share this with you gals!
How to Be a Good Mother in Law to Your Daughter in Law
By Rachel Carpenter (joyful327)
You rocked him as baby, kissed his "ouchies" when he got hurt, taught him to read, and helped him with his algebra homework. You've been his personal chef, nurse, counselor, housekeeper, chauffer and perhaps even fire fighter. And, now your little boy is all grown up and has another woman in his life: your daughter in law.
I know, I know, you've heard all the negative stories and issues that come with being a daughter in law. Some daughter in law relationships are wonderful, others are, well, not so much. Here are some tips on how to have a positive relationship with your daughter in law.
How to Be a Good Mother in Law Tip #1: Never, ever gossip about her. One of the best ways to ruin a mother and daughter in law relationship is to gossip about her. Gossip is hurtful, tasteless, and inappropriate. As a general rule, never badmouth her to your friends, family (especially other daughters in laws), coworkers, etc. More that likely the gossip will eventually get back to her, and when it does she will lose trust in you.
Gossip will cause other people to see your daughter in law though a different lens. It can have serious consequences. If you aren't sure what gossip is, please read "Is it Gossip? 7 Ways to Tell." As a general rule, don't talk about her behind her back.
If she has done something that has really hurt you, and you feel that you need to talk with someone about it, choose one close friend that does not know her. (And, never will know her or meet her.) Ask your friend to maintain confidentiality. But, do not, tell your church friends, yoga partner and your next door neighbor about your daughter-in-laws behavior. If necessary, hire a counselor for a third party opinion.
How to Be a Good Mother in Law Tip #2: Never criticize her.
It is not your place, nor your business to critique her. Never criticize her cooking, her home, her job, or anything about her in general. It won't help matters at all, and can just back it worse.
How to Be a Good Mother in Law Tip #3: Never criticize her children or her parenting styles.
In addition, you should never, ever criticize her parenting skills. For example, if she chooses to breastfeed, don't make any negative remark about breastfeeding. Don't criticize her on the way she dresses her children and her disciplining methods.
Now, obviously, if you are concerned about the safety of your child, you should confront your son. However, do it in a very polite and tactful manner.
How to Be a Good Mother in Law Tip #4: Don't expect your son and your daughter in law to be at every family function.
Remember that she has a family to, and might want to spend the holidays with them. Don't expect your son and daughter in law to be at every family function. Now, if they are spending every holiday and vacation with her parents, it is understandable how that can be upsetting. In that situation, the best thing to do is to confront your son politely and that you would like them to spend some holidays with you. Another option is to have Thanksgiving at a different time (such as the middle of November) and celebrate Christmas late.
How to Be a Good Mother in Law Tip #5: Treat her with respect.
Treat her how you would like to be treated. Even if she is disrespectful to you, respect her at all times.
How to Be a Good Mother in Law Tip #6: Avoid giving her unsolicited advice.
It is not your place, nor your business, to be giving her advice. Unless she asks for it, do not offer tips and advice on parenting, cooking, housekeeping and more. It is rude, and infers that you know more than she does.
These are just a few tips on how to be a good mother in law. Take it easy, hang in there, and be the best that you can be!
