Any Mommies in mid-late 30s or over 40 with small children?

[snowball32]

Hi Rona,

Ha....ha...ha...think my hb also facing mid-life crisis...ask and ask over same thing until I hair-stand.

Hoarding/ Keeping old things - I am the one at home who throw and throw things. My hb is the one procrastinating and keep & keep. I will give him final warning to clear up and keep away things he wants, else, all will be at the bin ctr.

My house is really run of space. Gotta to be the bad person to clear up.

Hi Beer,

I also do not understand, actually there is a bin centre near our block and the Mgt Office make it a point to put a big container every few mths for residents to clear bulky trash. In addition, there is a big trash bin placed at every block for us to throw our things.

But, in the end, those residents still discard their unwanted things at the staircase landing or next to the lifts....sigh....What gracious society are we talking about?

Hi Muffin,

My DD1, now in N2, also play with her crayons/ colour pencils when she is doing colouring.

So I guess, its normal for young kids to do that.

Hi Mumusings,

2-faced characters - men and women....very common in office politics. Lucky for me, I have a very nice bosses and colleagues

 

[beer]

hi snowball

i alw get ruffled when i see pple dumping their trash anyhw =P. My hb is a rebel - he smtms threaten to put the unwanted newspaper inside the lift becos he say 'other pple do it mah so why can't we ??'

hi yawn

oic, i hv the salvatn army tel inside my HP becos i saw their truck once n i thot hw nice if one day I need to dump old thgs n i cn get it dumped for free =P . but so far nvr use them b4 .
from wat i knw , any bulky thgs i want to dump, i alw hv to 'pay' pple to dump. Haiz... i thot karung guni will buy (ie pay me) for the old thgs rite... but end up, condo got no karung guni tooting their horn so no choice .

does anyone call the karung guni to come n 'buy' their old stuff ??

 

[2sleepy]

beer

Those sofas that typically get dumped downstairs, I don't think salvation army would accept. They can reject the item after they reached the premise if that item failed their physical inspection ie. condition no good

Salvation army only take furniture or items in workable condition & in good enough condition for resale to raise funds. That's why items that broke down or too old they will reject. So far, they haven't rejected any of my items because I do self assessment before calling them. Paiseh if kanna rejected after making them come all the way

I donate those under 5 years old, I suppose still in resaleable condition

Whenever you buy new furniture, the delivery men would usually dump the old one for you. Old furniture, those that cannot donate to salvation army, I would ask them to dump for me. I don't know where they dump it but definitely not next to the lift lobby

 

[cwlchong]

HI SYTLOBB,

Thanks. If i buy a lot, i will order on line to save cost.

Thanks Rona for warm welcome.

After reading posts on P1, I get stress up. My son who is now 4yo (year2006 baby) does not enjoy reading. He likes to be read to. Remember some words.

Had started him Peter and Jane almost daily aside of pratising Montessori phonics. Feel my time occupied just for teaching him after a full day at work.

 

[2sleepy]

rabbit

No worries, 4 yo still plenty of time.

Mine going P1 next year. She still behaves like a baby

 

[beer]

rabbit

don't be stressed. your boy does shows his interest by asking to be read to. reading together is also a gd way of bonding for him

Hmmm.. speaking of reading actively - i saw my P4 niece reading the 'twilight' novel (supr thick) n was quite appalled. Haven't read it myself tho i hv seen the movie. Didnt knw tht kids at 10 are raeding abt such adult themes? or maybe i am outdated??

 

[rona]

beer,
i agree, i also think its too adult-themed. so is high school musical and hanah montanah...

rabbit,
don't be stressed. we are also just started teaching the 2006 kids. different kids got different learning abilities, and also different strengths. so not to worry, ok.

 

[snowball32]

Hi Rabbit,

No worries lah, like what Rona said, every child has different learning abilities.

My DD1 is also a 2006 baby, I also started P & J series with her about 3 mths ago. I have to follow her mood when I want to make her read.

Hi Beer,

10 yo reading Twilight? Can she understand the novel?

 

[cwlchong]

Hi yawn,sleepy,rona & snowball,

I see frrom other forum, some babies as young as 15mths can master phonics,blending and know 500 words. This makes me even stress.

My hubby bought a car from china, very big and it is has the real car function. My son can master it well after tried it twice.

My son doesn't like to learn. This makes me more nervous.

Luckily he slowly love to read P&J. He always cried when i introduced P&J to him last year.

Do you guys get your kids to read both chinese and english daily?

I wanted to do craft with my son but really have no time especially since he started his phonics enrichment.

He needs a lot of pratise and repetition.

All my focus is on my son. My younger one age 17months, just read to her 5-10min that is all. Feel so bad.

She learns fast and more interested in book.

 

[bloom75]

yawn yawn, parents initatives? mean parents can try to contact lorna whiston/others to teach enrichment at subsidised rate? hahah.yes, ILs are a sensitive issue. luckily so far my FIL never say anything cos i thik he knows that i will expect him to help out to jagar the gal but he is typical MCP wont help...ahahaha.. thank goddess for small favors i think kids will forget to pack their bags for a long time..even we adults forget to bring stuff to work/meeting frens right? and the teachers weren't forgiving either... so just help loh... i hope the kids will reallly be learnnig more chinese characters in 2nd half of P1! i thnk since they focus on HYPY in firt half, alot of parents effort before p1 will be undone.. and the kids will end up being dependent on HYPY even though they can recog the words before they enter P1...

stylobb, burnished wood?? chimmmmm...

snowball..ahahha..since its ur BIL's son then just ignore lah.. he injure himself his prob loh.. (sorry me wicked hearted, cos sometimes u help pp they wont appreciate it, so let them learn it the hard way) yes my hb's GPS also not fast..and sometiems multiple turns he also got prob..and his GPS does not give spoken directions so always got to glance at the screen which is so dangerous!

fairyprincess, thats the prob when both parents are working.. by the time we come home its so late liao..

re hoarding.. its my hb tat keep things from eons ago.. letters with advert flyers inside, hp brochures, tour brochures..lots of broken things tat he think he might need to use... its ridiculous

tam, but what women think as defending their own countries is another thing loh.. see those female suicide bombers... of course to a lesser degree lah... u really know how to plan things (re writing 2 /3 short sentences) ahead..thats good!

mummusings, oh yes..the ball bearings of my ikea cupboards have all shattered liao...

for thsoe living in HDBs, u can call town council abt bulky items and they will arrange to dispose for u.. i thnk first time round its foc.. i have tried it (one sofa + one marine fish tank)

rona/snowball, my hb also like urs... and i can tell him tomorrow i got this appt, then next day he forgot! old and senile

rabbit..wah..ur son rem some words..tats good! my gal is just concentrating ont he pics...

beer, i tink its the hype that makes a 10yo read twilight..pros and cons lah... i also read very adult books when i was in pri sch cos they belong to my much older sis...eg, the yi kuan, yi shu, victoria holt, jane eyre..etc... (yes all very girlish books ahhaha)

 

[mumusings]

Hi Muffin

About kids with attitude and procrastinating

Think I mentioned about a tuition kid I had once who was dreamy, lying, procrastinating, whining and lazy? Well I did say she made it with great O-level grades even though at K2 she couldn’t spell/remember anything after half an hour.

Kids need ‘real’ teachers (disciplinarians) before they’re scared. Sometimes having a pulverising teacher is better than starting off with very bo-chap and lenient ones. My son knows who he can bully now. My sister. That’s because she’s kind, patient and obliging – not really scolding even though he pulls off her glasses. So, I won’t flinch next time my kid complains about fierce/strict/principled teachers. We need them!!!!

Hi Bloom

Those ball-bearings are scary and many. Don’t know how many have fallen out and IF he has swallowed any.

On kid’s reading:

Some kids will always be faster when it comes to reading trashy books. During the 80s it was those Sweet Valley rubbish. Now it’s Hannah Montana, Princess Diaries and those High-school-based stories. Just go Borders and see the mess on weekends... I think it’s hard to ‘censor’ what kids read ‘cos they’ll follow what friends are reading. Jane Austen and Bronte sisters are 19th century writing so it’s at least solid English and classics.

 

[mumusings]

Hi Rabbit

Where did you get the China car for your kid from? Can you post a pic of it? My husband may be interested in getting one.

Don’t get stressed over kid’s language development. Mine’s almost 2 and he’s blabbering lots. He chooses when he wants to use the ‘right’ words. Don’t compare your child with other children ‘cos different kids have different innate abilities and input from parents. I don’t believe in stressing out children till they hate learning by the time they have to go to school. I think boys are more playful so maybe you can try picture/word books if he really hates Peter and Jane (more boring for sure!).


Hi Snowball, Bloom and Rona

My husband thankfully likes cleanliness and we both have the same habit of cleaning up mess and throwing away unwanted things at home. So far so good. Hahaha... brochures go straight to recycling pile of papers...

Mid-life crisis: how old is hb? I think we all become more naggy as we grow older? Too many things to take into consideration and in multiple ways. I have a problem remembering if I’ve switched on/off lights and heater, or locked the door. Sometimes I go out and then walk all the way back just to check....

Hi Snowball:

Good to hear that you have a supportive working team of colleagues – do treasure them well!

Hi Beer:

Haven’t heard from you for a long while! Call town council (if it’s the HDB) or just grab hold of a cleaner and pay him to help clear heavy items. They’ll call their friends who need the ‘lobang’ for those items / or places to sell them off to those who need them. Salvation Army is okay for small items but I find their ‘collection’ points very pathetic. Always uncleared and I wonder if what I give goes to waste. I once saw a TV thrown into the container at Bishan! Sometimes I place items next to the rubbish collection centre because I notice that the cleaners will sieve out the ‘usables’ and place them aside (for own use or sale). I don’t mind giving away items this way. For large items, I’ll pay for the delivery man to help with disposal.

 

[2sleepy]

Handwriting

Today I kanna complained by dd2's kindy teacher for BAD handwriting. I vaguely recall similar feedback from her enrichment teacher since last year but I guess this mommy too lenient lor, just say to her write nicely ok. My fault lah, didn't take her teachers' feedback seriously so K2 still writing so horribly


<font color="0000ff">Rabbit</font>

I try not to compare with other kids. Because other children always seem more hardworking than mine

For my elder one, I super on, read to her since she was 14 months old. Only 1 child that time so very free mah. After the 2nd child came along, my routine went haywire so I stopped reading to her totally &amp; I hardly had time to read to my younger one. We have plenty of books in the house. Play some audio CDs in the background during my dd1's kumon days (no longer attending). Not particularly conscious in my effort to teach them reading. They still pick up reading skills alright


<font color="0000ff">mumusing</font>

quote: I have a problem remembering if I’ve switched on/off lights and heater, or locked the door. Sometimes I go out and then walk all the way back just to check....

me too me too! my short term memory not functioning properly

my speech also went haywire the last few months. What I meant to say &amp; what I actually said come out differently. Weird!


<font color="0000ff">bloom</font>

Parents' initiatives mean we must send for classes (not subsidized) or provide training in competitions when they reach higher primary. I heard from other 'senior' parents not much help from school lor. No wonder my dd's school hardly produce Maths Olympiad winners

 

[tamarind]

muffin,
Actually I think that 4 years old is too young for homework. I do not make my kids practice writing everyday at that age. Though my girl loves to write and draw on her own initiative. I don't have the patience to make my boy do his homework when he was 4 years old, so I just ignore the homework. In fact, I often forget to check whether he had homework or not. He was still so young anyway and I think it is not necessary to stress him. Now at 6 years old, he actually does not mind doing homework. I just call him and he will sit down and finish his homework quickly. I think the trick is not to stress a child too much.

In fact, he is in full day kindergarten now, I do not understand why his teacher still give him homework. I think 8am to 5pm is more than enough time to study. He has a few pages of homework over the weekend. I did not bother to ask him to complete all the worksheets. My aim is to encourage him to write English compositions on his own. Last month he went to the Zoo, and he was so happy that he came back and wrote an essay of about 10 sentences on his own, with help from the Zoo map. I was happy enough.

beer,
My next door neighbours are worst. They hang their laundry everywhere in the common corridor. It is very unpleasant for us to walk pass all the laundry. I feel like complaining to HDB, but worried that my neighbour will be angry with me, sian...

 

[tamarind]

Rabbit,
Peter and Jane books are the best books for teaching kids to read, no other books can enable kids to read as well, and as quickly as the Peter and Jane books. My girl loves the Peter and Jane books when she first started reading them, and now she still takes them out to read once in a while. But my boy also has to be trained to love these books, after level 5 he enjoyed reading the books very much. After he completed level 11 just before 5 years old, he can read any English chapter book. Actually I thought that it is sufficient to read until level 10, but he insisted on reading the next level. Now he is able to read anything, and he is even reading the Straits Times !

It is very important to read at least one page from the Peter and Jane series everyday, try not to repeat the pages. My boy used to read only one page a day, so he did not mind reading it.

These books use a very systematic approach that teaches the key words to enable kids to read independently. If parents can understand this and persist in using this series, the results will be wonderful.

 

[rona]

Hi SAHM
I have a question for you. since you work at home, do you also put on make up and dress smart casual? For me, i look like an ah sou on weekends - unkept hair, plain face, casual to 'pj' looked clothes... even when i need to bring the kids to orchard for their berries, still will look like that...

 

[tamarind]

rona, fairyprincess,
Chloe's schoolbag is heavy ! I looked at her time table, she has the 3 subjects everyday. Now I feel like buying her a roller bag. Are your kids' bags heavy ?

 

[2sleepy]

rona

Typically shorts &amp; spagetti strap at home. No make up. Yeah, standard auntie dress code I guess

Before leaving the house to fetch my kids, I will change to 3/4 pants &amp; nicer tees. Weekends I will put on make up because my kids have classes in town. No make up if it's just a trip to ntuc

My dress code very boring. Can survive on tees &amp; 3/4 pants and a pair of running shoes.

 

[fairyprincess]

Schoolbag:
Tam- yes, my gal's bag is quite heavy! Eventhough it does not contain any text books, as each child has a "basket" below their desk to keep textbooks, and also a locker outside their class to put stuff. But daily, there are the following items in her bag:
- pencil case incl stapler/ staples
- lunchbox and water bottle
- colour pencils
- cardigan
- school diary
- school plastic file for homework
- purse
Does look sound heavy, but when add up, its quite heavy! Yes, some kids are using roller bags..

Weekend dressing:
Yes, tend to be casual, but still must try to look decent leh- but some items cannot wear, like hot pants, micro shorts- not our age group lah- I will most def be in capri pants and casual top...

 

[beer]

snowball , rona
wud u stop ur kids if they did try to read such novels at P4? i was asking myself that Qn... And I think i wud discourage her .
Hmmm.. am I too outdated? Rona mentioned high sch mus n hannah montana - and yes, i m also none too impressed with these . Think they are more suited for teens not kids. Imagine many 1-2 yr olds alr go n watch high sch mus concert liao.
My niece was really engrossed so i assume that she enjoys n understds it.

Bloom
at 10yo, i was reading bobbsey twins, secret7, famous 5 etc

mumusings
good to be bk

miss chatting here.
You are lucky that u are a neat person. I alw envy pple like this cos i m so so untidy. I used to hoard too *blush* n even nw i hv to be ruthless in throwing thgs away so taht i dont get tat same habit.
u are so rite abt the sal army collectn points. Alw bursting. Sometms i do gv thgs to church instead.

tamarind
Yikes! Does the laundry include bras, panties, briefs etc ? sigh , but i knw wat u mean , If it were me, i also will hesistate to call hdb to complain.

My last neighbour was an angmo(now shifted out le) who had this super duper ultra annoying cat. My condo layout is such a way that out kitchens face each other. Everyday that cat will jump over in to my kitchen n sneak into my hse. It will leave its pawprints every whr, on the flr n even table top. It chewed away the rubber pipes for my aircon condenser n left the wires exposed. Not to mention the faecal matter it leaves behind. Once it crept into my hse while i was at hm n gave me such a fright that i screamed very loudly. The cat darted out my front dr (which happen to be open ) n back into its own front door. Next thg i knw the owner quickly slammed her door shut. No word of apology or anythg (and pple say sgporeans lack courtesy??).
But i nvr made any comment, nt to the mgt office or the neighbour cos i was thinking hw to comment against someone living nxt dr. i endured for alm 2 yrs. Even my Jap colleague v angry for me - wanted so much to make me a rice ball with 'special' ingredient inside for the pesky cat.
i think nxt tm i won't be so tolerant liao.

rona
ever since i become sahm , i make big effort not to look yellow face. I think its a habit that is hard to kick. before i gv birth i hv so many shorts for gng out - but aft i gv birth, i 'don't dare' to wear anymr cos i become so self conscious. So nw i try so hard to lower my wt ( alr at pre birth wt but nt gd enuf). Nw no more shorts for me. Usually jeans n capris. But i try to ensure got style my hair n makeup la.

 

[rona]

must clap my hands to all the efforts in looking decent. i think i also better gather my acts and start to look decent at least going into town. who knows prob run into some old friends/ex-boyfriend... ;P think i not young anymore, cannot label myself as yu nu... so must dress better liao... i think after i gave birth my dress style also change. i now cover-up more, think because of the fats that i've piled up.

Fairy,
i need to start running quickly! my weight is adding up! i've since put on 5kgs - in a months time!!!!!!!!!

Tam,
yeah, arnold's school is pretty heavy too, and he has only a few books in the bag. think the school bag is heavy even without the books liao.

 

[rona]

mummies
i think my #1 is super duper gong... this is what happened to him today:
this afternoon in the hall, his classmate asked him for 60 cents - #1 told me that he saw him went to the bookshop and spent money there and then don't have money left, so he asked #1 for 60 cents. #1 gave. then he puts his usual coin pouch in another compartment in his school bag. during recess time, cos he was rushing, he forgot where he keep his coin pouch and so he took his emergency pouch and his water bottle out. #1 is a very very veyr very playful boy - he can play and play with anything, even when he has no toys to play with, he can make believe toys to play too... so instead of going to the tuckshop for some food, he headed to the kid's zone and joined a game of soccer. and this gong boy took out his coin pouch and placed it beside his water bottle and left them on the floor, next to the 1G sign. naturally when he came back, everything is gone. He told me he told his teacher and went to look for it at the lost and found area but could not find both. so he ended up not eating and lost his money ($4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and his water bottle. Oh, if you count in the 60cents, then its $4.60 and water bottle. I told him that if this happens again, i will let him bring sandwich to school and i will not give him money for recess time at all.

i'm thinking that i should write something to his teacher - to tell her about the lost coin pouch and water bottle and the 60 cents the other boy asked from #1. He is still very bad with narrating what happened, very disorganized and although he is clear with the events, he is not able to tell it in a clear and systematical manner (i think he suffered from mild reading disability or ADHD, need to have him tested).

what will you do?

 

[rona]

Bloom,
we read about the same kind of books. i was very bored with sweet valley high books and read all the hardy boys, nancy drew, secret seven and famous boys books. i also read a fair amount of chinese books, especially like the liao zai zhi yi series (all the ghost and super naturals stories from olden chinese tales), its very interesting. i was also reading a lot of xiao ding dang and lao fuzi too... heheheheee... think the kids are more mature nowadays

 

[fairyprincess]

Rona- yes, probably need to constantly remind Arnold not to forget his water bottle/ wallet if he brings it down for recess...my plan is to continue sandwiches for my gal, so she does not have to bring money down to recess. Its very common for kids to forget their things- maybe Arnold's stuff will appear in the lost and found over the next few days? If you write to the teacher- you mean to ask her to look out for Arnold's things?

Running- ya, I must be consistent too, today woke up late and decided to spend time with kids, so will jog tomorrow morning...miss one day liao...

 

[2sleepy]

rona

why do you suspect arnold has reading disablity or ADHD?

I heard primary school can help to arrange educational pyscholgoist by moe to test ADHD children for free. Check with his school

 

[stylobb]

rona/fairy
I could not start running cos I'm sick for a week!!! Gosh... coughing v v badly till last nite, hb said I didn't cough... the medicine didn't help leh. Went to the clinic last nite but it was closed. Need to rest...

A tough week for me..as I went for a course and still dong for the two days and ending it with an exam to take... so relieved last nite but I koon from 8pm till 8am this morning!!

rona
Are u sure he has such disability? Maybe he is just careless and not used to primary school routine.

I think best to let him bring packed food to school and not give him any $$ for now.

Homework: jesse also returned with homework, he told that he will do them tomorrow and I said Ok...

Dressing up when out: I do deliberately dress properly (not the dressed up but at least look presentable) lah... once my hb wanted to wear shorts, I told him to beta change in case we meet some friends, and he changed. And yes, we did run into some friends... hb was grateful to me...kekeke
But if we go to the pool, can be v casual...


beer
Welcome back!

rabbit
So long your order does not exceed SGD400, otherwise wlbe subj to GST....

 

[stylobb]

mumusings, Snowball, Bloom, Rona
At times my hb asks me the same question again and again too!! I think guys' brains are wired to rembr the bigger stuff, they cannot store smaller info...kekeke...


Btw I think I am v heaty, cos bit my mouth just now...haiz....

 

[snowball32]

Hi Rabbit,

My friends start to send their kids to enrichment classes when they were as young as 9 mths old. My hb strongly objected to me following suit. I enrolled my DD1 to 3-hr PG when she was 22 mths old and my hb keep stressing that the class has to be fun for her and not academic kind.

She learnt her Chinese from there and we are already quite happy with it

Every child's learning ability and capability is different. Even both my kids are different in terms of their devt. Hence, it is best not to compare.

I read both Chinese and English Storybooks to both my kids every night, before bedtime.

For P &amp; J series, I try to encourage my DD1 to read at lease 1pg every night. Sometimes she can read a few pages at a go, sometimes, just 1 pg, after much encouragement. But, I just let her be. So far, she has finished Books 1a, 1b, 2a, 2b in 3 mths.

On doing crafts, I let my kids to puzzles ( learnt from my colleague that doing puzzles can help train logic and concentration power). My DD1 is quite good at it. She is now attempting 60-pc puzzles which she can do it with some help.

We also have limited time with our kids everynight. So, every activity is kept to 20 min at most. When doing activities, I try to get both my kids to do the same activity, so that I can do it with both of them.
Hi Bloom,

I already "ren" my BIL's son for a long time liao until I cannot tahan him keep beating my MIL that I scolded him lor. I am the short-tempered type that I cannot hold for too long one.

Hi Rona,

What makes you think your son is suffering from ADHD? Better to get it confirmed than suspecting. But, kids are naive ones lah....I also used to get "conned" by my classmates when I was in Pri Sch...this is part of growing up.

But, what you can do is to tell your son to ensure that he has extras to spare before he lend $$$ to others. It is also not right for his classmate to ask for $$$ like that. I think you shd highlight this to his teacher.

Hi Beer,

You shd've complain to the Mgt Office until they do something lah. If not, those angmohs think we are good to bully. My colleague (she stays next to my blk) is the opposite of you, she has a dog which always like to bark until her neighbour (an angmoh) keep complaining until the Mgt Office issued warning letter to my colleague.

 

[2sleepy]

P1 mommies

Your kid's school having any exam this year?

My dd's school no exam for P1 this year. Newly implemented.

 

[fairyprincess]

Yawn- my gal no exam till end of P2- but from the cirriculum, there seems to be semester tests (10-20% of total score) every quarter for all subjects leh, so I think there is constant assessment even though no exam...

 

[mumusings]

Hi Tam,

Agree with you about homework. I remember that when I was in Kindergarten, I had no homework to do. And I’m literate!!!

About neighbours:
(1)Bad and persistent karaoke howling thrice weekly.
(2)Throwing pamphlets towards other units instead of getting rid of it themselves.
(3)Leaving exposed rubbish (including diapers and food) at the common trash bin area.

Hi Beer,

Hahaha... Hannah Montana is so cheesy!! Soon they’ll like all the vampire (Buffy) and all those ghost stories. I think most girls go through the same stages or share certain penchant for such themes.

The neighbour’s cat sounds like a terrorist. Cats can be very pesty if unrestrained. If things get worse, talk it over or maybe ask the management to help sound a warning.

Hi Stylo,

Good thing my husband is good with details (or else we’ll end up losing things or risk getting the flat burgled). I do know of some men who think domestic details are ‘trivial’ compared to career matters. Well different men are brought up differently so some may be more chauvinistic in that respect.

 

[mumusings]

Hi Yawn,

Looks like you’ve got to force your daughter to neaten her writing. It’s really important ‘cos if handwriting is illegible by Secondary school, she may get penalised if examiners can’t figure out what she’s writing.

Yup, my short-term memory seems to have gone kaput these days. Sometimes walking to the kitchen and not remembering what I’m there for....

Hi Rona, Fairyprincess, Stylo, Beer and Yawn,

About dressing up / dressing down:
Since I became a mother, I have abandoned all vanities. Coincidentally I wrote a post on this last month: http://mumusings.blogspot.com/2009/12/part-1-living-in-singapore-choice-to.html The paper bags you see are the ‘evidence’ of what I used to buy without batting an eyelid, literally.

Now it’s little make-up if I go shopping, light lip-colour and a little perfume. That’s all, no eye-shadow, blusher whatever. As for shoes, only comfortable walking sandals ‘cos I don’t know how to walk in heels anymore (unless I am out alone). For clothes, no fancy details or skirts. Too inconvenient when sitting/bending down! Only wear rings and no other jewellery or I risk getting strangled if toddler pulls at it.

I probably do look alot more housewife than I used to when I worked but I really can’t be bothered. The trick is to ‘splurge’ on better casual wear since I have no need for office clothes. Believe it or not, I have thrown or given away all skirts, workpants and evening dresses...

Only left with 2 dresses at the moment! Likewise, gone are the big-name handbags! I kind of like the way it is now. No reason to splurge or spend unnecessarily.

 

[beer]

Mumusings, stylo , snowball , tam ,

can anyone share with me their views on this:

my hb is nt the most thotful soul to his family. Most tms, I am the one who suggest to bring his parents or siblings out for meals. Or buyg gifts/ surprises for them, i m alw the one who suggest it. Eg , I searched for a cordless phone that had a extra loud vol functn cos his dad is hard of hearing.

Then one day, his dad was hosp fr routine checkup n my hb was a little bz so he declined to go visit him since hb knew it was a short stay. I did ask my hb many tms to make the visit, but he say no need.

Next thg i knew, my SIL n MIL look v displeased with me when i nxt saw them. They totally ignored me altho they were still chattg with my hb. Haiz, they were upset with me becos my hb didnt go to hosp that day.

Good grief. I felt totally beaten. I m nt my hb's master rite? He don't go n i get blamed. Story of my life.

 

[mumusings]

Hi Beer

I can empathise with you on this 'cos it's the same thing with some people I know too. Time will tell at the end of the day so as long as you've not done anything wrong, just grin and bear with it. Some people can pick fault anytime and totally cancel off the good things you've done. I hope you're feeling better. Don't know how else to help. Daughters-in-law will always be 'outsiders' to many in-laws, sadly. I'm sure they value you - it's just the annoying chinese-family-rubbish (I don't know how to call it). Basically if people already wore coloured lenses to view you, there's no point trying to say you're not what they see. Unless you can smash those glasses and change to clear lens.

Can your husband explain to his parents that it was he who trivialised the checkup? Or at least mention that you did ask him to go? Maybe that will help.

Sigh. Women are sometimes wronged by the bias and pettiness of other women.

 

[2sleepy]

beer

DIL is the outsider mah. Always easier to blame someone from outside the family. My suggestion is 看开 otherwise you will end up feeling very unhappy &amp; affect your mood.

I used to kanna this kind of treatment all the time. Also felt injustice, sometimes hopping mad. Unfortunately, there's really nothing much I can do about it &amp; really no point trying to explain myself. I grit my teeth &amp; shoulder whatever 黑锅, at most can grumble to hubby. Hubby told me to 看开 otherwise I will be bashed twice, once by MIL, once by myself for hopping mad &amp; allowing this to affect my mood. Nowsaday lesser contact with MIL so less chance for her to pick on me. Phew!


mommies

Are you going visiting this CNY?
We hope to siam. Not sure whether can successfully hibernate at home without getting caught or must check to hotel

 

[snowball32]

Hi Beer,

Its like that one lah. Just like my MIL who come over to stay with us on weekdays. When she not happy, she just din want to have dinner with us and disappeared for a few hours then come back. Just like last week, I scolded my BIL's son and maybe because of that she angry with me, she din want to eat dinner with us. Like what Mumusings/ Yawn said, no matter what, we are outsiders lah.

When my kids are too close to me, can also see the "jealous" expression on her. That is also partly why I decided to send both my DDs to fullday CC. See lesser, lesser conflict lor.

For your case, think you shd let your hb know of the "cold" treatment you received and get him to discreetly explain to his mum &amp; sister it was him whom refused to go hosp visit your FIL.

Hi Rona,

On weekend dressing, for me, its T-shirt, bermudas/ shorts &amp; sandals/ slip-ons. It is the easiest and most fuss-free dressing. Also no make-ups. So you are not alone

 

[bloom75]

mummusings, agree abt those ball bearings.. it was only after it happen that many times that i realise what those plasticy things (it fall apart in pieces) on the floor are...

yawn yawn..aahaha..so tahts what u mean by parents initiatives..alamat! ur CNY visiting means visiting ILs? that one is unavoidable right?

re make up.. i dont put on makeup for work/weekend (industrial park mah..)... even my mom said i dress like a auntie wan to upgrade my wardrobe also no time.. when i am out with my gal and wan to go into any shop, she will fuss and said 'no shopping'... and sometimes its so hard to find fitting clothes cos i am on the boney side...

re the more updated books we read.. i think the library dont have those books freely availabe (aka, always borrowed by other kids) so i tend to fall back on the not-so-popular ones bah must buckup too!

beer... u din install grill for ur kitchen? or even that is useless? re the ILs issue, no use asking ur hb to clear the air for u... cos 99% he wont bother (IMO, i hope i am wrong). next time find some occasion to 'blurt' it out that u did ask him to go, but he did not... (eg, in front of FIL). Thats waht nasty me will do. (very pissed with ILs)

rona, get used to it.. my colleague was telling me her gal lost the belt for her pinafore.. could ur boy's brain be running too fast for his speech so he seemed disorganised?

snowball, my gal keep losing her puzzles pieces..sighh.. now she is still on those < 10 pieces... brain coordination not very good.. i blame it on the constant tv distraction (my hb is that kind that on the tv the moment he is home.. never listen to me when i asked him to off it even when he is not watching) ehhe.. me also bad tempered. even scolded my FIL... some pp are crazy right? why should she be jealous that UR kids are closed to U????

read from friday's urban abt that brazilian blow dry / keratin treatment..wah..sound so nice..but cost > $300 in SG ..

i got very messy frizzy curly hair...

 

[beer]

mumusings

i luffed (hehe) when i read abt smashg those colored glasses .

yawn. snowball

i guess its part n parcel of life ya? sigh .. yes grin n bear it is a gd mantra. Life goes beyond begrudging others. But its super hard smtms . sigh

bloom

i didnt feel like blurtg out cos i felt aggrieved that they shld be so judgemental n wrong

 

[2sleepy]

bloom

No lah, not avoiding IL but rather extended relatives whom we only meet once a year or once every two years. So bored &amp; tiring to spend a whole day out. And you know old folks like to stay for hours at each visiting location to catch up 1 year worth of happenings so we're kinda stuck, gong gong sitting there. And have to politely join in their conversations otherwise kanna criticised no manners. Super sian man

Huh, I'm the only one feeling bored arh? No one else feels bored?
My kids don't mind visiting as long as they are being served lapis

although they get grouchy if passed their bedtime

We kuai kuai go visiting every year because it's s once a year chore although bored to tears. Hopefully this year we can garner enough courage to say no to visiting. Then can idle at home, watch DVDs and eat pop corn. More fun man

 

[fairyprincess]

Growing your money in year 2010:
Any mummies thinking of how you can grow your money this year? Do you have plans to invest in the stock market? Buy unit trusts? Put in foreign currency deposits? Buy property? Other plans?

Have been thinking about this for a while, and reading up...I read somewhere it is better to stay invested as there is long term growth potential, then to miss out by not staying invested...

Any views?

CNY:
We usually do not visit much- only the necessary relatives (parents and grandparents only), so most of the time, quite quiet at home (which is a good thing!)....quite different from many families I guess? Was thinking of going away, but elder gal in P1 and I have a work trip right after CNY, so cannot take any leave...

 

[2sleepy]

fairy

that's why I was asking about property some weeks ago

I still have some shares way under water. Money shrunk instead of growing

 

[snowball32]

Hi Bloom,

When I let my kids do puzzles, they take out one puzzle at a time. Finish it then move on to the next puzzle. Esp for my DD1, I told her that puzzles will be incomplete with missing pieces and I will not buy again if she loose and pieces. She is quite systematic and "obedient" in this respect.

Jealousy - Partly because she looked after during the day them since they were babies &amp; technically speaking, my kids see her more than seeing me but they still end up closer to me than her.

Think many MILs think this way, DIL take away their son, now even grandchildren.

Anyway, I cannot be bothered with that. So long as I am happy with my kids can liao.

CNY visiting - For us its standard, 1st day, go temple pray pray to my mum, then to ILs' place then to my hb's aunties' house. 2nd day, visit my uncle/ aunties. 3rd - Free and easy.

This year, my Company giving us 4th day off and forced leave on 5th and 6th day. Start work only on 22/2. But, we cannot go anywhere as my hb likely gotta fly on 19/ 20 Feb for business trip. So, waste leave again....sian.

Hi Fairy,

I have regular investment plan with Insurance company. My insurance agt will chk with me if I wanna do 1-off top-up if she see that some funds are worth investing. I like it this way as we are basically risk-adverse and also do not want to monitor the stocks mkt &amp; these plans are savings for our retirement.

We also look at short-term savings plans which Insurance companies offer (one-time investment between 3 - 5 yrs) with better interest rates than savings rates (ard 2 - 3% rtns per annum) and investment value is low (can start from $8k).

We are looking for bigger unit of apt to shift to, but, price still not right. Read from ST that ppty prices this year will likely hike....sian again

 

[fairyprincess]

Thanks Yawn and Snowball,

Yes, so many investment options, which to pick??

-Property - depending on whether you are more short term- hope to make some gain and sell, or more long term- that will determine how much in total you need fork out...

-Investment-linked insurance policies- an option too...but I tend to prefer to choose my own stocks to invest...but I do have unit trusts which is a basket of stocks too...

- CPF special account- all mummies should not miss the opportunity to earn the 4+1% interest from this account- only drawback- whatever money you put into this account- you can only take it out at aged 65...but its good to put any spare cash that you do not need there, as 4% annual return can be decent if compounded after years...

 

[stylobb]

beer
What I learn is best to zip up mouth and don't bother lah.. no point one, cos even if you do 99%, wl kena faulted for the 1%.....
Why are they angry w/ u? They thot u prevented hb frm visiting?? Most guys don't bother one....
I hv no sil in law... (mil has no daughter) so less trouble...keke
No point getting angry.... beta use energy for other productive things...

mumusings
Haiz... but all these 'trivial' domestic chores take up quite a fair bit of our time leh... so many tasks to settle. Stimes my patience is really tested.....

I like your lifestyle - SIMPLIFY!..kekeke...

yawn/fairy
We really don't like to visit either but will do the usual visiting to parents, inlaws and grandaunt loh... after that, wl hibernate.....I even told hb maybe we shud go Bintan...hahaha....
Actually I don't mind visiting close friends t but towards the afternoons, I'll start feeling sleepy...keke... and wish I were at home sleeping!!!!

fairy
Yeah, thot it was already discussed some weeks back.
If hv spare cash, then more flexible in terms of investment loh and also how much risk one is willing to take..
If no spare cash, then restricted....
I really don't wanna lose sleep over bad investment....

Dressing: Agree about the footwear, quite impractical to wear heels at times esp if going out with the three kids....

Quick question: Pineapple Tarts: Do you like the pineapple or the tart (pastry)? keke.

Movie: Watched "The Blind Side" last nite. Feel good movie. I like Sandra Bullock.

 

[mumusings]

About ILs in general:

From what I observed about old folks including my own grandparents, I hope I am accurate in being ‘neutral’ or ‘objective’ about certain conclusions:

(1) There’s no doubt that they love their grandchildren (albeit some bias towards the male to varying degrees) – which is understandable because they came from a very feudalistic environment back in China or pre/post-war where all hopes were banked on children to either succeed businesses or to supplement income

(2) The troublemakers at home are usually women. Talk too much, gossip, speculate, compare, double-standards, self-imposed rules that change depending on moods... you know lah... the same things drama serials expound upon...

(3) They like to feel most important (like kids feel they’re the centre of the universe) – which again, is understandable ‘cos they took so much pains to bring up their own sons and daughters

(4) They will largely ‘gang’ up with their daughters, or have a greater soft-spot for them – the Bedouin philosophy. Family vs outsiders. Again, see point (3).

(5) They are worried that their own sons are not having enough status at home and bullied by the wives (hahaha.... ironic because MILs sometimes bully FILs and so fear the same Fate befalls their sons).

(6) They feel insecure when they see the nucleus families getting more and more distant. Which is understandable... again, points (1), (3), (4) and (5).

(7) Generally they are not with malicious intent. Just that pride and the ‘need’ to assert their authority gets in the way. (In short, sometimes ‘itchy-mouth’, must have the final say or at least stir up some pro-mother sentiments in their sons).

(8) They don’t tell you honestly what they need and want. They expect you to know what you ought to do, when to do it and how grandly you do it. This is attributed to the Chinese way of exhibiting false humility. Eg, “Aiyah.. no need lah... I am very dumb.. won’t know how to use the handphone even though you get me one” (Actual meaning: you should buy it for me even though I may not even touch it because you should it out of piety.)

(9) The gap (not age) in ideology, upbringing and education. This is largely due to different times and constraints due to poverty/war/migration etc.

(10) Jealousy.

(11) Own character flaws plus idiosyncrasies plus pride.

Well, I always tell myself to take it from an academic/philosophical point of view and things will be just fine. The same way I pacify my mother and try to get her to ‘empathise’ with the way people are. Oil and water don’t mix but can co-exist!!!

Just respect each other’s point of view and if things get beyond control, either (1) clarify (2) fight, if that’s the only way out or (3) treat them as passing bad gas.

More importantly: (1) you love your husband (2) you trust that your husband respects your intentions and will speak up for you (3) you focus on your own kids no matter what (4) wait for time to tell who’s the liar or ass

 

[mumusings]

On ILs Part Two:

It’s unavoidable also that sometimes difference in dialect groups , religions, practices, clans or races play a big part. Everyone take great pride in their ancestry, their own set of values and way of living. Just don’t bully and use gangster tactics to belittle or taunt the ‘outsider’.

I suspect that most thoughtless words are spewed out of anger or a moment of impulse. Everyone has her own idea of what should-be-done and the ‘way’ to be done so ideas may clash too. Parents and ILs will always have their own theories.

Just listen and retain what is useful. Maintain politeness no matter what happens because any blowups will only make yourself look villainous and rude.

Let’s aim to be fair and objective in-laws ourselves in a few decades time, shall we?? Meanwhile, do what is right for the family and keep conflicts away from our children.

 

[mumusings]

Hi Yawn,

An interesting question about CNY visiting. According to ‘customs’, I know that reunion and Day One should be with in-laws because you’re married. Day Two with niang-jia (your own relatives). Day Three: No quarrelling and no visiting! Other days are open for any form of visits/gatherings.

Hi Bloom,

My Ikea drawers have metal ball-bearings... I had no idea until the kid showed me one on his tongue and offered another one to me (in his hand). You can imagine the frenzy trying to make him surrender the one in his mouth. Now he consciously looks out for shiny things falling out when he pulls out the drawer. I just take it that he gets extra calcium if he did swallow a few.

Hi Beer,

Hahaha... maybe I was overly dramatic but yes, don’t you wish you can smash those tinted-glasses?? Smash, smash, smash and get an eye-transplant at worst. Some people need their eyes cleaned up. No joke. My rule is: if no one is on your side or can visibly help, forget it. Have a nice meal and burp it away.

Hi Fairy,

Growing money is beyond me at the moment. Not after the condo-fiasco.

Hi Stylo,

Simplicity is harder to achieve. Human beings are great at complicating matters. Took me quite a while to adjust to being brand-less and austere. Went too far out on a rocket and had to come back to earth quickly when kid was born.

 

[rona]

mumusings,

extra iron if swallow the metal balls huh? i rather they don't try it, else if can't pass out, more trouble... heheheee


stylo,

you better liao? arnold bad with the chinese. he can't read his current berries P1 book. can read N2 ones, but some words need to be prompted (by his sister - she can read the whole book liao). very jia lat hor?? i blamed myself for not revising with him constantly. but i know this boy also don't like reading, he is a more hands-on person. He is taking badmitton as his CCA and we are letting him join swimming as ECCA. currently Henry Park doesn;t have swimming school team yet officially.

 

[rona]

Bloom,

don't be bothered by it lah. as long as your conscience is clear, hack what they think. every time you felt like you are mistreated or something like that, think of me. i'm staying with my in laws and i tell you, you should be faring better then me in many many ways in this aspect.

 

[rona]

Yawn,

forgot to tell you that i subscribe to another line to get the iphone. i think my plan is $35 (about there) and the phone is $616?? something like that. i use it like a netbook to surf the web. only issue is screen is too small...