ADVICE NEEDED - How to Handle my MAID

Och,
My FIL in Malaysia had indon maid for two years who could eat pork. She was very capable, but after two years stint, she wanted to work in Taiwan. She has tanned skin, looked like one, but she claimed she was from tribe (like mountainous pple?), not a Muslim.
 


Just sent her back. She's like coming here for holiday. Can be a friend, but not maid. She doesn't have strong sense of hygiene, no initiatives, take nap without asking for permission (her bedtime is from 9.45-10pm to 6am). Somemore asked me if she could colour her hair red after two months (when she complete the loan repayment). She said she used to do that in Burma, but her mum asked her to colour black since she's going to work in Singapore.
 
sarah's mom,
dun tell me ur fil's maid is my maid now?! my maid worked in malaysia then taiwan.

but dun think she is from the tribes, cos she said she cannot eat pork in indon, but can when she is not in indon.
 
oohhh, interesting. Is her name Katia? Understand from my neighbour and agency that some maids after working for a period of time, would succumb to eating pork. never seen such cases myself though. takes a bit of time to get use to it huh?
 
I understand that maid that are catholic can take pork. My brother hired one and sent back as she is too dark and kids do not like her....

My maid eat pork as she been here for five years ...she is a muslim....but she is fine with pork...

So, sarah's mum, when is your new maid coming in again?
 
sarah's mom,
nope, not katia. i find this pork eating business is v. weird. still cannot wrap my head around it.

joy,
ur maid eats pork too?
 
<font color="ff6000">och</font>, i understand some indo maids do eat pork. good for u lah, much more convenient!

as for quality of work, guess slowly can improved lor. mine i should b able to pick up around 14th oct. keeping my fingers crossed.
 
zenn,
i'm not surprised that indo maids eat pork. i'm just weirded out that a muslim maid will eat pork, but it seems common huh?!

oh yah, i suspect my maid is on a diet.
uhoh.gif
 
<font color="ff6000">och</font>, huh urs also? i read alot of gals complaining their maid on diet. hmmm why huh?

btw, did u do up a agreement urself for the maid?
 
I watch my maid for the last few months and make sure she eats....very tiring watching her but have to or she fell sick and affects her works.....I even scolded her over her diet....Now, she got no choice and has to eat as I scope for her and make sure she eats...I know she love to eat bread...so I stop buying her bread once she goes on diet...and that thus work a bit...I bought even more fattening food for her to eat...
 
zenn,
i din. personal opinion is that they will sign anything now, since they want the job too. but how effective is the agreement in the future when there r disputes, i'm not sure.

joy,
i also scoop up for the maid yesterday, but she kept saying she is busy n refuse to eat, even though there was nothing for her to do. n on sun, i said we will all go out for dinner, her first response was she din want to go, but when i asked her why, she said "ok ok i will go". i'm not sure how else i can watch her meals since i work all day, only see her at night.
 
hi everyone
I have chosen my maid, myanmar, 31 years old, single. Hope I have made the right choice, real headache to choose again.
 
i'm most likely sending my maid back to the agency. i find it exasperating to train her, especially since she doesn't even think she needs to pay attention to what i say. she told me today she shouldn't sun baby's clothes, because sunning baby clothes will give baby epilepsy, and she's doing me a favour by ... leaving them to dry in a shaded corridor. when the booties and mittens fell to the ground cos she didn't clip the baby's clothes onto the drying rack, i told her to rewash the mittens and booties, she totally ignored me and dumped the dirties mittens and booties together with the baby sheets that were cleaned. dunno what to say. if she does the housework well, i think i would hv kept her, but she has been dumping my hubby's socks with his underwear in every drawer in the house, n all my underwear r currently missing. feeling really pissed off right now.
 
Good morning...

<font color="ff6000">och</font>, oh no! sound like ur maid got 'attitude' leh. btw, she is x spore or experience maid? haiz so sian to change again rite?

Need some advise :

- what time does ur maid wake up? we need to get an alarm clock for her?

- do u ve to wake up early on 2nd day after she arrived to tell her what to do or tell her the nite b4? but i am worried she might be 'lost' if i leave it to her.

- for breakfast, do you just buy bread and biscuit for her cos sometimes I dun take breakfast myself.
 
zenn,
she is ex-malaysia n ex-taiwan. she has a lot of attitude. really dunno what to do now. that night, after i posted my last message, i went downstairs n saw to my horror that she din throw the rubbish in the rubbish bin n my bb's clothes were sitting in a laundry basket in between that uncleared bin n the mopping pail. ants were all over the bin n basket cos the rubbish wasn't cleared after dinner. told her so many times to throw out the rubbish after clearing dinner, but she just refuses.

she finally figured out that i was really pissed off yesterday, so yesterday night when i returned home, she did everything that i've been telling her to do since she arrived. i'm puzzling abt whether to give her another chance.

1) i told her to wake up by 7pm to wash up the kitchen in time for breakfast. she's usually up by 6. i always give maids an alarm clock, cos sometimes we still need her to wake up earlier, e.g. if we hv to catch an early flight n need her up to prepare breakfast.

2) yes, i wake up early on 2nd day. if ur morning schedule is very heavy n the maid is inexperienced, think u might need to wake up early for a few days. for my previous maid, i woke up early for 2 days (sunday n monday) to check that she is actually doing everything correctly. for this maid, she's very experienced, n she speaks mandarin, so giving instructions is v. easy, it's an issue of whether she wants to follow the instructions.

3) heh, i dun eat breakfast too, but hubby does. i dun designate breakfast stuff for the maid, but my house always has bread, butter/jam, eggs n instant noodles, n i let her know that she has free access to those. she gets her share of halal canned food n frozen fish. when she's hungry for whichever meal, she can prepare what she wishes from those. my previous maid varies her breakfast based on what she feels like eating. i've even seen her eat leftover rice with egg n canned sardines as breakfast. this current one barely eats anything, even though she told me she doesn't need to fast.
uhoh.gif
occasionally, we do buy biscuits n other snacks specially for her, but that's more the exception than the norm.
 
<font color="ff6000">och</font>, haiz new one no exp, exp one also headache. guess she can sense u gg to explore that's why decided to follow instruction hee hopefully she will maintain.
 
OCH

I can understand your frustration esp there are other things to think about still have to headache over maid. I believe your maid should have lots of experience and able to follow instruction, its just depend whether what sort of attitude she want to adopt...maybe you can try talking to her and asked her what is the problem
 
Och

I screamed at the top of my voice when I discovered my maid wanna go on diet again....

Its a bit hard if you are not at home to see she eat or not. Maybe, you make sure she eat a lot....and asked her to eat in the presence of you....I did tell her that doctor said that her health is no good and if continue this way and she might not be able to work here....do not really frighten her off but its at the back of her mind.
 
zenn,
yah, this maid business can be a real headache. so glad there's this forum to vent my frustrations sometimes.

joy,
u hit the nail on the head. i'm v. frustrated n worried. i keep wondering how long these improvements will last. she is perfectly capable of understanding what i want, as evident fr yesterday, but she simply chose to adopt a rebellious attitude. n when she stages her rebellions, she can put bb clothes next to rubbish bin ok. that's just so low. i'm more worried that when my bb is borned, she will decide to turn rebellious again. then i will be really trapped with a newborn n a maid who is out to create problems.

my maid stopped dieting yesterday, as part of her improvements / wayang show. i'm fairly certain that on monday she barely ate anything, cos my mum came in the daytime n she thot the maid was fasting. at night, she din eat the food we scooped up for her. on tues, she only ate 1 can of sardines without any carbs for a whole day. i find it incomprehensible. she's muslim but she doesn't want to fast, but she wants to go on a diet.
 
Och

To be truth, whether the maid eat or not, its really not my problem...but when she is not eating well, the problem will pass to me as in she fell ill and virus passed to the baby too....that is why I am so particular that she has to eat and cannot diet.....

If she really gets to your nerves and cannot change, you change to a new maid may be a better option...If she is so hard headed, its hard to change the way she eat...also, being ex, she is too smart....
 
joy,
think ur maid is not as smart as my maid. like u said, my current maid is too smart liao. i'm more afraid that she will spin lies n say i'm depriving her of food. she can lie abt doing work while looking at us in the face, even when it's obvious that she din. she was at the agent for a wk n none of them knew she was on a diet, so she only started dieting at my place. on top of that, she only revealed that she ate pork n doesn't fast at my place.

i want to change, but also hv to find someone suitable first. meanwhile, dun dare to let my current maid find out i'm looking, but i think she suspects, cos she stepped up her diligence further today. n i only know 3 languages, all of which she knows a bit of.
 
Och,

Can understand how frustrating to have a problematic maid. Sigh... the maid I had chosen will be arriving next week. Not sure how she will turn up. Hopefully she will be able to help instead of giving problem.

Really very scare that me / my mum cannot handle her. BTW, she's also an Indoenesian.
 
Och

Ya, she is very smart...My is five year ex sin, oso quite smart but I am in control as am home every day.

I guess to get a maid that worked for a similar background, and an employer that has smilar expectation is equally important.
 
sunshine,
hope u get a maid that is obedient n somewhat competent. maids need a lot of patience to teach, but there's a certain element of luck involved. if it helps, my home had maids for 20 yrs, this is the first time i met a maid who stages such a strong rebellion upon arrival.

most maids r willing to take instructions, but they hv communication barriers or do not meet our expectations. this particular one understands our mandarin instructions immediately, but chooses when to follow n how much of our words she should take in. a gd example: since she only has to clean a flat n cook dinner for 2 pple, i told her to clean the kitchen cabinets when she is free: take everything out, wipe the cabinets n rearrange the stuff inside so that things look neat. it was a task that helped all my previous maids remember where things r. gave the instructions on sunday, n on tues, when my mum asked her why not a single cabinet was cleaned, she told my mum "why? you don't think everything looks good already?"
uhoh.gif
then she asked my mum how many maids has she trained n does she even know how to teach maids what to do. when my mum n i told her firmly that she need to follow our instructions in a certain way, she said "u can get angry, even scold me, it's ok for me". win liao lor. n as a sign of rebellion, she put my bb clothes next to an uncleared dustbin n hid my underwear dunno where. really speechless.
 
och..

read ur postings.. u are indeed frustrated with ur maid.. i went thru similar frustrations b4.. but at the end of the day.. i realised this. no point get angry with wat they do.. cos they will simply give u that bo chap attitude..

currently hving my 5th maid.. my previous 4 maids.. once i m not happy with them.. out they go. will just ask them to pack bags n send them back to agent rite away..

rem.. no point get angry cos of them.. we got better things to do
 
och &amp; Jo,

Would you all think that a maid w/o experience will be more obedient and willingly to learn and take instruction compared to those with 'rich' experiences.

Initially when I'm searching for a maid, I thinking whether to take an exp maid that speak mandarin as my mum does not know eng nor malay. But then, in then end I decide not and take an Indonesia with 2 yrs exp working in Jakarta and know only a little English. Cos I'm afraid there's no privacy as she can understand what we say. :p

Also, forgive me being paranoid, but I'm afraid whether maid will add in any 'special' things into food/drinking water as I had heard too much of it. As some of them believe by doing so their employer will treat them better or to do it for 'revenge'. So is there anyway to check?
 
sunshine..

pro n cons to getting fresh maids n experience ones.. i hv 4 maids previously.. 2 fresh n 2 experience.. fresh ones oso not obedient at all.. can tell me susak when i ask them to do things.. or tell my mum she will clean the windows tml since got to clean tml anyway..

experience ones help in the way that we dun hv to do much re-training. normalli i will just tell them they need to clean this n that.. n let them hv a freehand to show me how they do it. if they didnt do properly, i will show them. if not, just leave it to them.

its pretty difficult to check whether maids add "special" things into our stuff.. but for my family, my mum does all the cooking. so not too bad.

i try to do reference checks with their previous employers to find out how they perform. try to spot for x employers contact numbers on their biodata.. n note it down. call when u are out of the agency. or if its not noted there.. ask the maid for it softly.
 
hi sunshine,

i feel tt a lot depends on d maid herself. bt in my experiences, i do feel tt a maid w/o experience in sg, malaysia, taiwan, etc is better. jakarta is okie coz they r in their own country after all. reason being tt they r more willing 2 listen 2 ur instructions.

as 4 whether they'll add 'special' things in ur food &amp; drinks, well, 2 b honest, it's quite difficult 2 chk. wat u can do is 2 b more alert when they r preparing ur food &amp; drinks.
 
jo,
thanks for the advice. i managed to convinced the whole family that she needs to go liao. my frustrations lie with this maid's capability vs her attitude. i work until 8-9pm everyday, so i depend on the other family members to train my maids. this maid is smart, so she has been giving pretty gd work since she realised that we r angry, n it's making pple's heart go soft. but after 2 days of thinking, finally the whole family is in consensus. phew. suddenly feel so relieved.

sunshine,
if what u want is absolute obedience, i do think that those without overseas working experience r usually more "obedient" initially, not becos they r by nature obedient but bcos they r scared n since u r teaching them something new altogether, it's easy to set ur demands. however, this superficial obedience may not last thru the 2 yrs. however, like the others hv said, there r pros n cons to maids without experience. they take a lot, a lot more patience to train n this is compounded when they dun speak our language. they r also just a little bit more gullible than those with big-city experience (hk, taiwan, sin). i tend to see this behaviour more in young, inexperienced maids, they tend to change more when they get days off.

maids with experience do not appear as obedient bcos remember, they were used to working a certain way for another family. scoldings dun usually hv a great effect on super experienced maids, u need to convince them why u need them to change their habits, hence there is this perception that experienced maids r more "disobedient".

it's quite difficult to check if special ingredients r added to our food. they prepare our water every morning, even b4 we wake up, so if they sincerely want to add, i can see plenty of opportunities to add.
 
Och

Good to know that you have finally let go a burden.Agreed with you that scolding does not really worked anymore for experience maid. Reasoning is more likely the case. I kept talking to my maid and she understand...that is one thing.....at times, they still do silly things....so, give and take if the mistake is not so fatal...I washed my own cloths as all my cloths will be spoilt if wash by her...out of shape...so I take it and do it myself...bottom line is other aspects she is all right.....
 
hi gals..

same here.. i wash my own clothes too.. but i will ask her to hang n retrieved the laundry when its dry.

i hardly want them to enter my bedroom.. not even to take care of my bb. reason being.. dun want them to think they are the mdm.. anyhow walk in n out as n when they want.. oso to safeguard our stuff.. cos there have been so many case where maids hide things in their bra, sanitary pads.. n even panties.. take note on this.. some come with panties with zips!! so beware wat they are keeping..
 
Hi,

Thanks for all your advices. Sigh... really not easy to get a good maid, depend very much on luck. Ya lor, if maid wants to play plank, she will have alot of opportunities. Actually if possible, I would rather not to hire maid. So much worry.

Och,

Glad you made the decision. After reading your posts, I also felt angry for you. If I'm not wrong your maid arrives only for abt 2 weeks only right? And already she's so bo chap liow.
 
joy,
yup, agree with u, it's give n take. my last maid burned 2 pieces of clothes n smashed some of my utensils in the first wk, but i barely got my temper up when the maid apologized. this maid makes no apologies but has a ton of attitude.

i'm still searching for a suitable replacement. interviewed a filipino with 7 yrs experience in philippines today. aiyo, her english cannot make it. she cannot even tell me how many children she had to take care of in her previous employer's home.

sunshine,
yah, my maid only arrived for 1+ wks. she was guai guai on the first day, but turned rebellious after that. think that's the "risk" with v. experienced maids bah. she apparently formed the opinion that we were new maid employers, so will be scared of her. maybe i should hv been more fierce when she did such a lousy job on the first day. haha. anyway, if she thinks she can be the boss of my home n can choose what instructions n what hygiene standards to follow, she needs to go. my bb is impt to me, i want a helper that will let me spend time with bb, not one who diverts my energies into managing her rebellions.
 
och..

today i talked to my maid abt my hse rules.. asking her to write as i talk abt the points, after which she sign upon understanding n agreeing to my rules.

i was onli on point 1.. salary. telling her that i want to know how much $$ she hv on hand.. she simply told me S$1. i ask her to take out everything. she took out onli that S$1. then i told her there are somemore things at the side pocket of her bag. onli then she take it out.

again i ask her abt the $50 i found in her wallet. she can answer me back that she feel no point to declare that $ as she wants to use it if she not happy with me, then try to run away to find her ex boss. i told her the seriousness of not declaring that amt. shld anyone in the family happen to lose that amt. she will b reported to the police immediately, i wont b able to protect her.

even bargain with me this n that.. say if her cousin come to spore.. can she take time off to meet her. she knows well that she dun hv off day.. still want time off. say once a while.. which i tell her straight NO. told her i never believe maids telling me time off once a while. end up, it will become once a mth off.

at the end, she ask me if she could reconsider working for me? i told her go ahead.. read thru my rules n seriously think abt it. if yes, sign on all copies n b happy working for me. no complains n dun try to play punk! if no, i will just call agent n send her back. to me its very simple.

hahha.. i even told my parents.. if my current maid decide not to work for me, i will consider to get her cousin in.
 
jo,
ur maid told u that the $50 is her "insurance"?! so bold!

cannot remember whether i wrote in this thread or the other maid thread, but i usually prepare a notebook for my maids when they come. i will tell the maids to write down instructions n schedule as i go through them. for this maid, i couldn't go thru everything on the first day, cos i had antenatal class n dinner that night, waited until second day to run through instructions n rules with her. guess what she told me when i told her to write down? she said "dun need lah" in mandarin n walked off! at that time, i thot it sounded really petty of me to harbour thots of changing her bcos she din want to write down instructions, but now with hindsight, should hv made her pack her bags immediately!
 
<font color="ff6000">jo and och</font>, just curious ur maid will write down in eng or malay? if in malay, i dun even know wat they actually write down rite or did they really understand?
 
Hi och,

Wow... your maid really steady leh. But really, is very difficult to keep her when she's already has such bossy attitude.

Hi zenn,

I have also intended to give my maid (will coming this week) a notebook. Will ask her to write down what I want her to remember, like house-rules, time-table. She can write down in whatever language she's comfortable with. But at the end of the briefing, I will ask her to repeat those points from her note-book so that I can check whether she understand what I say or is there anything is missed out. Hopefully, this will work.
 
Hi sunshine,

Thanks for sharing. Ok will do the same too. As for hse rule, I can only think of the following. Any impt things which I missed out?

No handphone during the employment
Cannot bring anybody home
Cannot use house phone unless permission given
No fasting during fasting month
No off day
 
Zenn

No talking to other maids...till you are comfortable with your maid...Some maid can keep talking and talking

If taking care of your kid, tell her, any fall down or what must tell you....
 
zenn,
mine usually writes in malay.

i usually make it v. clear to the maid that she is not to get out of the floor to jalan jalan without permission. also, she has to be at the door when we leave the house. this is to make sure that we both know the door is locked behind us n, in our case, she should start answering any phone calls meant for us.
 
Mummies,
Need some advise here. Need to be tactful.

My girl has not been sleeping well and my mum said is the position of her playpen due to fengshui. And she told me that it is better for us to put her playpen at the position where our maid's pull out bed is.

If we shift the playpen, my maid will not be able to sleep with the pull out bed with 7" mattress because there is no space for the bedframe. We intend to get a 3 or 4" mattress for the maid to put on the floor to sleep.

What would be the best tactful way to tell my maid that she has to sleep on the new mattress instead of the pull out bed?? She has been with us for 1 year and has been sleeping at this position till now.

Put yourself in her shoe, what will you feel if your employer suddenly tell u that u hve to sleep with a much thinner mattress on the floor at another position? Your mind will also be questioning how come suddenly change position for the babycot and playpen?? How come change already I have to sleep on another mattress??

Can anyone help?
 
thanks joy n och!

gals i wanna to keep their salary in bank. any idea whats the min deposit? also, if less than $500 there will be $2 deduction every mth rite. how huh?
 
zenn..

u can talk abt her personal hygiene.. where she hang her clothings after wash, whether can use washing machine for her clothes,
 
zenn..

my maid writes in english.. u can ask her write in malay too.. as long as she understand n ask her to tell u wat she wrote after u gave her a long list.. few days later ask her to tell u again.. this is to test if she realli write the instructions u told her
 
och..

ur maid realli steady poon pee pee! hahah....

yah la.. my maid oso another attitude one. that day not happy that i talk abt the cash n her bargaining to meet her cousin. today tell agent she not happy that i rack her bag.. say i no respect her! i told her off after agent told me wat my maid says.. she still dare raise her voice at me n say i bo respect her! i say u know wat is call "respect"?? when u dun even bother to greet ur employers every morning n say good nite b4 going to bed. she still want to tell me wat is call respect? she keep quiet.

just now, i ask her to write on a piece of paper.. that she was the one who have decided not to work for me. asked her to sign.. tml i will send her back to agency liao. ask agency to endorse on the letter oso.

cos she is my 5th maid, i hv to protect myself when MOM call me for kopi when i employ the 6th one.. i will show to MOM that its the maid who doesnt want to work for me.. not that i dun want to keep her. everything black n white better la.
 


zenn,
yup. it's only $10 a mth, according to the schedule given by the agency. that's v. little, n she needs it to buy phone cards to call home too.
 
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