I used to feel inadequate, lost of self-confidence, and all the negative thoughts.
But I have grown out of it. I feel that the courage to speak out when people asked what happened to the marriage is very important.
You see, some people may feel that I am vain and shallow. But you see, I try to continue to take good care of myself, to dress well, to look good, to continue to be employed, to work diligently. With all these self-confidence I got from the "outside" world, I move away from self-pity.
When I told people (starting) that the man is womanising outside, they will feel shock! Cause how can I be a victim of such. Cause I am lovable, approachable, helpful ... I mean behave normally and look presentable, have such a husband. People will then tend to think that the man is "something wrong". In actual fact, he is something wrong. So, i divert the focus on him being the bastard. Which is true.
Now, slowly I am picking up the pieces, looking at myself quite differently now. Still feel sad that why my life has to be like that, but I MUST learn to accept that this is my fate. ACCEPT does not mean resigned. Many here, felt that way. Which is not true.
To accept that this is your fate, you will learn to let go. I have been reading a lot on Bazi, and some way or another, I felt that by learning the Bazi brings self-awareness. You cannot change fate, but you can change your 运.
Many deem 运 as some form of monetary fortune, like strike lottery, toto ... win money at casino. But it is not. Eg, a person is bound on a flight to somewhere, but because of some mysterious unforeseen circumstance forbid him/her to board the flight. Flight crash, all die, but this person is still alive. You get what I mean.
I can tell you all ladies here, that it is fate that refuse to let my marriage break-up, but time and again, its the man who is pushing fate. So, I am very confident that what he is doing is suicidal. I believe his fate is going to catch up with him. And 我等在看好戏.