12 weeks pregnant n single. Confused..

A

arabella

New Member
Hi, im new to this forum, was hoping i could get some advice here.
I was in a open relationship with a guy i've known for 6 years. We had feelings for each other since we've known each other. But however, chance always seems to elude us. Everytime im single, he's attached, or the other way around. Finally, at the start of this year, i broke up with my bf of 3 years as things
were worsening, n i really had to give him up. After my break up, as is my usual wont, i msg this guy for encouragement.
We had always kept in contact n would meet up for supper
whenever either of us is upset. We would just talk n eat
together.
When we met up, we talk n he was also on the verge of
breaking up with his gf. This time, One thing led to another, we ended up in bed but as we both just got out of
relationship, we decided to just enjoy each other's company
for now n see where things go.
And cos i miscalculate my fertile period, im now 11 weeks n 5days pregnant. I have told him about it but cos he feels that
he is not ready to have a family, he wants me to abort the
baby.
I have decided after long long considerations, that i cannot do
such an inhumane act. Im going to keep my baby n raise him
as a single mum.
But the road ahead seems tough. Im not prepared to do this
alone. I miss him all the time. I fell in love with him along the
months we spent together but i dont think he feels the same
way as i do. Since i told him i was pregnant, we've only met
up 3times, the 3rd time, he tried giving money to me.
I told him, i rather have his concern and he said he is
concern. I also msg him saying i missed him and he replied he miss me too, but why is it there is no action from him?
I dont plan to use the babe as a tool to tie him down, infact i told him, it's okay with me and the babe if he decided not to do anything with us at all. We can cut all contacts.
Im not too sure what my next step should be anymore.
sad.gif
 


Are your family members aware of what u r going through? It is really tough to be in your position and strong family support will be of great help to u, especially since u have made the decision to keep the baby.
 
I dont have the courage to tell them yet. I've always been the responsible one. Think it'll break their hearts if they find out. I'll tell them once i've gotten things settled.
 
From what u wrote, it seems unlikely that the guy is going to take responsibility for his actions. So it is better not to pin your hopes on him. You need to plan for the worst scenario, meaning that u have to raise up the child by yourself. Need to work through your finances, child care arrangement after the child is born. Your family members may be disappointed when they hear from u abt what happen but I pray that they will rally around u and provide u with the support during and after the pregnancy. If u come from a closely knitted family, I think it is better that u pin your hopes on them helping u than on the guy coming back to you. Also good for u to join a support group for single mothers since the journey ahead is going to be challenging. Do take care and keeping u in my prayers.
 
Thanks. Im planning it without him in the picture. But there are lots of thing i dont know about giving birth and raising a child. I dont want to be a burden to family.
 
Hi u can join the March and April 2012 threads and discuss with other mothers about pregnancy. Have u started seeing a gynea? Hospitals run courses on pregnancy and child birth too.. Will be useful for u to attend to learn more...

Do take care of your emotional health too... May want to do journaling to expres your mixed emotions during this period...
Do not keep everything bottle up..
 
Hi !

its great that u made a firm decision to keep the baby ..

but just to state , its not really easy to be a single mother , just be prepared for it

plan ur after birth plans wisely , cos the path ahead will be tough for u ..

i've walked thro wat ur facing now and it rly need alot of courage , try to talk to ur family , family is the best support u need now.. =)

regarding gynae , have u been to one?

for baby stuffs , if u wanna save money, i bet there is alot of kind mummies in this forum who gives out baby stuffs to help others in need ..

if u need someone to talk to , i'll be glad to share my experience as a single mom when i'm 16 ..

drop me a pm if u need help =)

meanwhile , take good care of urself and the baby inside u !
 
Arabella Loh (arabella)
Remenber always Be STRONG.
How hard e Rd is u also need to raise up ur baby.
Jia You, U r not alone !! Btw I have went thru the stage that now u are going thur
 
HI.. Its been a while since we heard frm Arabella.. Lets pray that she's coping well.. And Joanne.. perhaps you can talk to your parents of putting ur child for adoption. Do browse thru.. thesre's a threat under "child Adoption" or infact do speak to some of the social workers or councellor. I adopted a child 10 mths ago as I could not bear any. Perhaps u can get the social worker to talk to ur parents as well but first of all.. do u want to keep the child and raise ur child as a single parent? and are u ready? cause raising a kid single handedly can be a challenge, emotionally, physically and of course finacially. From the looks of it seems that ur partner is not ready for parenthood. Do seek help and take care..
 
Stay strong and don't make decisions that may cause you to feel wretched forever. Let me know if there's any bb items u need and seek medical/professional help. Lots of adjustments have to be made for all mothers (whether single/married/working/stayhome) and no one will ever know or fully understand.
 
Under the law, the guy needs to be responsible for the baby even if he does not want it. Try n seek for professional advise. Jia you
 
Hi Arabella and Joanne, I hope you will give the babies a chance to live. If you have problem keeping the baby, do talk to social workers at Touch, ALife, KKH, MCYS. Let them find good families for your babies. There are many couples who wish to have babies but could not and these couples will be willing to adopt available babies. All the best to you.
 
Hi Joanne, stay strong n keep the child. Take a look at the lovely bb when he / she is born and u will know you make the right choice. Come to the thread and update us and we can see how to assist you so you won't be alone.
Pray that you stay strong for your baby's sake.
 
Its a life we are talking about. the baby deserves to be given a chance. Hope you'll consider it carefully.

Beanie is right, talk to the social workers as well.

Am here to help if needed.
 
Sorry to hear abt. your partners not willing to take responsibility, etc. My advice is please allow your baby to be adopted. I understand how you feel... but try to think abt. the kids feelings and future, growing up with no father and they'll feel so insecure and also with a lot of people questioning them, etc.

God bless!
 
I personally feel there's no need for adoption. Even if it's single parent, i think it's fine. Cos it is akin to having a spouse passed away prematurely, and does that mean giving the kids up for adoption? Of course, unless you have no means to support and the child is better brought up in another family, otherwise, simply being a single parent doesnt mean adoption should b considered. Children are more resilient than we think, they think simply too, unlike adults.
 
I agree that you don't have to put your kid up for adoption, I have a few friends who was in the same situation and was initially unsure if they should give up the baby and glad they did not, I know it's a long road, but I can see that you are a responsible person and you will do very well
happy.gif


Take care!
 
hi all,

i'm in similiar situation as arabella and i'm have been looking around to see if i can find help and encouragement.

it's not an easy weeks for me when i found out i'm pregg. people around me have advised me strongly to abort but i can't bring myself to do so.

so now i'm facing alone, i hope i can find mummies in same boat that we can encourage each other.
 
Mummies must be strong !! I have to thru it n my son nw is 4 year old n I know it will not be easy to raise a baby by alone some how family help is important
 
hi tang bai , i'm 5 month pregnant and decided to be a single mother. i am on the other page under younge single mom. and as i get encouragement by people over here i should also encourage other.

when i found out that i was pregnant i was also in a very difficult stage and abortion was in my mind because like any other i have no money no house to stay nothing at all. and i am now racing against time to find a place to stay.

my mom even tell me to abort or give it up for adoption. which i am very angry with her. but guess she has her own worries. but still it did not stop me.

what are your concerns. for me i list down my concern. it was money and housing. emotional support. i dunno what the situation with u and the father but for mine we cannot never get married and i believe married is not the way out.

there are lot of single mother out there who when thru hell but they never give up which i know i will not to. so hang in there.
 
Hi mummies,

I applaud your decisions to be a single mother and to bring up your child. It is a very brave decision but not mission impossible.

I dont know how I can help you - but I am more than happy to give you some bb items (be it clothings, toys etc) that my girls have outgrown. Also more than happy to lend you a listening ear should you need support.

I do hope you stay strong and may things work out for you and your baby! And that your family stands by you, you'll need all the support you can get.

All the best mummies
happy.gif
Stay strong for your little one!
 
hi confused,
thanks for the encouragement. =) wanna email me to keep in contact?


hi hazel,
if you don mind passing some of your hand me down, i'm glad to recieve though i haven't know my bb gender yet


email me [email protected]
 
Tangbai n confused do pm me if you want to talk. I am stay at home mum so can lend you a listening ear if you need one.
Have a cousin who is a single mum and now her boy is already p1. It's not easy but it's a joy you can look forward to in time to come, though my aunty was very upset with her daughter for bringing 'shame' to the family but I can only say now parents are more open minded. Once they see the baby, I am sure the joy that the baby brings to them will be great that they will soon forget how the bb came about. My relatives also showered the bb with great love..
 
hi tang bai ,

here is my email contact : [email protected]

how are things for you ?

i already in my 6 month and recently i felt very uncertain about myself and the decision i am making.

everything about the wonder of pregnancy i heard doesn't happen .

i'm think i might have pre natal depression because i cannot sleep at night at all. i will cry every night evern after crying i do not feel tired.

is not good for my unborn baby which i am worried. so am deciding to tell my gynea about this. i think i need to have some help to cope with this emotional.i'm so worried that i will have post after birth.

i'm so stress with work and not able to get a place to stay before the arrival of the baby. i surpose to buy a house but am rejected by bank loan which now i have appeal to hdb to hle loan and even wrote fb to minister for help.

and i am not doing anything other things to prepare myself for the birth of my baby girl.

i don't know what should i do.

hi bellsbells,

thank you for offering for listening ear.
 
Confused,

Hv you tried to seek help from this association
http://www.helpfsc.org.sg/?

I just found this weblink, hope it would be some help to you.
http://sg.******************/so-you-want-to-be-a-single-mom-here-are-15-things-you-should-know/#

I know it is hard even for married women with spouses who neglects them during pregnancy. Pls stay positive and fight yr way through since you hv made a choice to keep the baby. Jia you.
 
Hi Confused,
Please try not to think so much. is not good for your baby. You can try to seek help from the above link and go for some counselling also.

We will still be here to lend you a listening ear.
 
hi confused - do seek proper counseling. i mean there are hotlines open for such crisis. give those counselors a call ... can i know something.. is it you got chase out from your mum's place? hmmm... is there a girl friend you could put up with ?

maybe you can private message me. just click my nick "bellsbells" at the left side the blue color with underline than a message box will pop up. you can send me a text from there if you want.

by the way there was a home run by a pastor for gals. i know they have shelters for women. do let me know if you need such arrangements.

don't cry so much it's bad for the baby. you baby can hear you, talk to you baby, share with your baby that you are strong and wanting to keep him or her . tell your baby your fears and joy. feel his/her kick ... you will be amazed at how babies can respond to you.. i mean it's a mother and baby kind of amazing link..
 
Hi Chuck, thank you for offering. At this moment I no need anything as I do have a sum of money that allow me to purchase things for baby. Is just that I looking for use new born clothing for baby girl as you know the old maid tales of faster growing. I trying my best to keep my expenditure low I use for baby. I have yet to get a baby cot but any ideal where I can get a white one that can also be converted to toddler bed with wheels . I been searching and is like 599 .

Did anybody hear before pregnant woman cannot sew? I am like wanting to sew a bean bag and a quilt for my unborn .

I just touch down from my company trip and the whole day been feeling uncomfortable . I actually slightly worried. I am 6 month now. Will anything happen to me.?

Hi bellsbells are you taking about pastor Andrew? My friend have given me his contact my I do not dare to call him. But in any case I'm still trying to get a place for 6 month rental. But it is so hard to get it. I did not get chase out for. My mother place is just that she does not have a place on her own if not I could have hid there . Not that I don't want to go shelter I stay but is just that the baby father would not allow me too that why he gave me money to rent a flat.
 
Hi confused: baby father taking responsibility in paying for your accommodation is good. You looking for room or whole unit? And which location? I think I saw on forum before someone advertise to rent out I think In woodlands... I need to search and see if I can still find that advert. After the six months rental than you stay with who? Baby father ? Or you need to give the baby to baby father?
At least you still hv him to pay for your expenditure, some I know just completely disappeared. If he is taking abit responsibility than you have lesser worries right than don't cry so much ok


Yes the shelter is run by pastor Andrew.
 
Hi Bellsbells. whole unit cos my due is early may.

Right now i am appealing for a loan from a hdb so that i an buy a flat.so i hope this 6 month is enough time to do it.

baby father will not be with us i need somewhere in serangoon or hougang area. I know . he thot that by doing this it will make me feel happier. i mean i not happier because what i need is emotional support from him. but he say whatever he do will never be enough. me and him are breaking down. i trying to come to term that i losing him. is ain't fun and lovey dovy anymore.
 
sorry, am just curious, this thread started on September 10, 2011 . today is 2013. ur baby still not out yet?
 
Single mother is not easy. Give birth is easy, but raising kids are not easy. Kids need alot of loves to grow. 不要为了一时之气。 what if he asked about his dad? What if you are getting married next time, will that man or his family accept you have a kid? What if your baby's father wife found out you have a baby with her hubby? Sorry for pouring cold water, but you will have to face these questions.
 
Forgot to highlight, be prepared that after giving birth, you will have
Stretch mark- majority women have visuable marks even after years, including me.
Size and weight went up.
Bone expand.
Start to aged
Black spots on face.

Women market value will drop once you are reached 35 or given birth before.
No point to keep the baby for man who does not love you, he wont come back to you just becoz you have his baby, he can easily find young and pretty women, especially nowadays so many foreign talents.
. Save the best for the man who really loves you. Just my 2cents.
 
To Chris Poh (phhar),

You mentioned: "Women market value will drop once you are reached 35 or given birth before."
My opinion: Quite true.

You mentioned: "No point to keep the baby for man who does not love you, he wont come back to you just becoz you have his baby,"
My opinion: True also. I can only agree give up the baby for adoption.

To me, abortion is out of all options.

I have made a post (on April 11, 2013 - 7:28 pm):
http://singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/messages/36738/7644621.html?1365679717
 
To confused (singlemomtobe),

I am willing to offer my help (two options) for you (I presume you are one single mother）. 我与你帖子有缘，愿意义务帮你，不收取任何费用。

Option 1. 择日生产 - 胎位不正，需要开刀剖腹的话，我择日期时间让你生产。宝宝出世，终身受益。If you can give birth naturally, that will be the best.
Option 2. 新生儿命名 - 为你孩子取名，辅助以及补上宝宝不足的地方。

Meanwhile, I have a thread about Chinese character naming.
http://singaporemotherhood.com/forumboard/messages/36738/8203349.html?1363274076
 
Hi nelle do u have any baby gym to give away?

Hi Chris poh, your harshness is something that is so negative. Just because I am single I don't deserve to be a mom? So the kids growing up in prefect family is the best. Don't get me wrong if I saying anything abt prefect family. But the thing is we still take care of our baby feed them cloth them .
Don't we deserve to be treated w respect too? Jut because do not have a man does it mean anything?


How many of my married friends i do see that are struggling even as they have their husband around. Instead of having to relay on a man I decided to seek support from my friends which they never fails.
 
Hi, i still have winnie the pooh chair to give away..let me know which mrt convenient to both of us to pass to you. Will try to see if i can pack in other items too..
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

B
New Divorcee harassed by ex husband
Replies
5
Views
1K
Mikiyoki
M
R
Need advice. Haven’t had sex after married
Replies
3
Views
2K
Doctoral Genius Paul
D
B
Cheating Spouse
Replies
4
Views
3K
vanilladrops
V
A
Husband wants a divorce
Replies
46
Views
4K
Mongkok
M
M
To stay or leave?
Replies
4
Views
4K
mimgoh
mimgoh

Back
Top