Penguin, sorry that didn't have much time to read up all your postings. agree to you, at least my MIL cares. but this care doesn't come easily. Still fresh in my memory, when I was pregnant with my #1, she first declared not going to help us take care of the bb, and told us to find nanny or childcare if i want to work. she gave reasons that her arms are not strong enough to carry baby coz old, and my FIL retiring so they want flexible time and to travel ard. i think she just didn't want to commit and worried we would take it for granted. but after my #1 was born, he has colic and has been crying badly for the 1st 3 mths. she offered to take care of him till better than we sent him to infant care. when she took care of the bb, she insisted to give soy milk and her other ways, though PD already said my boy is not allergic to cows milk. and that was the time we crashed, and relationship turned sour. another eg was that she let my #1 took nap anytime, even from 5-7pm, then when we brought him home after work, he was so energetic till 1am didn't want to sleep. she just didn't believe it coz my hubby used to sleep anytime in the day and still sleep well in the night when young. but my son has half of me!
after these yrs, slowly she realised and accepted the fact when we let our son stays over their place occasionally. you need time to understand your MIL and build the relationship. it's hard to ask them give in to us first since they are still elder than us. they have their pride and we need to give them the respect just because they are elderly. don't take it too hard and your life will be easier & happier.