9 mths, didn't help. In fact, adjustment was slower than the first CC. Til now, he didn't like sch and will often skip sch as the maid has no power to force him to sch. All kids love sch right? Told him there are many frens to play with him and he can learn from the teachers too. Wonder how to cope if he enters primary sch in 2 yrs time. Shd I quit my job then?
Even if I become SAHM, I was driven to exasperation when I took care of him full day. A few days ago, we went out and when we reached the MRT lift, my 2nd boy (2.5 yrs old) wanted to press the lift button and so ran over. The elder boy always want to see him cry etc, so compete with him to the lift. Of cse, the elder boy won and refused to let didi press the lift. Back at home, when I was about to shower didi, gor gor suddenly scratched didi's back with his sharp fingernail, causing didi to cry suddenly and leaving a long red mark on his back. I was livid and asked him why. When he didn't answer me immed, I hit him at the bum hardly for 5 times until my hand was painful. Later when I cool down, I asked him why again. He said I was being unfair. Earlier I told him that whoever reached the lift, pressed the lift button but when he reached first, I asked him to give in to didi. I could see the tears in his eyes but he bravely stopped the tears from rolling down. I felt like crying. How could I be so violent to him when he was my precious darling when didi hasn't come along? I admitted that I like take sides with didi more cos he's younger and cos he looked more than me. I apologized to him the next day.
The next day, I flew into a rage again. This time, he accidentally hit didi's head when he lied down on the bed without checking didi also lied down at that instant. I was angry cos I told him to get off the bed to shower and he didn't comply. I tried to carry him but at 19kg, he was too strong for me. I totally lost it, hit him at the chest, back, shoved him and wanted to push him to the hit the wall and wanted to strangle him. I could not believe my behaviour for being such a violent mum. What overcame me when I saw didi hurt again? Of course, I said sorry and that I won't do it again.
Two days later, I did not hit him but scolded him harshly as he was naughty and locked his bedroom and snatched the key from him. When I didn't give him, he kicked me. So I could only scold. I said, If you lost the key, you would be dead. I dun want to see you or talk to you anymore, so just get out of my sight. You better stayed with teachers and dun come back home. I was so exasperated that I said such nasty words when he would not listen. How do I discipline him? I dun have a cane at home cos my mum used to hit us when we were very young n I hated it. Worse, my mum dun explain why and sprang on us suddenly. Now I explained to my kids and tried not to use violence until recently. Am worried how to discipline him as my hb comes home around 8.30 pm daily and he's growing taller and stronger each day and may be harder to control physically. I dun want to be a child abuser, be it physically or verbally.
Can anyone advise how do you cope with boys? Do you have the same struggles as me? TIA.
I am exasperated with my 4 yrs and 11 mths boy for these couple of years. He was looked after by our maid since birth and at 23 mths old, I forced him to full day childcare as the maid's contract is up and she did not want to extend her contract. I thought giving him 1 mth of adjustment would be enough for him to adapt to CC before my maid left when he turned 24 mths. How wrong I was. It was very bad separation anxiety and I took leave and stood outside the classroom, and I could hear the sharp and persistent crying non-stop from beginning of the class til lunchtime when I brought him home. He cried himself hoarse. After he managed to adjust to CC after 9 mths (Dec 12), I transferred him to another CC near my hse in Jan 13 as it's nearer and better and cheaper. Did not enrol in this CC earlier cos there was no vacancy. The nitemare of adjusting to the new sch, despite being older at 2 years 9 mths, didn't help. In fact, adjustment was slower than the first CC. Til now, he didn't like sch and will often skip sch as the maid has no power to force him to sch. All kids love sch right? Told him there are many frens to play with him and he can learn from the teachers too. Wonder how to cope if he enters primary sch in 2 yrs time. Shd I quit my job then?
Even if I become SAHM, I was driven to exasperation when I took care of him full day. A few days ago, we went out and when we reached the MRT lift, my 2nd boy (2.5 yrs old) wanted to press the lift button and so ran over. The elder boy always want to see him cry etc, so compete with him to the lift. Of cse, the elder boy won and refused to let didi press the lift. Back at home, when I was about to shower didi, gor gor suddenly scratched didi's back with his sharp fingernail, causing didi to cry suddenly and leaving a long red mark on his back. I was livid and asked him why. When he didn't answer me immed, I hit him at the bum hardly for 5 times until my hand was painful. Later when I cool down, I asked him why again. He said I was being unfair. Earlier I told him that whoever reached the lift, pressed the lift button but when he reached first, I asked him to give in to didi. I could see the tears in his eyes but he bravely stopped the tears from rolling down. I felt like crying. How could I be so violent to him when he was my precious darling when didi hasn't come along? I admitted that I like take sides with didi more cos he's younger and cos he looked more than me. I apologized to him the next day.
The next day, I flew into a rage again. This time, he accidentally hit didi's head when he lied down on the bed without checking didi also lied down at that instant. I was angry cos I told him to get off the bed to shower and he didn't comply. I tried to carry him but at 19kg, he was too strong for me. I totally lost it, hit him at the chest, back, shoved him and wanted to push him to the hit the wall and wanted to strangle him. I could not believe my behaviour for being such a violent mum. What overcame me when I saw didi hurt again? Of course, I said sorry and that I won't do it again.
Two days later, I did not hit him but scolded him harshly as he was naughty and locked his bedroom and snatched the key from him. When I didn't give him, he kicked me. So I could only scold. I said, If you lost the key, you would be dead. I dun want to see you or talk to you anymore, so just get out of my sight. You better stayed with teachers and dun come back home. I was so exasperated that I said such nasty words when he would not listen. How do I discipline him? I dun have a cane at home cos my mum used to hit us when we were very young n I hated it. Worse, my mum dun explain why and sprang on us suddenly. Now I explained to my kids and tried not to use violence until recently. Am worried how to discipline him as my hb comes home around 8.30 pm daily and he's growing taller and stronger each day and may be harder to control physically. I dun want to be a child abuser, be it physically or verbally.
Can anyone advise how do you cope with boys? Do you have the same struggles as me? TIA.
