Cheated Spouse

F

fortheloveofgod

New Member
Hi everyone,just trying to talk to other wives who are in similar situation as I am.I found my husband of 7 years cheated on me a day before my birthday this year and the cheating went on for three solid months before I discovered it.It has been a really painful couple months for me.I still have not seen a counsellor although he has been going for his sex and love addiction support group religiously.We are still together but sometimes I am unsure as to how I could still be with after this nightmare.We have a 2 year old and as much as I hate to say this ,it does feel like I am still with my husband because of my son.

If there is anyone of you out there with a similar situation please do spare me a minute and drop me a line.I would love to hear from you.
 


No he cheated on me with women he met online.No sex involved as he maintained .never slept with them.Sex and love addiction support group is for people who have sex and love issues on all spectrum whether one is addicted to porn,prostitutes,unable to love,cheating on spouses etc.
 
Whoa ... don't tell me its another case of sammyboy online sex forums.

How did he get to know women online?

My HB did the same, he went to online sex forums to know women and have paid sex with them.
 
omg.. this must have been traumatic. May I know how did you define cheating if he did not sleep with the women he met online?

I do know of mums who stick on for the sake of their child. I do hope counselling is working out. It's easier to forgive, but it is hard to forget since the pain is already done.
 
Cheating, in my opinion, need not be 100% physical. It can takes the form of emotional cheating where mentally, the man loves/likes the woman he met online, and to a certain extent affect the feeling he has for his wife.
 
I went for counselling before it doesn't help.

Counselling will only work, if the cheating party is willing to change and keep the marriage going. If the cheating party goes for the sake of going. Nothing will change.

My counsellor told me after several sessions with him that my HB is lying throughout the sessions. The counsellor knows but does not want to expose him, as it is proved worthless.

At the end of the day, its the cheating spouse attitude towards the marriage. If he is ready to let go, no matter what you do will not change the situation. Just like my case.
 
Tai Tai- No it's not some sammyboy online sex forum.He met them on tagged.com (social networking but kinda sleazy if you ask me,not facebook like at all).He wrote them on there and eventually met three women.Two of which as are Singaporean and married.One he kissed the first time they met and this is a mother of three ,the other one he met for dinner one time and maintained that they just chatted.The other woman that he met is from Batam claiming to be looking for her so called missing husband in SIngapore (but gt time to post profile and get online to chat with other men,don't make sense right).He met her a couple of times.First time they met was when I was in Phuket,I had gone on a girls getaway for a few days with my girlfriends and he met her and brought my son along.I will never be able to forgive him for that ever.Again he maintained he didn't do anything to her with my son around,just met for lunch for a couple of hours.On two other occasions of meeting her,he had kissed her and stuffs.I found topless photos of her eventually.

Aside from these women and after his affairs were discovered,I was further TRAUMATISED when I found bookmarks of ads for hookers.When I asked if he had visited them ,he said no but had bookmarked them and he did entertained the thought of going to them in the event that we got divorce.We had been in a lot of arguments where divorce has been mentioned but I really thought he knows that at the end of the day I am with him because I love him and our family.Never had I ever expected him to be looking for hookers right after we are divorced if we are to get divorced.

Throughout all of these I really don't know if he had and would really have gone and slept with the hookers and these other women.I choose to want to believe his words since he admitted and confessed to all these other things that but part of me have that doubt.

Tai Tai,how do you feel when you found out your husband was paying for hookers?



Tiffany Wong - It is by far the most traumatic event in my life.I grew up verbally and physically abused by my mother and yet this actually takes the cake.Like Joanne Au said,it need not be 100% physical.He did touch them,he did kiss them,he did exchange photos of private parts with them) that is enough to cheat even if he has not gone to bed with them.Cheating need not only be related to intercouse in my opinion.Watching porn is cheating too in my books.You're are right,the damage has been done,there's only forgiveness now.And healing on my part and this marriage should I decide I still want it.
 
Toblerone,I don't read Chinese I apologise.Are you able to write whatever you wrote in English or if anyone could translate that for me,I would truly appreciate that.
 
Tai Tai,I agree.Counselling will only work if the cheating party makes a conscientious effort to want to change.It would be a futile attempt otherwise.But we have to also be honest with ourselves if we still want the marriage.I am confused at this point in time.In both his sincerity to change and if I should trust that he is indeed sincere and the if I really still want this marriage.
 
Jolyon quote:
Posted on Thursday, June 06, 2013 - 9:55 am:
老公有外遇一半也是前世带来的，他命中说不定就只有这么一次外遇，结束今世的缘之后，夫妇再重新开始。

~ 那请问要如何知道外遇/桃花何时结束呢？难道做太太的就放手不理，让外遇/桃花自动结束？
 
hiya

do you want to PM me? I tried to PM you but you don't accept PMs.
happy.gif
Wanna share with you what I've gone thru!
 
my hub started visiting the sammyboyforum, when u knew of it, too i was devastated, he was sorry n i thought after the arguments he stopped, than i realiased he never n got worse, he paid for sex, n later on had affair with colleague..over these last 4 yrs period all these happen, now ge moved out n we are still sorting ourselves out if to D or not
 
Based on my personal experience - once the man starts with such vices, they will continue. Of course, they want the marriage to make them feel less guilty. But the fact is, they are thrilled with all the excitements these websites bring. A great variety of women, no string attach, paid or free. Etc etc ... its a god sent to them.

Leave the man. Cuz they will continue, they will never stop.
 
My man gone from yahoo.sg.groups to laksaboy to sammyboy to sgheavens to tagged.com.

He has tried all sorts. He has even got affairs with Thai and Taiwanese women.

Once they start to stray, there is no turning back.

No matter how remorseful or what kinda promises they make -- THERE IS NO TURNING BACK.

Only fools will trust the man again. If you want to so-call give them a chance to repent and make amends, then you will live in a world of fear, insecurity, cause you need to constantly check on them. They are happy but you are miserable.

Choose what life you want. Stay with a mother-f***** and live in fear? Or walk-away but suffer temporary misery, and live in peace for the rest of your life.
 
Tai Tai - How long did yours continue and did it continue after you discover his infidelity?Im totally aware it could happen again which is why I have a little doubt in me.I mean how do we ascertain that the cheating party is really sincere in changing and turning over a new leaf?I guess we can't really tell and have no way of telling,just time perhaps.
 
Tai Tai - Did you ever ask or did he ever tell you the reason why he strayed in your confrontation?

How did you find out?

My husband met this cheap,slutty Indonesian from Batam on tagged and even brought my son out to see her when I was on a break with girlfriends of mine.This slut have seen my son and even if my husband came on to her she could have said no and for her to still want to see my husband and continue the affair just goes to show that she is a cheap slut.Likewise with the other singaporean one he met and kissed.She is a mother of three in all fairness.What is up with these married women having affairs these days here?I only thought it is bound to happen in western society.I am so wrong.
 
hi, no counselling yet, he already moved out and takes not initiative to want to repair this marriage, basically he says no more feeling for me, thus i see no point in going counselling, he may not even turn up. he must want to change for the marriage to work again, if no effort show, than its pointless..perhaps i am waiting..to see if he should be given a chance or i should ultiamately just give up n D..sometimes i hope his conscious will awake for his love of the children..
 
Fortheloveofgod, please don't feel horrified, sad, despair, miserable. Cuz this is soooooo common nowadays. The cycle start like man stray, neglect wife, wife feel sad, seek the pleasure of other men be them single or married. So the society is like this. No cause of alarm.

Visit sammyboy forum, sign-up as a member and open your eyes to this world of sex,lies and disgust.

My man strayed cause he is tired of being with the same woman after soooooo many years. Simple as that.

Solid evidence was found out and confronted when i was three months pregnant. The man kneeled down to beg for forgiveness. He was sooooooooo emotional that he slammed his fist into the wall and broke his hand. Went for operation some more. Thought that after such an ordeal, he will repent and be a good man.

Sorry, babes. All these sleaze just continued to this very day.

I found out from phone messages, emails, PC history etc etc. You know women have very sharp sixth sense, never deny that.

CL, don't bother about counselling. Counselling will only works if both parties want to work things out but need a third party to mitigate the problem, like a referee, to resolve the dispute.

My counsellor actually told me that my HB will never change, he will go on his flings until the day his sex drive dampens. So its up to me whether I choose to stay or not.
 
Yes, we are still staying under one roof but leading separate lives.

Man has no intention of divorcing for the sake of the kids. One think about this man, he LOVEs the kids. He is a very responsible and doting dad. And the kids love him just as much. As a mother, this will "soften" my heart.

I can file for D anytime, on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour. But we will then need to split loads of stuff. Obviously, after the real D, we cannot be living together. So ... what will happen to my kids? We are maidless and have no help from inlaws or my parents. Taking care of the kids is a shared responsibility between the two of us. Without me, cannot. Without him, also cannot.
 
Tai Tai - I see.You are very strong to do that.I dont think I will be able to live under the same roof and leading separate lives.

Divorce is a big hassle in Singapore.I can understand especially for the sake of the kids why you choose to do this.

So you have no confidence your husband will ever change?

I dont understand men....they love their kids but yet dont they realise by doing this they are also cheating on their kids if they choose to cheat on the mother?They must not have realised that I guess.
 
Most men never think as far as women. They only enjoy the short moment but never think of the damages they had brought to the people around them.
 
Totally agree with you, Wendy.

Men will not love a woman for the rest of his life. Staying in a marriage is a form of responsibility for them, they provide for the family. Imagine a male lion, goes out to hunt for his herd. Bring back his hunt for the cubs and lioness .... but will mate with another lioness. Get the picture?

Women are the emotional sort, who will die die only love one person at a time. So we are always the ultimate losers in a marriage.

I am not strong, in fact, a weakling. If only I could just leave everything behind. I have the right, I have every right, and nobody can blame me. But I don't want my kids to suffer. It's me who provide the "soft" touch to their lives. You know mothers are very concern about the 起居饮食 of the kids. So, if I leave ... i can imagine my kids eating out everyday. All the crap and junk food their dad is going to feed them. Who's going to check their homework, who is going to sew their torn clothes, who is going to buy new shoes/clothes when they overgrown them in like less than 4 months etc etc etc. Men are no sync to do all these things.

So, how do you think I could bare to leave the kids?
 
Hi There,

If you happen to know your friend's husband is visiting prositutes to the extend of bringing the gal home will you expose to your friend? The worse part is I find out that this husband of her actually try to tempt my husband to join his "adventure" I knew it because my husband told me directly, I am so angry with that idiot but cannot confront him as I am worry it will affect their marriage beside I had already hint my friend before but she mentioned that she prefer not to know if I happen to know something is wrong with her husband. Haizzz...frustrated now I am worry that with all this temptation one day my husband might go ahead...then that will be the end.
 
Drizzle, I will talk to the husband directly, and asked him to watch out.

But then again, there are other temptation outside. Frankly, I would say 99% of the married men I have come across know/heard/visited online sex forums.

So no big deal lah.
 
Well...understand temptation is there but there is no need to influence mah...he dun care about his health and family but others does care. So if he want to play do it himself why must pull people to join in?

Anyway I pity my friend also want to tell her but I scare she will divorce and maybe she may even blame me for telling her...contradicting
 
Tai Tai - You make a lot of sense.Women are the biggest losers ultimately.No wonder we are known as the weaker sex although it might not necessarily be true in other cases.

I hope your children realises the selfless person that you are.

How do you do it really,living together under one roof but separate lives.I contemplated divorce and made a suggestion that we stay together for the sake of our son but at the end of the day I know I won't be able to take it in the long run.
 
Drizzle - Like Tai Tai.I will also talk to the husband directly.I will then talk to the wife if he still continues inluencing my husband.Actually this happens to me too.Except I havent really talked to the wife of my husband's co worker.I found links to an indonesian porn site given by his co worker and he made me promise that I will not confront the wife because that will make things awkward for him at work when he has to face this co worker.This guy is also sending my husband images of naked women through whatsapp and it irritates me to no end.His wife used to tellme that with his previous job he had visited topless bars in the Phillipines cos she found photos in his phone but those were a few years back..she is a changed person now and is always tooting her own horn and her husband's horn on Facebook and it made me wonder what her reaction will be if I were to tell her the things her husband has been feeding my husband.
 
Patricia - Tell me more I would love to know!Is there a reason for your suspicions.I make my husband take a photo of where he is these days and time his journey from the time he left the office till the time he reaches home.I hate doing this but that's how it's going to be for a long while until I feel like there is no need for him to do that anymore.
 
I always called him no one answer...he will took a while to call back and always in a quiet place eg car park...
Always not coming home to sleep with the excuse of too tired after work n fall asleep in car.. (Btw he work in the night )
He has past history of cheating...

Anyone has use such device?
 
Hi all,

I m in the same shoes as most of u many years bk. He cheated on me, came bk to me n I was pregnant with no 2. During the 3mths of my pregnancy, bloody bitch came bk n beg him. He actually go bk to her n left me to go thru the pregnancy alone. When I was in the delivery ward, he was beside me happily chatting via sms with her. How sad life could be. After my no 2 was 2mths old, he left. 1 year later he came bk n ask for a last chance. I give him for the sake of the 2 kids.
Frankly speaking is not easy to trust him again. Even till today I cant trust him. I even blame myself for giving him 1 last chance. What is done cannot be undone. I tell myself take a step each day. I know at times he still keep in contact with her or there are so called 'lady' frez. Everytime when I confront him, he will say nothing. I told myself got to stand strong to overcome everything that happen even the worst that might behappening in future. When there is no trust in a mmarriage, is really very unhappy n miserable.
 
Patricia - You mean he will tell you that he fell asleep in the car after he knocks off from his night shift?Does he do this often.I would definitely trail him someday.I hope someone can tell you more about this device.Sounds like you it would be useful in our cases.
 
Hi Blackangle,I do agree.It is truly miserable to have no trust or lose that trust in the marriage.I feel stifled by the constant insecurity.Like Tai tai said above,w are the miserable ones and they are the happy ones.Life is unfair indeed.

How do you cope with the fact that he still talks to other women while still being together with you?Do you ever ask him who those women are?Like you I am also taking one step at a time.It is all too overwhelming for me.It still hasn't sunk in sometimes it feels.
 
Fortheloveofgod, he still contact the bloody b**** for some issue. I know that they are not poosible anymore but being a woman I just dont like it n make me feel like shit. I try to take thing easy coz I hv walk thru the most difficult time of my life. Now I tell myself if we r meant to be together, we will be. If not, no matter how tight I hold the marriage wnt stay.
Is not easy but no choice. I myself also take precaution that it will happen again coz a leopard will nv change its spot. I m just keep my finger cross all this time. Learn to be strong so that if it happen, the hurt is not so painful. He is someone I shld say place himself above anything else. So I guess as long as he is happy, he dont bother how other feel. Man r man, I alway feel that they use their d*** to think not brain. I ever confronted the bloody b****, she told me u cant even keep ur husband by ur side y blame other. N my husband just kept quiet. When he want another chance, he feel so guilty n so sorry that all this happen. But when we are bk for so many years, he tend to forgot the guilt n let loose again
 
Has anyone came across this gentleman before?

His name is David Tong. website www.cmgconsulting.com.sg

He has an FB page too.

I read his articles and somewhat feel that if you ladies really want your bazi or palm read ... this maybe the person to go to?

Cuz, there is one particlular article that read ... in order to know whether a fengshui master or bazi reader to be accurate, he/she must accurately point out what has happened recently being bad or good. Not some general point that you have a bad marriage and you must do this do that to improve it. He/she must advise what is the best way out accurately. The rest is up to you.

Check it out, let me know your views.
 
Taitai (taitai) June 10, 2013 - 9:29 am
His name is David Tong.
He has an FB page too.
I read his articles and somewhat feel that if you ladies really want your bazi or palm read ... this maybe the person to go to?
Click to expand...
Somebody did a similar post as you. Read post no. 139. click here.
However, I replied immediately to her post. Read post No. 352. click here.

Taitai (taitai) June 10, 2013 - 9:29 am
in order to know whether a fengshui master or bazi reader to be accurate, he/she must accurately point out what has happened recently being bad or good. Not some general point that you have a bad marriage and you must do this do that to improve it. He/she must advise what is the best way out accurately. The rest is up to you.
Click to expand...
1. Not easy to reveal the truth.
Read post 341. click here. | post 255. click here.

2. 说三道四乱说者，老师见得多。
Read post 257 (1st FAQ). click here. 每个都收钱，只讲好不讲坏。恐怕最后，要不就要人买东西，要不就是鼓吹看家居风水。
uhoh.gif


夫妻意见分歧/闹僵局，多半扯不开前世。Read post 276 click here.

还有，有些例子是可以补救，有些完全不能。
 
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Jolyon

I am not here to advertise and I do not know this FengShui master

Maybe you have provided valuable advice to others here through PM. Very direct and accurate accounts, but since these are not privy to others here, I do not know what was conveyed.

And for all your posts in this forum and the links. Personally, i find them very messy, and pardon me, like beating around the bush. You have use terms that not everyone can understand, especially those who are not buddhist or taoist.

And since I am not very well-versed with Chinese, I don't understand 50% of what you have posted. And for those posts, that you have advised on the husband's traits vs wifey's traits. Too general, I don't understand. Can you be more specific.

If let's say, you do not know me at all. I give you my bazi, can you tell what are the exact problems I am facing now, and how I should move on?

Too bad, I already shared my problems here, so no point asking for your help.
 
Jolyon, I know u are trying to help mummies here. But can u tell me are u so prefect that u will not predict wrongly?

instead of helping them, u might cause more harm. eg, u tell them their bazi reading and continue staying with the huband, at the end, the wife suffer under the husband violet ways.
 
1. 庆幸的是，精神上的‘出轨’，并非肉体上的‘出轨’。

我接过the cases有些比你严重。男人在外面偷喝牛奶也就算了，竟把整只牛牵回家，这个是过分的要死。摆明跟老婆示威，实在不像话。

你家里还有小孩，千万别闹分家，也别动不动就说离婚。老公有外遇一半也是前世带来的，他命中说不定就只有这么一次外遇，结束今世的缘之后，夫妇再重新开始。

aren't u just speculating that he have just one affair?

2. I prefer to discuss everything here
 

本人不想争论。你赢了！我输了！就这样！

sha (suspicion) June 11, 2013 - 12:29 pm</font>
aren't u just speculating that he have just one affair?
2. I prefer to discuss everything here
Click to expand...

8492134.jpg


janey (janey09) June 11, 2013 - 12:33 pm</font>
others might be misled and make the wrong choice.
Click to expand...

8492135.jpg
 
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