cheerbear,
We'll need to buy our own kids' cny clothes.
essana,
Reading about your gal reminds me of my own gal when she was 2 or 3. She grew up in my parents' place with lots of aunts and well-loved, until my nephew came along. Everybody's attention was shifted onto him without ourselves knowing it. When he snatched her things or hit her and she complained to us, we told her he's just a baby and didn't know what he was doing. But when she took her things back, we scolded her and said that she should be nice to the baby.
One fine day, she couldn't take it anymore. During one of the tussles, she didn't come to us, but ran to the kitchen to take out two cans of chrysantemum tea and threw them at my nephew. It caused him a deep cut on his forehead, with initial profuse bleeding.
Again, we were very angry with my daughter and the whole family scolded her. But my third sister told us it's becos we've been neglecting her and nobody had bothered to pay attention to her.
From then on, I give her most of my attention and think about how she'd feel if I say certain things to her in defence of another kid.
Is it possible to involve her during your feeding of the baby and pumping? Ask her to come and look at you feed the baby and get her to talk or sing to the baby. When you pump, tell her what it is for, and get her to switch on or off the pump. You can also talk to her during pumping.
I always feel that gals are different from boys. Boys behave better after being disciplined, but gals need alot of assurance and love.