Husband wants a divorce

A

Amanda Lin

Member
i found him texting a girl one day and I have him the ultimatum to either choose the family or the girl whom he knew only for a few weeks(but have been chatting with her a lot during those weeks).

He asked me to let this matter slide.. that he cannot cut contact with this girl because she is a close friend he wish to keep. And to trust him that he knows where to draw the line. I couldn’t, so he eventually said he wanted to end the marriage. He started telling me how unhappy he was in the marriage and said I was the only one happy throughout this 5 years. Even after going through 1 infant loss together and we have 2 young girls now.

All he talk to me about now is “when are you getting a lawyer appointment”. He goes out late night and come back only in the morning. He now said he is in love with the girl and wants to be with her. But i am doing my best to stay in this marriage for my girls. One is not even 1 year old yet. I am a sahm.

I just do my best to avoid him for now while he continue to go out, text non stop, go out to talk on the phone with the girl.. I just need a place to talk. I haven’t been able to function like usual since this happened.. I am so lost.
 


Amanda Lin said:
i found him texting a girl one day and I have him the ultimatum to either choose the family or the girl whom he knew only for a few weeks(but have been chatting with her a lot during those weeks).

He asked me to let this matter slide.. that he cannot cut contact with this girl because she is a close friend he wish to keep. And to trust him that he knows where to draw the line. I couldn’t, so he eventually said he wanted to end the marriage. He started telling me how unhappy he was in the marriage and said I was the only one happy throughout this 5 years. Even after going through 1 infant loss together and we have 2 young girls now.

All he talk to me about now is “when are you getting a lawyer appointment”. He goes out late night and come back only in the morning. He now said he is in love with the girl and wants to be with her. But i am doing my best to stay in this marriage for my girls. One is not even 1 year old yet. I am a sahm.

I just do my best to avoid him for now while he continue to go out, text non stop, go out to talk on the phone with the girl.. I just need a place to talk. I haven’t been able to function like usual since this happened.. I am so lost.
Click to expand...

It’s obvious that he had found a new love. What are u waiting?

Get a divorce make him pay maintenance. U and your kid will be much more happy without him


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I’m still pinning hope that he will eventually come home. For the kids at least. Everything happened so quickly, I was still in my own happy bubble.. happy about life and suddenly he is in so much rush to end things.
 
Amanda Lin said:
I’m still pinning hope that he will eventually come home. For the kids at least. Everything happened so quickly, I was still in my own happy bubble.. happy about life and suddenly he is in so much rush to end things.
Click to expand...

Get a hold of yourself. Does the other women know he is married ?
Even if he turn back, do you think you still wan someone who betray u once?
A leopard will never changes it spots


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Yes. She knows he is married.
I think I have thrown my dignity and pride away and ask him to just come back to the family. But he is just so determine now. I no longer know how to move on. And truth is, since I haven’t been working, our house have yet to mop.. there are so much at stake.

I know I’m not a very strong woman. But I just want my kids to still have a safe roof above them.
 
U have already bring down your dignity and pride to forgive him and come back. He still want to go ahead with divorce then I think u should do the ultimate. Get enough evidence of then committed adultery and make him pay for his mistake.
 
I agreed with the rest that clinging on to this marriage are of no return.
Yes, sometime we just hope can salvage the marriage by waiting and hoping they will return.
However, many of times, it might not happen as what we expected. Moreover he already fell in love with the girl. So all the more he won't return cause of kids.
So my advice also to get divorce. For your own sake, and for the sake of kids also. Do note even divorce, the kids are still his, and he is still the father. So if you want the best for your kids, divorce is also an option out.
 
Amanda Lin said:
Yes. She knows he is married.
I think I have thrown my dignity and pride away and ask him to just come back to the family. But he is just so determine now. I no longer know how to move on. And truth is, since I haven’t been working, our house have yet to mop.. there are so much at stake.

I know I’m not a very strong woman. But I just want my kids to still have a safe roof above them.
Click to expand...

hi even after divorce, he still has to be responsible for you and your kids etc. there will be some changes but its no no support at all
 
I dunno why this forum is full of ladies that are trigger happy with divorce. Is it because those that advocate it are already divorced and want others to join them in misery?

Or they are people who have not gone through a divorce and do not know the pain involved?

You ladies think the process of divorcing is even easy? Shifting house. Staying separate. Exchanging lawyers letter non stop on separation terms.

Do you know how difficult it is to hold down a job and bring up 2 young kids on your own?

No hubby to share your burden. No one to take over for 20 minutes so that you can take a break from feeding your baby. No one to share your joy when your child does well in school. Oh, TS girls have not even gone to school!

TS I hope you discern wisely who's advice you take. Some could be a 21 y.o sitting behind a computer screen full of pride and ideals.
 
Last edited:
@amanda, I totally emphasised you and it’s a black hole to be in.

These are the qtns tt you need to ask your self:-
1) will you be happy and able to accept to continue this marriage while allowing your hubby to continue the affair?
2) is this the upbringing that you want to inculcate to your gals it’s perfectly fine to have affair and stays in the marriage?
3) is like having a daddy as good as not having one cuz he’s usually unavailable
4) how many more years can you endure in this relationship?
5) do you have your siblings/parents to support you?
Yes, it’s alway scary and lots of uncertainty ahead but when you start to make the 1st step out of your comfort zone you have already won half if the battle.
Have faith and confidence in yourself, JIAYOU!!!
 
MoeLanYong said:
My opinion. Your battle starts now TS. Do think why your hub said he wasn't happy "those 5 years".
Click to expand...

To you don’t divorce and let him have his way?
This is the thinking of a man.
Man can have affair outside and the wife have to look inside what they have done wrong.

Either u are sick or your are a man who had affair and already being divorce by your wife.


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TS hubby is obviously in the wrong.

I belong to the generation that fix things when they are broken. Not anyhow throw things away and buy new ones.

TS has 2 young kids.

The calculation is more complex, and not just based on what she wants.

Please do not follow me around to make personal attacks.
 
MoeLanYong said:
TS hubby is obviously in the wrong.

I belong to the generation that fix things when they are broken. Not anyhow throw things away and buy new ones.

TS has 2 young kids.

The calculation is more complex, and not just based on what she wants.

Please do not follow me around to make personal attacks.
Click to expand...

Who is following u???

U belong to that generation that women are alway wrong when men commit adultery.

Anyway this is a motherhood forum. What are u here for ? Every advice u give are claiming we women are alway in the wrong and we have to give you to those men.


Sent from my iPhone using Forum
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Amanda Lin said:
Yes. She knows he is married.
I think I have thrown my dignity and pride away and ask him to just come back to the family. But he is just so determine now. I no longer know how to move on. And truth is, since I haven’t been working, our house have yet to mop.. there are so much at stake.

I know I’m not a very strong woman. But I just want my kids to still have a safe roof above them.
Click to expand...
you are SO confident and yet you aren't prep for the hornet when u hit the nest?

Financially u are weak and he takes the opportunity to cut u off. number of children u hv in your marriage does not guarantee the union. wake up and get out to work.

show him the price of divorce and he wil beg down. No one likes a pauper.

seriously, i dont understand at this age, how an able person can still choose to sit ard waiting to be fed and waste her prime time thinking naively that the more the number of kids in the marriage, the more secure the marriage...

if a partner can be trusted, you won't need a marriage contract to bond 2 person.
 
Amanda Lin said:
i found him texting a girl one day and I have him the ultimatum to either choose the family or the girl whom he knew only for a few weeks(but have been chatting with her a lot during those weeks).

He asked me to let this matter slide.. that he cannot cut contact with this girl because she is a close friend he wish to keep. And to trust him that he knows where to draw the line. I couldn’t, so he eventually said he wanted to end the marriage. He started telling me how unhappy he was in the marriage and said I was the only one happy throughout this 5 years. Even after going through 1 infant loss together and we have 2 young girls now.

All he talk to me about now is “when are you getting a lawyer appointment”. He goes out late night and come back only in the morning. He now said he is in love with the girl and wants to be with her. But i am doing my best to stay in this marriage for my girls. One is not even 1 year old yet. I am a sahm.

I just do my best to avoid him for now while he continue to go out, text non stop, go out to talk on the phone with the girl.. I just need a place to talk. I haven’t been able to function like usual since this happened.. I am so lost.
Click to expand...
i married for 20yrs.. i went thru what u are going thru now sister.. in the end i also now going thru divorce..

too much argument over children, lifestyle, etc.. you are still young pick up and move on.. now whatever u say cannot go into his ears.. soon you will find yourself depressed.. depression...

i have gone thru all these..
 
I too is in this shame shituation, im embarrassed to say, i too thought staying was the best option for my kids, im so wrong.. the more i stayed only made him know how to hide and fabricate more lies to deceive me, and each time i found out, he gets more abusive.. stay woke my ladies.. its disheartening to see so many of us stuck in this shituation, we dont even question if we live/die/suffer side effects after childbirth.. and they didnt even stop to think when our kids grow up knowing the dad did this to this family, will have significant effects to their wellbeing be it emotional or mental. To the one who said abled person not working, how do you know if shes abled? Being a stay home mum is the biggest sacrifice for kids, i agree no healthy person in the right mind would want to do that, however once u become a mother, your perspective change. And to moelanyong, unfortunately theres no way to fix things if its only one sided. Dont worry because we all tried to fix it until it cant be fixed no more, and we are all begging for answers everywhere and anywhere, but to no avail. TS consider long and hard about the terms for a divorce, set your boundaries straight. Jiayou!
 
i dun understand when man become avoidance.. himself no fault? silent kills marriage.. miserable..
he can spend time at pub talking laughing with girls he doesnt spend time come looking for wife or understand me..

i lost my house because he ignore, spend time drinking.. now he going to lose the marriage again is the same method..silent treatment.. but let see what game is he upto.

i want a divorce with a price..
 
Amanda Lin said:
I’m still pinning hope that he will eventually come home. For the kids at least. Everything happened so quickly, I was still in my own happy bubble.. happy about life and suddenly he is in so much rush to end things.
Click to expand...
Doctoral Advice To You, Ms Amanda Lin.
Sad to read that you are experiencing a sense of loss at this point of time.
* Can you learn to accept the ugly truth that he has lost his love for you...?
* The possibility of him coming back to you is unlikely to happen.
* Connect with some close friends who can understand your pains and are willing to comfort you .
* This is life . Turning to God for healing and prayers will be good for you.
From-
Doctoral P.
19 th March.
 
Doctoral Genius Paul said:
Doctoral Advice To You, Ms Amanda Lin.
Sad to read that you are experiencing a sense of loss at this point of time.
* Can you learn to accept the ugly truth that he has lost his love for you...?
* The possibility of him coming back to you is unlikely to happen.
* Connect with some close friends who can understand your pains and are willing to comfort you .
* This is life . Turning to God for healing and prayers will be good for you.
From-
Doctoral P.
19 th March.
Click to expand...
any advice for my case..

i dun have legal knowledge..i am his second marriage..
 
mangopudding said:
any advice for my case..

i dun have legal knowledge..i am his second marriage..
Click to expand...
Dear Mangopudding,
I have your read post with great sadness and empathise what you are going through in your Second Marriage .
I am not an expertise in legal Divorce matters but I can truly tell you these -
* It is heartache to divorce but this man, your second marriage, will one day wake up to his senses that you are a good worthy woman.
* Pursuing a divorce by asking for higher maintenance will lead to more publicity and unforeseen heartaches. Seeking an agreeable maintenance would be much better.
* Best to let go of this man and seek God for healing and happiness for you and your children...
Regards,
Doctoral P.
19 th March.
 
Doctoral Genius Paul said:
Dear Mangopudding,
I have your read post with great sadness and empathise what you are going through in your Second Marriage .
I am not an expertise in legal Divorce matters but I can truly tell you these -
* It is heartache to divorce but this man, your second marriage, will one day wake up to his senses that you are a good worthy woman.
* Pursuing a divorce by asking for higher maintenance will lead to more publicity and unforeseen heartaches. Seeking an agreeable maintenance would be much better.
* Best to let go of this man and seek God for healing and happiness for you and your children...
Regards,
Doctoral P.
19 th March.
Click to expand...
this is my first marriage his second marriage. but he refused to give any i married twenty years..
 
mangopudding said:
this is my first marriage his second marriage. but he refused to give any i married twenty years..
Click to expand...
Hi, Mango pudding,
I received your posted message.
Under section 113 of the Women's Charter Act, the Court has the right to order your husband to pay you spousal maintenance money in a legal court proceedings pertaining to Divorce.
Would advise you to seek proper legal advice and counseling at Ministry of Social and Family.
Hopes this answer yours doubts.
Regards,
Dr. P.
20 th March 2024
 
MoeLanYong said:
I dunno why this forum is full of ladies that are trigger happy with divorce. Is it because those that advocate it are already divorced and want others to join them in misery?

Or they are people who have not gone through a divorce and do not know the pain involved?

You ladies think the process of divorcing is even easy? Shifting house. Staying separate. Exchanging lawyers letter non stop on separation terms.

Do you know how difficult it is to hold down a job and bring up 2 young kids on your own?

No hubby to share your burden. No one to take over for 20 minutes so that you can take a break from feeding your baby. No one to share your joy when your child does well in school. Oh, TS girls have not even gone to school!

TS I hope you discern wisely who's advice you take. Some could be a 21 y.o sitting behind a computer screen full of pride and ideals.
Click to expand...
Hi MoeLanYong,
After reading your posted message on
March 10th, I do somehow agree with your honesty and truthfulness.
As a young lad , I watched my own Single mum crying practically everyday after my father filed a divorce proceeding. Eventually, I grew up with the painful nightmare...paid for my own academic and professional educations. ..with the strength of God on my side. ..I succeeded....later I voluntarily mentored primary school children with Learning Difficulties for about 6 years, conducting motivation talks for police officers and teenaged girls in crisis.
My volunteer engagements were done while holding a full time career .
You are absolutely correct to say that the processes of Divorcing is a painful journey. You have no shoulders to cry on or no one to share your burdens and difficulties. You will be busy raising your kids and stressfully Managing your jobs.
Both married couples experiencing marriage difficulties should seek marital counseling . Divorce must be last resort !

Regards,
Doctoral P.
20th March 2024.
 
Mongkok said:
you are SO confident and yet you aren't prep for the hornet when u hit the nest?

Financially u are weak and he takes the opportunity to cut u off. number of children u hv in your marriage does not guarantee the union. wake up and get out to work.

show him the price of divorce and he wil beg down. No one likes a pauper.

seriously, i dont understand at this age, how an able person can still choose to sit ard waiting to be fed and waste her prime time thinking naively that the more the number of kids in the marriage, the more secure the marriage...

if a partner can be trusted, you won't need a marriage contract to bond 2 person.
Click to expand...

What so hard to understand? I choose to have kids, so my responsibility is on them. My younger one is only 1 year old so there is no reason to put her in school or someone else’s care at such a young age. Especially when we are financial capable to survive with single income.

The guy did wrong. So I agree he should pay the price for his mistake and for walking out on the family.
But then again, I believe in fighting for the marriage because I signed my life to him. I believe in working things out especially when there’s children involved. I came from a divorce family too. And I know very well the trauma and impact it has on young children(myself). He may not see it now, but giving him space.. I hope he realise this marriage can still be salvageable.
 
my husband has moved out. Because I choose not to rush into signing the papers. He said he needs to make the first move.
It’s been a mental battle. My older child has shown signs of abandonment issues because she’s been asking for my husband alooooooot more since he left. Random meltdown for her father..
I have started individual counsellor for additional support and to gain more clarity from an outsider. I still stand by the fact that divorce should be the last thing on the card after trying all means to salvage a marriage. I just hope it is just lust that make him blinded by this choice.
 
Amanda Lin said:
my husband has moved out. Because I choose not to rush into signing the papers. He said he needs to make the first move.
It’s been a mental battle. My older child has shown signs of abandonment issues because she’s been asking for my husband alooooooot more since he left. Random meltdown for her father..
I have started individual counsellor for additional support and to gain more clarity from an outsider. I still stand by the fact that divorce should be the last thing on the card after trying all means to salvage a marriage. I just hope it is just lust that make him blinded by this choice.
Click to expand...
i read your story.. i had two kids, sold two houses,two cars, went counselling before..
i tried all means.. like what u said.. and what u believe.. until depression until i lost my job. until i am here writing..


your husband has choosed to moved out.. sign what paper? dun anyhow sign sis..
 
both of you cool down first. and u should consult lawyer.. he has made the move of separation.. if u have the evidence if lust.. he have to pay maintenance etc..

please dun drain yourself out.
 
mangopudding said:
both of you cool down first. and u should consult lawyer.. he has made the move of separation.. if u have the evidence if lust.. he have to pay maintenance etc..

please dun drain yourself out.
Click to expand...
He has moved out because he said I refused to file for a divorce. So in a way it is a start of an unofficial separation.

Definitely won’t sign anything till I’m very sure of what I want moving forward. For now, I’ll live my life, better myself and focus on my kids.
 
you need maintenance, child support.
he abandon, deserted you.. thats unreasonable.. seek lawyer help..

i was also unofficial separated..no support.. now see lawyer for help..
no choice..
 
Amanda Lin said:
He has moved out because he said I refused to file for a divorce. So in a way it is a start of an unofficial separation.

Definitely won’t sign anything till I’m very sure of what I want moving forward. For now, I’ll live my life, better myself and focus on my kids.
Click to expand...
by the way the house how?
 
Amanda Lin said:
He has moved out because he said I refused to file for a divorce. So in a way it is a start of an unofficial separation.

Definitely won’t sign anything till I’m very sure of what I want moving forward. For now, I’ll live my life, better myself and focus on my kids.
Click to expand...

It’s not for you whether u wan to sign or not. He can come up with some thing that protray u are unreasonable behavior and get a divorce.

When u pour out a cup of water how u think it can come back. Even if u managed to get back the water, is it of any use?

My advice is to protect your self and children get the evidence and if he doesn’t return, used it to file for adultery when u need it.

Rather the kids have a mother who care for your kids than have a father that is not there for them.


Sent from my iPhone using Forum
 
Last edited:
Doctoral Genius Paul said:
Hi MoeLanYong,
After reading your posted message on
March 10th, I do somehow agree with your honesty and truthfulness.
As a young lad , I watched my own Single mum crying practically everyday after my father filed a divorce proceeding. Eventually, I grew up with the painful nightmare...paid for my own academic and professional educations. ..with the strength of God on my side. ..I succeeded....later I voluntarily mentored primary school children with Learning Difficulties for about 6 years, conducting motivation talks for police officers and teenaged girls in crisis.
My volunteer engagements were done while holding a full time career .
You are absolutely correct to say that the processes of Divorcing is a painful journey. You have no shoulders to cry on or no one to share your burdens and difficulties. You will be busy raising your kids and stressfully Managing your jobs.
Both married couples experiencing marriage difficulties should seek marital counseling . Divorce must be last resort !

Regards,
Doctoral P.
20th March 2024.
Click to expand...

margret said:
It’s not for you whether u wan to sign or not. He can come up with some thing that protray u are unreasonable behavior and get a divorce.

When u pour out a cup of ware how u think it can come back.

My advice is to protect your self and children get the evidence and if he doesn’t return, used it to file for adultery when u need it


Sent from my iPhone using Forum
Click to expand...
Hi Ms Margaret,
Your replies are sensible and down to earth.
Doctoral Paul
27 th March 2024
 
margret said:
It’s not for you whether u wan to sign or not. He can come up with some thing that protray u are unreasonable behavior and get a divorce.

When u pour out a cup of ware how u think it can come back.

My advice is to protect your self and children get the evidence and if he doesn’t return, used it to file for adultery when u need it


Sent from my iPhone using Forum
Click to expand...
i learned a hardway also.. so when he go lawyer straight his heart is dead.. all he care is himself and what he wants..

so best is to seek legal advise..u can dun sign. but tell him u have lawyer.. lawyer protects your rights.. important your safety.. and your child safety before he uses kids to threat u sign..
 
mangopudding said:
i learned a hardway also.. so when he go lawyer straight his heart is dead.. all he care is himself and what he wants..

so best is to seek legal advise..u can dun sign. but tell him u have lawyer.. lawyer protects your rights.. important your safety.. and your child safety before he uses kids to threat u sign..
Click to expand...
He knows I met up with lawyer already.
 
mangopudding said:
by the way the house how?
Click to expand...
Our house yet to MOP. The initial plan was for me to transfer my name to him and he will continue to pay for the house while the kids and I continue to stay till the kids turn 21 then we sell and divide 50-50. All to be written in black and white.
 
Amanda Lin said:
Our house yet to MOP. The initial plan was for me to transfer my name to him and he will continue to pay for the house while the kids and I continue to stay till the kids turn 21 then we sell and divide 50-50. All to be written in black and white.
Click to expand...
dun agree.. cos he.might ask u go out of the house..
 
Amanda Lin said:
Our house yet to MOP. The initial plan was for me to transfer my name to him and he will continue to pay for the house while the kids and I continue to stay till the kids turn 21 then we sell and divide 50-50. All to be written in black and white.
Click to expand...

No no. If u transfer the house to his name, he will be legal owner and anytime he can ask u leave. He can sell it without giving u any money


Sent from my iPhone using Forum
 
margret said:
No no. If u transfer the house to his name, he will be legal owner and anytime he can ask u leave. He can sell it without giving u any money


Sent from my iPhone using Forum
Click to expand...
Yes I understand this point. My lawyer said the same. And wants me to put the name under my name.. will have to talk about terms again when my feelings are more settled and I’m really to move on..
 
Amanda Lin said:
Yes I understand this point. My lawyer said the same. And wants me to put the name under my name.. will have to talk about terms again when my feelings are more settled and I’m really to move on..
Click to expand...
i went thru this before..
then become today..
so must becareful.. dun fall.into his trap.
 
He only knows the girl for few weeks and he's already in love with her?

Just to ask.. How old were u guys when u got married? Before that, does he have any relationships?
 
Amanda Lin said:
What so hard to understand? I choose to have kids, so my responsibility is on them. My younger one is only 1 year old so there is no reason to put her in school or someone else’s care at such a young age. Especially when we are financial capable to survive with single income.

The guy did wrong. So I agree he should pay the price for his mistake and for walking out on the family.
But then again, I believe in fighting for the marriage because I signed my life to him. I believe in working things out especially when there’s children involved. I came from a divorce family too. And I know very well the trauma and impact it has on young children(myself). He may not see it now, but giving him space.. I hope he realise this marriage can still be salvageable.
Click to expand...
So naive.
Single income feeds the whole family.. lol of course, when evryone is lovely dove.

Your view too highly on marriage. What sign ur life away? he dont share the same view. U are too prideful of this marriage status.

When he realise he is fuelling u (getting a lawyer) to bite him, u wil have to start weighing when ur funds will dry up before he cough out the alimony good to feed u for life. Not forgetting he may default on that too.
 
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