Hihi. I have been very worried about staying with my in-law after getting married as we have different lifestyles. My PIL does all the house chores and my MIL does not allow my HTB and SIL to cook, as she does not want them to create a mess and dirty her kitchen. For parents who do not let their own children do any house chores, will they expect their DIL to do it?
Advice needed regarding staying with In-Law
- Thread starter nnnove
- Start date
I can don’t change the way they do things but still... don’t know what to do ): How should I behave? Is it that after becoming their DIL, the chores will be splitted among PIL and myself? Everyone has different way of doing things. Do I have to change my lifestyle, methods totally?
We have tried getting BTO a lot of times and failed. If we were to get a resale, his parents will be unhappy as they have been hinting my htb that they wanna stay together. ):
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lovely0315
Active Member
My pil and mil never want to stay with us (although we wish to) as they are fully aware we might have different way of handling works...
I think is better that everyone sit down and talk it out.. it’s not easy but is good that to have them to stay tgt sometimes..
I think is better that everyone sit down and talk it out.. it’s not easy but is good that to have them to stay tgt sometimes..
first of all, understand yourself.
if you can post this, that means you aren't those 'go-with-the-flow' type. as read, you are actually 'calculating and segregating'. (I am not saying you are not good. just that, you are a woman w an opinion)
Neither are you close w your in-laws. you are trying to avoid the mines as read.
long terms wise, it will be difficult for you to share a life w them. hence staying out (keeping at an arm's length) is good for both parties.
short term, if you need to stay w them, you got to close all your senses and go w the flow. for the good of both parties.
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Not really ba. I used to stay with my PIL in the beginning as was applying for our flat. My FIL usually does the sweep/mop etc, while my MIL focus on cooking, washing dishes. My SIL (Hubby's brother's wife), don't do housework also. And my MIL doesn't allow us to 'touch' her kitchen especially. Not even my FIL is allow to touch. If want cook Maggie or what, she will cook. If she aren't around, then can only dabao.
lovely0315
Active Member
Wa.. this is very good, but then if we just sit down there n both of them are busy with housework/cooking.. will feel bad too...
You sil more or less still got to help a bit ba...
lovely0315
Active Member
Huh.... won’t feel paiseh one o.. sweat....
Maybe ur pil and mil told her that no need her to do anything...
~ good life sia ~Huh.... won’t feel paiseh one o.. sweat....
Maybe ur pil and mil told her that no need her to do anything...
Yup. Indeed that PIL told her/me/us, no need do housework.
But well, at least a simple task also can do mah. Well.. They can still take it..then no choice lo
Hihi, do you mind sharing why do you wish to stay with your in laws?
Hihi, thanks for your advice. Now I am trying not to think about it and just go with the flow.
Hihi, thanks for sharing your personal experience! Does your SIL do her own laundry? I believe it will be awkward if in law were to wash the undergarment? Dont allow to touch the kitchen but washing machine can bah??
Do you mean good to stay with in law?
lovely0315
Active Member
Hi..
We do not have time to cook for the kids as we reached home late. My kids eat outside food since young, which I don think this is good..
If in law are here, they can help to cook.. this is the main idea y I wish them to stay with us.. we can do the housework ourselves..
Then sometimes when hub cannot pick kids, then mayb they can help to pick
babyfats
Member
Hi TS.. I have the same case as you exactly. me and HB cannot buy house for some reason. (not now but in future)
He and his sister also not allowed to touch the kitchen, that includes me as well. She never said it, but everytime me or HB in the kitchen longer to eg. cut fruits/cook maggi/make hot drinks etc, she will faster rush in and look at what we are doing while pretending to do her stuffs.
I cannot understand her behaviour also.. she likes to use tissue paper/kitchen paper to clean any wet spots in the kitchen and leave the used tissues on the counter top after that. She doesnt use cloth to wipe. So the whole kitchen is full of used tissues.
She doesnt work, stays at home all day but doesnt cook or do housework. I only clean my own room. Do my own laundry and wash up after myself.
Hopefully we can move out in future...
Based on my experience, it's best to get own flat.
Reasons being:-
1. Living lifestyle is different
2. Minimise conflicts
3. If there are siblings around, problems will arise if the siblings are the kaypo type
4. If having kids, different opinions of handling the baby will result in conflicts too
5. To establish good long term dil and pil relationship
6. Hb will not be sandwich btw parents and wife
I do agreed that pil can help to take care of kids when parents are working. Consider getting a unit near to pil.
Reasons being:-
1. Living lifestyle is different
2. Minimise conflicts
3. If there are siblings around, problems will arise if the siblings are the kaypo type
4. If having kids, different opinions of handling the baby will result in conflicts too
5. To establish good long term dil and pil relationship
6. Hb will not be sandwich btw parents and wife
I do agreed that pil can help to take care of kids when parents are working. Consider getting a unit near to pil.