Caicai: Agree that we have been quite consistent w Lele for esp for sleep and meals. I think consistency will work its magic
with Little Zach too... If you think about it, the past 3 nights w you zach did not take nap at 9pm so by 11pm he must have been tired enough to not persist for milk at 2am. But when he was w your ma, she allowed a nap at 9pm. that could have been why he played till 2am before sleeping. Besides, he seemed quite attached to your ma. Perhaps your ma will carry him more quiickly when he fusses. Zach knows that "trait" so he will fuss more persistently when she puts her to bed, than say, when he was in your care?
For sleep, we have been trying to train Lele to sleep by himself since he was 7 months. In order for that, nap times are fixed. We let him sleep when 2/3 hours after he wakes in the morn.
During training hub or me will carry him for max 10mins (with rocking, humming etc) to lull him to sleep. When his eyelids start to close or when 10mins is up, we will say good night to him and then leave the room.
Initially he will cry, sometimes longer, sometimes shorter.
But we always wait at least 20mins (of crying) before going in to reassure him for 1/2mins before saying good night and leaving the room again. Sometimes we go in after 20mins and realised he pooed. Maybe that's why he fussed.
Sometimes he will fall asleep but just for 30mins. Then we will bring him out and considered nap taken. Sometimes he will continue to fuss/talk/play for one whole hour before nap. We also consider nap taken, and bring him out till 2 hours later for the next nap.
All the above methods are from the book "healthy sleep habits, happy child". I did not follow everything in the book cos very technical and some parts a bit confusing. The parts I did use worked for my boy, especially the "10mins of soothing" and "nap after 2 hours from wake up".
For my ILs, we also advised them that they must never carry baby till he actually dozed off. Must put him down when he starts to sleep. They usually just put him on his bed when it's time for nap cos son too heavy for my MIL to carry. And he will play a while before falling asleep most of the time. As long as he did sleep, even if the nap is short, say 30 mins, we will consider nap taken and bring him out to play for 2hours before letting him take the afternoon nap.
For bed time too.
We repeat the same routine and let him sleep at about the same time every night. Night time usually no problems with falling asleep. But initially he will wake up after just 3 hours of sleep and start to fuss. We will also wait for at lease 10 mins to go quick check he did not poo. And then wait another 20 mins before going in again if he continued fussing. Go in quick check and leave the room again. Usually he will settle within 5mins by himself bythis time. It took sometime but he managed to settle himself within 10mins even if he woke up. And then he stopped waking up.
I started at 7months and he finally can sleep by himself and settle himself back to sleep by 10months. Needs lots of patience and consistency. But I'm glad we made it...
... ...realised me so lorsor again... oops!