Should I accept his marriage proposal?

HuayWen

HuayWen

Member
I just got divorced 4 months ago and have 2 twin daughters who are in P6 this year.

Recently,I got together with my current boyfriend.He is very much older than me and is a semi retired businessman.He treats me and my girls with respect and loves us very much.I knew him last year when we were on our daily exercise sessions.

He proposed to me recently and I am still thinking about it.
 


margret said:
I feel u need more time to get with him. how much u know about him other than he love u very much
Click to expand...
During our time together,we did share about our lives etc.

It is not as if I am agreeing to marry him yet.Still getting to understand his character and more about him as we interact everyday.
 
wendy_reborn said:
Have u see his parents or his extended family? Do they know about your divorce and children?
Click to expand...
I feel quite surprised cos he knew I was going through a divorce last year and said he will wait for me when I am single.

He even had lunch with me,my girls and his 3 daughters with granddaughters in tow this week.Indicated that he wanted me to pay respects to his wife next week on her death anniversary.
 
Congrats HuayWen, tt you are in love again!

Nevertheless, I do agree with both Margaret & wendy_reborn. It’s always nice to be in love & being in the cloud nine. However, be mindful that u had being hurt & suffered pains in ur past recent relationship & u wldnt want to be hurt again; & not forgetting ur little ones too.

Hence, do take ur time & a very clear mind if ur decision made. I’m are sure u r not in a rush into a serious relationship/ getting marriage again. Do take ur time to really get to know this guy character/ background & etc
 
Stansy said:
Congrats HuayWen, tt you are in love again!

Nevertheless, I do agree with both Margaret & wendy_reborn. It’s always nice to be in love & being in the cloud nine. However, be mindful that u had being hurt & suffered pains in ur past recent relationship & u wldnt want to be hurt again; & not forgetting ur little ones too.

Hence, do take ur time & a very clear mind if ur decision made. I’m are sure u r not in a rush into a serious relationship/ getting marriage again. Do take ur time to really get to know this guy character/ background & etc
Click to expand...
Yes,I do agree but he refused to explain when I asked him why he was so fast in getting me and my girls to meet his 3 daughters and grandchildren this week over lunch and paying my respects to his deceased wife at the Chinese cemetery next week with the rest of his family.

He just asked me to go and nothing to be afraid of.
 
Why he refuses to explain? Perhaps he thinks it’s ok/normal or he’s a man of few words who doesn’t express himself verbally?

Anyway, still the same advise dun rush into any relationship/marriage take your own sweet time to assess it.

Good luck & jia you
 
Stansy said:
Why he refuses to explain? Perhaps he thinks it’s ok/normal or he’s a man of few words who doesn’t express himself verbally?

Anyway, still the same advise dun rush into any relationship/marriage take your own sweet time to assess it.

Good luck & jia you
Click to expand...
I asked him why again...He said after all if I marry him,it seemed right and polite to pay respects to his wife for courtesy reasons.

As for meeting his family,he said it is a matter of time.So why not expedite the timing of the meeting?
 
That I totally agree with him; seems like a gentlemen tho’ ;)

But nevertheless, do you know him well enough to have a family with him? Are your kids accepting him?
 
Stansy said:
That I totally agree with him; seems like a gentlemen tho’ ;)

But nevertheless, do you know him well enough to have a family with him? Are your kids accepting him?
Click to expand...
We have known each other for the past 15 months.He says I can make most decisions and he is okay with anything.

My girls have taken to and quite chummy with him.They only asked why he is very much older than me.
 
HuayWen said:
His 3 daughters are a bit surprised when we met each other earlier on this week.
Click to expand...

You tell him it’s my daughters’ PSLE this year and I want to concentrate on them n not disrupt the family dynamics so soon, we can go on as usual like before. If he truly loves you, he can wait till next year. Tell him- since we are going to have a lifetime together what is next year to you?

I feel it’s abit too fast too.
 
Eppy said:
You tell him it’s my daughters’ PSLE this year and I want to concentrate on them n not disrupt the family dynamics so soon, we can go on as usual like before. If he truly loves you, he can wait till next year. Tell him- since we are going to have a lifetime together what is next year to you?

I feel it’s abit too fast too.
Click to expand...
I am quite concerned too cos of their PSLE.

And also how his children and granddaughters will address me as?They addressed him as Ah Kong and how about me?

Also talked to me about life after marriage etc where to stay and my daughters.

He even suggested holding it in December when PSLE is over cos he said he is quite old and wanted to settle asap.

Smiled at him and told him patience is a virtue.
 
HuayWen said:
His 3 daughters are a bit surprised when we met each other earlier on this week.
Click to expand...
Seems like they are unaware and not ready to accept the relationship. So are u ready to handle this? Do you see any potential issues in the near future? Wld u be satisfy in ur sex life as u mentioned he’s pretty old.

My 2cents worth this to organize your priority 1st since your daughter is having her PSLE this year.
 
Stansy said:
Seems like they are unaware and not ready to accept the relationship. So are u ready to handle this? Do you see any potential issues in the near future? Wld u be satisfy in ur sex life as u mentioned he’s pretty old.

My 2cents worth this to organize your priority 1st since your daughter is having her PSLE this year.
Click to expand...
Yes,I told him that my girls' PSLE comes first and I will slowly observe him as the months go by.

If he is a good boy,I might consider...He turns 64 in June.

His daughters took me aside after lunch and asked me to take good care of their dad and make him happy.

Sex?I will do my best to satisfy him.
 
HuayWen said:
Yes,I told him that my girls' PSLE comes first and I will slowly observe him as the months go by.

If he is a good boy,I might consider...He turns 64 in June.

His daughters took me aside after lunch and asked me to take good care of their dad and make him happy.

Sex?I will do my best to satisfy him.
Click to expand...
Dear... am referring to him ie is he able to satisfy you ☺️
 
Well, it's just not long since you last marriage/divorce. Are you sure you are ready to hop into a marriage that's fast?
I think its better to knew him more, understanding him more before jumping in.
 
JL8118 said:
Well, it's just not long since you last marriage/divorce. Are you sure you are ready to hop into a marriage that's fast?
I think its better to knew him more, understanding him more before jumping in.
Click to expand...
That's what I am trying to do now.He understands we will not rush anything at least after this year cos my girls are taking their PSLE.
 
I do agreed with the rest. Focus on your child PSLE first. You can continue dating him in the mean time. But definitely don't jump into marriage that fast. Or you may regret in the end...

30 years age gap is definitely very huge. Maybe instead you can see if he have any son that still single for marriage? Lol. Just kidding.

Well, at age of 63, probably sex doesn't really matter much to him already. Seems like more he's out to find a companion whom can accompany through the rest of his life. But think back again, sex may be an issue for you. As mentioned, he may not be able to sextisfy you, since you are still young, and more energetic. So this you also need to consider about
 
janlim512 said:
I do agreed with the rest. Focus on your child PSLE first. You can continue dating him in the mean time. But definitely don't jump into marriage that fast. Or you may regret in the end...

30 years age gap is definitely very huge. Maybe instead you can see if he have any son that still single for marriage? Lol. Just kidding.

Well, at age of 63, probably sex doesn't really matter much to him already. Seems like more he's out to find a companion whom can accompany through the rest of his life. But think back again, sex may be an issue for you. As mentioned, he may not be able to sextisfy you, since you are still young, and more energetic. So this you also need to consider about
Click to expand...
I did tell him to gimme time to consider as this is a big event and both my girls PSLE comes first.

He has 3 married daughters from mid 20s to early 30s.

We can continue with this way of understanding each other in the meantime.
 
What do you think of his reasons for wanting to marry you? Since I am a man, I will try to answer from that perspective. You decide if I am right or wrong with my way of thinking.

1. A woman, aged 33, whom I assumed to be attractive, recently divorced and available is an excellent pick for a 63 year old widower. Where sex is concerned, I believe it ranks at the top. So, sex is definitely my first priority in deciding on wanting to marry.
2. By marrying, I get exclusivity of your companionship 24/7/365, which is different if you are just a divorcee.
3. As a wife, an a young one too.. I will be looking forward to the day when you will need to take care of me, when I am old and feeble. That should happen in 10 or 15 years down the road, hopefully later if I do not have any health issues.
4. Chances are, you will be financially dependent on me, and also your twin daughters. And chances are, because of that you will cater to my needs and wants. I doubt, with our age difference, you are marrying me for love, more for someone to take care of you and children, financially and offer a stable home.
5. My grown up and married daughters, will be more than happy to have someone like you to keep me company (and also to take care of me, see above) when I grow old. But, on the flip side they will be watching how my wealth will be distributed when I am gone, don;t you think they will be concerned?

I am sorry if all these sound so negative, but it is as blunt as black and white is about life. Think carefully, enjoy the pre-honey moon before accepting the proposal.

Good luck!
 
Romantique_1979 said:
What do you think of his reasons for wanting to marry you? Since I am a man, I will try to answer from that perspective. You decide if I am right or wrong with my way of thinking.

1. A woman, aged 33, whom I assumed to be attractive, recently divorced and available is an excellent pick for a 63 year old widower. Where sex is concerned, I believe it ranks at the top. So, sex is definitely my first priority in deciding on wanting to marry.
2. By marrying, I get exclusivity of your companionship 24/7/365, which is different if you are just a divorcee.
3. As a wife, an a young one too.. I will be looking forward to the day when you will need to take care of me, when I am old and feeble. That should happen in 10 or 15 years down the road, hopefully later if I do not have any health issues.
4. Chances are, you will be financially dependent on me, and also your twin daughters. And chances are, because of that you will cater to my needs and wants. I doubt, with our age difference, you are marrying me for love, more for someone to take care of you and children, financially and offer a stable home.
5. My grown up and married daughters, will be more than happy to have someone like you to keep me company (and also to take care of me, see above) when I grow old. But, on the flip side they will be watching how my wealth will be distributed when I am gone, don;t you think they will be concerned?

I am sorry if all these sound so negative, but it is as blunt as black and white is about life. Think carefully, enjoy the pre-honey moon before accepting the proposal.

Good luck!
Click to expand...
I understand your perspectives and analysis.

Yes,most people will think in that direction and I cannot blame them for doing so.
 
Freedom-123 said:
Actually why do you want to marry him?
Click to expand...
Just felt he cares for me and understands how I feel during our time together.He also likes my girls and treats them well.He takes time to listen to my previous marriage woes.

There are some other reasons but this are some of them.
 
Huay Wen,

If a guy truly loves you, he will wait for you and not do things his way. From the way you describe about him, it seems like he is doing things his way and to his own advantage.

Even after marriage, you still deserve personal freedom and space. You are still yourself before and after marriage.

Sorry, I can’t help but feel he is trying to tie you down with marriage and using the marriage to his own advantage. If he truly respects you, he will seek your opinion on the marriage and discuss what is comfortable for you. Rushing into a marriage because of his age is not a good reason to marry. Please think twice. Respect and trust is very important in any relationship. Things can change after marriage. You can never know someone’s true colour, especially when the situation changes.
 
Totally agree with moorspa7.

Do think thoroughly dun rush into it. If he truly loves you, he will respect your decision. Otherwise, sayonara... no love lost
 
moorspa7 said:
Huay Wen,

If a guy truly loves you, he will wait for you and not do things his way. From the way you describe about him, it seems like he is doing things his way and to his own advantage.

Even after marriage, you still deserve personal freedom and space. You are still yourself before and after marriage.

Sorry, I can’t help but feel he is trying to tie you down with marriage and using the marriage to his own advantage. If he truly respects you, he will seek your opinion on the marriage and discuss what is comfortable for you. Rushing into a marriage because of his age is not a good reason to marry. Please think twice. Respect and trust is very important in any relationship. Things can change after marriage. You can never know someone’s true colour, especially when the situation changes.
Click to expand...
Stansy said:
Totally agree with moorspa7.

Do think thoroughly dun rush into it. If he truly loves you, he will respect your decision. Otherwise, sayonara... no love lost
Click to expand...
Yes...fully agree with both and everyone here.

I knew my ex hubby for the last 17 years and never imagined that he will cheat on me with his ex JC classmate a few years ago.

He used to be a family man but I guess people do change over time.

I thought and believe that he got tired of me over the years.
 
Last edited:
HuayWen said:
I meant that when he does it with me,I take it as something that comes naturally and let him have his way with me.
Click to expand...
If he can satisfy u then ok la. Just have to be careful, after all u still can bear a child up to 46yo if u r still fertile then...
 
starlights said:
If he can satisfy u then ok la. Just have to be careful, after all u still can bear a child up to 46yo if u r still fertile then...
Click to expand...
I know...I was casually joking with him about giving me a pre-nuptial agreement just now.

Was surprised when he agreed and said he will do so asap regarding this and his will.

He is still eager for all these bedroom stuff at his age.He does not look his age at all.
 
let me be blunt.

you aren't ready. give yourself sometime.

pre-nuptial agreement is not upheld in Singapore and will subject to scrutinisation in Court. Will also can be changed along the way (as long as he is breathing).

a 66 yo mind can foresee till age 70+ or more?

not saying he is not good. if you want to go thru it w him, make sure he is rich enough to pull things through.
 
Mongkok said:
let me be blunt.

you aren't ready. give yourself sometime.

pre-nuptial agreement is not upheld in Singapore and will subject to scrutinisation in Court. Will also can be changed along the way (as long as he is breathing).

a 66 yo mind can foresee till age 70+ or more?

not saying he is not good. if you want to go thru it w him, make sure he is rich enough to pull things through.
Click to expand...
I told him that let's see and get to know each other better first before we take the next step further.
 
Just an honest view....if you have doubts, I would say don't proceed. He will wait if he is sincere. Hope everything turns out well for u!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

S
Husband backed out on having kids
Replies
3
Views
2K
Positivetots
Positivetots
T
Divorce?
Replies
17
Views
1K
Tracer
T
D
Am I overanalysing/thinking/reading him too much?
Replies
3
Views
4K
sane
sane
I
Dating after divorce
Replies
26
Views
6K
johntan68
J
N
Cheating Wife
Replies
34
Views
15K
Nissan@@
N

Back
Top