Attn : SAHMs - How did you decide? Any regrets?

hi stumbled upon this thread. My EDD is next month, planning to go back to work after maternity leave, cos dh is not supportive for me to be SAHM.

Finances wise very hard to depend on hubby ... his income not stable, and he doesnt like his job ... in fact he is planning to quit to be house husband so that he can tinker with his various business ideas.

Situation like this very hard for me to quit ... i prob hv to be breadwinner for the family. But knowing dh, he wont be spending his time with our bb. Will be busy with his "business" ideas.

My ILs are not in Sgp, and my own mum ... think my bb will not be 'nurtured' properly cos she has been a housewife for so long ... prob will make my bb watch tv wif her all day. Think abt all this makes me depressed.

And if i quit (which is really not an option), where to find $$ to give my parents? Parents already say help me take care of bb hv to give them additional $$, even if stop working also gotta continue to give 'jia1 yong4'. Aiya ...

Whats more i hv got a healthy and stable income and am a spendthrift. Cant imagine asking my kiam siap hubby for $$ ...

Maybe the solution is to take 2 months no pay leave till bb is 6 mths and old enough for childcare? I rather my bb go to childcare to learn stuffs and interact with others.

Sorri for the long post ... just venting ... So wish to be a SAHM to teach my bb myself.

I wanna say to all SAHMs, i admire yr courage!!!
 


hi Grace,

being a sahm is tough, tougher than u can imagine esp when u need to prepare solid meals for him and teach him, play, discipline at the same time. Lots of rojak things to do, wash, cook, clean, change diaper etc... Must be prepared most bbs are never co-operative when u need them to. They can shock and surprise u at any time!!

If u intend to send to a better infantcare, u shd start looking for it now and reserve a place....Lots of infantcare and childcare are full and u may have to be on waiting list.

Being a woman with a kid is TOUGH!
 
hi ladies,
i'm sahm since last Dec. I've 3y.o son.
Being SAHM is tough,yes it is true,Cherrie...but I reali enjoy n my son is now closer to me.

Time mgmt is the key.My son attends AM class so i make use of this time to cook n do hsework.Initially,I found it tough..coz i've been working fr 10yrs plus liao.But once i started the "momentum",now i can handle beta.

nobody likes to ask for $$ fr. hubby..But since I've taken care the hsehold n childcare,then he has to fork out $$...in fact,we deserve more since we r doing dual roles:as a babysitter n domestic helper,hehe...

Though sometx i miss the times when i was FTWM:nice clothing,socialize wf my col,solving prob at works....But i nvr regret coz my son smile is more than anything....

what triggered me to quit my job?? My miscarriage...I've had two miscarriages for the past 5mths.Then I realise having children is not easy to come by n i shouldn't tak it for granted.

I've oso hired maids twice but it didn't turn up well....Nw...i'm still looking ard for PT maid.
 
avocado

3yo is a fun age, can teach him a lot of stuff now


mommies

there's an article in Straits Times yesterday on how to encourage women to have more children.
 
Hi ladies,

Yeah I read that article about it, but I dun think it is possible in Singapore! What it wrote is subsidise and subsidise the fees etc....Frankly I dun think it helps! They should also increase the pay of the infantcare and childcare staffs, give them better benefits so that they will be happier to "nurture" our kids.And u think our gov will give sahm income like what the French are doing? Unless one parent is very successful, earning big bucks, else it is a struggle to be a single income family. Also in a way, pple here are stressing too much on rearing an elite force of kids, showing super kids on TV etc.

How abt the job industry, so much abt gov saying no discrimination against mommies/ preggies, what have the gov done for those who suffered under this.

Not all kids are easy going....when kids are very young, mine is 22mths, how to talk sense into them? He is with me 24hrs everyday.

AM grumbling too much, having a rough time with my tod now!
 
glad to have found this thread, hope to revive some discussion on this...

I'm also contemplating becoming a Sahm. Bb is currently 6 weeks old and wondering whether to take no pay leave as the first step. But not totally sure whether that is the life for me.

Thankfully, hubby is supportive although I earn quite a decent salary and have a masters degree like hippo above. My parents prob think its a waste for me to stay at home and think I should work while they look after. They are English ed, so actually bb will be ok devtmentally and they are v commited to teaching bb etc. But I guess its always best to have one parent at home?? I dunno...
 
my parents r the ones who encouraged me to continue working. they say since im still young and employable,might as well go out and earn as much as possible. when my child goes to primary sch, then can consider staying home full time or work parttime,since my parents will be older by then.

i think some of us r lucky to have our parents/in laws to help so we can work with peace of mind vs having to leave our kids with bbsitters/childcare. they r strangers afterall, cannot compare to own relatives..which grandparents dun dote on their own grandchildren?

i noe some m'sian couples. they gotta leave their young bbs with relatives in m'sia. can only c them during thier offdays or wkends. tatz very sad,isnt it? imagine cant c ur children for 1 wk!
 
I'm a SAHM. I actually went back to work after 2 mths maternity leave, was supposed to take my 3rd mth maternity leave as flexi. Had it all worked out with my boss, I would work from home from 3rd to 6th month and work only 3-4 day wks to clear my 3rd mth maternity leave. The main reason was that I wanted to breastfeed till min 6 mths and also wait till my bb was a bit older b4 passing her to my MIL to take care.

Unfortunately, all my well thought out plans went down the drain because:
1) My girl could not latch properly. She was very small at birth (1.86kg), spent 1 wk in hospital and after she got back had trouble latching too due to her size.
2) My MIL who was staying with me at the time could not handle my colicky, refluxy and very cranky girl.

So I made the decision to quit when she was abt 4 mths. My bb is now 10mths and even though my MIL shd be able to handle her now that she's older, I've not thought of going back to work cos I can't bear to leave her with my MIL.
Thankfully my HB is very supportive of my decision which I feel is very impt
 
I always admire mother that can sacrify their career to be a SAHM. I take care of my 17 months gal only during weekend, and I find it very much tired then working.
She is now with a nanny, although she can't learn much with the nanny but at least she is happy with her. So, maybe we will still keep her with nanny, perhaps next year we will find a 2hours playgroup session for her, but the expenses we spend on my gal is really huge... what to do...
 
hi mummies,

gonna broach topic of no-pay leave with supervisor soon... hopefully he is understanding.

will probably ask for 3 months first. then if I can adapt well to life of a SAHM, including facing baby 24-7, losing a huge chunk of personal income at my free disposal, facing my mum who's gonna help out 24-7... then I might quit forever whoo hoo!

saw PD yesterday and he was quite funny. Asked me when i was going back to work. i told him i was thinking of taking more no-pay. he said that's a great decision cos after 6 months is when they get really cute. and the dads don't get to see that. it's between 2 years - 3 years that they get cranky and throw tantrums. So i told him, maybe i should take no pay until kid is 2 yrs old! in my mind i was also thinking, if I am not so traumatised by then, can also start planning to conceive the third one by the time first kid is 3. then stop work again.
happy.gif


mrs yap,

well, expenses with nanny are high, but still not as high as giving up job right?
happy.gif
 
a loss of income is definetly not easy to deal with esp with all the rising costs and gloomy economic outlook.

Its definetly fulfiling to be able to witness the milestones achied by the little one during their growing stages.
 
Haiz.. i have been back to work for a month now.

Hubby is against me quitting, as i have a good income, and work is not that stressful. My boss is also ok with me spending more than an hour every work day pumping milk for baby 3 times a day. But there are times when work is busy, cannot pump. On top of so worried i cannot keep up.my milk supply.

My hubby is starting his own biz now and not making money yet. And i am a spendthrift. Cant imagine asking hubby for $$. Will be very difficult cos he is veri kiam.

But leaving the baby with my mum ... i am worried will affect her development. No one will teach my baby english, talk to her.

My baby is trying to flip over now. I am very sad that i wont be able to see her do that for the first time, heard her first words. I even think she doesnt recognise me sometimes.
sad.gif
sobbss....

If money was not an issue, i would quit to be a SAHM. I have no great career ambition, and would love to be with my baby and hopefully nurture her.
 
i do not like working life in Singapore, so i am just glad to quit my job and take care of my baby. my hubby just wants me to be happy so he is fine with whatever my decision is.
 
misa
i also have retired parents who need my monthly contributions. haiz.

grace
I'm worried no one teach my kid chinese! we all worry in all cases...
happy.gif


tj,
it's true that working life is more stressful than work needs to be! that's why so many migrate to aust. but life there as non citizen also not bed of roses lah.
 
i think the concensus here is tat if $$ is not a problem, hubbies r supportive, then all of us mummies would like 2 stay home.

misa,
i plan to stop at 1, but i wori next tme i will b a burden to my son. how do u feel abt being the only child?
 
sungrapes

i think all of us have to plan for our own retirement. personally i hope i can survive without contributions from my kid(s). anything they give is a token. less pressure.

gals

i just took the first step of taking 3 more months of no pay leave. let's see how it goes and whether it's the start of my journey as a SAHM.
 
I am a SAHM to 3 kids since Aug this year. The decision to be one was not easy. Many considerations and thoughts then. Any regrets? I do not think so because I am enjoying every moment being with my kids. Most importantly I am at peace and happy.

As a FTWM I have no control over what my kids do in the day. Most of the time they are with my maid. When something happens at home (children fall sick) you will feel so split between your responsibilities as a mother and a co-worker/employee.

After years of deliberation on whether be a FTWM or SAHM I finally 'see the light' at the end of the tunnel and that made me finally made up my mind to be a SAHM.

For people who deliberate whether they should be a SAHM. I hope they can answer 2 questions to themselves honestly.

First, are you at peace with yourself (given what ever situation one is in) and second, are you happy.

If you are not at peace, then there will be no happiness to talk about less to say we will enjoy our little darlings and their growing up years.

Finally I do not want to go through my old age having no memories of my kids' growing up years.
 
I think I'll definitely stay st home if I have three kids. But with just one, not sure whether I should stop work altogether so soon...
 
hi all,
i'm a sahm to my 15mth old girl.
Too me, i feel that there is no one else that can do a better job than me.You will always be there for every milestone,every smile,everything.
It's fulfilling yes,but i do have my crazy days where i'll simply break under pressure.My dd is super active so it's sometimes quite frustrating when she simply goes the other way.especially when it comes to evening time,i'm so tired but she's still bursting with energy.Then my temper becomes a little nasty,after which i'll feel like i'm a bad mother and that sucks!!!but even so,she stills stick to me like glue,hugs me,kiss me etc.In the end it's all worth it.the things that you give up in exchange for the love that your dd has for you.it's priceless!
 
Leng Leng,

yah will definitely go back to work to get the ML, even if I only work for 3 months! haha, think only gahmen will employ a 6 month preggy for 3 months and give 4 months ML though!

Amanda,

yup, when it's like this then it's all worth it yah?
 
Hello mummies!!

I am going to be a SAHM soon too. Reason being my MIL throw in the white towel! She said she is too old to take care of my baby (she is only 58), i even hire a maid for her. My hubby dont like the idea of puting in infant care as he read that baby at this age needs lots of attention and infant care will not be able to accomplish that ( i mean they are working as only a job, dont think will put in alot of effort) also may fall sick easily. Thus finally he ask me to quit.

Anyway, if any mummies out there seriously need to work, i can help by being a nanny for your baby. email me at [email protected]. Staying in bukit panjang.
 
Hi ashley

your hubby is right. at IFCs the caretakers don't really bother with the babies. the ratio is not conducive for one on one interaction anyway. I went to one and saw first hand the baby just staring at the ceiling in a rocker. others were crying in their cots and the caregivers were just chatting amongst themselves whilst doing chores like washing.
 
The bonding that you have with your child in those early days cannot be replaced. you will only have this once with this child. I was taken care of by nanny in first six years of my life, then my mum came home to take care of our studies. But my emotional ties with her are not close at all. I have taken care of my dd since birth, she is so loving to me, I cann't describe how much joy she gives me. SAHM, be encouraged that what love we pour into our child's life is worth it because it's a life
 
yeah... but now I might have to go back to work because I need to support my parents. guess I can't expect my hubby to support me, and my parents, for the next 20 years... even if he could, guess it's not very fair...
 
Hi,

I am a SAHM.. but i dont really know wat am i suppose to teach my son for the first 3 yrs.
He is 1 1/2 yrs old now.
Did let him try puzzle, block stacking, lego, music. But he seems not interested in ant one of them. And when he play his toys, only last for 3 mins and he will choose another toy to play.
Hw can i teach him to concentrate?
Can somebody enlighten mi?
 
my_baby_boy,
bring him outdoors,
play playground, smell the flowers, touch the plants,
watch the dogs, chase the birds.
happy.gif


At home, can sing to him, play catch, throw balls...
 
my_baby_boy,
it might seem like he's not learning much and his attention span is very short. But trust me, he IS absorbing and learning. When the moment comes, u will be SURPRISED by how much he knows.

1 thg i learnt is never 2 underestimate a toddler.
 
my_baby_boy,

as one book said, you are his most valuable plaything, not any toy you can buy with money, or any course you can attend on weekends.

You are with him day in day out, talking communicating showing playing. Sometimes that is good enough.

Quality time is not the same as quantity time. I think quality time is fiction, something people make up to make themselves feel better.

what our children want and need is our time. and nothing we can buy can replace that.
 
I have just tendered yesterday as well.. my gal is gg to 4 mths old. The journey ahead will be tough as all mummies know tat caring for a baby is tougher than working... :p

Hope to know more stay at home mummies here... Anyone staying in the east?
happy.gif
 
jacquise,
good for u!!

im working mum, and like all FTWM here, there's not a single moment i dun think abt quitting and being ard for my boy. i drag my feet to work. my work brings me away frm home so smtimes, i dun c my boy for up to a wk.

itz gd tat u can have this choice. the joy watching them grow up is priceless.
 
my_baby_boy,

It is normal for kids this age to wander from a toy to another.
A few things you can try to improve their attention span:
1. remove distractions.. say take out one toy at a time and play with him or encourage him to play on his own. when there are too many toys in front of a child, of course we are tempting them to wander off from one to another
2. do activities that encourage concentration span. puzzles, crafts, sensorial and practical life experiences (like pouring/scooping) etc are great for this
3. a word of encouragement as you play w them.. whenever they wander off an activity, gently coax and bring them back to the same activity. show them how to play something differently and new ways to explore etc.

I have written a lot more in my blog www.*******************************.blogspot.com about activities that I used to do w my boys when they were your kid's age. You are welcome to check out the posts on arts/crafts and homeschooling and parenting.
 
my_baby_boy, all very gd suggestions from parents here. Have you also tried reading?

I know it sounds ridiculous to make this suggestion when you already said he has short attention span. Well, lock him in the room with u and u just go on reading. Doesn't matter if he does not listen.

Maybe bring him to library and let him choose his book. One fine day, he just might stumble onto something he really likes. U then build on the interest by getting more of the same series....overtime you should get his attention, and get it longer!

btw, the above weblink is broken.
 
yeyeparent, it does sound absurd to lock up a child and get on with reading. If a child doesn't listen, then continuing reading to him will futile. That doesn't improve concentration span, but will only backfire and makes him associate reading with negative feelings.

Just keep on reading and try out the methods mentioned by domesticgoddess about improving concentration span. I checked out her blog. some good insights there.
 
hi all mummies,

juz to keep this thread alive... any1 found the courage to quit and be sahm yet?

this thread is gd support for ppl lke me..still working,trying to find courage to quit,all the time watching time fly by,kids growing up too fast.

evtime i bump into ex colleagues,all became sahm, and i ask myself y they can do it, but i cant. then i type my resignation letter. then i bump into other ppl,all say they regret quitting.gv me 1001 reasons to continue working.

so conflicting, so dilemma.

i read the thread abt straying hbs and bad marriages and i pity those wife who scarifice their career and youth to take care of the kids, then their hb leave them with nothing. at least if they had a job,they wont be so helpless.
 
Sungrapes
You want to be SAHM is to have the blessings to enjoy and be with your children at all times. Once we miss their 1st 5yrs, then we cannot have that 5yrs anymore. When they are more independent, then you can return to workforce.

Just remember you are doing it for your family, and not for others. Because of the society we are in, it is unavoidable to receive such negative comments when we have to quit our job to be 24/7 SAHMs.

Overall, take it as a blessing that you are able to be a SAHM. The rest God will provide :)
 
Hi mummies, I stumbled upon this interesting thread.

Sungrapes,
Just to share my thoughts.
When I had my dd1, I was living overseas and not working. So naturally, I looked after bb on my own. Upon returning to singapore, the practical side of me tells to return to the workforce, so as to be financially independent. Then, my thinking was that it is not worth it to stay home just for 1 child. (that was a lousy thinking). However, I struggled to be a FTWM, especially when my work requires me to travel overseas.

2 years from returning to employment, we relocated again when my hb rec'd another posting. I went back to being SAHM. I must say that was the best time time I had with dd1. dd2 came along when we were still living overseas. I have been a SAHM even after our return to Singapore, and has no regrets till now.

I admit the thought of returning to employment does sufface occasionally, especially when I talk to my full time working friends. I experienced a very weird feeling when I went to meet my ex-colleagues for lunch at Raffles Place shortly after I returned to sin. It was envy, coupled with jealousy! But upon returning home n seeing my daughters, those nasty thoughts just disappeared
happy.gif


I think it is entirely your decision whether u should and want to stay at home. Everybody's situation is different. Whatever decision u take, the opportunity costs will differ from one to another. Besides being mentally prepared for a change, I feel that support from your hb n family is very important. Your hb must be able to appreciate the intangible sacrifices u make.

Lastly, life is more than just being a sahm. I encourage all sahm to continue keeping in touch with your friends and make dates with friends sans bb and hb whenever you deem fit or when possible - to retain n restore some form of mental balance
happy.gif


It is in my plans to return to some form of employment when my dd2 goes to primary school.

Oops. Sorry for being so long winded.
 
thks Little People, u r not long winded. any experiences shared here is gd inspiration for many others, including me.

I also have the same thinking tat stopping work for juz 1 kid is not worth it. But then i also have juz this ONE kid and yet i cant spend the time to be a normal mummy to him and do all the thgs tat mummy and child do.

There's so many, so many working mums. All with their own thinking and peculiar way of juggling work and family life. Many continue to work cos of financial commitments, a handful are those who admit they are not suitable to be sahm.

For me, itz the pressure frm my own parents to work and provide for them. i cannot bring myself to see them 'suffer' when their daughter can have the choice to work and gv them some allowance ev mth. whenever i speak to them abt quitting, they tell me to do wat makes me happy, but i can sense their 'helplessness'. i noe as parents, they will want their children to be happy. yet the same goes for me, as their daughter i also wan them to have a gd life. the upbringing i have doesnt allow me to leave them in the lurch, so to speak. Many times, i always resent this. i have to be considerate to others, but who will consider abt my needs??

My hb so far is alrite with me being sahm. but this is in theory.. he doesnt really have a gd track record when it comes to supporting my decisions in the past..saying and actually doing it is very different.

I suppose frm a young age, i've always had the vision of being at home to rear my brood when the times comes..so now, when thgs are the opposite, i cannot take it! Ultimately, i noe the choice lies with no1 but myself. Like a frend once told me, we can 'talk 3, talk 4, but in the end, we still have face our own problems'.

This topic will forever be like the chicken and egg issue....sigh...
 
Sungrapes,
Yep, it's like a chicken n egg story. Everybody's situation is different. So it's either status quo and u get on with life as best as u can, or you bite the bullet and give it a go. Never try, never know.

Everyday that u take to ponder over this issue, u child is growing up. Just my thoughts as I read your last post, I am under the impression that deep down inside, you are not quite convinced about being sahm, maybe for fear of losing self esteem, along with the lost of financial independence? Just a impression hor, no offence
happy.gif
.
 


I salute all FTWM out there who juggles their role so effectively. I think being a FTWM is harder than being a SAHM.
 
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