Dear mummies,
Been reading this thread on and off since I first posted when I tested positive 2 weeks back. Just want to encourage all mummies who had the unfortunate experience of losing our little ones early... to not be discouraged. My journey began a week ago when I started bleeding in the morning. Like blessed love, it was bleeding, then bleeding with clots. At that time, I had a bad feeling about it already, but still called up gynae and fixed an appt. Long and short of it all, two blood tests revealed that my HCG has dropped from a low 42 on wednesday afternoon to a mere 8 by sat morning. After all the culture test and histology results, diagnosis is chemical pregnancy.
My gynae has been really supportive and understanding, and like her, I choose to focus on the positive side of things. At least I can conceive naturally, at least it's not an ectopic or molar pregnancy (which were in the cards earlier). And finally, this is nature's way of selecting the best. Most of the time when we lose our little one this way, it is due to some chromosomal issue... the body recognises it and stops the pregnancy from progressing, then dispels it from the mother's body to protect the mother. So there is a system at work behind it all.
As I write this now, I surprise myself at how calm I can be. Perhaps I have started to see things from the 'big picture', in the sense that all mothers want their baby to be healthy and develop well. So personally, if the body recognises that it is not viable to proceed and there is a natural cancellation, I would accept it. In fact, many women may not even know they have a chemical pregnancy. It may be seen as a case of ‘AF came late’, but because of the sophisticated HPTs out there, we can test very early. Pros and cons of sensitive HPTs I suppose.
Mummies, please don't feel that there is something wrong that you did or you have (unless you have truly been diagnosed with a medical condition) that caused you to lose your little one. I know that it's not easy to let go. Take your time to grieve and to build back your physical and emotional health. Just to share, I had a miscarriage earlier in July before this chemical pregnancy. That was a life changing experience. Mainly because I was more stressed at that time, and having had #1 successfully without problems, I took the pregnancy quite lightly (perhaps even for granted at times). It was very difficult to cope with the loss as I was already into the second trimester. Baby's development was given many thumbs up all the way, so it came as a total shock to us over that 3-4 days. In a somewhat similar way, we were told that it was likely to be a problem with the baby as there was no external trauma or any warning signs at all. Everything happened so fast that it seemed surreal. Took me a long while to get back on my feet and ttc again. Then this had to happen.
I have since taken a different perspective on life, and have realigned my priorities. My sincere advice is don't ask yourself why? why me? why? I kept asking and asking myself that then, and it just brings you deeper and deeper into the pit. For many a time even the medical professionals can't give us a definite answer. So eventually I chose to look forward. The fact that you were able to conceive shows that you can! So have that confidence in place and be encouraged to try again. I know I will. You will be cradling a healthy, blessed baby in your arms one day. To Raine, blessed love and Fisherbaby, hope to meet you all in another MTB thread soon.
Last but not least, from the bottom of my heart, I wish all mummies a smooth and uneventful pregnancy with lots of fun, love and joy. Sorry for the long post.
