(2008/06) June 2008

Hi all,

Aft reading all the above posts, i kindof emotional... thinking back how my sis's MIL treated her! Furious! Give sacarstic remarks and mentioned that my sis only knows how to spend hubby's money only! Even tell her no need to buy any herbs during her confinement! Tat's why she's now staying with me at my mum's place.. still her MIL complaint! But still after discusion, we still decide to get a confinement lady during her confinement (no doubt we have no more rm for her) - she's sleeping w my sis and her bb in her room and her hb with my brother. Ultimately, getting family support is most important. Whether u r getting a CL or not getting one.
 


today i cut my hair from long to short. feels so amazing and shiok ley. when wash hair time, really feels so much easier, and no need to blow dry my hair.
recommend mummies who feel heavy by now to consider a haircut too!
 
my opinion is - We Know wat we want and will get it regardless...

Nowadays we (new mothers) are much stronger if compared to previous generation. We know who can really help us (or talk only), know how to get it and most importantly we want to best for the bb and ourselves. We are no longer deprive of resources! And we simply will not wait for 'things' to happen... e.g. Depression, post-natal blues, getting inappropriately treatment during confinement etc.. MIL can only 'talk' much.. and can't help much. What If our health detoriates so much that we cannot take care of our babies when they needed our protection most?! Can we depend on our MIL?
 
Rena,
I also heard that we can't take too much bird nest de hor...but how come huh?Ur boy boy cute leh..Got a feeling 2nd one also boy?If really boy hor, will u try for a ger ger?

Veniz,
Wow, ur boy handsome wor, next time sure bery nice looking de..

Linda,
Tks for e infor....I must learn this liao..hee

Ellysia,
I also did e same like wat u did lor...buy festive things on festivals, spend time to talk to them, get to know them better etc...At least til now, everything is still ok*keeping fingers crossed*...

Luv,
Me tinking of cuttin gmy hair like wat kym Ng did lor..cos just saw e show she hosted...hee

crystal,
Ya lor, ur mil will sure feel tired one...for her age to take care of 3 grandchildren, hsework, and take care of u...

Roxy,
U saw bb's hands etc? wow, me haven got a chance to see yet, only saw bb's head that day when I went on my 8th week...I am going for my oscar test on 20th =D...Heard that oscar is abt $300+...Then wk 12 already, need to sign up package, also will be signing up e FBI card, so i can forsee we will spend $1K+ next mth...haiz..
 
Hi,

I read abt ectopic preg but I don't have bleeding (touch wood)

Do you think I should ask another gynae now or wait for 2 weeks later to go back to Dr Adrian or should I go back to the 1st gynae and re-test as he ask me to go back in 10 days times which is over?
 
hey gals, i cnt join you in this forum for the time being cos I had a miscarriage yesterday and will be resting at home
 
Hi mummies,

I'm from the Sep thread. I'm selling away this brand new maternity/nursing top I bought from Gap Maternity online coz it doesn't fit me. Selling at $40 (original price is $45). Its suitable for ladies size 16-20. Its a very flattering cut.

1049638.jpg


Click here to see details on GAP website
http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=35426&pid=508078

Colour: Black
Size: XL
Material: High-quality imported stretch cotton. 95% Cotton, 5% Spandex.
Details: Crossover V-neck, empire waistband.

PM me if interested please. Collection at Queenstown, Bishan or Vivocity on weekdays and Bedok on Sundays.
 
Hi Connie,

I'm not trying to scare you or anything.. but when there is bleeding in ectopic pregnancies, it is at the very severe stage. I personally strolled in to KKh's A/E department with a referral letter from a GP to exclude ectopic pregnancy when all I experienced was cramping. No spotting, no bleeding. That's cos my risk threshold is low.

If you plan to adopt and wait and see approach, you may want to return to Dr Adrian since he is well recommended by alot of ladies on this forum and he is the doctor of your choice. If there is any bleeding (touch wood), you can always immediately go to KKH's A/E. They have the facilities there.

Another sign of ectopic pregnancy is tenderness over one side of the fallopian tubes.
 
morning ladies!!!

it's a dull morning today. woke up feeling terrible. now having my bf, but no appetite to eat.....

jazol, sorry to hear that. do have a good rest.
 
<font color="ff6000"><font size="+0">Jesslyn and starmoon,</font></font>

<font color="aa00aa"><font size="+1">Happy Birthday to you!!!!</font></font>

kao_cheers.gif
 
jesslyn and starmoon's bd today? whao.... same day!!!

Hereby, I wish both of u a very happy birthday too. may u stay young and pretty forever!!!
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Ladies,
I also have problems with my MIL. She still cooks overnight food for me. She is unhygenic and yell at us like as though we are still little children (to her, it's normal tone). I got frightened quite a few times already. I quarrelled with my hubby several times cos of his mum. Our relationship had already affected since day 1. I have not been feeling happy for my pregnancy, cos I can foresee more problems will arise when bb is out.
sad.gif
Really worried about my and bb's future.
However, when i think of what I saw from the ultrasound, I am not willing to give up.
 
whao..... u all seems to have a lot of pblms with mil. is it because u are staying with them? aiyo. my mil say want to move in with us next year to help to take care of my bb leh. currently I have no pblm with her, except she is a bit loh sor only.... she treats me quite well, cook nice food for me to eat.... hm.... this starts to frighten me. what if she change 360 degrees after she move in next year? alamak......
 
no sparks, cannot depend on MIL. Can turn to whoever but not MIL! They will oni treat their own precious daughter well. My SIL wasn't working at all during her 2 pregnancies then n her hb was the oni sole breadwinner in the family. My MIL & FIL were more than happy to top up on expenses incurred by my SIL's family + subsidies the maid expenses & salary to the extend of even paying for the maid.

gers, Now my turn n i m working, u know wat my MIL had the cheek to say to my face the other day? tell me to avoid termination by company by telling my boss tat i oni need to take 1-mth's maternity leave n tat i can even go on no-pay 1 mth maternity leave if need be. so tat i can ve my job still after giving birth n her precious son (my hb) wun ve such a heavy burden on his hands. I was like WTF! was boiling mad for the next few days after wat she said. precious daughter dun wk, nvr mind. need to rest after giving birth. Rest means rest for a few yrs so much so tat the eldest grandson is now 7 yrs old & she jus get back into work force THRU' my Connections to get her a job! DIL must wk, no need to rest after giving birth. 1-mth maternity is more than sufficient. F**K!

the more i think abt it, the madder i get. so like wat ellysia n her mum had said - judge MIL only after 10 yrs. I say - judge MIL after u ve children n c how she treats u esp those MIL who still thinks having grandsons are more impt than having granddaughters....
 
I rem Jesslyn told me that her birthday is on 1st Nov.
starmoon also mentioned in one of her posts that her birthday is on the same date as Jesslyn.
happy.gif


Any November babies here??!!
 
Morning all~

Happy Bdae Jesslyn & Starmoon! Wishing you gals yong yuan qing chun mei li!! And may all your wishes come true!!
 
iamsnow and cactus,
I am staying with my MIL and we are unable to move out cos she said if we move out, we are infilial.
As for the overnight food, I managed to throw them away when they are not in the kitchen. Then I said oh, the food made me sick so I threw them away. I told my mum about the food issue, she asked me to tell my MIL that my gynae asked me to stop taking overnight food cos it causes wind to my stomach.
This morning, my MIL prepared porridge for our b'fast. She opened a can of luncheon meat for us. I did not touch the luncheon meat at all. Hope that she understands that I dun wan to eat unhealthy food for my bb.
 
cactus,
You are very lucky to have your hb stand by you. But not mine. My hb is like a mummy's boy. I told him, sooner or later, I will go into depression cos of him.
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cactus, i also changed job so that I can be more 'seng nang'. my previous job was very xiong, OT everyday until very late and need to travel. when I decide to try to a kid, I changed job and downgraded so that i won't be so tired.... hm.... guess I'm not the only one. coz many of my friend were shocked when I downgraded coz they say I'm ruining my own future....
 
i think cactus is right. hb support is very impt, and it's the 'bridge' to a good r/s with IL. I agreed with my hb that he will settle all 'pblms' regarding his parents and I will settle mine over at my side so we will not have any unhappiness..... sometimes it's easier for own child to talk to their own parents....
 
ellysia / feifei, i was / m still buying things for MIL & her family whether festive or not. since hb n me have dinner at her plc most of the week, i also top up on grocery for her n give her pocket $ too out of my own salary. hb's $ to her not counted hor. now she tells me her complexion bad, i still ve to bring her to see doc but her precious daughter does nothing. for all tat i ve done, i still get treated this way jus cos I dun follow her way for the 1st time since i know her family for the last 6 yrs. it reai make my heart goes cold....
 
cactus, glad to hear that you got the support from your hb. at least I'm sure u're a much happier person now. and I believe your hubby is also happier....

wah, your pay difference bet your hb and u is so much. in my previous job, our diff is only $1k and he is already feeling very down. coz men's ego....
 
Jazol, sorry to hear about your case, do take care and build up your health.

Jesslyn & starmoon, Happy Birthday!

Crystal, try not to harbour too much on the words of your MIL. So is really plain selfish. And true, they normally protect their daugthers more than DILs. My IL also spent a lot on their sticky useless daughter who is 6yrs older than me but metality like only 20yrs old. Anyway, they paid for her hse reno, home appliances, etc. Then in the end, she and hubby still stay in her parents house and refuse to go back her own hse but only on weekends. Jobless, get allowances from her mother, but still can spend over $100.00 every week on 4Ds/Toto. Still, they treat her like princess and always side her.

Anyway, its seems like your MIL is of no use only horrid words. Let her be, just listen and straight away empty out her words from ears will do.
 
Hi Angie,

Tingkat food has also confinement service. If u order tingkat food, can switch to confinement when need be. Overnight food is definitely not healthy, but some old folks have the strange idea that must 'save money' by eating overnight food. Esp if they feel u are spending yr hb money (which MIL probably deem that her son's money is also her money).

Hi Crystal,

My paternal grandma also dote on her daughters so much that her daughters bullied my mum. My father being a dutiful son and also one who doesn't like trouble, stay quiet for many years while my mum suffer. And my mum never talk back or anyting.

After so many years my dad said he regretted for not taking action in earlier years, but he only recognize this after so many years when we have all grown. Our relationship with paternal side is so bad that we only visit them once a year every CNY and my parents will quarrel after every visit (which i also dread the visit too).

Then my maternal grandma was bullied by her daughter in law and her son just keep quiet (he scared of his wife).

What i tink is this kind of IL relationships if not dealt carefully may lead to couple relationship sour over time, with children etc even complicated. And HB must learn to know how to deal with situations CORRECTLY so that both sides are protected.

And i agree with cactus method of dealing with such issues. Every thing tat we tink of, etc, best to go through HB. Dun talk back directly to IL or have direct conflict. Always let hb be the buffer cos he is her son and she will listen to him, not us.
 
cactus, I agree with u. $ is secondary. satisfaction in life is most impt. but no money, everything also impossible. so it's also impt to be financially stable.....
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angie, i share your sentiments n can feel for u. though my hb cant reai be consider a mummy's boy but if she threw a temper abt an issue, he will choose to leave tat issue aside n hope tat it nvr turn up again.
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cactus, good tat more mil is more modern in e sense n tat yur hb stands by u so much. i suppose all of us here have done much for our in-laws family as well, giving respect, tolerance, one ear in, one ear out, etc but not all in-laws would recipociate the same way. like the saying goes - e same rice feed a hundred kind of different pple.....

hi Jazol, u take care of yourself okie? rest well yeah.

HAPPY B'DAYs Jesslyn and Starmoon!!! May all tat you wishes for comes true....
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I agree with cactus that MIL will never treat us like daughters..
Most impt is dun have a high expectation of them, and dun expect return for anything we done for them.

If u have expectation and MIL doesn't reciprocate, u get miserable yrself but yr MIl doesn't bother. So no point.

And there is no need to compare ourselves with MIL's daughters. If we have our own daughter, we will also probably treat them better than our son's wife.

My tinking is best to obtain hb's support and do the thing that we want to do, dun bother abt her comments and wat she say/do. One ear hear, one ear out. If think too much, upset ourselves.

Whenever i am upset abt my MIL comments (she tend to say some senseless remarks which may not be ill intention but nonetheless a bit hurting), I will complain to my mum to xiao qi heee :p

Like got one time, my MIL says "u got do housework one meh? i tot u only play game at home". Cos i play games a lot but i also got do housework (given that her son didn't even know any housework) so i feel upset, and i make hb told her mum on the next visit that i got do housework.

If my MIL or FIL make me unhappy, i usually will skip the next fornight visit and our hb also know can't do anyting if i set up my mind.. then the next time i go over my PIL will usu treat me better liao.. cos i dun go over every week.
Cos my hb if he goes alone to his parents house he dun stay too long cos he scared i will nag him and unhappy. We only linger long if i accompany him.

But i tink problem will occur in future cos i may need my MIL to take care of bb as my mum house not ideal to take care.. and if so i may need to go over to MIL house often. I am considering putting bb at bb care centre but hb say not ideal to put at care centre.
 
Crystal,
some MILs can be impossible... they think they own their sons and therefore their DILs... but sometimes, it's easier to change the way we perceive things than try to change them cos it's going to be such an uphill task. To these MILs, just have to avoid conflict as much as possible and just one ear in, one ear out...
 
cactus, seems like we are quite alike. my hubby and I very simple also. not much hobbies also. we only go for facial and massage. but now I pregnant, everything totally stopped..... the only luxury now is food. but now also can't eat much. so not much luxury left.... haha....

but planning for a short getaway to relax a bit....
 
Ellysia, I also think it's not ideal to put at child care centre... babies need attention from adult for stimulation. I guess you will be giving your MIL some extra pocket money for looking after bb right? Why not take that $ for child care centre to partly give your MIL, and partly get a maid? So your MIL just supervise the maid? Like that, may reduce conflict with MIL since it is mostly maid looking after bb? I'm not sure if this is too simplistic.. but we plan to get a maid when bb comes.. cos we hope MIL can look after bb until bb is 1, then bb will go over to my parents. Cos my MIL is good with infants but not good with toddlers. my parents are better stimulators.
 
crystal,
True, this was what my hb did. Escape from the reality.
I told him about asking my mum to take care of bb in future ... he gave me lots of reasons and excuses. He is not helping me at all. His mum assumed that we will surely let her take care of the bb.
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Moreover, he seldom accompany me to gynae check-up. He said he is busy with work. Excuses!! I told him, since he is not interested in this bb, then might as well abort it. *crying*
*Sigh* jia jia you beng nan nian de jin.
 
cactus, actually for facials, we still can go, just that there are certain machines which makes use of electricity current we cannot use. but i'm afraid some beauticians are ignorant. so better totally stop. my face is starting to pop things already.... so sad....

any idea if we can do foot relexology????

i'm thinking of phuket.... my hb and I love there. very relaxing....

angie, I agree with u, jia jia you ben nan nian de jin. but most imptly, I think whatever u do, u must be happy. else life will be very miserable leh.... but i also understand that sometimes we are being forced into somthing which we dun like due to circumstances..... but prob try to obtain happiness from somewhere else....
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iamsnow, i am also going for a getaway, cos maybe in coming 1-2 years we can't travel w.o feeling guilty.

Cactus, my MIL may not feel comfortable with a maid moreover their house has no space for the maid to sleep too. I also plan to let MIL take care of bb until older than my mum will take over to help in fetching frm kid frm nursery. However we have not ask MIL whether she be taking care, and she has not offer yet too. My MIL still planning for her holidays, she just gone to USA and considering to go taiwan with her daughter.
 
cactus, i thought mani and pedi is ok, just that too much inhaling of nail polish is no good??

wah, I dunno wat ingredients cannot use leh. i just continue to use my existing pdts.... aiyo.... really ignorant....

ellysia, where u planning to?
 
iamsnow, I'm told retinol and AHA/BHA/scaliysic acid cannot.

my spa therapist told colour should not stay on the fingernails.. dun know what reasoning.
 
Jazol Please take care. Though U cant having June bb but we are always here for you listening okie.

MIL issue. This one never die one for sure. When bb arrive, alot changes will definitely shown. But just what can do is in here out there. Though I not living with PIL bt certaintly there is ways you see them taking care bb is different from us and we will tends to keep worrying. BUT keep this in mind, no matter how they still raise up our HBs so lets relax bit more. Sometime my mil always like to compare me with sil like earning, spending. I am someone hardly spend not even much on cosmetic. BUT sil is someone love to spend those & every mth LV, gucci etc. She is earning about $1k more than me. And mil wont be say anything on her oh. BUT when I go shopping, buy bb stuffs or some of my cheap clothing LOTS comments out from her mouth. I was thinking, i spend my OWN earn $ not ur son.
I think there is always a difference la. No matter how good we try to be, just cant be compared. So we just do our part, dun bother so much and look after ourselves more and WIN Hb on our side (which my hb is on my side instead of his mum hehehe) So at times I consider lucky as he always side me, let me have my ways on confinement etc. I think good reasoning. We reason & fact instead of argue. Maybe I am more on reasoning type of person.
 
Cactus, my mum offer another alternative if MIL cannot help out. She say she can come over to my house during the day and take care of bb until we finish work.

I can't move over to any of parents house as they have no spare rooms. Only my own house have spare room but i dun like maid inside my house.
I guess most likely my MIL will help. hope no conflicts on bb care. I am still considering whether want to bring bb back home everyday or every week (like wat my colleague do).
 
actually I have not given a serious thought who is going to take care of my bb.

both my mum and MIL volunteer to take care. but my MIL is a bit old. she say she want to move in with us next year.

on the other hand, I feel safer with my mum, but my mum's hse a bit far, travelling daily to and fro is definitely out for me. I do not want to move into her hse also.....

maid is another option. but I prefer not to have any strangers in the hse.....

aiyo....
 


iamsnow, u may want to consider renting out your home now, and moving in to either MIL or your mom's place? it's harder to "chase out" MIL after she's moved in...

I believe once your bb arrives, you will miss him/her and will want to visit every evening. My SIL does this until now! Her son already 2! She leaves her maid and son full time with her mom (my MIL) and brings son back only on Friday evenings.Back to MIL's house on Monday mornings. That's why on weekdays, MIL's house alot of pple - SIL, BIL, maid, PILs, MIL's sister.... a bit not conducive for our bb to be there when he/she is older. my parents' place only have both my parents. both places are 5 room HDB flat.
 
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