Attn : SAHMs - How did you decide? Any regrets?

[snowpooher]

Hi sungrapes,
Me! I've no courage because I feel I can't do a good job being a SAHM. I fear to face my kids 24/7. I have no patience and I'm training hard. I also fear the lose of my own income where I can spend freely w/o being questioned for my kids and myself. And of cos to provide for my parents.

My hb is waiting for the day for me to nod my head. He wishes that the kids' mummy will be at home with them. Hb said he doesn't need me to be a SAHM who needs to do housework and cook, but rather he wants the mother to be at home, so that kids will feel the love at home. And hb believes with mummy at home, kids won't stray. Haiz... I understand, but I hate to think of the issue where I have to get $ from hb...

 

[glass]

hi sungrapes, i'm currently on no pay leave until end of the year, but i feel like totally quitting now to set up my business. My husband is supportive with me trying out, but he thinks i'm still going back to work next year. But I don't want to.

I cannot be a real SAHM because I hate doing housework and I get tired of looking after my baby. I want to be WAHM so that I can still do my work and yet be there for my son.

 

[xsun]

Little people,
no offence taken, smtimes, it takes an outsider to reveal wat another person is truly feeling.

Loss of income, financial independence..sure, im afraid of losing all these 'perks', am unwilling to to be stuck in a situation where i gotta ask my hb for $$ and no say in certain thgs. Also, i cant ask my hb to support my own parents, rite? he's got his own mum to take care of.

same feelings as Jen.

glass,
when i was n unpaid leave, i enjoyed taking care of my toddler..simple thgs like cooking for him, preparing him for sch, picking him up and telling him bedtime stories. i was so into being a sahm. im traditional, i think woman shd stay home, man brings home the bacon..we take care of the hsehold matters, so the man can concentrate and excel in his career.

i pray and pray evday for some form some indication frm God as to wat my next step wld be..

 

[xsun]

I also tot of doing some part time studies, nothing too serious, juz smthg to justify my reason to stay home..so when my child goes to primary sch, at least im still employable.

 

[fairyprincess]

Its great if hubbies are supportive and do not mind their wives staying at home...there are hubbies who feel its not justified for the wife to stay at home....and to "sacrifice" the 6-digit annual income that the wife brings home...

Anyways, if you have good family support e.g. parents or ILs looking after your kids, with help from maids- then it may justify continuation of work- cos you can still see your kids progress daily after work, and certainly on weekends...you do not miss that much...

That's my view cos I am in the exact situation above...

 

[enyi]

Fairyprincess,
I fully agree with you, and wish I am in the situation u described. After dd1, I went back to work without thoughts as dd was being entrusted to a reliable family member. But alas, when dd2 came along, the help was no longer available. I guess i took the sahm route becos I hv no other option. Sending my kids to cc or hiring a domestic helper without supervision are just unthinkable. I opted to look after my own kids, and put my career on hold. It was not easy, but I know very well what I want, and need to do.

I'm glad I've tried being FTWM and SAHM. I guess both has its pros n cons.

 

[babe99]

Hi

Jus stumbled upon this thread.
Tmr is my last day at work. Am gg to be SAHM for the time being until my son enrol in childcare center when i feel he is ready for it. Reason to be a SAHM - maid of 2 yrs wanted to go hm and after that.. both 2 new maids dun work out and mum is too old to help me look after kids.
I must say.. its reali a tough decision to make. Even now, I cant say I make the right decision. But same as some mummies mentioned, I feel I onli stopped working for 2-3 years, I still have many years to join workforce if I need to work till 55 yrs old. But my son onli has this first 3 yrs.
Well... having mixed feelings now... since tmr is my last day... sad to leave this workforce .. yet feel happy i can be together wif my kids frm next wk onwards.

 

[xsun]

sometimes, no choice is the best choice...

 

[snowpooher]

I think, it's never a wrong decision (as long as finance is not a big issue) to quit to be SAHM for our children.

 

[happymother2008]

Hi

Jus stumbled upon this thread.
Wed is my last day at work. Am gg to be SAHM cos my 20 weeks boy only want to latch and coy cannot let me take no pay leave..

Hi all SAHM mummies, can make friends..

Hi babe99, how r u managing now?

 

[xsun]

*envy*

all the best to u!

 

[xsun]

hi all mummies,
juz wondering abt smthg..SAHMs, do u send ur kids to daycare or kindergarten?

cos i trying to find strictly kindergarten but realise alot of wat they call child development centres r actually childcare centres..offers only full/halfday childcare,which is not wat im looking for.

for SAHMs, u dun really put ur kids in full daycare rite?

 

[2sleepy]

sungrapes

My kids started kindergarten from K1

Prior to that, they only attend enrichment classes

 

[enyi]

Sungrapes,
My no. 1 was attending those 3 hourly church kindy when I was working. There are many such centers ard. Which part of singapore do u live?

No. 1 gets to school at 8.30, and after assembly, breakfast is served at 9am. Thereafter, they start the day's learning with short rest/toilet breaks. As the program is conducted over 3 hours, there is not other snack breaks. Overall, I was very pleased with the program and will send no. 2 to the same school when her turn comes. I will only put no. 2 to kindy if I return to work, or when she is due for K1, whichever comes first. Until then, I will home-school her.

 

[xsun]

thks mummies..

little people, my boy is at marymount kindergarten. tatz abt the only KG ard tat area as my mum stays in upper thomson. she takes care of him when i go to work.

the other CDCs are ard AMK,Bishan, abit too far as i dun wanna burden my old folks to send/pick. As of now, my boy takes sch bus and reaches home 3.30pm even tho his sch ends at 2.30pm. such a long drive b4 he gets home and he becms super cranky.

i tot of finding a better sch for him for K1. Marymount is abit too crowded,dun really like it..

 

[enyi]

Sungrapes,

Poor kid, must be tired after the 1 hour long journey. What abt Church of the Holy Spirit Kindergarten?

 

[xsun]

marymount is a church KG,and i alrdy tot the curriculum is very lax and the sch is really too big with pre-N to K2. during assembly time, the waiting time to get them allsettled down is long and draggy and my boy ever miss his sch bus once cos the teacher overlook or too busy cant cope. quite disappointed on that part cos i reminded the teachers many time to look out for him as he 1st time taking sch bus.

my poor boy was sitting on the stairs when his teacher discovered it and he was scared to tears. it was his 2nd day taking sch bus during the 3rd term. think idun wanna enrol in any church KG cos of this and a few other incidents b4. but i got no choice cos tats the nearest KG near my parents.

next yr he gonna be in K1,i wanna find smwhere better.

 

[enyi]

Sungrapes,
Sounds like the teacher to pupil ratio is quite big. Then you'll need to look for one that has a smaller enrollment, academically focused, and yet near your mum's place. Wah, like that u hv limited choice in upper thomson, right. I suggest u start looking now. Might not get a place if u wait till next year.

 

[xsun]

hey mummies,
guess wat?

i met a family with NINE kids!! i was like WOW WOW WOW!

i mean, i read abt big families in s'pore in the papers..but to actually meet them personally!

i couldnt keep my mouth close..so much so much respect and in awe of the mother.

 

[emmum]

hi all, i am a sahm too, just moved back to singapore from overseas.

sungrapes, 9 kids!! i can't believe it! err... may i know how many maids they've got to manage 9 kids? i have 2 and we are thinking of having a 3rd one, but agreement with hsbd is that we must get a full-time maid if we have no. 3. i don't like the idea of having someone else living us though, so still re-considering...

 

[enyi]

Hi emmum,

Welcome home! How long were you away for?

Ya, same sentiments about not having someone else living in our home. That's why I'm still a SAHM. I do wanna go back to employment so much, but will hv to wait till dd2 is older.

 

[emmum]

we've been away on and off for the last 4 years. singapore is so different now and things are so expensive! that's one of the reasons why can't have more kids, coz have to spread the (financial) resources among more kiddoes!

 

[xsun]

hi mummies.
im finally a sahm!! 2nd bb on the way,after lots of prayers. stopped work since feb..alrdy feeling bored liao, but tis type of boredom is different from working type of SIAN-ness..noe wat i mean?

aw,imtrying to spend gd quality time with no1 b4 no2 comes along and also training my hb to be mre HANDS ON and thrifty.

smtimes, i will panic when i tot of single income now,esp living standards increase so much with inflation and food prices soaring. but i say must trust God's decision.

only thg is now im feeling super tired all the time with less energy to entertain my no1. smdays really so tired i cant help but doze off, leaving my boy with the maid to play with..feel so bad.

mummies with no2 or 3, hw did u overcome this problem?

 

[enyi]

Sungrapes,
Congrats on your #2. When will bb be here?

So qiao that I just logged in n see your post. I've been so busy lately, I haven't log in for a long time. Yes, I trust that God will provide, in His own time, on His terms

On the soaring prices
I read a comment somewhere, that "if the 2nd income of the family is to fund a bigger house, a bigger car, a more luxurious holiday....., then there is probably sufficient $$ to put food on the table" (or something like that). End of the day, it's just how each individual household mange their finances. IN our case, with me sitting at home, I hv yet to send my 26 mth-old to any school. Not even kindy. I've yet to decide if I will send her to nursery after she turn 3. With our #1, she attended kindy after she turned 3 as I was then a FTWM. Trust me, the time she spent away from school on medical grounds were more than attending school! Good thing we send her to a school that charge affordable fees . But, heartpain lor

Don't feel bad if u r tired out by the pregnancy. Give thanks that u r able to rest as your body commands, for if u r still a FTWM now, u will be so, so tired. I really salute those who works and be preggie at the same time. By God's grace, I was not working during my 2 pregnancies.

 

[xsun]

little people,
2nd bb due in sept and its another boy..

this bb is truly given by God. because of my age, i wanted to try till end of last yr. if still dun have then i will stop at 1. so i prayed abt it and i conceived in DEC. it was supposedly the LAST try for me.

i wanted at least a 4yr age gap in between so nw juz abt right. last time no1 goes pre-N when he was 2yo cos i was also working and letting him stay home with my parents=watching tv. so off i pack him to sch. with no2,since im around, wun send him to sch till k1. maybe if finances allow, will enroll him in playgrps couple x per wk. c hw 1st...

i was so busy working for the past 3yrs, i missed out on motherhood. so really looking forward to embrace the whole experience again. its like im given a 2nd chance.

 

[xsun]

juz wondering wat is the sleeping arrangement like for parents with 2kids..

my boy is4.5yo, with new bb on the way. currently, my boy and i co-sleep. my hb bunk on the flr.

wondering hw to fit evbody in.

 

[gin_]

hi mommies, any SAHM looking for a job? my hubby is looking for a SAHM to work from home. He needs someone with knowledge in HTML and simple image editing using Photoshop or Fireworks. And only need the mother to be able to respond work requests between 10am - 4pm.

PM me if anyone is interested. Thanks!