Childless Not By Choice Group

Congrats babygalore! Do drop by once u r more settled..we are waiting for u
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Hi Gan, nice to hear from u! Hw are u and the little one? when popping? I am doing fine, doing some preparation work for the upcoming cycle...do drop by often, this thread is really v quiet..
 


Hi ladies,

babyg, congrats!! rest more, when u hv more energy then update us k... your bb choose to come to this world on a special date 10-10-2010, v hard for others to forget her bd in future... keke

rostrum, ya taking my progynova pills dutifully now... gg to scan nx week to check for lining, keeping fingers crossed....

Jia you everybody & you know you are not alone
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rostrum, my edd is 10 jan, 13 weeks to edd. Doing ok, been ordered bedrest by dr loh these 2 weeks coz bb growth alittle slower. Hopefully her weight catch up soon.

Where do u usually see dr loh? Tps or clinic d?

Tigi, ur et will be very soon! All the best!
 
gan, thks! well rest at home and dun think about anything except rest! heard bb growth v fast in the third sememster.... every soon you can hold ur princess in your arms!
 
Babygalore
Congrats to u! rest well and update us here when u have settle down...
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Gan
U rest well too! dun think abt anything else..Hope your bb will stay inside your tummy to full term..Jia You
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Sisters,
How is everyone?
 
BabyG,
big big congrats to u. Have a good rest and enjoy ur time with bb
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Sisters, how are you all doing? Hope everyone are ok and for those cycling, please jia you jia you.
Gan, yes just had my gal's full month and she slept thru it, which she normally din sleep during day time.
My gal was detected with heart murmur on the day she was born and need to follow up the next month. So far she's doing ok but have to monitor on her feeding, sleeping and breathing. I hope the hole will close in the next visit. crossing my finger.
Honestly, when i found out her condition, i really blame myself for it. But at the end, i know blaming myself won't make her better. Now I can only try my best to provide her the best.
And as per what I have predicted previously, my marriage back to square again. The only difference last time i am alone now i have my bb in my arms. Yesterday we even mention about divorce and we might heed to this way soon.
Well, i dunno what will happen next but I know I will be strong.

Sisters, thank you for the morale support all these while.
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Hi BabyG,

Congrats on the new addition to the Family. Take care and enjoy the time with your new princess.

Hi elle,

Happy first month to your princess. you are one brave mum. Take care and hang in there....just concentrate on your bb.
 
Hi ladies! Been a long time since i checked in here! Sorry i am so late but congrats Elle and BabyG!!!
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Wishing the rest of sistas here well!
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Hi babyg, big congrats to u for ur precious gift from god. I know its not easy to have gone thru difficult times to have this gift but u have done it! I hope both u and baby is well.. Baby need to be in ICU? Take care and keep in touch..

Gan, u will be the next one to pop!

Elle, take care... take things easy coz life is so unpredictable meanwhile enjoy ur bonding with baby and hope ur marriage life is improving.

Rostrum and tigi, jiayou....
 
Tigi, nice to hear from u…so u will be doing yr ET by this month?

Gan, then u better bedrest now…and eat more. Hopefully u can carry baby to full term. I hv been to TPS and clinic D…

Elle, I hv a friend whose daughter has a heart murmur and the hole is closed up before she turns 2. I am sure yr girl’s will close up soon…it is not v serious, dun worry.. I am sure u will be v strong with yr precious one now…nevertheless, I still hope yr marriage wil work out well…whatever it is, we are here for u…

Lyn, how are u? Start cycle le ma?

To the rest of the sisters, jia you!!!
 
Elle, do take care of yourself and your princess. When I did my scan at Camden, the prof told me that if the holes are not detected during the detailed scans, are usually small ones and would close up. So I am sure your baby will be fine. Do hope things will work out between you and your hubby, but whatever it is like you said, you are not alone, you have your precious daughter with you.

Tigi, Noi and Rostrum, yes now like a lady of leisure, eat, sleep, surf.
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Lyn, another 10 weeks to 13 weeks, i will pop le. Actually looking forward to holding my gal, think i would be more assured.
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How are you doing?
 
Hi Lyn, i am fine, just did another fresh cycle so in 2ww now.
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Are you starting in Dec?

Rostrum and Tigi, starting soon? All the best to you gals too!
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with so many sista wishing each other well, i really hope we can conjure up enough positive energy to make everyone wish come true ... this year already heard 4 preggie news in office. really hope my turn can come... find myself harder to connect to ladies who conceived easily even though i see them everyday or know them personally but sistas here though i have not met pull at my heartstring and struck a chord with myself esily... haiz..tonight seems to be v emo, sniff sniff * jiayou woh!
 
hi sunny thanks! All the best! When is ur bt? Yes still with dr loh, but not sure if he wld be around to deliver my bb if i pop end dec,
 
Tigi, yup yup
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Will keep u girls update. Though its my 2nd try, I can't help feeling nervous...I am also quite emo nowadays...but trying to be strong...

sunny, which doc are u with? When is your BT? Take care! I hope to grab some babydusts from u..

Gan, if Dr Loh not ard, which doc will deliver for u? Did u ask?
 
Rostrum, have not asked dr loh who will deliver for me when he is away. The MTBs at the IVF thread mentioned most probably is Dr
John Tee, who is Dr Loh's good friend. Will check with him when i see him on 27 oct.

Don't be nervous about the coming ivf ya. It's natural to be emo during ivf, because of all the hormones we have injected.

I am also sometimes emo, recently had a small quarrel with hubby and i wld shed tears dunno how many times during the day after the quarrel...though it is a small issue.
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hormones at work again!

So you are still jogging now?
 
Gan, I heard Dr John Tee is a v nice gynae. I hv a fren whom purposely book Dr John Tee to be her gynae during her pregnancy.

Dun quarrel with dh la...yr princess can hear u...I think pregnant women more emo. And yes its hormones...

Yup...I am still jogging...sometimes can jog away my stress and worry...and can keep fit. V good exercise!
 
Hi rostrum, i m not trying this year leh maybe next year after cny... gdluck to u!!

Hi jude and sunflower, check with u ladies do u have any side affects after taking DHEA? My sept and oct mennses is unusual ie very little flow and also late for 1 week, i was wondering does it has anything to do with DHEA?
Jude, i wanted to call u to ask abt DHEA but i lost ur hp number, perhaps u can call me at 91734741 if u c this post.. tks alot

Gan, pregnant women tends to be more emotional and juz like our menses after to come also tears easily...
 
Hi Lyn,

Sorry just saw your message as have been very busy so have not come in to chat for a while.

mmm I don't recall having any side effects except that I started to have pimples on my neck and back when taking the DHEA. I remembered reading that there may be some side effects but so sorry, can't really recall what are some of them. You can check on the net on the side effects and if really worried, do drop a mail to check with Dr Loh. All the best!
 
Hi jude, did drop dr loh an email but he didn't reply. So I m not sure whether my irregular menses is due to the dhea or stress maybe I hv to monitor on and c how. So wat r ur plan?

Hi ladies juz to share my feelings abt ttcing here. Recently I suddenly felt that I hv no more urge to hv a baby at all. Not sure is it coz trying for some long that's y. I used to be very sad to c pregnant women in shopping malls but nw I dun even tough I still feel the world it unfair to ppl like us. I hv the thought of stopping every treatment n to go for any fertility treatment n lead a happy n fulfilling life before ttcing but on the other hand Dh hope I can keep on trying so there is actually a dilemma here......
 
Hi ladies, how are you all?

Lyn, I do hv the same feelings as you mentioned sometime back. I think it is cos we hv been yearning to hv babies and each time, if the outcome is not what we expected no matter how hard we tried, we are faced with disappointments. Thus, the "give up", "let nature takes its course", "immune" wordings keep surfacing at the back of our mind. I fully understand why u felt it this way. Really strike a chord in my heart when I read yr post.

I will ask myself some questions at times. "Can I really give up"?, "Will I really be happy not to hv children ultimately and concentrate in my career instead"? It is really a struggle within me most of the times. However, my answer is "NO" to all these...so i just hv to keep pushing myself.

I am v glad I hv a supportive and +ve hubby. I know he yearns to hv a baby of our own. So till now we will just try our best to go all out till there is really no light infront then we will give up.

It is not easy. It is v upsetting at times. We do hv our arguements sometimes. We do get emo at times and envy hw come other couples do not hv plms in conceiving while we hv to struggle here and thinks life is really unfair to us. We also face dilemmas at times...

Gal, what I want to tell you if DUN GIVE UP! I am sure our turn will come soon...u r still v young I rmb...There are ladies at the ivf thread at their late 30s or early 40s and still trying...

Dr Zou told me she has patients who bfp via ivf at the age of 38 and 40.

There is HOPE! As long as we dun give up, I am sure our turns will come soon...JIA YOU ok?
 
Lyn/rostrum

Hi ladies. Can totally understand the feeling of trying to conceive and
upsetting seeing pregnant mums or parents with kids running around.

I am from the IVF forum and here to share my story. Married and childless for abt 6 yrs. Did not take any precautions from the start but still cant conceive. Firstly, hb sperm quality not quite good plus secondly I got a fallopian tube removed due to some infection == IVF was the last option

Fresh cycle got to terminate as I was having OHSS and was asked to rest for 2 months before going back for frozen. Was disappointed after all the jabs and $$ spent. Rested for a yr instead cause too emotional to continue and did a FET. Was very lucky to be successful in the first FET. Put in 2 embies and both continue to grow.

Now expecting twins due early dec 2010. I had tried few IUIs, seen many TCM dr, drank the most yucky chinese medication, countless needles at dr zou's acupuncture, cried many times, spent lots of $$, effort and time just to conceive plus the hormones to be injected for IVF etc...

At some stages, I ask myself " Why i need to do all these when other pple just do "it " simply at the comfort of their bedrooms?" .....

Many times wanted to give up but if i give up , the chances of me conceiving naturally is almost zero acc to gyane. Like Rostrum mentioned, as long as we dun give up, there is HOPE. Jia you ladies. U can do it....btw i am turning 38 in three months time
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Hi nancy, have both of you and hubby tried nutritional supplements to aid in your efforts to conceive? I think you should look into this area. This advice may not be given to you by your gynae as they may not be familiar in this area as well. A good nutrition frm good supplements of course will help.
 
nancy, I remember you as I am a silent reader from the ivf thread also. Congrats on your twins that is going to due soon. This is a gift from God and I really envy u...

I did not try on anything for my 1st cycle. Practically zero...only avoid liang and cold drinks and only take FA one month before I started my ivf.

For this cycle, I just try anything hoping our dreams to become parents will realise soon. Sometimes its v disheartening y we hv to go thru all these? Like what u say, other couples can just do it at the comfort of their bedrooms whereas we hv to do it with the doc, nurses, embroylogist, labs, hospital! The cycle itself is v tiring...and taxing and does not guarantee a success...

Guess hv to keep trying...and child adoption will be our last resort.

Btw, which hospital did u do yr ivf with?
 
Zesty
hm...initially I took tcm medication while hb took selenium and zinc supplements still cant conceive naturally . I didnt wait for long to seek help after marriage. We didn't stress ourselves either for the first few years and enjoy the new life together.

Rostrum

My eq definitely went higher after all these ups and downs during the whole process. I keep telling myself to stay positive. At one time also told myself adoption was last resort but before resorting to that , I need to do my best and try whatever resources first. 20 yrs down the road when I look back i will be no regrets then. I did my ivf at THomson Fertility Clinic. My gynae is Dr L C Cheng
 
Rostrum
Which stage are u now? It's easy to say but need to stay positive thru the cycle. Ur dreams are abt to come true soon so jia you !!!!
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Hi nancy, I remember u coz we r at 2ww at abt the same period. If I was tested positive at prev try I will be due soon too but luck wasn't with me. Of course ppl who went thru this journey can share the same sentiments....

Rostrum/Nancy, as I prev posted I feel that I suddenly feels that the urge to hv a baby is not as strong as before maybe coz trying for too long n too many setbacks. Had been half a years since ivf n these 6mths been enjoying couple life n life being childless ie gtg spa with hubby, buffets with family, Mani n pedicure with frds n shopping alone. There is one day I sat at home thinking shld I try ivf again but my heart juz feels that well having a baby or not is not as important n essential which I used to think or rather I m able to accept a child not from my tummy. Maybe looking at stories from ppl around me hv changed me n hubby's thinking. Not long ago, hubby ex colleague conceived after 7 years of trying gv birth but baby juz one year old mummy passed away with lung cancer. This made us wan to cherish life n live life to the fullest n not to grief over being childless. That's y I feel that I dun wan to stress myself. But on the other hand hubby feels that I shld try again , that's y dilemma
 
Rostrum, I can feel that u r became more n more positive and also thks for yr encouragement. Guess I hv to do some soul searching to hv the motivation to carry on those yuchi treatment. U must jiayou okay.....
 
Nancy, I agreed wif u that ppl like us who went thru fertility challenge indeed hv higher eq then ppl who dun. I hate ppl who conceived easily to comment on others who hv difficulties conceiving. I hv frds who say so and so till nw still childless so weird... I feel like giving them a thight slap
 
Nancy, thanks for sharing your experiences with us and encouraging us though you've succeeded. It means a lot to us here I'm sure.

Lyn, I liked your comments on how you were enjoying life for half a year and not thinking about baby. There were times when I tried that and I really did enjoy that period for a while, but after that, panic or guilt will seize me when i feel I'm not trying hard enough and will I regret not doing my best. So I find it hard to relax sometimes.

This year has been a bad year for me, 1st 2 IUIs didn't work, 3rd one worse cos' I was injecting myself with higher and higher does to push the egg's growth but in the end it got smaller rather than bigger so I aborted the cycle after all the time and money spent. I really feel like I've hit rock bottom, and I really dunno where to find the strength to go on to ivf sometimes, so I really admire you gals here.

At the same time, a good fren of mine got pregnant at the time I would have if my cycle is successful, and same story, avoided telling me for a while cos' she know I will be sad but eventually i also found out through another way. Everyone is like stepping on eggshells around me and the feeling sucks. She knows my story and quickly tried to conceive in case she can't and they succeeded in 2 months. Our friendship has been strained and I really dunno how to find it in my heart to feel happy for her when I am so sad myself. Has anyone out there ever lost friends through TTC before? have you ever felt alienated from all your friends your age who has gone on before you and will never understand the pain of infertility? I feel so lonely in this and sometimes wish I can run away from it all and go to some faraway country with my hubby where no one knows us..
 
By the way.. after 3 failed IUIs do you think I should go on to ivf next year? My emotions were already scrapping the bottom this year and I dunno if I can take it emotionally if I fail ivf.. any advice is appreciated. thanks lots..
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hi, ladies.
hope you all are doing fine.

Lyn, glad to hear that you are enjoying your life now. life is unpredictable. we indeed need to cherish what we have. follow your heart, if you feel you no longer want to try again, then dun try. mind and body work on the same direction. when you are not ready, your body won't give the best result as well. your hubby sounds like understanding man. talk to him and i'm sure he will respect your decision.

Rostrum, all the best to you and looking forward to your good news
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when we have given our best, there will be no regret no matter what is the outcome. jia you, ok?

hopewaves, i can really understand what you have gone thru. when i have to terminate my 2nd ivf due to body din response well to the meds, i was treated like a failed experiment by the doc. I really breakdown in the hospital. and maybe one more thing that i never mention before, my hubby is not even with me and i din even have any consoling words. i have to face it on my own. but still i can pick myself up and even planned for the 3rd try.
but i managed to conceive naturally and now my gal is 7 weeks old.
as for frens,honestly, sometimes we tend to be more sensitive.i think i ever share my story before that a close fren of mine, who knows my long history of ttc, come to me and complain tat she's preg again and would like to abort.at tat moment, i feel really hurt. here i am, trying all means to be pregnant, where you, who can just get preg as and when u want, would like to abort the baby?
i give her a good scolding. i ask her to be more sensitive to my feeling. she indeed apologized to me later. once my emotion is over, i started to realise i'm being over sensitive and been fren for so long, i know she din intend to mock me.World did not only revolve around us.we can't expect everything should go according to our way.when things din go as expected, y dun find another way to face it?
there's a saying fren in need is a friend indeed. it's only when we are in need, we will know who is our friend. we are also need to look at ourselves,are we being overly sensitive and drive our frens away?
if the so called "fren" is really not a friend, you can always make new fren.you cannot always run away from things as there will be no end from it. and i remember once someone told me, when u are at the bottom, the only available way for u is to go up, cos u cannot go any worse.

cheer up, sisters. i hope my gal's smile can bring the smile in all of you too.

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Hi elle, u gal is so.....cute! Thks for ur understanding! Hows things wif ur hubby?

Hi hopewave, if u r prepared mentally, physically n financially then it's ok for u to go for ivf coz the successful rates r much higher then iui. I knw wat u mean by feeling the gulit later on after enjoying life. I used to felt that way but nw not so coz I feel that enjoy life is the rights of every human being, who say ppl like us who faces fertility problems hv to live in grief right? Keep trying for u coz u still hv ivf but it's always gd to keep n open mind n cherish life! Jiayou!
 
Hi ladies

Sorry Rostrum, i am not yet eligible to sprinkle you with bbdust.

Lyn, i dont have shorter/lesser menses when on DHEA leh. Dr Loh didnt reply you? Must be he dont think its DHEA too.

Hopewaves, if i were you, as IUI is actually similar success rate compared to conceiving normal, so in order to save myself on more heartbreaks if IUI still unsuccessful and to save the time and $, i would rather go straight to IVF. At least its higher success rate and you may even BFP 1st try and this time next year, you be holding bb in your arms already.

Elle, your gal is very cute!
 
Lyn, slowly think and decide bah. The best decision is made when you feel most at peace within.

Hopewaves, i also feel like running away and starting life afresh without people dabbing with my life asking whether when want to have kids ...

Actually lately i havent been going thru a good time also. Starting to get tired of IVF and also suspecting even with IVF, i will not conceive. Intending to do a genes check, if indeed got genetic issues leading to failed IVFs and my 2 previous miscarriages, then i will close this 'door' already. Maybe remain childless or see if want to adopt.

Emotionally also feeling lost, dont know what to feel or say to people anymore. I used to try to be positive and tell people around me that as long as keep trying, surely 1 day will BFP. I wanted to encourage and help others. But now i myself am taking the exit.

Elle, my aunt said that to me too, at my lowest period, that "take heart, that when u are at life's bottomest pits, there is no other way but Up"
 
Lyn,
thanks. she's the one tat giving me the strength to go on and keep myself sane. Things still not getting any better or i should say getting worse. we are no longer in talking terms though still sleeping on the same bed. very sad indeed.

honestly i do not know where will all these lead to.maybe both of us are changed person now.it is just so difficult to communicate. watever i said will turn out to be negative to him.

life is such,when u gain, u tend to lose also. but still we have to keep going on
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sunny, i totally can understand how you feel. do what you feel is right. life is short and unpredictable. cherish wat we have now and shall have no regret.

take care sisters
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Elle, sorry to hear that. Thansk for coming in to encourage us though you are going thru a tough patch yourself. I do hope that things between you and hubby can get better.

Sunflower amd Lynn, thanks ofor sharing too. I guess I should move on to ivf thouogh I really am very scared. But I prob won't do it so soon, give it some months to strengthen myself emotionally first.
 
Hopewaves, do when you are ready, emotionally and physically. Cos IVF very taxing so its important to be prepared. For me i even plan up till when i can afford to be away from work, wont clash with family celebrations etc ... cos i want my IVF to be done with as little stress or distraction as possible. Once you decided on IVF then dont look back, just give your best. It may just be your breakthru step!

But i also want to caution against 1 thing. Though IVF is currently still the most effective tool for most cases, dont bang on it 100%. Stay positive but dont expect it must succeed. I say this becos i see alot of IVFers fail first cycle become very depressed. I myself was so affected when my first IVF failed that i took a year to get back on my feet. We must understand that IVF only increase success rates but it does not guaranttee. IVF also can fail and can be due to reasons not fault of ours. So be prepared but dont be engulfed by it.
 
Elle, your princess is so cute!! and you have fed her well, love her cheeks.
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Hopewaves, I went through 2 IUIs and 1 SOIUI before going to IVF. But like the gals have advised, IVF is more taxing compared to IUI and SOIUI as you have to go through more injections, scans to check the follicles growth, lining thickness etc. And because IVF has a higher success rate compared to other fertility treatment, sometimes you may give yourself undue stress that you must succeed. But once you have decided on ivf, don't be afraid, the injections are not as painful. It is more of balancing your emotions, psychology during the process. Of course IVF maynot be 100% success, for myself, my fresh cycle failed and only BFP when I did a frozen embryo transfer. Take time to prepare your body and mind. When you are ready, we will be here to cheer you on. You were planning for a getaway to Samui or Phuket? Have you gone for your hols?

Rostrum and Tigi, how are you doing? I am cheering you on and sprinkling babydusts on you.
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Lyn, when I failed my IUI in Sept 2008, I also decided to take a break from ttc coz I find the whole process tiring. We have tried naturally for 5 years and in 2008, i started seeing a fertility specialist in TMC. went through a few months of clomids and mechanically babydance based on the timing instructed by the doc, lift my legs up after babydance(if i could have stand on my hands i would have done that) in the hope that the sperms can meet my egg, then iuis. After 9 months of ttcing i decided to take a break coz i was stressed up and disappointed month after month. And decided to enjoy life as it is. And ttc was out of my mind. It was only when a friend told me abt her brother having twins through ivf with Dr Loh and that set me thinking through about ttc and i told myself ok let's try 1 more time before i hit 40, at least i tried. So take your time to live the life you think that provide you the most satisfaction. Like Sunny said, when you are at peace with yourself, you will make the best decision.

Sunny, hugz to you.Where will you do the genetic checks? will you be doing at KKH?
 
OMG! U gals read the news this morning? IVF mix up in Spore at TFC, baby fertilised by wrong sperm! OMG!

A few docs interviewed including Dr Paul from CARE, Dr Loh from KKH, Dr Ann Tan etc ...
 
Morning Gan, havent thought about where to do the tests. I still have some frozen embryos so maybe do will another FET first, then if fail again then do the tests. Cos whether doing tests or not, the embryos still have to be transferred so might as well transfer first then if fail then test. Make sense? By then depends on whether i am still with KKH or whether i have seen Dr LC Foong. I plan to see Dr F for alternate opinion before i make final decision regarding my TTC journey. I figured cannot keep hearing from the same doc, sometimes a change is good, can give an unbiased/alternate perspective. If can, will have both Dr Loh and Dr F look at my test results and give their insights.
 
Oh man, my friend also smsed me about the ivf mix up in Thomson medical. Did they say which Dr? Could it be LC Cheng?

Thanks for all your advice and comments. Gan, I haven't gone for my hol yet, will be going Krabi in Dec. May I also ask how much do I need to set aside in cash for ivf, what are the subsidies for each round, understand it gets less and less with more tries? I did my so iuis in thomson medical. Should I stay with them for ivf or move to kkh (is it cheaper??)

Thanks!
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Hi ladies, hubby also told me abt the ivf incident. Did they mention which hosp? Poor parents n also pity the child coz dun knw will the parents accept the child.....
 

Read about the ivf mixed-up at TMC, felt sad to know that they are fostering the baby.

Hopewaves, my fresh cycle at KKIVF is around $8000 plus. When you have your ivf in govt hospital i.e. kkh, nuh, sgh, govt will subsidy $3000. On top of that, You can also claim medisave for ivf. 1st cycle - $6000, 2nd cycle - $5000 and 3rd cycle - $4000. I spent less than $1k cash for the ivf, mainly for blood tests, buying the suppression medicine, Lucrin. For private I think the cost is around $12k to $15k, could be higher depending on the protocal, medicine etc. Similarly you can use medisave for the ivf but no govt subsidy. Therefore cash upfront is more. For kkivf, the whole process is more like a production line, so sometimes you may not have the attention or monitoring you would like. so must managed your expectation when you go kkivf.

Sunny i heard that Dr F is a nice doc and caring too. I think it is a good idea to seek a second opinion and perhaps the doc could try something different or new for the cycle. Have you thought of transferring your embbies to Dr F for FET? I do feel at times with closer monitoring, could make a difference in the results.
 

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