Hubby cheated on me while I was pregnant.

patricia, i am staying with my parents for the time being while waitig for my house... Have to pretend everything is ok, because my dad is very against my husband now. Wanted me to divorce him when we found out abt the affair actually... sigh. It's harder to work on the marriage when your family is against it
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I dont know your husband or mine better when it comes to reacting when we are crying. Last night I felt so sad over everything again, I jsut sat on the bed sobbing. My husband just sat beside me like a stone and never say a word. After I stopped crying, he SMS me (YEAH SMS WHEN HE'S SITTING BESIDE ME!!!) saying that he actually dont know what to do and what to say. Wah piang, feel like slamming his head into the wall.

Pingping, this is why I love this board... you ladies totally understand what I"m thinking. You are very correct about my husband
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Tonight we have counselling again. Very lucky for him liao because today I feel so down and sad.
 


Yes Mar....despite me finding out and throwing all the evidences in his face. Not only is he still continuing and still tries to BS his way out saying that woman is only a confidante and nothing more....

Yup Raine...i totally agree....
Previously it was so tough when my sis and mum were insisting that I divorced him when the last affair happened. But I stood by my decision and wanted to give it a try 1 more time......Seeing my sis and mum in such depressed stated when I refused to listen to them, my brother in law actually called my mother in law to ask her to tell my husband to let me go instead. Don't let me suffer anymore....Though a bit angry for what they did but I am more touched.

So this time, I am determined not to let them know till the final decision is made. Otherwise they would be worrying for me. And not forgetting my sis is pregnant now and she is very weak.
 
*hugs* this is what i mean, we always have to clear up the shit. why do this kind of things happen to people like us... people who try our best to think of everyone's happiness and feelings, but our own feelings we neglect. right or not patricia? i keep telling myself "be more selfish! prioritise yourself!" but it doesnt work. end of day, i still take care of other people first. sigh.

how do u know ur hubby still with her now? maybe he's trying to end with her, but the OW dont want? some sluts are like that.

we should really throw all these sluts into space or something. reallyreally hate them.
 
sigh..

it is during times like these, we realise who cares for us most, who will stand by us and lend their shoulders.

its never just the wives who suffer but every one around us, especially our families.
 
Yes, and it's all thanks to the selfishness of one idiot.

I SMS my husband 3 questions about 30 mins ago. I want him to answer tonight during counselling.

1) why did u feel it was ok to befriend her, and then to cheat?
2) was there something missing in our marriage? what did she have that i dont have?
3) what needs were u trying to meet through the affair? love? affection? more sex?

Sigh. Today is a very difficult day for me, I dont know why. I feel so sad and hopeless... keep having mind movies and thinking about them and why it happen to me and all that... Thank God tonight got counselling, so can vent it all out. Sigh.

Shit happens, but it's always an asshole who causes it.
 
Hi,

I am facing some problem, need some enlightment from u gals.

2 days ago i found out that my Hb is cheating on me. I accidentally read him email. It happen way back in 2003....email was flying here & there and end in 2006.

After reading i thought of it b4 i decided to question him. It was late nite abt 12++. I asked him why he did that.....why he hurt me.....He doesn't seem to undertand what i say till i told him abt his email. He told me it's purely looking for business opportunity. I said if it's biz opp why do u hv to stay "i miss u v much" + "I like You" I even got to see her pic.

So finally he said is out of fun. And we din really talk & at nite he left for biz trip. He asked for a hug & kiss b4 he depart but i din give he Was very sad & disappointed

The nxt day he called me & explain & cry & cry to ask for forgivness saying he did it out of fun & had stop since then long ago.

Why....don't understand why men need to do such thing. I am a fool i din even noticed it till now.

what shd i do?
 
Hi patricia, if after u find out and he still doing it then u have to act now. Don't let him think that he is so great and you have to continue with him. To err is human, but if he is not remorseful then have to teach him a lesson.

Hi Angel cake, man wil not tell the truth until they can't hide. The affair happen in oversea? is he still contacting that women?
 
hi angel, is he still contacting that slut? sorry i refer to all of those kindof women as sluts. they are not even women. u know what i mean?

anyway, you dont have to decide anything now. maybe its best if you wait for him to come back from his business trip and see how it goes. meanwhile i suggest you buy "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. (they have it at Borders) it was veryveryvery helpful to me when i first found out about the affair.

im sorry this happened to you. it sucks and it hurts so bad. i dont understand why they do it too... sigh.

btw you are NOT a fool. i didn't notice it at all too when it was happening. like you, i found out AFTER it ended. they are just too good at lying (to look at it another way, they are so good at lying because they dont want to lose you)

how are you feeling now?
 
tks.......feeling much better but still painful.

he said he never hv any relationship (sex) with that person.....only purely talking thru email. I din probe further whether did they actually meet up when he was on biz trip then. i am quite scare to know so many detail. Even if a yes.....i also dun want to know. bottom line is i know he cheated on me.

He said he did not carry on cos i ever mentioned to him that there will be no sceond chance if cheating is found......

well they hv been communicating for abt 3yrs+. very good acting & hiding.....

My hb travels alot alot...most of the time he is not in and due to his work he often need to go to KTV too. In the begining i very "kan bu kai" always thinking what he's doing in that place. I broke down yrs back in 2004 but still doesn't help cos that is part of his job......all i said was dun ever do anything against my back. Little did i know such thing still happen but stupid me only know it now. Anyway.....ever since then i abit "kan kai" liao.....open & close one eye. as long as he remain faithful to me i am ok. But thought of him mingle, touching & playing with those girl will still be in my head.
Maybe is male Ego....maybe is somekind of male achievement. Guess man feels great when doing these.

i hv 3 kids (9yr/7yrs & 20mths).....eversince the 3rd kids am a SAHM. These day i divert most of my energy & time on my kids.

What can i do.....i can only forget & forgive & move on.......

For the past 2 days...he has been calling & talking to me on the phone so frequently.
He cried & tried to treat me so nice & talk to me so sweet.

i hope he is real & most of all won't do that again......
 
my wounds opened again when i read what you wrote. my husband also go KTV but behind my back. met the slut there. MALE ACHIEVEMENT? men are so stupid, achievement comes from making family happy. right or not?

since u have decided to move on.. there's only support and listening ear we can give you. but i really suggest talk to your husband, find out what's missing in the marriage til he have to go to her. i and my husband talked about that last night during couselling, both of us cried... issue is still not solved. we still have not really find out why it happened. sigh.

you SAHM... whatever it is, I hope you have your own savings? i only started saving for myself once i found out this happened.
 
sorry to make u sad again.............hug hug....

The problem here is my hb is always very open to me. This issue really caught me off guard......
I thought he was really open & true to me ....really din expect there is still some reserve.....Me really STUPID.

I dun hv much saving....."die liao"

I asked him what's missing.....is it i am not good, not as pretty as his GF or what??.
I am a plain person.....dun quite like to make up. He just say no...no....i am good ...is that he is no good he is wrong.......out of fun that's the only word he say..............
Now with me staying at home......worst i dun get to wear nice cloth to look pretty ....sigh.....

does councelling works??
 
Angel Cake,

As a SAHM, you still can make yourself attractive. No need to put on night gown or very elegant/sexy cloths at home. You can look pretty in simple home clothings... Put in some effort to get simple and nice home clothings.. hope your hb will appreciate it.
 
Hi everyone,
i hve been a very silent reader all these while..
n now decided to post something.

my heart goes to the wives who been thru the same thing..
n i'm happy to hear that for some of you, ur hb is turning back n trying to work things out.

for mi..i was in the same situation last yr..but the difference is tt my idiot coward hb dun wan to work on the marriage..cos there is nothing to salvage n yet he does not wan to d as well..

to make my story short..he claimed tt he n the slut..just happened like tt..i could not accept it..i dun think things will happen just like tt..it is a decision tt they made.esp knowing tt they went overseas together once.

n how they ended up together.. the idiot reason tt he gave is tt cos there was a period of time we keep quarrelling..n during tt time,he already decided he wans to d..so he ended up with her.

n the reason y we quarrelled..cos i sense tt things are not quite the same when i'm preggie with my no.2...cos i brought it up to him after i deliver..he told mi tt his feelings for mi has changed..has become less n less..he even suggested tt we can still remain status quo..but sleep separately.

of cos i cant accept it cos i'm still young..n i hve to live like a "widow"..it is not right..
so we started our quarrels..n he said becos of the quarrels..the tiny bit of feelings left for mi..is gone..

according to him n the slut, they hve broke liao..but somehow..he does not wan to work on the marriage..cos he has already shut off liao

until recently..just as when i more or less decided to d..he told mi,he will try to work on it again.
BUT..he will need time to adjust before he can work on it..
sounds like he is buying time right?

well..now just wait n see if he will deliver what he said.
 
Regarding y the slut would accept this man knowing tt if he can leave his family for her..he can do tt to her as well?

well..i spoke to the slut personally..actually they dun care..at least i can said tt for her..
to her..as long as they like each other n are together..nothing else matters..to the extent tt even if the whole world despise them..or my kids despised my hb oso nvm..cos they will hve their own kids n family..

n even in the event tt things change in the future..then break lor..cos it is very common..
n most impt, is now..NOW the most impt thing is they like each other..n hve each other..

she even said..my hb wans to d..he dun like u liao..y u still wan to stay..
funni hor..if he really wans to d..then go n tell him n pressure him to leave lah..y wan to ask mi to leave?
 
rainie,
i like wat u say..if killing is not a crime, she will be dead by now..
same lor..i oso wish she is dead..so much so tt i oso wish tt my hb is dead..
to end our pain n agony..

i even thought of letting the whole world know what kind of person she is..so tt she will lose face..further more she herself even said tt, does not matter even if the whole world despise her..

BUT..at the end of the day..if i do tt..wont i be the same as her??n is downgrading myself.

she is someone i knew in my hb's office though i never met..frankly speaking i used to think tt she is a good person.but after this..no lor..
she still has the cheek to say, this kind of affair n this kind of thing..cant say if the person good or not..meaning to say..it just happen..even to a good person.

BS lah..if a good person with strong moral values..she will not do such thing. my hb can pursue her..but if she dun wan..she can dun end up with him..but the fact is tt she jolly know very well tt he is married n with 2 kids..she still decided to be with him..i really doubt her character..

n my hb oso never threaten her with knife or gun to be with him mah..the fact tt she decided to be with him..she is equally at fault too.
 
angel, i also not much savings but at least its something. got to start somewhere. i really suggest you open up those mysavings account or whatever at POSB... we dont know what happen in future. i thought it was not necessary but after this happened, i think i NEED it. i dont want to be financially dependent on him. he give you monthly allowance? then put aside 10% or even 5%. sorry not to preach lah, but now i think its very impt liao.

<font color="0000ff">-->I asked him what's missing.....is it i am not good, not as pretty as his GF or what??.
I am a plain person.....dun quite like to make up. He just say no...no....i am good ...is that he is no good he is wrong.......out of fun that's the only word he say..............
Now with me staying at home......worst i dun get to wear nice cloth to look pretty ....sigh..... </font>

I asked my husband all this also. That slut wear thick makeup and slut clothes. I dont like makeup. In fact when i first start dating my husband, he even tell me he dont like girls who wear makeup. No natural beauty thats why must resort to makeup, he say. Yet that slut wear thick makeup.

What I NOW know is that it's not about her or you. There's nothing wrong with you. If there is, he should have told you... not go to another girl. He's weak (or a coward, take your pick)

It's all about HOW SHE MAKES HIM FEEL. Seriously please trust me on this. Now even my husband see this truth. She make him feel better about himself, make him feel wanted or like king or whatever lah, you know what I mean?

<font color="0000ff">-->does councelling works??</font>

It does for me and my husband. I can honestly say my marriage is improving. I still have a LONG way to go, I have not healed yet, but counselling helps me see things differently. Helps me see that my hsuband is weak, he has problems too, he has extremely poor life coping skills, and we learn how to communicate etc too. It's very useful to us. But in the beginning, not so much. Some sessions I come out more tired emotionally than before. But sometimes I come out cleverer and more aware, know what I mean?

Give it a try... call your family service centre?

Family Service Centre Helpline
1800-838 0100

They will allocate a center / counsellor to you.

Honestly it helps. You might want to give it a try, especially if like me, you have no one else to turn to.

Dilemma33, did you read books on infidelity? What is your husband is goign through, sounds like "defogging" meaning he is finally seeing the light... he finally realise his family is who he wants and needs. But he needs time to get over everything.

I found a song in my husband's hp the other day, he get from that slut back when they were still together. You know Akon's song, the lyrics something like this "nobody wants to see us together but it's ok because I've got you"

I was so hurt to see that. Meaning he agree with that song isit??? F*ck lah!!! But he said he forgotten all about the songs in his hp, because he never listen actually. He said if I awnt to delete, go ahead. And said that that song, she give him but he dont even like it or think anything about it. *shrugs* Who knows.

Now my thinking is, she's not important. She's worth LESS THAN SHIT. If my husband wants to be with her, then its his loss, my gain. But he say he's not longer with her, so ok lah. Work on our marriage, and I have to forget that slut exist.

Ya we shouldn't downgrade ourselves like that! We are SO MUCH BETTER than her. Whatever happens between them, we can be at peace with our heart knowing we can never break up a home like that. People like that got NO character. No moral values. Shouldn't even be alive.

But do you believe in karma? I do. What goes aruond comes around. What she do now, God will give her worse punishment. I really believe in that. And honestly that's the only thing stopping me from taking revenge.
 
angel,
counselling will only works if both parties wanted to be counselled..
for mi, i tried..but it does not work for mi..after the 2nd session only,my hb decided tt he wans to d..
n tt is last yr..

rainie,
hmm..actually i dunno if he is "defogging" or not..cos his behaviour now is like in the past lah..

we hve been sleeping separately since last yr..n we did not even talk to each other unless necessary.

he dun see the need of "reporting" to me anymore..so much so tt he won't tell what he does now..go where n go out with who,wat time he will be home, etc.

at the most,only "inform" mi tt he is going out..tt's all..cos need me to be home to take care of the kids.

he has been "shut off" for more than a yr liao..until recently he told mi,he is willing to try to work on it for the sake of the kids..

BUT like i said..he needs time to adjust lor..
frankly speaking..i dun really buy it lah..

to mi, i feel tt if a person is sincere n bent on making things work..he will make effort to do some tiny smallest thing..n will try to rebuild trust slowly..afterall the 1st step is always the hardest..n if u make the 1st step..the following steps will be easier to do.

i dun see tt in him..things did not improve at all..cos he still wont tell mi who he goes out with..

just like today..we came back with the kids..then he told mi he is going out later..
he went out at 9plus..but he did not even bother to tell mi where n who he goes out with.

n by what he said..need time to adjust..i just feel n afraid tt as time goes by..he is so used to it liao.he wont take the effort to try to make it work again..

n we will be stuck
 
Dear Rainie,

How you getting with your life?

I've not been in the forum for sometimes, but from the above threads, you seem to be getting better. At least you are also giving advise to other sisters...hehehe, this help in your healing process. Tell you wat, if you really have time, why not you devote sometime and start a hobby? I've started my gardening again, so that's why I'm pre-occupied again. Plant something that you can eat or sees....Dun waste ur energy on someone that makes you angry.
 
Dear Rainie,

How r u? I had not been in this forum for quite some time too.. suddenly thought of u and wonder how u getting on.

After reading ur threads, I come to a conclusion (correct me if i m wrong). I realised tat u r a too independent person and like u say, u always make decision, thus i feel ur hubby strayed cos of that. Not tat it is ur fault but just that mabbie ur hubby wanna feel impt and in control &amp; being with tat slut makes him in control.

Sometimes when i chatted with my hubby, he will say that if a gal is too strong, the man will not feel needed cos usually man likes to feel macho and needed. But then again, making man feel impt and needed must be also handle with care. So I say, sometimes if u r too strong, try to act weak, let the man do the work, make the decision and take control sometimes, while we sit back and enjoy.

Btw can see tat u r slowly healing, at least u seem to have lesser sudden outburst and breakdown so much now, do u? Also, dun be bothered abt tat slut.. she just cant let go and kept on brooding on the fact tat ur hubby left her. Keeping pictures on her frenster doesnt mean anything... simply just ignore her.. one day she will find herself like a fool cos in the end, she is the one who cant move on.
 
hi rainie,

can u tell me how u manage to ask everything out from ur HB?

since day 1 i've been asking n he is always avoiding the Q..

He onli says he made a vy big mistake cos he drunk!! (he admit to me they go hotel 4 x nvr been to the slut home) somehow i dun believe!! (the slut says more than that n also he ever been to her hse n stay overnight!!) the rest he doesnt wan to say anymore...

im vy curious, how he got stuck wif her, we married for 12+ already.. y now? i've been asking this Q many times!! some x i ask till he vy angry and we quarrel.. some x he will slam the door n then go out till midnight then come home!! (duno issit go find slut..
 
merz, ya so weird, i didnt realise i was giving advice until i read what u said! i thought of it as sharing experience only.. lol! thanks for yr advice to take up something new, actually i was thinking of studying again (i know its not a hobby, but more of something to take up my time), start next year.. skarli i tell my husband my plan, he say he also want to study again! now got to plan properly, i dont want us to neglect our baby. actually i got no hobby, i dont know what i like to do, hehehe. from day 1, my life has been about my hubby
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bluecheese, you are right. actually that's what my husband say also.. that slut make him feel in control. when he tell her to stop smoking, she actually stop! WAH so impressive ah!!! *bang the slut's head on wall*

i tell him of course she will listen to u, she know how to hook men!

but i realise i need to be "weak" too sometimes.. so now i PRETEND to be weak and even sometimes act stupid, ask him to explain things to me. which honestly exasperates me alot, LOL! but i think "i need to save my marriage" so i jsut go along with it.

ya, now I lesser breakdown. the last breakdown i had was last monday, when i asked my husband help me do laundry but he was too tired from work so he fell asleep. i was so angry i started screaming "with that slut you not tired! with me you so tired!!!" cry and cry like mad until he apologise profusely. sigh. then the next day we had counselling, he said he almost want to give up because he feel like he's doing nothing right. Wah piang, I wanted to kill him at that moment with the laundry pole (if only I brought it with me!)

About that slut, I managed to avoid looking at her friendster profile for many weeks already... but 2 days ago, my husband suddenly so nice to me. He told me to take leave from work, and then he bring me out on a date just like the old days... At first I felt so loved and happy lah, but at night I started thinking, is it because of guilt because he's back with her???

So my mind go crazy again, I think maybe he is with her again and is nice to me to divert my attention. So I logged on friendster and see her profile. The pictures still up there *ARRGH!!* under the title "still loving you...!!" but she write "one day you will regret losing me.. you will think i am the one who love u the most!"

so, that means they aren't together right? i told my husband about it, and he hugged me and said please believe him, that slut means nothing to him and they are not together and he doesnt even want her, and he loves me and just wants our marriage to work, and he's nice to me sincerely. so i believe him, but i guess, the trust will never 100% be there.

ya i hope one day she realise she's just really stupid. any girl who can give her body willingly to anyone (she had sex with 4 men before my husband!) is worth shit lor.

dextermummy, my husband is the kind that dont like to be cornered. if i push and push and keep asking questions, he will break down and answer. u know, like in police custody, people will break after questioning for many hours? ya im like the police man, i think i should be police detective like that, because im very good at pushing. LOL!

one thing i want to ask you first, do you really want to know the answers? because now, 2.5 months after knowing about the affair, i realise i regret asking some questions. i wish i didnt ask the sexual questions and such. but like you, i also curious how come my husband stuck to her and all that...

hm, the only way i can think of is tell your husband beforehand that you want to talk to him about this, then say you won't ask anymore lah. (but its ok if you cannot keep that promise... if you feel like asking again in the future after that, go ahead! he didnt keep his vows to you, so whats a small promise, hah!)

talk calmly and all that. before the talk, buy a new lock for the gate (so he can't go out!) Actually i dont know if that's a good idea or not.. for me, if my husband wants to go out because we argue, I will stand against the door and dont let him leave. if he push me, i push him back.

maybe he dont want to say anything because he's uncomfortable or angry with himself. thats what my husband always say.

plus, dont always believe what the slut say. the slut lied to me also. they will and can make up stories, because they want you to leave him, so they can have him!!! stupid sluts. wish they can all be raped and then murdered.

another method that the books recommend is, write down the questions and let him write the answers. so no confrontation and argument... sometimes men hate that, i guess. try and tell me how it goes ok?

take care, and i hope all goes well for you. i truly understand how you feel *huge hugs*
 
rainie

how do u know the gal had sex with 4 men before your hubby? so unbelievable that u even knew her sexual history!
 
Hi Rainie,

U r amazing and a very strong woman. *salute* And I think u r progressing well. It seems like your hubby is trying very hard to make up to u and make ur marriages work. But I can understand the part when u suddenly will get suspicious when he is too nice... the insecurity will set in. U gotta jiayou and I really hope ur marriage will survive thru all these and u will become happy again.
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Also, as a woman, sometimes we shd just act pretty, dumb and weak.. hahaha... when deep down inside, we know we aint. heehee.. Though can act smart once in a while. hee..
 
because i wanted to know if it was necessary to go for STD test. i was SO (stupidly) hopeful that my husband was the first one she ever had sex with, so at least she's clean. so i asked him how many man did she have sex with.

and he said "four".

@#*&amp;@(Q*&amp;#*(@&amp; WHORE BITCH!!!!

I went crazy and asked did you know this before or after you had sex with her?

he said he cant remember.

HOW CRAZY IS THAT???

I've only had sex with one man my whole life, and that's my husband. She's 20 years old and she has had sex with 4 (plus my husband, that will be FIVE) men? Unbelievable.
 
Bluecheese, whenever i am real again, as in i am being myself, i always suddenly remember "oh my god! i cannot be like this! wait my husband dont like!"

A few nights ago i told him, I really dont know what my true self is. Should I be weak or feminine or what???

He said be your own self lah, i love you for what you are.

I told him, if you love me for what i am, why you go to another woman????

Haha, that shut him up. He just hug me and said sorry, he was stupid at that time, but he really loves me for who I am.

I doubt so lor. I think he would like it if i become more feminine, but how to be feminine??? My voice is loud by nature and I like to make jokes and all that! Feminine by dressing lah, I love to wear dresses and skirts, but to talk softly and all that tires me honestly. Sigh. Guess I jsut have to do it to make him happy?

Thanks bluecheese, i hope my marriage will survive this and become stronger also. That's my only wish. With strong marriage, we can have strong family. I just want my baby to have a good life, that's all.
 
no wonder, u were so heartbroken upon finding out abt your hubby's affair. sigh, i now understand why u r like taht. btw were u also your hubby's first woman that he lost his first time too?
 
hi rainie,

i try that (both Hard &amp; Soft way. HARD-like wat u say police custody, Soft-Must woman usually do CRY.. both ways also dun work on him.. he totally shut himself for toking this issue..

I dun really know if i wan to know the ans. (If he dun say, i hv ??) if he say, my heart bleed...

No one can stop him from gg out!! (not to say change lock or guard the door) when he is angry, he vy fierce.. i scared...

I tot of calling the police to catch the slut, she onli 21 from china working w/o permit..

I actually sent him via sms, (is it the same as wat u mean by writing) can be up to 4 pages per sms.. 1 after another, he reply by gving short ans.. some x dun bother to reply.. (sasy not free)
 
no, sigh. his first time was with his gf, when he was 19. but soon after that, the girl cheated on him, left him for another guy. so i thought he should understand the pain of being cheated on, and will never cheat on me. i was so stupid. sigh.

but he said he only one time with his ex-gf. i trusted him then. now i dont know what to think. anyway whatever it is, wont change history. im still not his first one. i can accept that, but i thought i will be the only one after we are together. sigh.

jamcry, if u dont know whether u want the answer or not, better not to ask? try your best ok? i know its veryveryvery hard, i really know that. but protect yourself. dont hurt yourself more at the moment. if in a few days u still want to know, then u ask. ok?

eh do that lah, call the police catch the slut. i myself thought of calling police to catch the slut, but i dont know for what, because she's local. LOL.

infidelity makes us go crazy i think. sigh. same like u, i also sent LONG sms. he will reply veryvery short. now i dont bother sms-ing. i send websms, free mah and must limit to 160 words. LOL.
 
Hi rainie,

I duno wat nos. to call.. do u know? But duno now she still working there anot?

My HB vy stupid.. he wont reply if I use websms..
 
haha my husband also never reply last time because he thought more expensive to reply to websms. so stupid. i told him normal charges lah, then he reply.. but very short replies lah.

let me confess something. just now during lunch i websms him but i didnt tell him its me. i pretend to be the slut. i dunno why i did so!

i asked him if he still with his wife, and etc. say i really love him veri much. why he break his promises to me.

i wanted to see his response you see. he called me to ask if its me. i said no. he said he been receiving websms and he dunno who it is, what should he do. i said its up to you, im not getting involved between u and her.

then he reply to her sms "f*ck off and die."

hehehehe. so ok, i feel abit satisfied but he suspect its me, because i always websms him but i told him no, i was out at lunch just now, and he believe. plus i told him to forward me one sms, and he did... and i said "i dont type very as veri. her style and mine not the same."

but quite bad lah, because now he worried how come the girl got his new hp no. dunno whether should confess to him or not
sad.gif


actually i also dunno what number to call. Maybe ICA?

anyway there's a saying about revenge "when you take revenge, dig 2 holes. one for them, one for yourself" meaning revenge will hurt you too.

i want to take revenge too, but i always think, if i take revenge, then the punishment God gives her wont be that bad. if i dont take revenge, God will do everything for me. that's the only thing stopping me frmo taking revenge. if i had it my way, she would be dead by now.
 
at starhub's website. websms.starhub.com if im not wrong.

sigh, last night another argument. i was very tired after going out straight after work, and i wanted to bathe. he has always insisted that they have never bathed together, so last night i asked again... thought we can go bathe together (we only did that in the beginning when we got married)

Skarli he said "never bathe together lah. just wash up together only after sex"

WHAT THE HELL???

Suddnely the story changes? I was so mad, I stormed out of the room and slept outside. He tried to carry me inside to the room, but I resisted, nearly kicked his face. Til now I haven't talked to him at all.

Sigh. I really feel like giving up sometimes. I got no more tears left to cry, just resignation feeling.
 
Hi rainie,

Been reading your posts so far, i think maybe for awhile dun ask anything related to the bitch again or what the bitch did with him again. U see, if he was really trying to change, you are not helping him at all. Like a child, if he do well, then the least you should do is acknowledge it. You have the right to be angry with him all your life, but till when? You'll tire yourself out in the end. Not to mention, you'll lose him forever cos he'll think that you are not accepting his apology. when he buay tahan the repeated anger you gave him, he'll go back to the bitch. trust me.

My fren end up divorced because of that. She wanted to make her husband feel remorse for the stupid thing he did.. ( he had an affair with another woman of cos) and tat time she already have a daughter. The husband was also my fren. He told me, he really repented and wanted to work things out, but his wife keep on recking up the past. He know she's still angry for wat he did but month after month.. she still bring it up till he go into depression. He told me he cannot save his marriage anymore. everyday he go work looking like a piece of rug. End up he go back to the bitch and now married her... got twins some more.

I just think that you still have the chance to save your marriage. A man cannot be the same person he was before he married you. even doing stuffs like holding hands can be difficult. So, i'd say try not to say " Last time you can be like this, why now cannot" Its just not gonna work. It'll make him pissed off

Instead try work things out for future. Get him involved in the decision making. Like marketing, you can get him to buy the groceries on weekends, while you cook for him dinner, eat together at in laws place..etc. then evening go out with your child to east coast for walk.. for example la.. things that you can do together.
When his mind is fully packed on you and your kid, he'll have no other chance to stray again.

I think your husband really wants to change. Just give him a chance. If you were the one that was cought cheating on him and he finds out, wouldn't you want him to forgive you too? Just try to be in his shoes for awhile. Maybe you can see his point of view.
Dun keep your anger too long. Thats devil's play. Give yourself and him a chance to start anew.
 
Hi Rainine,

i agree with Misah. Don't let the other woman ruin your marriage for the second time. It's not worth it. Give yourself the chance to forgive and heal yourself, heal your marriage. Take care.
 
I totally agree with Misah and yyeo...esp you pretending to be the bitch and websms your hubby- what is the point of that??

I know its hard to let go- much easier said than done...but do you want to continue with your husband or not? Men get pissed off with nagging, and raking up the past, even though its their fault...

Apologies for sounding harsh...
 
hi rainie,

las nite I also not happy wif my HB, my in laws says wan bring my children out n will be back ard 11pm, I think since my children not in, I can plan something for both of us.. I ask him to fetch me from wk then we go dinner &amp; watch movie.. He say ok..

While eating, he tell me after movies he might wan to go out cos his fren asking him to go drinking.. I became vy angry n quarrel wif him for breaking his promise! I was so frustrated that I don’t wan to watch movies n go home immediately after dinner. (of cos he carry on go find his frens) before he left, he promise to be home by 1am. (I ignore him)

At 1am I sent him sms-(see! break ur promise again!!) he din reply, I was so angry n sad that I cry again.. within minutes, he came in, apologise, blah blah.. I jus ignore.. He know my weak point vy well, he lie beside me, sweet talk, hug n kiss me.. suddenly I becam vy angry n shouted at him.. (when u drunk, u bring the slut to hotel n this is wat u do issit!!) then I cry… he keep saying no, also say he know he come home abit late n I angry, so wan to sayang me that’s all… (and pls dun keep saying things that is already past-his tone is abit angry)

I try not to quarrel cos mid night already, dun wan to disturb my children, I tell him, I wan to smell, check u got hug other slut anot!! (I jus say onli.. hoe to check by smelling??) He say check lah, n quickly take off his pants.. I jia jia go on top of him, smell his neck, face n body. I softly bit his ear n moan abit. I purposely put my b***** to his face.. then I stroke him till hard up, he think I wan to BJ for him but I dint.. then I say put on ur pants I wan to sleep liao.. (I duno y I do that, maybe jus to test him…) this am he ask me, u alright?? I still ignore him
 
jamcry, haha u damn power ah!!! seriously that was good, i dunno why but i think its great u did that.

the fact that he can still get hard, should mean he wasn't with her, because if he was with her already, difficult to get hard right?

misah, yyeo, fairyprincess, at the moment i think if he wants to go her again, go ahead. that just shows his true colours, that he cannot tahan me and is not 500% into our marriage?

sigh. dunno, i feel really numb right now. im just really tired and sad and i feel so low today.
 
Ya, you went into mood...I'm online now, just got pissed off by the boss's boss, me now no mood to work. I veri the angry after working so much effort, I got no appreciation and got niao in the meeting, really beh tahan..I want to quit and asked my boss to fly kite himeself at ubi!
 
Sometimes, I just thinking, why do you want to spent sometime to get into those questioning and answer talk. One day you will get backfire, is that wat you really want, Rainie?? If I'm the other half, I also dun think I can tahan this slow torture process, like you slowdly slowdly tearing my skin until you see blood inside, then still cannot stop, then you want to wait till all the bone expose or wat? Think about it, I think everyone deserve a second chance. Anyway, we are not saint afterall... IF you really want fair and square, then you also outside find someone, then also you will go through the tortoring process, skin one layer after another layer being peel off till bone expose...then we call it a day. But, wat for? 两败俱丧
 
Hi Rainie,

You are in control of the situation now. You can make the choice of healing yourself, healing your marriage OR giving up and let the devil ruin your life all over again. I believe your husband has not given up on you, so why are you giving up on him already?
I know once in a while we will feel very low in life, but hope you will cheer up soon since you have the support of all of us in this forum right? I hope you will make the right choice and not give up which you may regret later. You are doing this not for your hubby, but for yourself and your kids, so stay strong, love yourself and don't give up
 
So Sorry...My mood is very off now, just letting off some steam! Bei Tahan @ work. My hubby also got one shot from me just now via sms....
happy.gif
 
i just got back from the toilet, cried like mad. i just cannot cope today, i feel so weak and sad. yes you ladies helped so much, in my low moments, knowing you all read this and keep jiayou-ing me helps me so much. i dont want to give up. i know this marriage CAN work. but why is it so hard??? til when will my heart stay broken??? when will it heal??? just type this make me tear up again.
 
yes everyone deserve 2nd chance, but do i deserve this pain? what did i do til he must hurt me like this? what do i lack til he must go to a slut like that?

sorry im venting, im letting off anger. i dont want to let it out on my husband, wait situation get worse. he sms but i just reply short answer. dunno today my heart really not into anything at all. i just want to curl up and cry nonstop. why why why.

*BANGS HEAD ON WALL NONSTOP*
 
Rainie- why you kena this bad luck? The answer is simple- because we are all humans (including your husband) and can make mistakes...it is as simple as that...
 
rainie,

dun be sad... read my post, u shd know i hv swing moods as well... (try MIA for few hrs to cool down n do some thinking provided got ppl take care of ur BB)

we add oil together... hoping to hear ur gd news

take care.. make gd use of ur wkend...
 
sigh. just when i was on the verge of giving up, he ordered flowers online this afternoon and got them delivered to me. in the card it says "i know what i did was so wrong. i hope someday you will forgive me. i love you"

i feel so numb. like happy in a numb way u know what i mean?

btw this sunday is the slut's 20th birthday. i feel like spoiling her day by throwing shit on her door or something, LOL.
 


hi rainie,

frankly speaking, there is no answer. It is no use constantly thinking and holding on to the past and demanding to know why it happened cos sometimes things just happened. Mabbie u r the kind who just cannot let go til u have a solid answer but sad to say, in life there is no definite answers at times esp pertaining to such things.

I know I will be equally devastated like u if my hubby were to cheat on me.. but I really hope u can jiayou.. its a slow torturing process to heal but then again u must tell urself u gotta be strong... forgive and forget along the way. In this way, ur marriage can slowly heal and u wun be so upset. Like fairyprincess said we r all human and we make mistake.. but what is impt is not the mistake made but how ur hubby learnt from mistake and make things better. As for urself, u dun deserve such treatment but forgive and forget else u will always be so upset. Easier said than done but jiayou!
 
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