Dealing with Helper

[IronMaiden80]

Hi Mummies,

I am a full-time working mother with 2 toddler boys. During the day, my #1 attends school while my #2 who is turning 2 stays at my mil’s place with my helper and mil. My helper has been with me for almost a year now, I can’t help but to have doubts about her. From day 1, I stressed the importance of being fair to both my boys, she should never choose one over the other. I had a previous helper who did that and I didn't want history to repeat itself. She doesn’t meet my standards when it comes to cleanliness and to be honest, I am washing her bathroom because she simply can’t keep it clean. I can still close an eye to these but I really cannot tolerate her behavior with my children. She clearly favors my #2 over my eldest. I try to understand that she spends most of the time with him thus she dotes on him more but it is to the point where she doesn’t allow me to be with him. When we head out, she will want to hold on to him and always grabs to feed him or be with him. I know he is also attached to her but sometimes when he wants me to carry, she doesn’t allow him to come to me, she will hold him back or walk away. During our recent trip overseas, I can count the number of pictures I took with my #2 cos she keeps hogging on to him. She knows I’m upset, I don’t hide it but she doesn’t know how to encourage my boy to come to me or let me be near him. She can blatantly kiss my boy in front of me and then simply looked at me like she’s waiting to see my reaction. She doesn’t really bother much with my #1, she just does her job with him without emotions. I know I should tell her when I feel something is not right, I’m soft, I really don’t know how to tell her off because it is so awkward but I’m screaming inside and it is stressing me out. I wouldn’t want to hire a helper if I can stay at home and take care of them but I have no choice. I’m really upset with my helper right now... I really want to release her and handle the 2 kids on my own with the help of my mil during the day. Any Mummies facing the same issue?

 

[the_spinsterella]

I think you need to change your helper. I only have one son but I had a helper that did that to me. She will stick to my son and even when I come home from work, she still will try to attract his attention and will hug him tightly. It was really frustrating and painful for me. My son became quite distant also. At first we thought we'll just let it be since she looks after him well but it really made me very stressed and unhappy. Now we have another helper and we don't have this problem. I feel so much happier and can go to work in peace. My son is also getting closer to me.

 

[radish1]

U have to do cleaning up instead of her??Since she s not a helping hand to u...then send ur boys to cc or a nanny..Send her back,she got no respect of u....
Act fast before u get high blood pressure n child cries for maid when she goes back...

 

[Cindy Tay]

I think you should change your maid...
If my maid like that, I will for sure have changed her...
We are the mother of the kids, and not her. What right she have to stop your son to go over to you?

 

[hopeful2015]

I also agree! Should change the maid. Always tell yourself that they are NOT indispensable!
You are the boss and you set the house rules! If she doesn't know boundaries, she is not suitable for the job.

 

[IronMaiden80]

I think you need to change your helper. I only have one son but I had a helper that did that to me. She will stick to my son and even when I come home from work, she still will try to attract his attention and will hug him tightly. It was really frustrating and painful for me. My son became quite distant also. At first we thought we'll just let it be since she looks after him well but it really made me very stressed and unhappy. Now we have another helper and we don't have this problem. I feel so much happier and can go to work in peace. My son is also getting closer to me.

Hi Mummy,

Thank you so much for your advice. Yes I feel hurt when I don't get to spend time with my #2, it scares me that he will drift further from me. I wonder what her purpose in doing this is, does she want to avoid doing housework? She expects me to carry bags (be it the diaper bags / groceries) while she happily carries my son... even when I do get a chance to carry my boy, she doesn't take initiative to carry the diaper bag. Like you, I am very stressed and it's making me unhappy. I don't think I need to pay her to make me feel this way.

 

[IronMaiden80]

U have to do cleaning up instead of her??Since she s not a helping hand to u...then send ur boys to cc or a nanny..Send her back,she got no respect of u....
Act fast before u get high blood pressure n child cries for maid when she goes back...

Hi Mummy,

Thank you for your advice Yes, I have decided to send my #2 to cc come July and will be sending her back after that.

 

[IronMaiden80]

I think you should change your maid...
If my maid like that, I will for sure have changed her...
We are the mother of the kids, and not her. What right she have to stop your son to go over to you?

Hi Mummy,

Not sure if she misses her own children back home that's why she is behaving like this but she doesn't treat my #1 the same. She only favors and dotes on #2. This morning I had the chance to spend a bit of time with him and we were reading together, I know she stood behind me watching us and suddenly came up to carry him away to WEAR his shoes? We were not even leaving the house yet! I was shocked until I didn't know what to do... Thinking back now, I am feeling crossed and should have reacted!

 

[IronMaiden80]

I also agree! Should change the maid. Always tell yourself that they are NOT indispensable!
You are the boss and you set the house rules! If she doesn't know boundaries, she is not suitable for the job.

Hi Mummy,

She has reset all my rules! It's so ridiculous it has become a joke... We have decided to send her home once my #2 has settled in school.

 

[be-brave]

Your maid reminds me of my mil. she treated my eldest the same as your maid treats your #2. except i cannot change my mil, you can change your maid.

you're too nice.