merz, ya so weird, i didnt realise i was giving advice until i read what u said! i thought of it as sharing experience only.. lol! thanks for yr advice to take up something new, actually i was thinking of studying again (i know its not a hobby, but more of something to take up my time), start next year.. skarli i tell my husband my plan, he say he also want to study again! now got to plan properly, i dont want us to neglect our baby. actually i got no hobby, i dont know what i like to do, hehehe. from day 1, my life has been about my hubby
bluecheese, you are right. actually that's what my husband say also.. that slut make him feel in control. when he tell her to stop smoking, she actually stop! WAH so impressive ah!!! *bang the slut's head on wall*
i tell him of course she will listen to u, she know how to hook men!
but i realise i need to be "weak" too sometimes.. so now i PRETEND to be weak and even sometimes act stupid, ask him to explain things to me. which honestly exasperates me alot, LOL! but i think "i need to save my marriage" so i jsut go along with it.
ya, now I lesser breakdown. the last breakdown i had was last monday, when i asked my husband help me do laundry but he was too tired from work so he fell asleep. i was so angry i started screaming "with that slut you not tired! with me you so tired!!!" cry and cry like mad until he apologise profusely. sigh. then the next day we had counselling, he said he almost want to give up because he feel like he's doing nothing right. Wah piang, I wanted to kill him at that moment with the laundry pole (if only I brought it with me!)
About that slut, I managed to avoid looking at her friendster profile for many weeks already... but 2 days ago, my husband suddenly so nice to me. He told me to take leave from work, and then he bring me out on a date just like the old days... At first I felt so loved and happy lah, but at night I started thinking, is it because of guilt because he's back with her???
So my mind go crazy again, I think maybe he is with her again and is nice to me to divert my attention. So I logged on friendster and see her profile. The pictures still up there *ARRGH!!* under the title "still loving you...!!" but she write "one day you will regret losing me.. you will think i am the one who love u the most!"
so, that means they aren't together right? i told my husband about it, and he hugged me and said please believe him, that slut means nothing to him and they are not together and he doesnt even want her, and he loves me and just wants our marriage to work, and he's nice to me sincerely. so i believe him, but i guess, the trust will never 100% be there.
ya i hope one day she realise she's just really stupid. any girl who can give her body willingly to anyone (she had sex with 4 men before my husband!) is worth shit lor.
dextermummy, my husband is the kind that dont like to be cornered. if i push and push and keep asking questions, he will break down and answer. u know, like in police custody, people will break after questioning for many hours? ya im like the police man, i think i should be police detective like that, because im very good at pushing. LOL!
one thing i want to ask you first, do you really want to know the answers? because now, 2.5 months after knowing about the affair, i realise i regret asking some questions. i wish i didnt ask the sexual questions and such. but like you, i also curious how come my husband stuck to her and all that...
hm, the only way i can think of is tell your husband beforehand that you want to talk to him about this, then say you won't ask anymore lah. (but its ok if you cannot keep that promise... if you feel like asking again in the future after that, go ahead! he didnt keep his vows to you, so whats a small promise, hah!)
talk calmly and all that. before the talk, buy a new lock for the gate (so he can't go out!) Actually i dont know if that's a good idea or not.. for me, if my husband wants to go out because we argue, I will stand against the door and dont let him leave. if he push me, i push him back.
maybe he dont want to say anything because he's uncomfortable or angry with himself. thats what my husband always say.
plus, dont always believe what the slut say. the slut lied to me also. they will and can make up stories, because they want you to leave him, so they can have him!!! stupid sluts. wish they can all be raped and then murdered.
another method that the books recommend is, write down the questions and let him write the answers. so no confrontation and argument... sometimes men hate that, i guess. try and tell me how it goes ok?
take care, and i hope all goes well for you. i truly understand how you feel *huge hugs*