(2008/06) June 2008

Hi babycupid,
It is a blessing to have someone want to care for your children.
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But like what crystal mentioned, some things must talk it thru first. Like work out a budget you can afford to pay her and tell her abt it. The amt must be reasonable lah, cover her expenses a bit and utilities too, and cannot expect her to pay for diapers and milk.

One point, ask her if she wants to look after long term and if you intend to let her look after long term or you wanna send your kid to CC next time? Cos if she quit then 2 years later you send your kid to childcare, what's she going to do? She might feel resentful.

Hi verniz
I also lor!!! Hoping to BF as long as I can, save $$ leh. Did you do so for your first? I didnt cos of eczema on my boobs... So hoping this round I dun get it again.

Now my girl's Gain IQ is selling close to $50 per tin in SGP leh!!! Wow lau! Luckily I always buy in Msia. Cheaper by $15 per tin.
 


hey ladies !
wow, talking abt childcare arrangements already ! That's good to know you are all planning ahead !

Veniz : U're so cute - but it's true ! bfeeding baby certainly cuts down on a fortune of formula !!! However, be prepared to spend a bomb on nursing wear :pPP
I bfed my first till 1 YO, and at last count, i have abt 70 pcs of nursing wear (tops and dresseS) *guilty*
 
Linda and K Ong,

I didn't do bfeed the first time, coz my son too spoilt by market, refused to suckle and too impatient. Morever, I was stressed out during confinement so didn't continue even when my husband demanded me to (he refused to let son drink can milk during first few days, so poorthing).

I most probably will not spend much on nursing wear lar, I working, so can lock in conference room to pump out milk, hehe. Thinking of it makes me happy, ok, my first baby birth agenda is to breast feed!

Linda, your daughter takes gain IQ? Can change to Grow already rite? I changed mine to Pediasure, coz son picky eater.
 
Veniz,
My hb is no any better. He is now trying to escape from reality. He doesnt want to accompany me to visit the gynae. He gave me excuses that he has to work late, but b4 I reached home, he had already at home taking his dinner. In fact, he is worried about our financial when bb is born. I did tell him that since he is not interested in this bb, why not we give it up. He is not willing, I guess it's all cos his mum wanting this grandchild very badly. I do not want his mum to take care of our bb, then he replied he has no extra $$ to pay my mum to take care. All kinds of excuses ... as if we dun have to pay his mum extra if we were to let his mum takes care of our bb.
 
Angie,
actually before bb comes out, really need to plan of the care arrangement. it's good that you and hb already started to think abt the choices. hopefully both of u can work out something. dun be too upset by your hb not accompanying you to the gynae, i think probably he is too tired at work, so he try to come out with the silly excuse. next gynae's visit time u tell him bb also wants to see daddy hehee
 
Veniz,
hahaa all the pattern really come out after marriage ah. i think a lot of us also faced this problem bah. takes years to get used and lived together in harmony ley.

with newborn coming really alot of $$$
 
Hi Verniz
*Clap hands* So you and I have each other to encourage on BF esp when we didnt for our first.
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Second one, think we be more confident and at ease so can bf better?

I will like very much to try very hard this round, but of course, if i cannot, I also wont be too upset. Just thot can see how it feels like being a cow and saving some $$.
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I also doubt I will spend a lot of nursing wear cos I think I dun mind feeding in public or with a shawl.

Gain IQ - yah, I tried my girl on "giraffe milk" (ie Grow) but she didnt like it, only the chocolate version but I didnt want lor, cos scared heaty esp when she still drinks 3x a day. So back to Gain IQ. But she always finishes her milk, not wasted.
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There was once I switch her to Pediasure too, but she also didnt like it. In the end, I gave her vitamin drops instead.

Hi Angie
Can sense you not very happy leh. Dun always mention giving up your baby, not healthy for you. Maybe there are more issues your hb is worried abt but didnt wanna stress you? Talk it out slowly with him. Some men are terrified of the HUGE committment being a father brings. And not all men accompany their wives for gynae checks. More often than not, I see women alone at the gynae clinic, and till date for this, my hb has not accompanied me on visits lor.
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Hi gals,

I went to see Gynae just now, changed my appt to today. See bb heartbeat and it has grown quite a lot. Gynae says shd be okay but still not v stable, and she gave me a stronger hormones medicine. I must remember not to walk or stand too long.

Read on your all postings on MIL and hb.. hope it works out for u. HB just spoken to MIL to help take care and she has agreed. If she cannot cope she will probably get a maid to helpout.
 
luz and linda,
All these issues had already mentioned to him b4 we have this bb.
I ever asked him, is he ready to have a kid and his reply was yes.
Now, all patterns come out liao.
 
Alot posting!

Sorry didnt log in for last few days. Not feeling very well and busy with work too. No time to breathe.

Veniz,
For my case, I was thinking to send my gal to childcare next year. Maybe try her out with playgroup half day and see how it goes. I have look around near my hse and also Kinderland. After 2nd one is born, you can use CDA to pay for those under MCYS list. More info can go to baby bonus website to see.

I wont get a maid cos i still feel totally insecure with maid. Now still having a discussion n some budgetting with Hb whether shld I be SAHM instead till 2nd one 2year old.. Don think I am that kind SAHM pattern. Will crazy looking after both crazy noti monkeys! Esp my 1st aleady super noti..

Breastfeeding
==================
I will contd to BF for 2nd one too. Must have alot of persistence and encouragement from HB esp and we must be firm to it. But just try our best. My 1st gal was TBF till 3-4mths. When too stress, milk flow also lessen. Anyway STILL FEEL MEN IS ALWAYS THE MOST nothing to do bum... haiz... So we just try get them involve, let them noe wat are the changes we are going through now too..
 
K ong,

congrats!! wow, another june baby for you!! have a smooth 9 mths ahead!! (i'm one of the june 06 mummies, juz come in to kpo)..
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hi angie
Please do not feel so worried about finances or DH. All these negative thoughts will affect baby and make baby feel unwanted. Have a good talk with DH and try to work the finances out. And I'm sure everything will be fine. Baby is a very precious gift from heaven and Im sure when baby is born, you will find it all worthwhile.


hi ellysia
Glad everything is ok for u now. Please remember to take good care of yourself and not to stand too long


hi starmoon
Long time no talk to you
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Me also still have blood clots in womb so Dr Cheng also ask me to be careful. I'm having oscar on 21st nov and seeing him on 23rd nov... tomorrow go tmc for jab. When are u having your oscar and seeing Dr Cheng?
 
re: Husband

Sometimes, i feel this generation 'males' were a fall back. They no longer feels tat it's them that need to take charge of the household whether their wife is working or not. It's b'cos due to the resources we have can equipped ourselves w education and b'cos of this qualities we hv the opportunity to work in the society and it belongs solely to our 'benefits'. Which also means, we get "to keep our earnings". And managed whichever method deem fits!

I'm a traditional woman... before marriage, i will state everything in order for him to follow which is, he still need to provide for the family whether i'm working or not and he has no qualms abt it at all!
 
re: MIL

I don have the luxury of acquiring help from MIL b'cos, i simply do not approve her ways of 'educating' & practise thurs 'forming her culture' belief into my family. I sincerely respect her views, but will not let her interfere much. Therefore, in light of confinement issues and babycaring matters i will hired help 'outside' instead.
 
hi,
I went for my scan yesterday - tummy scan, couldn't see very much tho, just like a tadpole haha,. about 18mm.
I'm now 8 weeks.
 
Morning ladies!

Angie,
Please dun tink -vely ya...Trust me, everything will be fine as times goes by...TInk ur hb is not really ready for a bb yet.....All men are like that, once they see bb being born, then they will realised that they are fathers now...

Roxy,
How u doing?

Babycupid,
U got ur results for ur teest yet? Everything okie? Dun worry abt ur relation with mil, most important must give and take for both parties...
 
hi all.....
this thread is moving so so fast for me to catch up.
As i mention earlier my first pregnancy I have very very bad morning sickness and vomited everyday throughout the whole pregnancy until the day I gave birth to my boy, experience very bad heartburn at e end of e pregnancy too. Tat's y i always tell myself tat i'm not going to go through all these again.... but who knows.... hai~ last wk i started to have nausea n very tired so tested preg. again. Currently I'm still breastfeeding my boy partially(only at nite) but gynae advise me to stop.... so i'm trying to stop.......
 
kylene,
Hi ya...18mm is alot lor..=D...
Everything okie? so cute hor, like tadpole =)...can see the little thingy blinking there =D..
 
Morning!

Linda, when you change the milk powder, did you change slowly like for eg 3 scoops of Gain IQ, 1 scoop of Pediasure/Grow. Then gradually after 1 week, reduce gain IQ to 2 scoops and increase Pediasure/Grow. You have to do this mixture of milk powder over like 3 - 4 weeks before your daughter can get used to the new one. I also dun give son chocolate flavour one, sure very heaty.

Angie, please do not think too much. Now that we are pregnant, we tend to be more emotional. Do find one day, sit down with your husband and have a serious talk on your future with new baby. This will helps. They sometimes do tend to run away from reality, but we still have to point facts to make them face the truth.

Sparks, ya, nowadays guys are very different. We can blame this on being mothers more sayang their sons because they are sons.

kylene, glad to see you are doing well with your scan and baby. I went for mine on saturday and can see head with body and buttock formed. Hands also, but can't see legs yet maybe bb hiding them.
 
Cynthia, at least you have good CCC around your house. My husband doesn't like CCC so we can't put my son in one. Just had a talk with him, he will be helping me to pay for my son's care with MIL, and I for 2nd baby. At least this is fairer, but still early, I am just afraid he may just change his statements again.

For me, I dun feel comfortable with a maid around. Yes, true that there are good ones around, but I dun trust a maid alone with my husband. It all brings down to the maid's characters and my husband's endurance.
 
Hi juliet, glad to hear that baby growing well. So did doc say anything about your vomiting? Hope he/she gave you some medic and you are fine now.
 
veniz, she says the blood stains r common esp when puke too hard...so no need to worry..

she asked if i want any medi for the nausea, but i didn't take coz i feel i'll get reliant...i wanna refrain from taking any medi... :p
 
Linda/Veniz : am sure you ladies will be able to successfully bfeed your next baby ! it sure takes a lot of determination !!

CookiemZ : hee thanks !
 
yo ladies,
my blood test is out.. i am normal.. no thalassaemia.. but my hubby is a alpha carrier... kekeke.. so happy.. now is waiting for oscar test...
 
Morning veniz, good idea on the BF part. I ve the same tot too but was told tat it could hurt & my level of pain tolerance is literally zero! So am thinking of using auto breast pump to do the job insteadK.shd be the same rite? Anyway, once back to work after 2 V 3 mths of maternity, also ve to use breast pumps.
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Hey Linda, envy u lar, can still sneak out in the 1st weekend after birth. For me, think is a foregone conclusion cos my MIL already put it very bluntly no going out within 1st mth. DarnK.was jus telling hb the other day tat if I do confinement at my own hm, at least I can sneak out of the hse during the day, like to downstairs for a walk or buy my food, etc. hb warn me better not too cos the neighbours / relatives will kpo, may see me and rpt back to my MIL. I was like WTS! but wat he said also quite true cos a lot of hbs relatives & my MILs kampong frens all staying in the same neighbourhoodK. I feeling so sad for myself too, like kenna hse imprisonment.

Angie dear, I very KS, went to buy a book from kino for dads-to-be titled wat to expect when yur wife is expecting. The author of tis book is a man / father himself with 6 kids across 2 marriages (if I recall correctly). Then I left it on the coffee table & cos the write up quite comical and not heavy at all, it caught my hbs curiosity and he picks it up to read it himself. The positive-ness is tat he auto accompany me to gynae, take heavy stuff, chase me away when he is cleaning bathrms with chemicals, etcK.i guess he picks all tis up from tat book itself cos I oni browse thru a bit and find it quite engaging too from a guys perspective. Maybe u wan to pick this up as well from kino & pass to yur hb to read? My hb now left it on his bedside table, so keeping my fingers cross cos he is one who hates to readK..hahahhaha
 
Hi BabyCupid, Congrats!

Juliet, ya, try to refrain from the medic. My doc's precription for nausea still no opened by me yet, coz i also dun want to take during this period. My husband has been scolding me that if I dun consume, might as well dun take from gynae mah. But then, its good to standby some for just in case. I may just pop one tomorrow before going to my sec sch teacher's Deepavali invitation as she will be cooking up a storm of indian dishes for our dinner. Best to appear normal during the visit.

K Ong, thanks. I really hope to bfeed baby. I just like the way my son suckle on my nipples the other time i bfeed him, just too bad that failed. This time, I will use my 90 - 100% make sure I will do it well (I dun mind being a cow, but milk better than cow's, hee)
 
Crystal,
Your hb is so sweet. My hb will definitely fall asleep if he reads a book ... kekeke ... just like me. :p

I am trying to think positively. This morning, he greeted good morning to bb.
I told myself, maybe he needs time to adapt the changes and the freedom.
Hopefully, things will change after some time.
 
veniz, i cannot control one..if i take from gynae, i sure pop..haha...so might as well dun take lor..save $$$ too..haha..

eh, any of u gals opting out of the Oscar test? I am seriously considering not to do the test...hmm...
 
roxy, feifei and Veniz,
I am also worried that bb can feel unwanted. I will try my best to shower more love to "compensate".
As for my hb, hopefully he will try his best to face the reality and adapt to all the changes.
 
morning ladies!!!

ask u all a question, my gynae did not ask me to do oscar test. instead, he ask me if I want to do down syndrome test. but he say I very young, no need to do down syndrome test also can....

what is oscar test???
 
angie

dun think too much, wait bb feel unwanted... but den u need to sit down n have a talk with ur hb.... cos we tend to be more emotional also... i think ur hb maybe not ready yet... slowly...

b4 i preg i n hb actually plan to have bb next yr cos now nt rdy yet ba.. but bb just come like that... and the facts that he is still paying his study loan, i was actually scare he is nt happy this bb come... but turn out to be he is happy, but den of cos got worries liao, 1st thing no flat... 2nd thing money issues... but he is still excited abt it... i will remind him abt the appt, and he will follow me... now that bb starts to move and he can feel he was happy too.. in fact i think my hb has been enduring my nonsenses haha.. cos i was so emotional, so crazy... but i appreciate it..

so take times.. maybe when he feel ur bb he will change his mindset liao
 
iamsnow, am also thinking of not doing any of those tests because 1. am still v. young, 2. abortion is against my religious values...
 
BF - I looking at the various breast pumps... I dunno if it is a necessary tool for better bf-ing. Any experienced mummies can advise? Yet I dunno if I can BF for long so wonder if I shld spend so much on electrical ones.

Hi angie
I think men react diff to first pregnancies compared to women. While we get all excited, anxious, eager to plan, men will withdraw, pause and wonder. They are unsure of the responsibilities, the "burden" and wonder if they have made the right choice. They cannot figure out why and how we can be so excited over something that cannot be seen yet. My first pregnancy, I also feel my hb cannot "link" with the baby. He accompanies me to gynae visits but was not very excited and was always thinking of work. I chose all the baby items myself, he has no comments and didnt even accompany me to buy them. When I told him abt baby stuff like info or whatever, he not very interested. He also never touch my belly or "listen" to belly alike TV shows/ad.
I dunno if it will make you feel better, but pls Angie, do not think so badly of your hb first, cos sometimes TV/ frens painted too nice a pic of excited fathers-to-be but not all men are like this.
Now, my hb is very glued to my girl lor. Some men tend to develop their fatherly instincts later (when bb can react ie 6mths+).

Hi Verniz
kekee... no leh, I didnt substitute slowly... I did it when changing milk at 6 mths, but now she so old liao, didnt think of it. kekeke... If Gain continues to increase in price, then maybe I will try harder to switch bah.

Hi Crystal
I am lucky cos my hb supports me. He also dun see why I shld be cooped up at home and he isnt a follower of traditions if he doesnt see sense in it.
I personally feel tt a happy mum is a healthy mum. If you stay home against your wish and feel miserable, very easily depressed one.
But have to maintain relationship with your MIL lor, so talk to your hubby abt it.
Then again, cos my hb does not believe in certain traditions, i am also not expected to served during my confinement. I do laundry, bathe my girl myself (which I didnt mind), clean and mop the floor. So good and bad points bah.
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But that's also cos I didnt want to push everything to my MIL lah.
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cactus

ya. heng is next yr his loan will be clear liao... but den MIL is not helping in taking care of bb, den my mum also dun want... now it either we hire a maid or to take care ourselves. if take care ourselves, i have to be SAHM liao.... den $$$ issue very tight... aiyo....
 
Hi Angie, just to share to you. This is shameless but may make you better.

My first preg was unplanned, when I knew it, happened to be my bday present in Feb and I dunno what to do. Went to my hubby hse to have a talk with him. We supposed to get ROM end of 2004 but now seems like we can't. He couldn't believe his ears that I am pregnant, even told me to abort baby and we ROM earlier in June. I told him like that there is no meaning and purpose coz if I abort the first time, it will hurt my health and no promise I may get preggie again.

So I gave him two choices, to break off with me if he insisted that I abort (if really break off, I will no longer communicate with him and whether I continue to bring up baby as my own is non of his business) or, he take the news and marry me within these few months.

Two days later, he finally managed to contact me (I refused to take his calls as he is a coward to get me go for abortion)and told me he already break news to his parents we re getting married due to a baby at end of the year.

So you see, it takes time to seep into a guy's brain and they will be alright towards the end, willing to accept the facts. Now my husband is very pro-daddy to his son, and our families, at first not happy with this type of shortgun news, learn to accept and loves my son.
 
veniz, agree w/ u lor...guys hor, come to such things, all machiam cowards! they will hide in their shells first and then wait till the first huge wave is over then pop their heads out...
 
Angie dear, dun worri, yur hb will.it takes time for him to adapt to e new addition also....in my case, actually slightly reversed cos I was the one having reservation abt tis baby n still at times now. I was crying in the bathroom for a while after knowing tat I tested positive cos I was unprepared that tis hammy came so fast, I tot it would be at least another yr or so according to my doc as I was on contraceptive these last few yrs of married life. My hb was the one who insist I dun think such tots as it will affect baby n keep telling me how gd it is to ve one since we had been together for so long, etc etc.so I m slowly accepting tis baby too.
 
iamsnow,

Just found out below from my gynae this morning regarding OSCAR plus am holding onto a brochure.
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The OSCAR test is a ultrasound scan to measure the fetus' nucal translucency (i.e. neck thickness - down syndrome babies are found to have thicker necks) and blood test of mother to check for levels of free beta HCG and PAPP-A. Upon the results of the NT if u are found to be high-risk, you might be asked to do an amniocentesis (draw fluid from amniotic sac) to determine the risk of down syndrome. Apparently the accuracy of OSCAR test is 90% compared to Triple Test which is 70% but cost-wise, OSCAR is tripled, around $300+.

Hope the above helps.
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i wun say he was excited or anything like tat to start wif, i guess it was more so tat i was at a lost n quite emotional esp during the 2nd mth (we found out preggie oni when i was 5wks +) n he kinda of ve to be stablising factor cos i keep saying abortion, etc....
even now, i m quite hands-off other than going for gynae visits, etc....n i guess when baby is born, i will still be tat kinda of hands-off mummy...till now i still refer to his baby till jus 2 days back, i think he fed-up cos he retorted:"my baby is not yurs mah?!"....
 
hey juliet, glad dat ur bb is growing so well....hang in there and shoo MS away.

re: BF
I BF all the way for the 1st 6 months and stopped as I wanted to try for #2. No formula milk given to my girl at all for the first 6 months. I think a good breast pump is worth the investment if you are working full time and u plan to have a few more kids. I got the Medela PIS advanced and it helped me so much when i was at work. A manual pump is more tedious I feel.

re: OSCAR
I will opt out for this and the blood test. Will only go for detailed scan at 20th week and growth scan at 32th week just to make sure the organs are all forming well.
 
Cheryl, linda, Veniz and Crystal,
Thank you for your encouragement and sharing of your experiences.

Cheryl,
I think maybe he will change after he can feel the baby's movements.
He went for the 2nd gynae's visit with me, and came out of the room saying ... "see what ... something blinking also dunno what is that. Doctor said that's the heartbeat ... how we know it's true or not??" You know, I was so disappointed when I heard him saying that.

Linda,
I think I must have watched too much TV drama, seeing how excited a father can be and their fatherly love. *sigh*

Veniz,
It's not shameless ... dun say that. Anyway, thanks for sharing your experiences with me.
I ever thought of divorce cos i think he is a coward. I cannot stand a man who is ruan-ruan and indecisive, but my love for him is too strong.

Crystal,
You were taking contraceptive pills or other precautions?
 
angie

y he like that say?? very hurting leh.... he is quite insensitive.. the blinking thing is the heart ma... aiyo.... but nvm, i think when bb goes bigger he will change de... i m sure bb can make the father change....

earlier stage 1-2 appt my hb nvr follow cos bz, and he say bb so small see liao no kick.. say wan to wait bb bigger see liao den happy... zzz... as bb goes bigger and when we went for oscar test, he saw the bb move, i knw he is happy....
 
cheryl, ur hb funny leh..."no kick"...kekeke...

think my hb kan cheong spider..yesterday went for 2nd appt, he smile more than i did *roll eyes*

Angie, wait till bb comes out ah, ur hb sure stick to bb like super glue!
 
Angie, I know sometimes men words can hurt a lot, most times I think they dunno how to put it properly and nicely so the words hurts. U can try to use a tone like "Of coz the blinking is the heartbeat, otherwise, why we consult gynae? First time see mah, u sure surprise of the new miracle" at least you will not get so upset lor.

Crystal, I am sure after you see your bb progression, you will be very happy, esp when bb kicks or moves inside you, you will definitely feel the maternal instinct and loves your child.

Starmoon, I used Medela single electrical pump for son, but then, coz not enough milk, pump for 1 hr then get 2ml pathetic milk. Ever since I stopped using it, I passed it around to 5-6 ladies, it is currently at my cousin hse standy to come back to me. Hope it is still workable as most of the ladies praised that it is of good help.
 
Hi cactus, In fact when I first got preggie and married, I was 25 and he 28. But we do not have any fanancial burden, like he had already paid off his study loan 1-2 years before marriage and he even pay off our wedding dinner, package, etc all by cash, so I am consider fortunate. He sure loves the baby as he stayed in hospital the first night with me (single room) and took around two weeks leave to bond with son. Now, when I go out, he will help me to take care of him (when son was younger, he will stay at his parents' hse to look after him in case he can't handle)

I was and am very happy that we choose to get married and not give up son otherwise, it will be such a pity that a lively active boy will not be able to live in my womb.
 


angie, i was on contraceptive pills for over a period of 5 yrs, 1st 2 yrs were more to regulate my hormones cos i ve veri irregular cycles, can stop for up to 4 mths also no menses type. then the last 3 yrs were cos after married but wanted to ve kids oni later when everything more stablise n we can enjoy some couple time. therefore my doc advices tat if hb n me want to ve kids, i ve to stop taking my pills for at least 6 mths before we can even think abt trying + my hb smokes, so sperms may not be so strong mah. who knows i stop the pills for the 2nd mth oni, then kenna oreadi.
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