Hello,
Chanced upon this thread. Just thought I share my recent experience with my 4th child.
Last year, my husband and I conceived our 4th child. It was really a surprise as we did not plan to have another child after giving birth to three. And just when we thought we could have some semblance of life as we once knew it (before the arrival of kids) as the three kids have become more independent, then came the 4th one! I was 37 years old (last year) when I conceived my 4th child.
Owing to my age, I was considered as having a relatively higher risk for baby being born with conditions such as Down Syndrome. So I went for the screening -- amniocentesis. My husband's and my faith as Christian Catholics forbid abortion unless if the pregnancy poses harm to the mother. So to go through the test was just to get some peace of mind and to be mentally prepared if the baby is diagnosed to have DS. But still we prayed for the best, for which parents would not hope for a normal and healthy baby?
On the day of the amnio test, the hospital had to do an ultrasound scan on the baby prior to drawing the amniotic fluid in order to ascertain the position of the baby among many other reasons. And it was during the ultrasound scan that my unborn child was diagnosed as having a rare condition call sacrococcygeal teratoma (a check on the internet revealed that teratoma is the Greek word for 'tumour monster' owing to the unpredictability of the rate and size of the growth of the tumour and its composition). Basically, my unborn child had a tumour growing from the tail-end of her spine. The lump was already visible even though my baby was still very small at 20 weeks old. I remember vividly the doctor's first words to my husband and I after conducting the ultrasound scan on me for the 2nd time as confirmation. He said solemnly "You know this is not good, right?". As we tried to comprehend the gravity of what the doctor said and to grapple with the various possible outcomes as the tumour grows while baby was still in my womb -- our worlds literally collapsed around us. We were devastated by the possibility that our baby might not survive through the pregnancy as numerous complications might arise as the pregnancy and thus the tumour developed. Complications such as heart failure, edema, bleeding in the brain, pre-term labour, etc could all kill my unborn child. At the same time we were anxious that had our baby survived, would she had to suffer a lifetime of pain and disability. It was a day that we would not forget for the rest of our lives -- it was 1 August 2008, a Friday. It was even more poignant when it was on the same day that I felt my baby moved inside of me for the first time!
The doctor's inability and/or unwillingness to tell us more as to what to expect plus their standard op procedure of asking us, without fail at every of our subsequent checkups, whether we wish to terminate the pregnancy, all added to the sense of hopelessness and helplessness. The days that followed the shocking revelation were spent reading up whatever I could find about the condition on the internet and learnt that statistically, foetuses found to have such condition have a 50/50 chance of surviving through the pregnancy after which would be the risk of delivery with the lump (C-section is the only option) where the tumour might tear and subsequent to the delivery would be the operation to remove the tumour and the coccxy (the tail-bone) and risks associated with such operation on a newborn, etc. I had also read of uplifting stories of survival of babies with such condition on the only support group on teratoma that I could find on the internet but also heart-wrenching stories of babies lost to this condition.
My hunsband and I found ourselves suddenly thrust into an unfamiliar sphere where we had absolutely no control over how things would develop and the eventual outcome as there was practically nothing we or the doctors could do while baby was still in the womb but just to passively monitor the rate and size of the growth of the tumour as my pregnancy progressed. And certainly besides being sad we were also fearful. Hence, we are thankful that we have a faith to fall back on in times like these. Honestly, my maternal instinct of loving unconditionally and protecting my unborn child at all costs did not kick in immediately after the doctor confirmed her condition. In our human weaknesses further crippled by fear, anxiety and on the premise of simply pragmatic but selfish reasons we might have chosen the seemingly more 'practical' and 'convenient' way out by terminating the pregnancy. But thanks to the gift of our faith we did not and decided to subject ourselves to the mercy and will of God. And as soon as we made this decision our fears and anxieties dissipated and peace and the joy from acceptance overwhelmed us.
Our faith and peace grew with each ultrasound scan that was done twice a month, even though the tumour continued to grow rapidly through the subsequent months, we trusted that God would not abandon us. And as we grew to love the growing baby in my womb – whom we later decided to name as Emma (female version of Emmanuel which is “God is with us”) Grace – more with each passing day as her earthly parents, we knew that God loved her even more – many times more.
Baby Emma Grace was 4.5kg at birth with the large tumour on her back accounting for about 1 kg of her birth weight. The exterior mass measured about 15 cm long and was as big as her torso (bigger than her head). At birth with the large tumour on her lower back and buttocks, she was a sight that only her parents could love. She went through a grueling eight hour operation on the 2nd day of her birth to remove the tumour and the coccyx (tailbone) which left her with a surgical wound in the shape of an inverted “Y” stretching from her lower back to both her buttock cheeks. But thanks to God, she made it through the long operation. Although it was a very heart-wrenching sight for any parent to see their tiny baby with so many tubes inserted into her tiny body but her recovery was nothing short of miraculous as she beat the doctor’s initial estimation that she would need to be warded for one month in intensive care following her operation by recovering well enough to be discharged after 13 days! The lab test on the tumour removed from Emma also came out to be favourable (i.e, it is benign). Although, baby Emma has to be closely monitored for the next 3 years of her life against established cancer markers for any relapses, we are extremely thankful for all the blessings that we have already received.
Honestly, a little more than five months ago on that fateful 1st August, my husband and I would never have thought that we could make it this far with baby Emma Grace. We thank the gift of our Christian faith in not succumbing to our initial fears and anxieties and in not choosing the ‘easy-way out’ of terminating the pregnancy even when being asked repeatedly by the doctors and when the outcome seemed to be too challenging and bleak. I remember saying to the doctors (with conviction only at the 2nd or 3rd checkup subsequent to the diagnosis) that terminating the pregnancy is not an option and we would want to at least give our baby a chance to fight this condition. And by God’s grace, what a fighter she turned out to be! Looking at baby Emma Grace now, I really cannot imagine what a colossal mistake we would have made and the consequent lifetime of regret that we would have to bear had we chosen the “more convenient” way out. We thank God for His mercy and love shown onto us and baby Emma Grace.
Sorry that I made you read such a lengthy posting but the purpose for this is hopefully to give some courage and encouragement to those who are in similar situations as what I have gone through. Abortion might seem to be the more practical, more convenient and 'merciful' way out for the unborn child diagnosed with any abnormalities. But the truth can never be masked that abortion is very brutal (as foetuses develop their nervous and sensory system very early in the pregnancy). I know this is easier said than done (I know because I have been through it) and please understand that I am not trying to preach and certainly do not judge anyone who chooses to do differently. But my faith teaches me that " “We do not know what God’s plan is, only that it is PERFECT and it will be revealed in His time.” And “When we can’t see God’s hand, we can trust His heart.” I have kept these words close to my heart throughout my 'ordeal' and it has been an important source of strength and reminder of God’s love for us. I hope these words would also do the same for you..
God bless all of you!
Alicia (Emma's mum)