Hi hi overwhelmed.
Are you a PR or foreigner? Is bb a Singaporean? If he is then ops fees are usually paid by medisave. You seldom hv to pay. Perhaps a hundred or two. And yes the first op on lip is around 3 mths while the next op on palate is ard 9-11 months. 13k is likely to be before medi.
NAM and orthodontist fees are the rather hefty fees. It's a weekly visit for the first 3 months and every visit is outpatient fees of around $120-$300. $300 if u need to change the mould. Otherwise it's typically ranging ard the mid hundreds.
After the first 2 major ops, there are the ENT and possibly speech therapist to go for. They are subsidized rates at around $50 per session. Your visits to ENT is more frequent during your first year but after which visits to Kkh is a lot lesser. Perhaps speech therapist after age of 2.5-3/ 4 and 3-6 months each time.
The costs was initially wat we worried too. But rest assured, as long as baby is Singaporean, you are pretty ok. My friend whom both parents are PR, baby also PR, they paid 9k for the first op. not sure about second.
After you are decided on keeping baby, first thing to do is to hug each other as you need each other as moral support. Both decisions must be firmed. Then embrace having your first child coming to this world!!!! It's a great joy. They are just like other babies but just that they needed a bit more attention than others. At least I'm v glad there is a strong support group at CCRC.
You and ur wife must feel happy, so baby will feel ur happiness. Our family has no history too. But I guess baby is the best thing to happen to us. Actually it helps to build an even stronger relationship bêtw me and hubby. Cos many people will say its the wife lo, u know can't do this or that and the wife this and that- all superstitious stuff. But my hubby will stand firm, squeeze my hands and said ignore them.
We carried our baby out to Ikea, there are shoppers who told us to remove the nam tape, say baby is not breathing cos of that, we just smile and said proudly, oh yes our baby is a cleft so this is the right treatment. We are not shy to tell people that our boy is strong boy so are we - strong parents.
ESP parents in law are the toughest to handle. They may say things that may inevitably be hurtful though they don't mean it at all. So u hv to be pillar of strength for each other.
Like before op, there needs to be taping every day and someone needs to do that. So it's always me or my hubby. One person be the bad guy.
You will feel tired. Take a deep breath and tell urself u can do this.
As baby can't suckle in breast feeding, get a good breast pump. This forum has people who buy from US at a whole lot cheaper. Keeps a steady milk flow as mummy breast milk is very good for baby's post op recovery. Just pump n pump. I actually have more milk pumping for my cleft baby than my 2nd breastfed baby who don't hv cleft. So trust in urself and do all that is necessary. Sift out the unnecessary words from others.
Oh and, there are a few more ops along 9yo and if his ears needs to insert a mini tube. But we will worry about it as we go along.
You are not alone. Let us know if u need any advice or listening ear.
As for the amniotic test, can't advise u on that. I din go for it but my friend went. It's like a piece of mind. She's ok.
If u want to whatsapp me, pm me. We can share more. My cleft baby is 4 yrs old now.