Tigi,
Heeheeee..don't worry, there are some grumpy days for us for sure, at least its after we are being "judged" so unfairly by the self appointed family planning judges. These society has a lot of such people, basically, I call them "people who like to hear bad things about other people in order to feel good about themselves" (in short, insecured people). Don't feel bad about telling that colleague. You should on the other hand respect yourself more that you are trusting and pure at heart. If she goes to spread around, it only shows how insecured she is as a person. People like that actually often lack a sense of security due to insufficiency in their own lifes that they have to feed on other people. In future, like what Gan said, when you want to vent, come here and tell us. We understand so won't judge one another..And afer you hear our struggles, you will know that you are not alone at all.
Tigi and Lyn,
Also, if you don't feel that you can visit your friend, I strongly believe you all made the right choice not to visit. Again, I respect you all more that you are being true to yourselves rather then take the hypocritic attitude of going and pretending to smile. Go with your heart and it won't go wrong
Lyn
Same here, I actually waited three years after marriage before ttcing because the irony was that I belong to the camp who do not want kids as I wasn't sure if I can be a good mother. Three years later when I am so confident that I can love my kids more than myself, I cannot have them. About age, I have faced reality liao. A few years ago, my JC friends were all having the excitement of having their first born. I did not want kids then, so just thought listen for fun. The last time I met with them, they were talking about what play school to send their kids. This time, I listened too but at the back of my mind, I also imagined how the babies I lost in mc will be enrolling in play school with profound sadness. The I saw the disapproving look on a few friends face, why I am so "stupid", still not have a baby and act like someone of my age. In another two year or so, I will expect to hear hear them talk about volunteering in the most prestigious pri school to get their kids enrolled. That is how the society has judged me (us), not knowing the pain we went through.
But from interactions with people, I gathered something, if we tell them we don't want kids and want to be DINKS, they will brand us as selfish individuals who don't want to contribute back to society and only think about ourselves. If we tell them we have mcs, they will brand us as stupid and incompetent people who cannot even take care of ourselves. One colleague even assume that I carried heavy things so ended up mc. Haha. Makes me wonder who is the naive one but did thank her for her concern as I do not want to go into the biology of why mc happen. If we tell them we tried but cannot get, they will again brand us as stupid people and incompetent again, cannot cope with the stress in life, so become infertile. If we tell them we go for ivf, their jaws will drop and they will think we come from outerspace. And most importantly, they cannot hide their joy that they have found a great topic for grapevine gossips. I have had all these nonsense before. Its hard to believe but I have had friends who went through mc and yet can still judge me the same way. They still speculate why I mc and cannot have a baby now. In other words, these people will have something to say about everything we do. So I kept reminding myself, the best way to repaid these nonsense is be a better person myself and judge less, and understand more with an open heart and mind.
And please don't blame yourself about not starting ttc immediately. You are just a responsible girl who wants to work on to make your marriage happy and balance before thinking about other additions to the family.
Whatever is your decision about ttc, I will give you my support, just know that will do
Mildstrawberry,
Huggzz about the pain you went through. Come here and express your thoughts and frustrations. Clause: of course one day, I hope you can graduate from here
Tigi, Lyn and Gan
Thanks for your willingness to share and I appreciate "talking" to you all too as you girls got EQ and won't judge.
Gan
Yes, I use a thermal and drink warm water at home. Its really useful.
Sisters,
I came across this article that describes some of our expriences with society very well. The writer hit the nail on the head regarding several feelings. Of course I hope one day, we will have more than a babydream. Just read it for the seek of understanding and don't be affected by the end result of the author. Whatever it is, I think she is a brave and strong woman.
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2270529/childless_women_not_by_choice_dont.html
