Cheated Spouse

iwontbite2 said:
Think for the sake of ur baby, this is not just about urself. Are u staying with him only or with his family? If both of u really decided to part away, soon ur family will know too right? Y not talk to ur parents n seek their advise. Or meantime move back to ur parents place. When ur family ask u can tell them u want to spend more time with them n ur hubby is always busy. Try to find a good reason to move back to ur parents place.
Btw, u've enlighten me!! When my hubby treat me nice....hmmm he may be out of guilty.
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Yes I know my bb is still so small. But I really do feel hurt. I feel that I look like a freak compared to that sexy model. I have lost all my confident. My parents was staying with me currently to watch the maid so that I can go back to work. I dun want them to worry for me. 好辛苦，can't even cry out loud.
He was begging me to give him one last chance. He said he really just want to take pics. He din not do anything to her not even touching her. He admit that he gets excited to see her naked but he din not think of having sex with her. It was just out of fun.
 


This is a very good quote I found in 16quotes.com

"It takes a strong heart to love but it takes a stronger heart to continue to love after it's been hurt."
 
This quote is well said, I like it. Well, at least he beg u. My hubby didn't even speak to me on after I confronted him via SMS. He once said if I don't feel happy I can leave. He don't even think I'm important and grateful to me. U know ur hubby met this model but I dun even know who he met outside, is a mind guessing game n mind torturing. My family members ask to be stay strong bcos they can't be my side to help. If u a close friend, confide to he/she. Dun bottle everything to urself. Find a good listener. U can always share with me here :)
 
iwontbite2 said:
This quote is well said, I like it. Well, at least he beg u. My hubby didn't even speak to me on after I confronted him via SMS. He once said if I don't feel happy I can leave. He don't even think I'm important and grateful to me. U know ur hubby met this model but I dun even know who he met outside, is a mind guessing game n mind torturing. My family members ask to be stay strong bcos they can't be my side to help. If u a close friend, confide to he/she. Dun bottle everything to urself. Find a good listener. U can always share with me here :)
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What's your plan?? Do u still love him? Have u went to AWARE?
 
I've make appointment with Probono for legal advise. Me n him have applied a bto n is gg to ready end of this year. I have intention to divorce however my family is against it bcos my baby is still very young. So I'll decide after getting the legal advise. U?
 
iwontbite2 said:
I've make appointment with Probono for legal advise. Me n him have applied a bto n is gg to ready end of this year. I have intention to divorce however my family is against it bcos my baby is still very young. So I'll decide after getting the legal advise. U?
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As u mention think for the bb. I'm still thinking..... Hard. He ask me to wait n see how he change for me.
Haiz..... Only guys got the privilege of getting second chance if we being unfaithful will they give us chance?
 
bluesmurfs said:
As u mention think for the bb. I'm still thinking..... Hard. He ask me to wait n see how he change for me.
Haiz..... Only guys got the privilege of getting second chance if we being unfaithful will they give us chance?
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Yes, think for the baby. U should wait n see how he change for u. N meantime u ignore him so that he will treasure u more. Guys will never forgive his woman for being unfaithful. I wish u all de best!!
 
bluesmurfs said:
I caught my too...... All those sweet talks that he never said to me. I told him I dun want to share husband with others. If he dun have any feeling for me just tell me n I will let go. I dun need this type of relationship.
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u saw these sweet talk msg on his hp? who is the other party? see if u can ascertain how long this had been going on behind your back
 
bluesmurfs said:
I'm very lost. My husband hired freelance model for photo shooting. They went to a hotel n the model wears sexy lingerie n was naked after that. I happen to found out later when I saw he's fb post. (not using his real name). From the conversation he made on the messenger. He approach the girl n paid her for the shooting.
I very lost. It was too sudden for as I just given birth to a bb. Our first child. Y he do this when I'm pregnant & going to due soon..........just few weeks before our bb arrive u went out with other girl.
He told me he only takes photo and nothing else. He's just being playful.
Should I believe him? Or I should file for divorce?
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although what he did is very sickening and disheartening, u need to find out more. eg is this the first time? how he know the girl? does he have a fetish for taking such photos? when will he stop being playful? all these answers will help determine whether to give him a second chance because u can then decide is it a moment's folly or something that he is addicted to and hard to get rid, like taking drugs. even if it is addiction, most ppl go back to the sins cause of trigger factors, eg buddy jio, or work stress or something he wana try but dun dare try with wife (eg S&M).

i just feel that both of you need to have a good talk and know more about the issue and then can think of how to solve it. if there does not seem to any ways to solve the problem then you can consider other measures. always think of your child. give him a chance to explain. give yourself a chance to cool down and think about all the questions.
 
creamdonut said:
although what he did is very sickening and disheartening, u need to find out more. eg is this the first time? how he know the girl? does he have a fetish for taking such photos? when will he stop being playful? all these answers will help determine whether to give him a second chance because u can then decide is it a moment's folly or something that he is addicted to and hard to get rid, like taking drugs. even if it is addiction, most ppl go back to the sins cause of trigger factors, eg buddy jio, or work stress or something he wana try but dun dare try with wife (eg S&M).

i just feel that both of you need to have a good talk and know more about the issue and then can think of how to solve it. if there does not seem to any ways to solve the problem then you can consider other measures. always think of your child. give him a chance to explain. give yourself a chance to cool down and think about all the questions.
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That was his second time taking sexy pics seeing naked woman. It was through Facebook. He did not use his own name n pic. He likes to takes pic and want it to be his hobby.
He told me he regrets what he did and he never expect me to so upset as he only just want to take pics. He said that will be his last time cos he knows bb is coming and he wouldn't have the time to do.

Btw what is S&M?
 
bluesmurfs said:
That was his second time taking sexy pics seeing naked woman. It was through Facebook. He did not use his own name n pic. He likes to takes pic and want it to be his hobby.
He told me he regrets what he did and he never expect me to so upset as he only just want to take pics. He said that will be his last time cos he knows bb is coming and he wouldn't have the time to do.

Btw what is S&M?
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S&m : http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadomasochism

Second time over a short period of time or since he know u? Take pic can take other things, doesn't have to be women mah.

Saying bb coming and no time doesn't sound like he will quit. Having a bb doesn't mean he will have zero time left. A lot of guys still need to go back work, and can find time to go gym or meet friends for drinks. All these are like just an hr or two, once a wk or what. If he want to lie to u can also say work meeting or OT or farewell dinner. He can even say u on maternity leave u can take care urself for that short 1-2hrs since milk also dun come from him.

Must find out source of how he know these women, eg fren intro or some kinky website. Then easier for u to monitor his future actions.
 
creamdonut said:
S&m : http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadomasochism

Second time over a short period of time or since he know u? Take pic can take other things, doesn't have to be women mah.

Saying bb coming and no time doesn't sound like he will quit. Having a bb doesn't mean he will have zero time left. A lot of guys still need to go back work, and can find time to go gym or meet friends for drinks. All these are like just an hr or two, once a wk or what. If he want to lie to u can also say work meeting or OT or farewell dinner. He can even say u on maternity leave u can take care urself for that short 1-2hrs since milk also dun come from him.

Must find out source of how he know these women, eg fren intro or some kinky website. Then easier for u to monitor his future actions.
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He said he forgot when he took the first one.......Obviously he is still trying to hide. He doesn't like to go out with his friend often but his working hours r not fixed. He has to travel to places n sometime he has to stay overnight to set up system for his company.
Frankly speaking, he spent a lot of time with me n bb. He will go market very weekend to buy food for me. He was quite caring that period of time. Guys have their own forum too like us.....so roughly u can guess what they always share.
 
Before I found out him cheating. I had my fortune read. The master told me to bear him more kids n our relationship will get better n better. And I was planning to have 2nd one soon cos of my age. But after knowing this, I have given up the idea....... I can't even talk to him when we r alone.
 
Bluesmurfs,

Don't believe in 100% what fortune teller says. A lot of things happened due to the choices we made. Your husband has the choice to become a better husband to you. I find he is using his photography hobby as an excuse to meet women, and I don't believe he is just taking photos only. Why must he take photos of women in lingerie and in the nude? There are so many types of photos to be taken. Scenery photos, photos of objects etc. If he is doing professionally, he shld be doing in a photo studio instead in a hotel room. Do you believe what he said? The chances of him sleeping with the model in a hotel room is very high compared to a photo studio. Then again, he can cheat anywhere if he wants to. I just find it very strange to take photos in a hotel room. Trust yr instincts.

He should stop what he is doing for good if he knows you are uncomfortable with what he is doing. Frankly speaking, I do not think any woman can tolerate such a hobby. If yr husband is a professional photographer for a company and taking such photos for a magazine, there would be other staff doing make up and styling etc, so it is understandable.

Most important, for your husband to gain your trust, he has to be an open book to you and he has to earn yr trust. It is normal for you to feel this way. If it was me, I would feel the same way as you. Stay strong and love yourself more. Put yrself first and you can take care of yr baby. Do not trust yr husband easily. Take care.
 
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If you need to vent out, do write in the forum. It is not healthy to bottle up yr feelings. I know how it feels, I hv been in such situation few yrs ago, and it takes a long time to overcome the hurt.

Whether he slept with the model or not, you already hv doubts abt him. There is already a breach of trust. Your husband needs to gain yr trust again. Remember, it is not yr fault. You have the right to ignore him. Do not feel small, you are a mother, be proud of that. You need to sort out yr emotions and plan what to do if he shld do the same thing again. Be prepared what you intend to do whether you are staying in the marriage or planning for a divorce, so you will not lose yr sanity. Be assertive and know what you want from your husband, in order to regain the balance in yr marriage. You can google search marriage builder website, it has a lot of information on betrayal and how to maintain a marriage after betrayal etc. Hope this helps.
 
Yes. As mention, it's really hard for me to think that they really din do anything else. Even do he keeping saying he didn't. He did admit doing this is quite prevert but he didn't do any unfaithful action. Every night when we r resting. He will laid beside me keep saying sorry, swear to me if he did any unfaithful action he will die of this n that. Saying he did not know that his behavior had hurt me so bad. He wants to grow old with me......... N hope I can try to forgive him n dun file for divorce.
Frankly speaking, I really dun feel like continue because there surely have no more trust in there. Like if he tells me that he got to work ot my mind will go wild........I will go crazy soon. FYI I almost suffer depression after I lost my first child. I took me some time to have my second n the whole trimester is not a smooth one. Now this!!!
 
Thanks for the comfort. Yes. This is the only place where I can vent out. Sometimes I even cry when I having lunch (alone) n sometimes in the train. I really cannot stop crying. I have to hide my face from the public....... If u happen to see a woman crying..... Ya that might be me.
 
bluesmurfs said:
Thanks for the comfort. Yes. This is the only place where I can vent out. Sometimes I even cry when I having lunch (alone) n sometimes in the train. I really cannot stop crying. I have to hide my face from the public....... If u happen to see a woman crying..... Ya that might be me.
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Hey, that might be me too.. :) myself also can't hold back my tears even though in public. We have to be proud of ourself bcos we are mother. N it's never easy to hold that role. A friend of mine told me that divorce is subject to approval unless u have evidence of him commit adultery. Or ur marriage is more than 7 years, u can file immediately. Otherwise will go through separation 1st.
 
Bluesmurfs, iwontbite2,

Pls be strong. I know how it feels. Few yrs back, when I learnt my husband betray me. I cried almost everyday, the hurt was very raw then. I am a SAHM so my young kids saw me cry. Right now, u give yrself time to grieve over the hurt and cry. After sometime, u will tell yrself where you want to be and what u want to do. Cos grieving too much will weaken yr health n you need to speak to someone who will not judge you and lend a listening ear. You will learn to be stronger and accept what has happened and move on. I am still learning to be stronger but I hv changed compared to 3 over yrs ago. When u accept what has happened, u learnt there are things that u can't control.

By writing in forum and speaking to someone u trust will help you to heal, the process is slow but u must tell yrself that u can overcome it. When the hurt is raw, u don't want to see yr husband at all and will think of divorce. If possible, spend some time apart from yr husband to calm down. You still need a plan what you want to do abt the situation. Btw, divorce is not going to be easy if u don't hv family support esp with the high cost of living in Singapore. I hv thoughts of divorce, mood swings even though my husband stopped after he was found out. Both families know but it was disastrous. My MIL blamed it on me and my family was not supportive. I was depressed and wanted to die so many times. I learnt more abt myself in the process of healing and why my husband betrayed me. Basically I healed on my own and searching for answers on the Internet helped me a lot, I had a friend to talk to as she was in similar situation. She did not judge me like others and was very understanding.

It is a big obstacle to overcome, and you would need determination and will, and know that u can be happy by yrself. I can only encourage both of you to stay strong, never let anyone say that it is yr fault. It is not yr fault, and make your own choice despite what others say including yr family. When u hv cried enough and calm down, that's when you decide to divorce or not. Give yrself and yr husband a chance to talk it out, cos even when u choose to divorce, both of you still need to discuss on child custody, maintenance fee etc. Take yr time to think things through. Also remember you are not alone.
 
Bluesmurfs,

You don't hv to forgive yr husband if u don't want to. Btw, he has to earn yr forgiveness and trust if he wants the marriage. He has to change his ways and convince you that he is serious in changing himself for the marriage. Things will never be the same again when the trust is broken in a marriage.
 
moorspa7 said:
Bluesmurfs,

You don't hv to forgive yr husband if u don't want to. Btw, he has to earn yr forgiveness and trust if he wants the marriage. He has to change his ways and convince you that he is serious in changing himself for the marriage. Things will never be the same again when the trust is broken in a marriage.
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Yes I agree on changing his ways. He has to prove that he still treasure u and baby.
 
moorspa7 said:
Bluesmurfs, iwontbite2,

Pls be strong. I know how it feels. Few yrs back, when I learnt my husband betray me. I cried almost everyday, the hurt was very raw then. I am a SAHM so my young kids saw me cry. Right now, u give yrself time to grieve over the hurt and cry. After sometime, u will tell yrself where you want to be and what u want to do. Cos grieving too much will weaken yr health n you need to speak to someone who will not judge you and lend a listening ear. You will learn to be stronger and accept what has happened and move on. I am still learning to be stronger but I hv changed compared to 3 over yrs ago. When u accept what has happened, u learnt there are things that u can't control.

By writing in forum and speaking to someone u trust will help you to heal, the process is slow but u must tell yrself that u can overcome it. When the hurt is raw, u don't want to see yr husband at all and will think of divorce. If possible, spend some time apart from yr husband to calm down. You still need a plan what you want to do abt the situation. Btw, divorce is not going to be easy if u don't hv family support esp with the high cost of living in Singapore. I hv thoughts of divorce, mood swings even though my husband stopped after he was found out. Both families know but it was disastrous. My MIL blamed it on me and my family was not supportive. I was depressed and wanted to die so many times. I learnt more abt myself in the process of healing and why my husband betrayed me. Basically I healed on my own and searching for answers on the Internet helped me a lot, I had a friend to talk to as she was in similar situation. She did not judge me like others and was very understanding.

It is a big obstacle to overcome, and you would need determination and will, and know that u can be happy by yrself. I can only encourage both of you to stay strong, never let anyone say that it is yr fault. It is not yr fault, and make your own choice despite what others say including yr family. When u hv cried enough and calm down, that's when you decide to divorce or not. Give yrself and yr husband a chance to talk it out, cos even when u choose to divorce, both of you still need to discuss on child custody, maintenance fee etc. Take yr time to think things through. Also remember you are not alone.
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Hi moorspa7,
Thanks for sharing ur story. I wonder why men likes to flirt around, what if we women flirt around... How would they feel?? Upon take up the marriage vow, we need to be faithful to each other.

Bluesmurfs,
What moorspa7 n creamdonut said are right, he need to gain back ur trust 1st. Divorce procedure is quite complicated n very exhausting.
 
I haven spoke to him for days. Only when my mum is around. When we r alone, I din reply any of his question unless he is asking about bb. I really can't face it. I'm still viewing at the pics he took. How?? How long u all have took to forgive? And move as normal.......
I feel very sad when I see my bb. I start to hate seeing myself in the mirror. I'm now so fat n ugly. All the scratch marks n scar left on me. No wonder my husband wants to see other girl. I was wondering when he have s** with me who is in his mind...........
 
Bluesmurf,

Never hate yrself, love yourself for the way you are. I have stretch marks too. Are you overweight? If you are breastfeeding, you will lose weight. I lost weight through breastfeeding. Though I am slim, my body has changed and not as nice as before I was pregnant. My arms have become flabby. I did dislike myself as I do not hv the perfect proportions of a woman. It took me quite sometime to realize nobody is perfect, and I have to accept myself for who I am. No doubt, men are visual creatures. If my husband really loves me, he has to accept me for who i am. If he doesn't, then he is not worthy of my love.

I hv not forgiven my husband as he did nothing to earn it. It is my choice but I am happy about it, My anger starts to dissipate slowly over the years as it had a negative impact on my health, that's when I tried to let go of the things that I can't control. I just want to hv peace in my life and good health. I lost myself in the process chasing after something that cannot exist without my husband changing himself. I ask myself is it worth it getting angry and sad over such a man, I stopped loving and care abt myself cos I wanted a loving marriage which didn't exist. Recently, I put myself as the top priority and I will not be considerate to him anymore. He is not appreciative of me being considerate to him, n takes it for granted. He still does not give me the due respect that I deserve, I become more picky on all this minute details. I demand respect from him which I think it is very important in marriage. Many times, women becomes too giving in a marriage and become disrespected in a marriage which is evident from my parents's time til now.

Respect and love yourself, and your husband will do the same in time. Draw boundaries. Men are smart and they can detect if the woman is soft hearted. Mean what you say. You can move on when u become stronger and know what u want from yr husband and yrself. Moving on doesn't erase painful memories, but enable you to accept what has happened. You shld warn yr husband what you will do should such things happen again, men are like kids, you need to discipline them but not the way like you discipline yr kids. Know yourself and your husband well, then u can figure out what went wrong. Also, u need to knock some sense into yr husband. Sadly, most men are not mature.
 
Nobody is prefect!! U have to love urself more than anyone else do. Be confident with urself. If u're breastfeeding, u will lose weight. But do not strict urself with special diet, u need to everything to supply good nutrients to ur baby. If not then perhaps can do some cardio n toning exercise will helps. If a man truly loves u he won't mind but if ur hubby really mind, then u can tell him off.
 
I don't have milk..... My bb doesn't want to latch. I tried pumping but only have abit. I pump until my breast was like out of shape n pain.... Still no milk. I even had the supplement to increase the milk but still no use. Really dun know how. As I'm going back to work therefore I also stop pumping cos I dun have the time to pump when I went back.

I have lost my confident in myself. We know each other for almost 10 years......... I feel so blessed these years but I never tot that this can happen on me........ Haiz........

With all your comfort, I'm one much better.... I will love myself n my bb more. My little one seems to know that's something wrong n he will grap on me tightly when I carry him. My heart....... He will touch my face when I get close to him. I'm so happy..... Now all my time n energy will be on him. Thanks god for let me have him. At least I have something for me to move on......
 
iwontbite2 said:
Hi moorspa7,
Thanks for sharing ur story. I wonder why men likes to flirt around, what if we women flirt around... How would they feel?? Upon take up the marriage vow, we need to be faithful to each other.

Bluesmurfs,
What moorspa7 n creamdonut said are right, he need to gain back ur trust 1st. Divorce procedure is quite complicated n very exhausting.
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To be honest, men are useless once they have dropped feelings for you. Mine didn't want to have sex with me anymore, he had his own self-pleasure in our master room toilet!!! Then I tested him when I told him (not even ask) I will go outside to find another man to satisfy my needs, he said to go ahead! Sickening, right?
 
bluesmurfs said:
I don't have milk..... My bb doesn't want to latch. I tried pumping but only have abit. I pump until my breast was like out of shape n pain.... Still no milk. I even had the supplement to increase the milk but still no use. Really dun know how. As I'm going back to work therefore I also stop pumping cos I dun have the time to pump when I went back.

I have lost my confident in myself. We know each other for almost 10 years......... I feel so blessed these years but I never tot that this can happen on me........ Haiz........

With all your comfort, I'm one much better.... I will love myself n my bb more. My little one seems to know that's something wrong n he will grap on me tightly when I carry him. My heart....... He will touch my face when I get close to him. I'm so happy..... Now all my time n energy will be on him. Thanks god for let me have him. At least I have something for me to move on......
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Be brave n stay strong. Mother n child bonds the moment the little one grow inside us. Father will not have such strong bonding. When ur little one sees ur teary eyes, somehow they stare at u n do something to comfort u. Such comfort will make u realize u r not alone. We need to be more confident with ourself in order for other ppl to have confidence with us, so dun lose that. I'm sure u can do it!! Adding on...I saw this ads abt stretch mark cream, brand is Glyderm. Perhaps u can google for the details. GAMBATEH!!
 
Hi ladies... I want to seek yr opinions. If you find out yr husband visit porn website and look at nude photos... would u feel upset or angry? when I confronted him, he laughed it off and he said is common.. see only nothing wrong. Am I thinking too much? does all men surf porn?
 
Hi all. I am new here. Of all the threads I am in, being new, I am here. The first stop being a post about PI.

Anyway, I suspect my hub is cheating on me with a female colleague in camp. It isn't his first time, but I managed to nip it in the bud twice. This time round, he probably got clever and only do it at work, in camp. Where I can't trace nor track. Nothing fishy on his phone, coz he knows I check his phone.

But his behavior at home says it all. I dont even know what to feel. Am I angry? No, not really. Am I sad...well, not really too. I don't know what sort of feelings I have for him. We've been married for 20+ years, kids are teens now. I guess I am still with him coz he pays the bills and the kids education. To quote a song lyric : We're not making love anymore. Haven't for months already. We dont talk unless necessary. Am I still in love with him? I can't answer that honestly. I don't know.

But I still want to know if he is having an affair - which instincts says yes, but he sure will say no and I got nothing to show proof of it. Kinda sucks really.

Didn't know so many people would stay in a marriage for just for kids sake. I always thought I wouldn't, before I got married. Now here I am. Like I am stuck in this heavy heavy traffic jam. I can't gostan, I can't go forward either. And I don't know what is causing the jam infront coz I can't see through the heavy traffic. I am just sitting in the car, with the driver, none of us are talking.
 
lingling3008 said:
Hi ladies... I want to seek yr opinions. If you find out yr husband visit porn website and look at nude photos... would u feel upset or angry? when I confronted him, he laughed it off and he said is common.. see only nothing wrong. Am I thinking too much? does all men surf porn?
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My hub watches porn,but he doesn't search for it. People post it on his fb, or links or whatever. Honestly, I watch porn too, without him. So no I dont think there is anything wrong. Unless he goes all out to hide it from you, or he fantasizes about other girls while he is doing it with you. Which he won't tell you at all either.
 
Hi my instincts tells me, I like the way u phase it. I'm in the same situation like u. We always have to think of family n kids but they can fool around like they have no responsibility to them. If u ask me if I still love him. My answer is yes. But the hurt is too deep that I can't put down n continue love him like before. Can't move forward can't gostan....... Haiz...... Just stuck n trap here.
 
hi my instincts tell me,

i m kind of curious about your situation. pardon me if i sounded rude. why would you want to know if your hubby is having an affair? from your post, i guess that he is a responsible father and hubby. would it be better if you treat your suspicion with a little benefit of doubt about him? So what if he is having an affair and you came to know about it? Are you going to divorce him? Or is it better to close one eye even if you knew he is having an affair?
 
Hi Wendy. Do u mean u want to share your husband with other woman? If he suddenly comes to u n tells u he love that woman more n wants to leave u. What will u do?
 
hi bluesmurfs,

you have a valid point there, which is also what i meant when i question "are you going to divorce him?" of cos we are not going to share our hubby with anyone, lest let him has a chance to say he loves TOW more and wants to leave us. Now the question is, what are you going to do about this? If you do not take up certain course of action, then either he tells you he wants to leave or hope for the best that he stop straying and meanwhile share your husband with TOW. What do you think?
 
If I dun have kid I would have file for divorce. Seriously. Reason is I have no more trust with this man. I have warned him before when I found out he send mushy apps with his girl friends. And now this photography, he has obviously show disrespect with his wife. What's the meaning to continue this marriage where u r already no longer in his heart?
Why waste time to wait for him to slowly think whether to come back to u if he is gets tired of TOW or got ditch? What if he doesn't comes back?
Now. I stay in marriage for the sake of my bb. He said he wants his child to live in a heathly environment. He wants to change. I'm here still trying hard...... But if he betrays me again. That's it. I dun care how young my kid is. He is the one who give us up. He has no position to choose.
 
Wendy,

Do not hope for the best that a man will stop straying on his own and still share him with the other woman. A man will not stop straying on his own until a person knock some sense into him. He will not even feel guilty after being found out. A man is irresponsible and immature when he betrays his spouse. He is either pushing his luck, or think he can get away with it, just like a child lying to his/her parents. The wife needs to give the husband a choice, either leave her or stay with her and leave the other woman, there is no way he can hv both worlds. To let him hv both worlds, u are encouraging him to disrespect you and he will think that it is all right with you. Women must always give themselves self respect and pride, when u allow others to disrespect u, you are disrespecting yrself.
 
Wendy, you asked a very good question. I have asked that question to myself many times too. And the answer is No, I won't divorce him. So why the heck do I still want to find out right? Is it better not knowing at all? Because I can finally work things out IF HE IS TRULY HAVING AN AFFAIR. I won't divorce, but I will put in place some changes to our life - what changes, I can't tell yet, cos I myself will only know when I get ther, if I get there. Being ignorant isn't a blessing all the time.

Maybe I am too sensitive, coz there is no evidence so far of any affair, just based on my hunch. I agree that I should give him a benefit of the doubt, which is what I have been doing, I haven't confronted him, cos there is nothing to confront. Hunches might not be right all the time, but based on past experiences, 7 out of 10 times, my instincts were right. So heeding it and airing that here helps I guess.
 
My instincts tell me,

I agree with you, being ignorant is not a blessing at all. It is just what some pple choose to avoid the painful truth, they are just lying to themselves. By choosing to be ignorant, I feel one is choosing to be a fool. I agree with what you wrote, when you know what is the current situation, you will know what to do when the time comes. Always stay alert n be sensitive to changes if any, it is better to be one step ahead than yr husband.
 
Actually is v clear cut, to end or not to end the marriage.
In the event of divorce, kids custody, housing, monthly alimony (sometimes I feel easier too, save the headaches) . Rather not be in any relationship than having a bad relationship). Youth is short lived to waste on grieving and agony.
However if u decide to stay on a loveless n unrepentant marriage for sake of kids, learn to let go and live only for your own happiness.
Don't let ur mind idle, fully occupied your time with work, kids and if u still feel agony after a long day, go to a gym ....
Take new classes, work your butt off. U look better, live healthier and make new friends as well.
Remember u only live once.
 
HI all,

I share the same sentiments as sane. I wouldn't say i can do the same cos its always easier to talk than do especially faced with the big question and experiencing it ourselves. However, if i can choose, i would rather have just my baby and me without the unfaithful man in my life. To let my child grew up in a loveless and unhappy family is worst than letting grew up happily in a single parent family, i think. So to my instincts tell me and moorspa7, i think you are right. Find out if he is really having an affair and then plan what you would do, rather than just keep thinking.

I heard from one of my friend, her sister was somewhat facing the same situations. She decided to get a PI to check on her husband and results confirmed that he is having an affair with his colleague. She get a DOS and let her husband move out. Not too long later, her husband knew what he is into and beg the wife to take him back. Sometimes, could it because on man's folly and tot they wouldn't get caught made them take chances? i wonder...
 
Wendy,

From my own experience, man get lost in the heat of the moment and temptation. Men are visual creatures and behave on their animal instinct unless he is a very grounded person and clearly knows what is wrong or right, and the consequences of his own action. It may take some time to realize what they did is wrong. Divorce shld always be the last resort. There are many things to consider maintenance fee, children's education and many additional fees that will come as the child grows up. With the rising costs in singapore, it only gets harder for single parent esp without family support. To divorce or not is still an open ended question, circumstances changes with time, it either improves or deteriorates.

I used to hv the same thinking that I can't live with my husband, but I hv to think through not only for myself but for my kids. My decision not only affects myself but my kids as well. When I change, my husband also realize that he cannot treat me the same way as before. He can't take me for granted anymore. It is a rough road but if a husband stops straying and decide to change, do not believe him 100%. He still needs to earn the wife's trust, it is a test to his patience and how sincere he is in improving the marriage. I learnt everything the hard way, as long a man gain something easily, he will not treasure it.
 
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Hi moorspa7,

thanks for your advise. i agree and understand this comes in a package form and a whole lot to consider.

my instincts tell me,

so have you decided what is the best course of next action? i think an intelligent lady like you must already planned something. care to share?
 
Hi there,I'm new here but I totally agree with what have Wendy said.. It's so true! I've seen several n experienced it myself too..
 
hi, i'm new here.

can i check how much is it to hire a PI for 1 day?

$100-$500?

$500-$1000?

how about oversea? do PI go oversea?
 
Do you all think it is possible for a guy to use hard earned money to paid for a girl to come his house but do nothing and chat only???
 
She is paid to come to his house... my hub paid her to come his house during oversea trip.

Maybe lonely bah...

I dun mind he meet up outside for a chat or dinner... but go house...

Can it be nothing happen jus talk?
 


what service she provided? counsellor?

i believe it's just a excuse. But no innocent man will bring a woman to his house when the wife not at home.
 
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