Child Adoption

@lyn, some long time back a v wise old man ever told me this "do u know what is worst than being talk about ?" ....." it is when no one is talking about u, as if u don't exist at all".... I won't say it is totally right but he kind of make sense... so for the people who are not that impt to our life they will not stop talking no matter wat we do, and for those who matters and loves us, they r the impt one who will be there to give us the necessary support and sometimes help us fans off insensitive comments and questioning. Like my direct family, if someone ask too much about my girl, they will say "is for us to know and NOT for u to find out" or "none of yr business right"... Ok I admit I hv rather feisty mum and siblings, it runs in the family hahaha...

@die, don't worry too much, I am sure the assessor take yr hubby's answer in right way that he will not be over doting on the kid and will ensure right discipline will be carry out. And different parents have different style of disciplining ;) when feiyue did our HSR, the assessor ask both of us on the discipline part too and later she mentioned she ask because she want to ensure we won't end up spoiling the kid and end up causing my harm to the child ;) like lovelyday, we mentioned the use of "thinking corner" and we do believe sparing the rod will spoil the kids at times ;) I am sure the assessor won't think we r child-abuser so don't worry ok ;) the fact u got the second interview it is a good sign ;)

As for the workshop, u can drop TAFNET a email to ask them send a confirmation of attendance to u and forward that to SBL ;) we did that too ;)
 


Hi Mel,
I adopted without going through IVF or anything but a check up with the doc as to why I wasn't pregant. I knew from a very young age that this is what I will do...and its a joy to see it happen.
 
Hi Die,

I did my HSR report with SBL vision and gotten my report yesterday.Before that, my hubby was worried abt whether we will be disqualify as the accessor seem to be very concerned abt the portion of discplinary and taking care of the baby. I told him confidently that we will ok as the accessor would want true and sincere answers from us. In this world,there is not right or wrong in the discplinary portion. It vaires with individual - what is right for u may not be right for me.


I agree with Mrs Chou. Don't worry too much abt the caning portion. Both my hubby n I answered "yes" when we did out interview. Reason given is that we want our child to know what is right n wrong. The accessor did told us that caning is not the the solution to every problem. Sometimes, we need to talk patiently to them. Both my hubby n I agreed with her. But we did put our point across that caning is our last item on our displinary list as we want the child to know that there is always a heavy price to pay for his mistake and there is a tolerance limit which we as an adults will have.

Therefore, Die, your hubby don't have to call the accessor up to explain his mistake... this would make the accessor think that he is not firm in his decision.

As for the home visit, the accessor would actually take a look at your home abnd would ask questions like:

1. Where would your child be seeing?
2. Who will be looking after the child? If it's ur maid, she will interview ur maid without your presence.
3. Experience / not?
4. What are the amenities around here?
5. Who is staying with you? She will interview those who are staying with you.

During my home visit, the accessor visited both my mum's and my home. She interviewed my parents (who will be the care-taker of my child) and my bro-in-lw who is currently staying with us. She interviewed them without our presence and even called up my references to ask them abt our marriage life and whether we are suitable for adoption.

Die, dun wbe nervours. all you need to treat her like a guest in ur home and to answer the questions confidently. Sometimes, you can add on to ur hubby's answers if you think that is insufficient or the accessor does not seem to get what ur hubby's message.

Wish you all the best n hope to hear from u soon!
 
@die: yes, mrs chou is right - just call Touch up and ask for a letter of confirmation of your attendance, however, I think they might be specifically referring to the Disclosure Workshop. Have you attended that? Why not check with them? You can also let them know that you are in an online support group and if you are intending to join a support group, let them know too.

I think from the rest of the interview, they will be able to decipher if how we plan to discipline our children is borne out of love so pls don't ask yr hubby to call them to 'correct' what he has said. In fact, with the problematic youths they see these days, they might be secretly happy! haha! Really, don't worry too much about it. I remember stating that I won't spare the rod and spoil the child too. I can't take spoilt kids too. Anyway, you are working with kids and they would definitely take that into positive consideration.

@mel123, i, too, adopted after hormone injections, 1 round of IUI and TCM. didn't consider IVF cos I'm Catholic, cost and other reasons. I did ask myself if I've exhausted all possible means of conceiving before turning to adoption then but you know what, it's the best thing i've done: ) my kids are MY kids; they are mine forever regardless of whether they are from my tummy or not cos after 9 mths, it is 'evened out' - I don't know if others feel the same way. Why not attend the pre-adoption workshop by Touch on 26 Nov. Call them to register: http://www.touch.org.sg/touch_adoption_services.

@catherine: : ) congrats! I wish you all the best to finding a match if you have not already done so.

@mrs chou: your family's so cute la
 
Sorry ladies, seems like I will not be able to make it this afternoon. My house is suddenly infested with ants. They are everywhere!! Running in between my tiles and all. I have contacted the exterminators but they are only able to come at 4.30pm. Which means I have to sacrifice todays gathering.
 
Thanks ladies for ur encouragement. I let hubby read what all of u shared on the 'caning' topic and we both felt better and more hopeful now that we know we are not the only ones who said yes to the caning part. But i just wished we hadnt said that lor. Next home interview we will tell the assessor that in actual fact we will not cane our child la.
Thanks goodness for this forum. Love u all..XXX
 
Thanks, everyone.

@Andrea- I am catholic too, so am going through a challenging time now... Very encouraged to hear that your adoption story is a happy one. I will be giving it more thought
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Hi percy, nice to meet today. Can really feel that u r enjoying parenthood. Take care n see u again.

Other ladies, hope to see u all
 
@mel123

I tried 3 IUIs & 2 IVFs all flopped
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. Now I'm planning to adopt & have just started with the process. As a result of so much expenditure... We're starting to look for $$ to pay to the agency
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Hi Ladies
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Hope lyn, percy et all had a good time...I missed it
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After reading the "caning" stories I'm getting butterflies in my stomach...V seriously I don't think I have the courage to talk to the assessor.

GOD must give me the strength to do that.

@catherine

Congrats! On ur HSR successful completion. Have u spoken to ur agency? Any baby news?

catch u all soon...
 
Mrs Ha,

The interview is not so scary la but have to be mentally prepared for very personal questions. Also discuss with ur hubby how u would answer potential questions so that one of u wont give the other a heart attack the way my hubby did to me.. they also really question on our relationships with family members..they really want details.
 
Hi ladies, I understand that we need family or frds to be our reference for the assessor. Can we actually find frds to be the references coz i prefer not to hv my siblings involve but hubby side siblings will help for sure.
 
@lyn

U can have friends as reference...but as per Touch's (we've submitted our application to them) application form you must give 1 relative & 1 friend as ur reference...ur relative can also be overseas(in that case u need to give them their valid email).

@die
thanks for the inputs. Do they ask the same Qs we answered in the HSR application or will there be any out of the application Q?

thanks
 
Mrs Ha,

Mainly the same questions from the hsr so its gd to review those q with ur hubby before the interview. We didnt lor..so abit kalang kabot
 
@ andrea, i've just sent u a PM. err, sorry if this sounds rather silly, but how does one check for pte messages?

@mrs ha, im sure things will work out. all the best for the interview! jia you!
 
@mrs ha, have yet to talk to the agency.. but having lotus agency in mind. but will take my time to look for a baby whom we like.

will update u ppl once i got news
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@lyn

I believe u have to check w touch on this matter, bcos for us we dont have any of our relatives here. So we gave them the email of our relative.
 
Lyn,

Be prepared that during interview, u will be asked in detail why u not close to ur siblings etc what is ur relationship with them at this pt of time etc. i think they on the lookout of strained family relations, how n why it happened cuz it translates to how ur hubby n your relationship in the future. Be prepared for very personal questions abt ur family.
 
Die, ok thks. I guess every family hv stories outsider dun understand but I m prepared for personal issue etc. Looks like the interview is not easy too.

Hi mrs ha, will check with touch too
 
Hi ladies,
I must first say how sorry i am that i didn't show up on the 24th. It was rainning cats and dogs and I didn't finish work till 430pm. Hope to be at the next meeting.
By the way I was looking at the HSR form and wanted to ask those that have filled it in do we have (hub and me) to sumbit the No Criminal Record form and do we have to write a will?
Thanks once again thinking of adopting a toddler.
 
Hey Ladies
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So, after waiting for nearly a week, I became very much restless & I called up touch regarding the status of my embassy letter...My luck, as per touch, MCYS is still putting my letter under "KIV"
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. I'm seriously getting upset & went for a nice window retail therapy
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.

@Natelize
If u have been a PR for the last 5 years, then u need not submit the No Criminal Record form ( I remember reading it on the Touch HSR form). For the will, I believe we just wrote that in future, if we write a will, our adopted BB will be a beneficiary...(Idon't have anything other than some karang kuni items...I'm sure the baby wouldn't like to inherit it...hehehe...)

@Lyn
Can understand ur situation.U pls check with Touch or SBL were u are planning to submit ur HSR, so that its easier for u to get things straightened. I remember, answering a Q in the HSR reg ur relationships w ur family members.When u write the answer for those Q, I'm sure you'll know what to expect in the interview as how @die mentioned.

Catch u all soon
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Hey Ladies
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Just a couple of thoughts came through my mind during my cat nap
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1. Is there anyone(both of them PRs) in the forum who had legalised their adoption process in Singapore? How did the Letter of assurance from ur embassy got through MCYS?

2. This Doubt is kinna very personal...so, I'm open for all PMs...Did any one of u who had adopted ur baby go for artificial lactation (inducing breastfeeding the baby through medicines)? If so, how much $ & where & whats the procedure like?


Thanks for the understanding sweeties
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Hi everyone,

Jus finished my home interview today. In total took abt 2 hrs.

The assessor clarified many things that we said in the office interview. She really want details.

Hubby said we did ok. But the assesor was non-commital when i asked for the outcome. She said we have to wait to hear fr the ministry. ;(
another nerve-wrecking wait of abt 4 wks.

Can anyone share whether u had to wait to hear fr the ministry for the outcome or did the assessor tell u had passed immediately after the home visit? Cuz i remember someone saying right after the interview they were told they passed. But we werent told lor so is it a problem? Am i thinking too much? Sigh.

Also to share.. the assessor checked to see all our windows had locked grilles and also asked how r we going to manage the dog and the baby. So I said we going to install safety gate in the kitchen to keep the dog out. Also that dog eat and sleep in the kitchen.

Also interviewed my mil, bil and maid briefly. Mil really acted the part to say that she couldnt wait for the baby she is so keen, how she will love and care for the baby etc etc ;)
 
lovelyday,

how were u told u had passed prior to receiving the hsr report. Did u call the family service ctr or mcys or the assessor?How long did u receive ur approval after the home visit?

Catherine,
How long did u receive ur approval after the home visit? any clue before that?

Also to share with everyone, the hsr is valid for 2 yrs now upon completion so u have more time to look for the right baby.
 
Die,

I took abt 5 wks and there is no clue from the accessor abt the outcome. Dun worry and wait patiently for the results. If not, u will be stressed out before the baby is here!

May I also ask how long it takes for the agency to provide you with the list of babies for you to choose? Thinking of getting the baby before the CNY.
 
Die - I just want to encourage you that all things will work out fine. I recalled it takes about 4-6 weeks for assessor to complete report after home visit and submit to mcys for approval. I don't think assessor has the authority neither he/she be able to give any verbal approval on the spot. Fyi... I had 2 dogs at that time and we even showed assessor that our dogs sleep with us in our room and BB will be in the next room on her own! (it is still the same till now... haha) We didn't even install window grills and when asked our reply was we will do so when time comes (we did up the grill only recently) And we only had child gate at the kitchen. I also talk abt caning, time out etc. I guess we were more ill prep than you but we survived it. So, don't worry too much and enjoy Christmas!

Lyn - I can see that things are moving positively for you since we last "spoke" on this thread. Is your hubby more receptive now? Have you both attended the pre-adoption workshop already? Remember to take a step at a time.

Catherine - I had the same thought like you initially that I could "shop" for babies. In fact, we did but agency got into hot soup in the midst and our first adoption failed! So, we moved on and approached other agencies. Then we realized it is more like "first-come-first-served basis" and whether there is a supply (sorry for my description) and I think they do give priority to couples with approved HSR. If they find a match, they will call you type. If you reject it, then you will have to wait for the next one. You probably won't get to choose unless you had few agencies and they all got babies for you at the same time! Then, you probably end up headache also. You might feel bad for not choosing one over another. Although the waiting time can be quite agony but it can also happen very fast. That was my experience 2 years ago so am not sure if situation / arrangement still the same. All the best to you
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Hi SAHM,

Can I call several agencies at the same time or 1 at a time? Cos i'm worried that we will be forced to sign contract-sort of thing so as to get a q.
 
Thanks SAHM for your reassurance.

The assessor also queried us on our family background. Happens that hubby n my family background abit like drama series with twice divorced parents on both sides and our half- siblings all over the place in singapore and malaysia. So we had complicated childhood at times with no parental guidance. On this topic we answered all questions honestly. Do u think our colourful history will also affect the hsr outcome?

Very difficult to relax n not dwell on it lor.. lucky work keeps me really busy..
 
Thanks Catherine for your sharing.
According to previous posts fr other mummies,once u approach an agency, it could be as soon as 24 hr or 2-3 mths to get ur baby.
 
Catherine - Please do not sign any contract or pay any money until you've identified your baby ie you are ready to bring him/her home. For our case, I did called up a few established agencies at one go to indicate my interest and also find out more about their procedures and costing. Then, it is the waiting game and who gets to you first. Some may tell you an estimate time frame, some will just tell you to wait for call. I did rec' a call from one of the agency months after I've adopted so I guess they do keep track.

Die - You really need to relax lah
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Assessor is not out to fail you but simply to counsel you and hubby on readiness for adoption. I believe the past is not critical but how you are going to handle the future is probably what the assessor is looking out. As long you've answered questions in all honesty, you did your best already. Pray, have faith and leave it to God. You are only at the beginning, if you carry on endless worrying, I think when bb comes home, you faint already... haha. Suggest you take this time to do some reading or go holidays to relax yourself.
 
Hi SAHM, yes u r right that my hubby is slowly becoming very supportive of moving towards adoption! Yes we r taking a step at a time, thks for ur precious advice. We r now taking things easy, enjoying couple life and also preparing ourselves mentally, financial for the challenge if rising a child in the best way! As for the pre adoption workshop we have not attend any of them yet, perhaps will do so when hubby is less busy..

Die, i totally agreed with SAHM that assessors are not to fail people. Everyone has our own past and it is not right for them to fail the home studies juz coz of some family issue, every family has their own past. Wats important is the future...I know it can be very worrying since u do not know the outcome n i think they will do their best to help going to be adoptive parents like us..
 
SAHM, juz to share with u that one of the reason my hubby is more n more supportive towards adoption is that my FIL actually encouraged us to do so. SO actually i m also very happy in the sense at least i know if i adopt they will accept my adoptive child n i really hope they will treat the child no difference from they biological ones..
 
Hi Lyn, am truly happy for you. It is a blessing to have extended family support. Least you fought one battle less. I cannot say for sure if parents nor in-laws will treat adopted grandchild with no difference from bio ones unless there isn't any for comparison... only time will tell. We cannot control how others will think or say. Thus, try not to dwell too much but handle it as it comes along. What matters most now is your hubby's readiness. Hope to hear good news from you soon.
 
Hi all, nice to come back to this thread and see how everyone is doing
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wishing you all the best in your adoption journeys as you take it one step at a time!

Lyn-so glad that you've seen a change in your hubby and will have the support of your in laws as well! Know that your child will be loved by all.

Die - please don't worry about your outcome! They are very thorough with everyone, I think, and I agree with Lyn that they just want to be of help to us, and see that we're willing to talk about these issues which may affect the way we parent our children. Think it's more to raise it to our awareness rather than to penalise us for anything that's happened in our past. Don't worry and I pray for a speedy result.

Mrs Ha - I actually did artificial lactation when my son arrived. At first I wanted to consult the lactation consultant at the Mother and Child clinic, but then I decided to speak to the one at KKH (less costly). The nurses were very helpful and encouraging. Although I never was able to fully breastfeed my baby, I was able to express some milk for him everyday and did enjoy the experience. Of course, this is not for everyone - it is very tiring feeding your child with formula as well as diligently expressing milk! It really requires perseverance and a lot of support from your spouse and family members. I struggle with guilt on the days I am not consistent, but at the end of the day just have to tell myself I've given it my best shot. There are many biological mothers who also choose formula over breastfeeding - really think it's an individual choice, one that adoptive mothers have a choice to make just as biological mothers do
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can PM me if you need more info.
 
@strawberrysusu

Welcome back!
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Its been a looong time since u posted something. Thanks for the message. I'll think about it...

Hey folks
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Its been couple of weeks since we submitted our embassy letter to MCYS..but till now no reply on the outcome...still seriously bugs me....
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I'm in no mood for any kind of festive celebrations or have a good time before I can get the baby...
 
Mrs Ha,

Its jus that everything takes time yet we r so anxious hence the stress.

Im sure MCYS is processing ur case..jus need to wait patiently..(easier said then done rite) Hang in there and enjoy couple time now while u still can b4 baby arrives!

Lyn,
Gd to hear ur updates n that hubby and parents are supportive! Have u started on the hsr?
 
hi, been busy with my little one. I think she has reflux - seeing doctor tomorrow. Anyone has similar experience?
 
thread so quiet..

Percy, hope ur bb is better now? wat did the doctor say? Yesterday I visited my sister to have some hands-on practice with my 3 wk old niece. I fed her, burped her, carried her and changed her nappy! Yay, can imagine doing it for for own bb. Quite pro liao! ;)

Update: The assessor called all my four referess and my sister who is legal guardian shld anything happen to hubby n me. Asked them the following questions
-(to legal guardian) Have you discussed the possibility of this with your sister? what do u understand by that? How can u cope with the additional child to your family? What does ur hubby say? Do ur own children know that they are going to have a cousin through adoption?

- to my referees
How is the couple's relationship? How do they resolve conflict? What makes u think they can be gd parents?
 
Hi ladies who are keen to have a gathering.. we can meet up on either 21 or 23 dec at abt 3pm in town..

Die, ya thread been so quite these few days..

Percy, ur little one better already?
 
percy: another friend of mine who recently adopted a 2 mo bb also has reflux. was told cd be because he's a premmie and it'll take time for oesophagus to strengthen. doc gave meds to help too, i'd suggest you see doc too.

angel: you can contact Josephine Tay, who did the legal work for some of us here. her number is 67349096 / [email protected]. she's efficient and v experienced in adoption work.

lyn: too near xmas and loads to do plus have 2 girls to keep my eye on... maybe next yr for me : ) hv a great time meeting up anyway

die: i'm sure you will both make great parents judging from your concerns and your experience with kids at work and home : ) now you just pray for the right match.

mrs ha: i can imagine the agony you are going through now. somewhat like waiting for pregnancy results, right? : ) pls do try to distract yourself and take it easy cos waiting for what your heart desires does bring on some suffering - which sometimes is supposed to be good for us. i'm keeping you in my prayers.
 
@lyn,
I'm in for Tuesday 21st @3pm...Location???

@vickysmommy

Thank u soooo much
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. I'm trying to distract, I even went for some real retail therapy( I charged my hubby's card....Usually my retail therapy is only window shopping, AKA mall walking
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)

I think certain moments change one's life forever
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. Thanks again for keeping me in ur prayers.

@angel
Do you need a lawyer for a personal lawyer for the adoption work? I thought the agency will take care of all those legal issues with their lawyer?!

@priya
Welcome to the group...A lil intro about u??? you r most welcome to meet us
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@die
Good...u broke the ice
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