Hi LLLY,I am single, in my 40s, and it took me 2 years of thinking about it and finding all the information before I went ahead to do IVF this year. Part of my process (the daily injections n scans over 12 days ) was done in Singapore. Actual egg retrieval and fertilisation w sperm was done in Australia (u only need to stay 1-2 days ) Be prepared that this will be very expensive as the daily injections (drug costs) is very expensive in Singapore. No subsidy. If you can afford the time away from Singapore (20 days) cheaper to do all in Australia.
I have been speaking to clinics in UK as well as IVF Australia. I met with the doctor too. I am deciding which one to go. For IVF Australia, how long did you wait to access donor sperm?I think for singles - do your research , talk to ppl , consult a few docs and find one u comfortable with, ensure u have the $ resources (no subsidy plus overseas ) ... then just TAKE LEAP OF FAITH if its really still want you want
My take is that is not about the social stigma, but it’s about your child. How is him/her going to react when they are old enough to tell the difference in races.Dear ladies, still thinking hard over choice between Caucasian and Asian egg donor.
My Husband says that he does not mind, and even prefer a Caucasian egg donor, because he thinks that a mixed-race Eurasian baby is more cute and beautiful.
However, I am hesitant, as our entire circle of friends, relatives and extended family in Singapore are all Asian, which may cause social stigma.
Here is an interesting article which says that mainland China women who opt for single motherhood prefer a Caucasian sperm donor, even though Chinese sperm donors are available.
Hope you can share your views:
Unmarried Chinese women seeking sperm from Caucasian donors
BEIJING: Looking at page after page of childhood photos, Xiaogunzhu was drawn to an image of a French-Irish boy with smiling dark blue eyes.www.nst.com.my
BEIJING: Looking at page after page of childhood photos, Xiaogunzhu was drawn to an image of a French-Irish boy with smiling dark blue eyes.
But she was not admiring her lover’s family album, she was browsing a catalogue of potential sperm donors – the 39-year-old is one of an increasing number of affluent single women in China that are seeking a child, but not a husband.
Unmarried women in China are largely barred from accessing sperm banks and in-vitro fertilisation (IVF) treatment, forcing them to seek options abroad.
Her choice made – donor #14471 on the website of a Californian sperm bank – Xiaogunzhu flew to the US to begin the first rounds of treatment.
“There are many women who won’t get married, so they might not fulfil this fundamental biological mission,” Xiaogunzhu told AFP, using the name she blogs under to avoid any negative attention.
“But I felt another path had opened up,” she added.
Her baby, now 9 months old, is called Oscar after a character in a comic about the French revolution – a nod to the donor’s French ancestry.
The marriage rate in China has been in decline over the last five years. Last year, only 7.2 out of 1,000 people got married, according to official statistics.
Educated professional women face “discrimination” when seeking spouses, explained sociologist Sandy To, as their male partners have “difficulty accepting their higher educational or economic accomplishments.”
But many feel that struggling to find or simply not wanting a partner should not preclude them from motherhood.
Xiaogunzhu believes a father isn’t necessary – her own was controlling and often angry, dimming her view of the traditional family set-up.
“Why does everyone think that children will ask: ‘why don’t I have a father?’” she said.
Analysts predict that the total market in China for fertility services will reach US$1.5 billion in 2022 – more than double its 2016 value.
But demand for services overseas for Chinese nationals is also booming.
Danish sperm and egg bank Cryos International has created a Chinese website and added Chinese-speaking staff. American and European sperm banks told AFP that they have increasing numbers of Chinese clients.
But the journey is neither cheap nor easy.
China’s national health department stipulates that the purpose of sperm banks is for “treating infertility and preventing genetic diseases.”
In practice, that prohibits non-married women from using them.
“We want to help these single women, but unfortunately we truly are politically restricted,” said Liu Jiaen, the director of a fertility hospital in Beijing.
Liu said the limitation is “a pity.”
Conceiving a child through a foreign sperm bank starts from 200,000 yuan (US$28,500).
Women must make several trips abroad for the medical procedures, as Chinese law bans importing human sperm.
Women also face discrimination; in Chinese culture, marriage is still considered essential to having a child.
“If sperm banks and related technology like egg-freezing are accessible to single women, it’s a way to safeguard your own reproduction ability,” said Alan Zhang, a 28-year-old reproductive rights activist in Beijing.
Zhang has written more than 60 letters to delegates of China’s parliamentary body asking them to overturn the restriction as part of her work with Diversity Family, the NGO she co-founded to advocate for non-traditional family structures.
“The state does not do this, so the people can only find their own way,” said Zhang.
In China, sperm donors must remain anonymous.
But international sperm banks offer women details like hair colour, childhood photos, and ethnic background.
“If you choose to use a sperm donor, sperm is essentially a commodity,” said Carrie, a 35-year-old single mother living in southwest China who also requested anonymity.
Carrie said that international sperm banks are more sophisticated than Chinese ones, and “able to meet consumer demand.”
Peter Reeslev, CEO of Cryos International, told AFP that given the extra choices, “Chinese women tend to choose Caucasian donors.”
Reeslev said one possible reason is that sperm banks outside of China have fewer Chinese donors – Cryos has only nine donors out of 900 who identify as Chinese.
US sperm bank California Cryobank has 70 available donors out of 500 who self-identify as Chinese.
But experts say regardless of the availability of Chinese or Chinese-American donors, women are still chosing to have mixed-race children.
“Basically, the selected sperm donors are mostly white,” said Xi Hao, a clinical coordinator in Beijing who helps Chinese customers access a fertility clinic in California.
Zhan Yingying, a co-founder of the Diversity Family organisation, said it was rare for her to come across a mother who chose a sperm donor of Chinese ethnicity.
Traits such as double eyelids and pale skin are often valued according to Chinese beauty standards.
“Before choosing the sperm donor I had not considered a particular race,” insisted Carrie, but after seeing the catalogue she realised she had a preference for foreign physical traits – and now has two half-Danish children.
For baby Oscar, Xiaogunzhu said personality was the major factor in her decision as the donor was listed as “full of joy.”
But on her Weibo blog, photos of Oscar with the hashtag #mixed-race baby draw admiration.
“I personally don’t care about the colour of the skin,” she said.
“I only care that the eyes are big and the features are good.” - AFP
hi Xando,Background: I'm a Singaporean Chinese with an American fiancee. We are in our 20s and I'm 6 years older than her.
I would highly caution local ladies here to reconsider about having a caucasian sperm donor. We live in a world that is increasingly globalized, white supremacy and euro standard of beauty are being scrutinized at every turn.
I have relatives and friends, mostly women, that will make off hand unwarranted comments about my future children being beautiful by virtue of being mixed ( Chinese / White ). I find it is weird and borderline creepy to fetish hapa kids. This isn't some high school eugenics project.
Some of them have full asian children and it's like a backhanded insult directed to their kids, as if they would looked better if they are mixed.
I have also come across an incident when my latina friend got angry when a taiwanese girl in our clique made a comment that she hope her kids looked more white than asian so that they will have an easier time sailing through life. The latina boyfriend was black.
Imagine this scenario, your kids would eventually grow up and wonder why his mom / parents pick a certain race for her donor sperm. He/she eventually connected the dots that she's hoping euro standard beauty to be upheld through her child lifetime and hence the child will wonder if she's internalizing self-hatred of her kind.
You may find it ironic for me to discourage this pattern of thinking afterall my kids will reap benefits if euro standard remain but I digress, my (future) kids don't need to adhere to colonial standard to be beautiful.
How is everything? Manage to get pregnant?I tried clinic in Australia because need donor sperm and they have good donor programmes there. They make you go through counselling sessions (you can voice and talk through all your concerns w a psychologist). I found them very good to prepare you mentally to help you work out If you prepared for the challenges ahead
I think be prepared to pay total 15k to 30k a cycle. A lot of this costs will be because of the drugs needed (unbelievably expensive).
I don’t know if successful yet. So far so good.